Aghhh I just need some support on this one.

Today I found out from one of the mothers of the YW I served that the bishop is going around to each of the YW's homes to tell them about me leaving the church. I asked him for privacy, specifically with the YW.

Not only is he going around to each of their homes to tell them (and their parents, and subsequently every person they can think of to tell), but he told the bishop of the neighboring ward, to tell their YW presidency, since I was the YW president over some of those girls for a period of time. So now word is spreading like wildfire through that ward.

So now I have people from 2 wards texting me, showing up at my door with tearful eyes, requests to "go for a walk and talk," thanking me for not telling their daughters my apostate thoughts, random Facebook and Instagram likes on old church-related pictures, sharing articles on FB about why Joseph Smith really was a prophet, etc.

I feel like this is an almost criminal violation of my privacy. Like I have zero rights. This is between me and God. I don't go around telling people the covenants they made in the temple. If they don't want people to know, I think that should be respected. I feel like it's as if you got AIDS, and your doctor went around proactively telling everyone you know because it "affects them." That's no excuse to violate a person's privacy. I'm sure they feel they are doing a great job being proactive and "getting ahead of this thing." They are violating my privacy AND devaluing the role of parents. If the girls find out, let them talk to their parents about it! I just feel like this is extremely unethical and to put it bluntly, I am pissed! Haha.

Also, this bishopric is in their 30's with young families. It makes me angry that the church is taking away precious time with their children for this crap. Errrrrr I see why people get angry!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2016 04:32PM by runawayslave.

That's really too bad he is doing that, what a jerk. All I can say it that in the end he may be doing you a favor (although not out of any sense of kindness).

Getting word out to everyone right away will avoid you having to go through the same reactions and conversations over and over. Kind of like ripping the band aid off quick.

Anyway, good luck and stay strong!

Haha that's true! I am tired of the conversation already. I feel like I practically have it memorized.

And it will be easier when I no longer have to wear tshirts under tank tops, haha. Now they'll know! Just kidding, I never did that. Looks terrible. haha

exactly, just put on a tank top and shorts and go on walks through your neighborhood. That should send the message to anyone that didn't get it already.

I feel your pain. I really do. A similar thing happened with me 35 years ago.

I finally realized that it was unreasonable of me to expect them to act differently than they always have -- gossip & 'tattling' are part and parcel of mormonism. And that I had no control over their actions, no matter how unethical or annoying.

I left long before social media, so for me the biggest annoyance was running into someone at the local store or the gas station, and having them bare their testimony and plead with me to come back. If Facebook had been around then, I might have "defriended" everybody. I get that.

Still, what he's doing isn't illegal or criminal. It's just mormon. And they're going to do it no matter how much it makes you cringe. So, yeah -- vent here, and try to let it go. In a way, he's doing you a favor, keeping you from having to explain yourself 100 times to all sorts of people who might ask "why haven't you been at church?" :)

It's true... It's just frustrating. I've probably rolled my eyes more in the last week than I have in my entire life.

Wow. Just, wow! I'm sure he preaches about integrity while up on his high horse, right? It sounds like he doesn't know much about it, no matter how much TSCC preaches it.

Sending positive thoughts your way.

Ha yeah, it just kills me to think how many unnecessary tears are going to be shed because I "fell." ughhhh

So he's a gossip monger...

The part that bugs me is what follows the delivery of this news, "Sis. Slave has left the church!" Whether or not he shuts up at that point or not, the silence that follows is eventually going to be filled with speculation as to WHY?!!!

And since the church is twoooooo, so twooooo, that means SATAN!!!!

And so while they squat there grooming each other, looking for tasty lice, they try to figure out what satan has you doing and if you husband knows! OMG!!!!

Lots of grooming going on, I bet!

Yep. Definitely happening.

You could tell them that you resigned to save the Bishop from being caught. And, then just leave it at that. If they want to hear more, change the subject.

Lol

What a gossiping creep! Total jerk with zero respect for you. Ugh. Be glad you are done with that ridiculous cult. The best thing you can do is live your life well.

Yeah, and wear some cute clothes and make those garment-wearing assholes jealous.

Hahaha the garment thing makes me mad now. I don't think I have a girl friend in the church who doesn't hate wearing garments! I just want to be like holy crap you guys you don't have to wear those!! It's not real!

along with the gossip about the reasons you left there is always speculation on "what sin was it that caused sister slave to leave". WoW is usually number 1 on the list but they have no problem throwing in things like "too lazy, they are probably swingers, too interested in partying on Sunday, etc..."

The list goes on.

Yep. Fun times!

another classic example.

While real churches go to great length to protect confidentiality, Mormonism systematically weaponizes confidentiality.

Undoubtedly LDS Inc would always deny this, and blame the actions on untrained volunteer clergy, we have witnessed too many examples to know this is systematic, planned, and thoroughly utilized.

The bishop and stake president both told me they would respect my privacy. Haha OKAY!!! Doing a great job!

I think it's interesting that he would take the time to visit each family and deliver such a message. What a loon.

In the end, he may be planting seeds in the minds of all the young women. It may end up doing more harm to the ward than the good he thinks he's doing.

I guess he has the right to tell them that you left, but gee, how irresponsible to inform all these people and just leave everyone to their own devices as to how to intrude on you.

It seems like he might have told them about you leaving, if he felt he MUST, but then remind them of the 11th article of faith.

"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

And His Church is no respecter of privacy.

I'd probably write a letter or email, stating how disappointed you were that he refused to respect your wishes, and that you have had these encounters with members of the wards, who all stated he was the source.

And tell him that it further reinforces your reasons to leave. Reinforce that you expect him to stop the gossip train and that you want no further contact from the church, including lovebombing from other members.

Just be glad you are out a CULT. What other "church" has the head honcho going around telling other members that some person has left? One of the biggest problems with not having a paid clergy, and a clergy that the members can't fire (or choose to go somewhere else).

Church honchos can say whatever they want. As can I.

Typically I don't go into details about what I saw that former MP doing in that barn a couple years ago. Those sheep--they were innocent victims. No reason to drag their names through the mud.

Besides, I'm too busy these days fantasizing about how I'm gonna spend all that hush money.

As another post states-at some point TBMs will turn on you. Frankly I would not acknowledge his presence in public. Don't call or email the SP or prick bishop as this may signal in their warped mind they are "getting to you". However you may encounter YW in public. Don't shy away- smile snd be " white and delightsome"....ask young women type questions. Cheerleading, braces, boyfriends...then if they ask "why" tell them straight.

I really liked the idea of leaving so the bishop wouldn't get caught but that would come right back on you and your family.

Gatorman
1-0

Take it as an opportunity to tell everyone why. Perhaps some will listen and become free. Take it as a sign that you should tell the truth to your children. Best wishes, RHGC

Tell them that you just got tired of the bishop propositioning you all the time.

He's breaching the clergy/parishioner confidentiality imposed on people who are supposed to be someone you can trust a confidence to.

Too bad you cannot sue the bloke. (Although I remember researching it back in the day and learning that there have been successful lawsuits involving breach of confidentialty by clergy.) I had a branch president like that when I left in my 30's. I'd have friends come up to me from the branch to tell me things he'd been saying that were supposed to have been in strict confidence between us..

When I confronted him about it he said if he couldn't say whatever he wanted whenever he wanted then he wouldn't say anything kind whatsoever, not ever. To which I told him then don't say anything at all if that's what it took for him to keep confidences.

He was such a hypocrite, I was so glad when he lost his job because he was fired and was forced to move away. His replacement wasn't much better - but at least he was gone.

I was finally starting to realize how fake the people were there, and that is what got me to begin leaving mentally, and that would eventually lead to my physically up and leaving. One day during lunch in downtown Manhattan, I was praying in one of the churches near Wall St (that particular church was used as a Red Cross emergency go to during 9/11,) for some kind of breakthrough revelation because of that lunatic, and cracked open a bible in the pew for some enlightening scripture - anything that would give me encouragement and hope.

And there it was as soon as I opened it; was just what I needed in my moment of distress because of that crazy man, from Psalms 55,

"12For it is not an enemy who taunts me—
then I could bear it;
it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—
then I could hide from him.
13 But it is you, a man, my equal,
my companion, my familiar friend.
14 We used to take sweet counsel together;
within God's house we walked in the throng.
15 Let death steal over them;
let them go down to Sheol alive;
for evil is in their dwelling place and in their heart."

It was shortly after that he was fired from his job. And I was secure in mine (after he told me I had no right to be there!)



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2016 06:12PM by Amyjo.

If you have the temple get up, wear it for Halloween. Put the veil over your face and shine a black light on it.

If you hang the green apron on the front door, you'll save yourself a bundle of money on halloween candy.

Cheryl is correct.

What I would do is write a letter to the bishop saying you regret that he broke his promise to keep matters confidential, that his unethical behavior validates your decision to leave, and that what he is doing is illegal. If he does not desist immediately, you will retain counsel and sue him, the stake president, and the church itself. Mention that you are also considering telling the media what he is doing.

Copy the stake president and the area authority on this. The problem will end right away, as it should

Except the bishop has already exacted his 'revenge' for want of a better descriptive at the YW leader abdicating her calling. He's already broadcast it to the ward. Who's left?

My twisted apostate mind always runs to the devious. Why not text him and say that although you asked for confidentiality in this matter, he has done you a huge favor. Other questioning members are now coming forward and calling you to say they never would have talked to anyone about their doubts regarding the church. In fact, you were the last one they would have talked to. But now that they know you have also had serious doubts and those doubts led you out, you have been asked to tell your story of what led you out over and over. It is very cathartic and making you happy to find so many questioning members of a similar mindset. Thank him for making the resignation process so much more supporting than you ever thought it would be. And let him know it is very open minded of him to lead those questioning their faith straight to your door. ; )

good one!

One thing I have learned is just be happy. Be happy you are free from their control. That is what is going on now. They desperately want you to be in their control. By getting angry-they win and you give them more fodder. If you ignore them (as much as possible) and live your life, they will go away. The best thing you can do over the course of time is quietly improve yourself and circumstances. While they stay the same, you are moving forward and they cannot stand that. Those YW will see you suddenly are not falling down drunk, sleeping with everyone, going around unhappy or angry. They will see a normal person, in normal clothes, doing normal things. That may help them see their lessons are pretty useless in the "real world".

I agree with Cheryl to send a letter to the bishop and stake president. Or better arrange a face to face meeting with the bishop and hopefully the stake president.

I would be very professional and ask him point blank why he would betray his duties for confidentially.

I would be friendly and nice as possible. Nothing hurts those jerks then being called on for being un-Christ like behavior.

just a gossip-monger showing their true colors!

Text him and say "Don't be surprised when you hear from my attorney regarding a defamation of character lawsuit."

That is perfect.

Do what Cheryl advises. The Morg has frequently, very publicly claimed the right to withhold information from Law Enforcement (particularly in abuse cases) because of the confidentiality of the clergy.

This jerk has very publicly demonstrated this claim is bogus. Making this a matter of record may help other victims of this abuse of authority and confidentiality.

Send an email to the bishop, SP, and copy everyone he spoke with. Gloves off.

I just don't see how the local police, especially if you're in a mormon centric area, are going to be concerned about the bishops gossip.

The police aren't going to care.

She may have a fighting chance though if she were to sue for defamation or slander in a civil court of law.

As a bishop he is held to a higher standard of professional conduct than say, a next-door-neighbor in terms of what she confides to him. Or even the normal course of business governing his church calling should be kept confidential and not become subject to his gossip.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/08/2016 10:05PM by Amyjo.

Tell them you want to file. Fill out the report. Copy it and take it to the bishop. He will know "you" mean it and he will know the police have him in their sights. It's about embarrassing him and letting him know there could be legal consequences for his loose lips.

If emos are adverse to police, they can always have a lawyer write a firm letter. The results are the same.

Stirring up widespread trouble for an exmo is the same as announcing apostasy from the pulpit which has been found illegal in court.

While it is true that living well is the best revenge, it is also true that the bully who is not confronted will continue to bully.

So I do think that you need to confront this guy in a way that you feel comfortable doing--something along the lines of marching into his office with your phone switched on to record, and telling him that if you hear of him opening his mouth and saying ANYTHING about you again, you will______! Hand him the copy of the letter you have sent/will send.

In common with many organizations, lds corp. probably won't look kindly on the officious jerk who brings negative attention to the corporation.

Maybe marching into sacrament meeting on Sunday, right up to the podium, and take the microphone from him. Say "You are a royal douchebag for breaching my confidentiality. I hope everyone here realizes you will never keep a confidence. Go straight to hell!!"

Be sure to wear your short shorts.

Wow. This Bishop believes he is protecting the members. He is, from the indoctrination of LDSinc. You have made it possible for the young,Google searching young women to bravely explore their faith. It will crumble.Your original intent was to protect your own privacy and give the young women time to grow in the nurturing of their own families. You are not an iconoclast

You made this decision for your life. The Bishop chose to make you an example, rub it in people's faces. These families know you didn't start this.They are already showing concern and caring. They will be much more influenced by your decision.

You know what? They're freaking nuts. The farther away I get from Mormonism, the more it feels like another lifetime ago. I was one of them? You're kidding.

Lately I've been realizing what a different person I am now. A much better me at that.

^^^^This^^^^

Tell the bishop, tell the ward.

This is what happens when you cross the Corporation. They throw you under the bus and, then for good measure, back up over you so they can run you over again.

Only you don't need to cross them for them to do that. They do it anyway. What makes it more egregious is because it's the freaking bishop, who of all the ward members has a duty and obligation to know better and lead by example.

They set a wrong precedent and the sheeple follow.

:/

Here is what I would do and this would be very interesting. I would call the bishop up, get him on the phone and specifically ask that he go back around and apologize to each family he spoke to, for breaking his promise to you.

If he fails to do that in the next week, I would contact the police and file a report for violation of privacy and harassment. That ought to get his attention. Then threaten to sue. You might get a settlement and win back some of your tithing money.:)

This isn't something police take a report on or will press charges for. They call it a civil matter and tell people to handle it in court.

Libel, defamation, slander are tort aka civil actions.

Violating the trust by a clergy towards a congregant may be grounds for a tort action, if it can be proven and resulted in harm to a person's reputation.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2016 07:37AM by Amyjo.

Remind every person who shows up on your doorstep that you thought that the bishop would keep the information that you shared with him confidential. Warn them that if they share anything personal with him, they could find themselves in your shoes. That might get them thinking a little.

Geez, what a jerk that bishop is!

My wife, an unofficial exmo, says start sending him secret unidentifiable as you messages from a new cell phone, go from admiration to flirtation to proposition. Then drink several glasses of wine and meet him. All along save his return texts. When he shows up with likely excessive penile blood flow show him the texts and have someone video his arrival to location....my god the woman is genius...

Gatorman
1-0



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/09/2016 12:01AM by gatorman.

Lowlife POS asshole. Sounds like something that would happen in Raymond.

RB

I know he has breached your confidentiality and is a douche as everyone has pointed out, but I've come to the conclusion that perhaps your influence in the ward is greater than you consider and the local members have a high respect for you and your opinions?

He's basically getting in there first to spread rumour and make needless implications before people get a chance to hear from you or from someone else about you and your resignation.

You must be a major threat to the maintenance of the congregation's testimonies and attendance.

Yes, he is behaving like a prize c*ck, but take it as a compliment of how 'dangerous' he considers you towards him and his duty of membership retention.

This is at the root of how LDS, Inc. Works:

Fear, intimidation, reprisals, harrassment & coersion.

Be GLAD U KNOW NOW!

The machine is Mormonism, its fuel shame and guilt. I suppose this kind of gossip is a sort of petroleum-based lubricant. At the very least, it's all very unprofessional. No real church would tolerate the behaviour, and the minister would lose his or her job.

Mormons Are Winners!