It's been about 7 months since I told my wife I wasn't going to church and didn't believe any of the BS anymore. Haven't stepped into a church since and it's been amazing. I have more money in my savings, I get way more done and I'm so much happier. Now the wife isn't so happy. She complains constantly about our toddlers and dragging them unhappily to church every week. Of course not going to church isn't an option for her since she refuses to accept actual truths.

Today she asked me if I would just go to sacrament with her to help with the kids every week. I wanted to laught but didn't. I told her that's not fair and she said its not fair that she married someone that was a true believe and is not anymore. I responded that it wasn't fair that I was lied to my whole life about the church.

Any suggestions on what to tell her?

Simple; "Honey, church shouldn't be so hard for you. I'll take the kids to breakfast & keep them occupied until you get home."

This.

Yep. This.

You're at an interesting tipping point. Your wife is saying that going to church with the kids is really hard. No duh..

If I were you, I'd offer to keep the kids at home and only that. She can go by herself. She won't like that option because that means the kids can't be indoctrinated.

Oh the other hand, the reason she goes to church is because mormonism works for her. But what if it becomes too much trouble? What if it just becomes a huge drag?

That's when she'll start to justify not going. She'll skip a week here and there. And that is when she'll start to really have a hard time. Because she'll know it's not worth it to go, either by herself, or with the kids. That's when mormonism loses it's grip.

Tell her you would be happy to keep the kids at home with you. Save them from being brainwashed.

I have to say that your comeback, about taking the only appropriate action you could when you found out you'd been lied to, was spot on.

Ask her if she wants to sell Amway, or did she find out the truth about it.....

check your man-card OPie ~


send your wife to church alone ? ~


stay home and watch your kids ? ~


while some single adult Peter Priesthood watches your wife ? ~


WTF ?

I agree with the others. Offer to keep the kids, or some of them, with you, at home.
Be clear that going to church would make you a hypocrite considering that you no longer believe.

So find a way to be supportive of her, as a TBM, without compromising your integrity.

In all honesty, I'm sure it's very hard on her.

I have offered many times to have the kids stay home with me and let her go alone. Of course what kind of TBM would she be if she did that so its not an option for her. Shes frustrated, I get it. But guess what, I'm frustrated too. I've wasted thousands of hours and thousands of dollars on something I just recently relized is a complete lie.

Do you have a favorite baby-sitter in the ward? Maybe hire a young woman to sit with her and the kids during sacrament meeting.

You are poking the tiger.
Be careful ..it may not end well.
Pick your words a fight carefully.
I didnt...churchco won

Say, "Let's Make A Deal." Offer to go to Sacrament Meeting, but she has to alternate going with you every other Sunday to do something else. On your Sundays, plan on doing something very exciting and concentrate on showing her and the children a great time rather than dying of boredom at the meeting of the Corporation. Water Parks, Theme Parks, Picnics, etc come to mind. After all, you got extra money to spend on showing them a good time.

Hi Ben, I'm glad to see your post. I had wondered how things have been with you. Did you get your boat?

I like what AngelBaloni says here. You can market this to her as quality family time together. You may want to start gently with hikes, picnics, and boating time.

I hope other things are better for you and the family. I know you must love your wife and kids very much, and I'm sorry for all the shit Mormonism has caused. Don't let the bastards get you down! The Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hi Ben, I'm glad to see your post. I had wondered
> how things have been with you. Did you get your
> boat?
>
> I like what AngelBaloni says here. You can market
> this to her as quality family time together. You
> may want to start gently with hikes, picnics, and
> boating time.
>
> I hope other things are better for you and the
> family. I know you must love your wife and kids
> very much, and I'm sorry for all the shit
> Mormonism has caused. Don't let the bastards get
> you down! The Boner.

Hey! Things have been really good lately. Hence my neglect on posting. Didn't get a boat. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth the fight right now with the hopes that she finally comes around to the fact that I'm not going back to church. We were able to go boating a few times using a friends boat (even on Sunday) which was a blast. Even the wife was loving it.

Always remember, Bro, you are fuckin' awesome!! Keep smiling, the Boner.

Good call on the boat. A wise man once said-"If it flies, floats or f#%ks, you're better off renting."

AngelBaloni Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Say, "Let's Make A Deal." Offer to go to Sacrament
> Meeting, but she has to alternate going with you
> every other Sunday to do something else. On your
> Sundays, plan on doing something very exciting and
> concentrate on showing her and the children a
> great time rather than dying of boredom at the
> meeting of the Corporation. Water Parks, Theme
> Parks, Picnics, etc come to mind. After all, you
> got extra money to spend on showing them a good
> time.

I like this and I'm going to try it. Thank you. I already know her answer but at least it puts the ball in her hands to make the decision.

EVE: Adam, I now covenant to obey the Law of the Lord, and to hearken to your counsel as you hearken unto Father.

God told you to change your beliefs, so I don't see what choice she has but to hearken to your counsel.

Offer to stay home with the kids so she can go enjoy her church time.

I also see a red flag. The idea of "Not Fair".

Not fair that she of her to ask you to go to church?

Not fair that she married a believer and now he is not?

Hmm this sounds like a familiar argument with my now Ex spouse.

Jumping up and stating "No Fair" is immature.

Adults compromise. Marriage is all about compromise.

Offer something that works, but if she whines about "You aren't the spouse I married because you are no longer a believer.."

Ask her what I asked my ex husband.

"Did you marry me or the church?" State the things to DO believe in that support your marriage. (Loving her, being committed to the relationship, the kids, the home, supporting her faith without compromising your personal beliefs, etc.) Tell her these things only if you truly mean them.

You might not hear an answer you want to hear. You might give her something to think about.

Rather than argue and play the "blame game" or "let's make a deal"...ask her to focus on how BOTH of you can compromise and accept each others differences...but most of all support each others common bond. Ask her...what brings us together than is not church related? I bet she never thought much of that before.

Best wishes,
RMM

+1

As the accountant in the family, I would take complete charge of family finances. But do have periodic meetings with your wife where you go over the family budget, debts, investments, etc. Involve her as a partner in decision-making for anything that is a "want."

As far as the kids going to Sacrament Meeting, I would acknowledge to her that this is important to her. That being the case, perhaps you can hire a church babysitter for times when your wife is unwell. OTOH, perhaps you can reason with her that the children may be too young to get much out of church at this point anyway, and the occasional Sunday off won't hurt them.

My wife went to SM today. I'm pissed.

Normally I don't give a shit. But she's sick. She's been working herself to exhaustion and finally caught the heavy cold that's been going around hereabouts. Last night before bed I said, "You shouldn't go to church tomorrow" and she said "Okay." I thought it was settled.

I slept well but when I awoke she was already gone. And now she's off to the hospital along with a half-dozen other relatives visit a sick niece. Let me be clear: I adore my wife. But sometimes she makes me want to demolish concrete walls using only my head.

She expects sympathy for her martyrdom. But martyrdom cuts no ice with me.

Great! Expose people to your cold because you're super pious. People at the hospital could die. How selfish.

Now six relatives will be sick....

Gatorman
2-0

Exactly!! [grumbles...]

Sounds like we got something in common with the TBM wives! I've yet to see my wife miss church no matter how sick she is. Take a deep breath and do something nice for her--she's not feeling well. Take the high road, Bro, I appreciate your thoughtful posts. Let's do a hearty fuck the Morg cheer together, but be kind to those we love. Boner

Second that!

Sorry things are rough now. Tell your wife you love her but just aren't superstitious anymore.

Talk about how you feel. Say going to a meeting to discuss the supernatural makes you feel very unhappy. Tell her you can respect her because the way she feels now is how you used to feel.

Focus on kindness, but let her know you expect the same

We always stayed home when one of us was sick. Our church has a lot of elderly people, and to go to church when sick is incredibly selfish!

She sounds like a very misguided person. Seems like you are in for a long road . . . IF she doesn't end the marriage in favor of a "worthy priesthood holder."

Best of luck!

I tell people "I'm allergic to bullshit" but that I don't think would work with your spouse :/