What shunning really is...

This is Mormonism's version of "stoning". It is very real, very painful and is intended to kill you. When Mormon's cut you off, they are saying...
"I do not care if you eat, for I will not feed you.
I do not care if you have shelter for I will not shelter you.
I do not care if you are employed or have clothes on your back for I will not provide these things.
I will treat you as if you are dead, because as of this moment...you are...it is only you who has not accepted that yet".

And it can be a double-whammy when you throw in the guilt too!

The cult have members trained to feel guilty if they're not attending the meetings. To them, it's the victim's fault for feeling offended even though the church (leaders or members) cut them off.

TBMs know all about being worthy. And you either, or are trying to be, or your not worthy, and not trying to be.

If TBMs believe you are in the latter two categories, they MUST shun you, lest you drag them down to hell with you. But hey, nothing personal!

It's learned hate.

Which is the opposite of Judeo-Christian teachings found in mainstream religion.

Another definition of what makes a cult a cult.

Hate isn't something you are born knowing. It's taught. Pretty dark when it's as ingrained as religion ie, do unto others found in Mormon think.

And it's so biblical too - NOT!

You know the one says something like 7 times 70 (how many times to forgive)

What a BS church...

I Stand All Offended... Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> And it's so biblical too - NOT!
>
> You know the one says something like 7 times 70
> (how many times to forgive)


Yet, Jesus is quoted as saying that you have to hate your family to follow him, which appears to support shunning your family for jesus:

"If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple."

That's the problem with the bible...it says pretty much anything anybody wants it to.

It's done out of fear that the disbeliever might be right.

well, that's intense.

I was thinking about this today. About shunning being hateful, disingenuous, two-faced - like mormonism in general. About how a "church" (a supposedly - though impossibly - Christian Church) causes it's followers to throw STONES, to mistreat others, to neglect others, and in the process, themselves, to sin, to do evil, to be mean.

Honestly, I think it's all too often done as a seriously misguided attempt to bring the one being shunned back into compliance with the rules of mormonism.

The intention being, "if my family member just sees how pointless and worthless their life is without us, and how horrible it is to not have us grace them with our presence, they'll come running back and start behaving."

Done with love, of course. :(

Mormons also shun non Mormons. At a stake conference in the city where my sister lived in Northern California, the Mormons specifically advised the faithful to shun my sister, because of my sister's support for a transgender teacher at the school my niece and nephew attended.

Several people who attended who were pissed off about the discussion and the order to shun told my sister about it. She had already noticed that Mormons were avoiding her.

She was initially angry, but my family's reaction was to be so proud of her that she instead wore it as a badge of honor.

Although the city she lived in was not majority Mormon, there were enough of them to be more than a little annoying.

Lori C Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> What shunning really is...
>
> This is Mormonism's version of "stoning". It is
> very real, very painful and is intended to kill
> you. When Mormon's cut you off, they are
> saying...
> "I do not care if you eat, for I will not feed
> you.
> I do not care if you have shelter for I will not
> shelter you.
> I do not care if you are employed or have clothes
> on your back for I will not provide these things.
> I will treat you as if you are dead, because as of
> this moment...you are...it is only you who has not
> accepted that yet".

Beautifully said, Lori C. Without intent to hijack the thread, may I please extrapolate what you have stated so eloquently to a perhaps more subtle, but no less destructive, form of the same phenomenon: shunning the now-less-active or now-exmo family member (spouse, child, parent, etc...). Even when that family member is living under the same roof.

Let me assure everyone reading this thread: The shunning of family members under the same roof is REAL!! It's happening to me, and it is tearing my soul apart. I find myself looking for reasons to not be home...to "avoid the avoidance" (to use a technique familiar to the morgbots, i.e. "Doubt your doubts", etc.).

I can't sleep. I can't concentrate or focus. I'm the 200-lb slug of meat in the room which is to be ignored and vilified by every member of the family: spouse, adult children (I only have one child who is not "adult" and that one is almost 18 yrs old).
WTF, people? Nobody under my roof has a effing thing to say to me (good or bad) until...wait for it...

1. "I need some tires for my car..." (from 22-year old offspring).
2. "We can't pay rent this month (which was ridiculously cheap to begin with)..." Yes, you read that correctly. One of my adult children, 24 yrs old, is living under my roof with their spouse and two very young children. This one works full-time remotely from a bedroom in my house that was re-purposed for allowing them to work from there. So, instead of paying some token amount for rent each month, they decide that they'd rather go out and blow money going to movies, concerts, restaurants, etc. But anytime I'm going to the grocery store, there's a nice, long list of things they need.
3. "I need to take the car and go visit a friend in another state, so can you change the oil, check the tires, etc. before I go?"
4. "I need $50 to pay this medical bill deductible, can you do it for me?"'
5. "When you go to the store, can you pick up a 24-pack of Diet Coke?" (which will be completely gone by day-after-tomorrow)

And did I mention that I'm working 2 jobs to support the family, including paying off a credit card bill that the spouse ran up to almost $20,000?

Listen. I'm a highly-educated (doctoral level) professional with a great primary job and a part-time teaching job at a local college to try to help make ends meet. How can anybody...your spouse and your own children, treat their husband & father this way?

I give up. I can't effing take it anymore. I feel like it's all gonna snap and I, apparently, can't do a damn thing to stop it. I can't take the isolation anymore. tired of it all

Hi ed.

I'm wondering if it isn't time to reign in the ATM and put a stop to this madness. If you don't stand up for your personal sovereignty and demand respect in your own home that you are paying for, you can die like this being unwanted and abused.

Please take note a law in Australia is now going through Parliment making verbal abuse, withholding, shaming, name calling, financial abuse all crimes. So soon, the church can't even advocate domestic violence anymore. The Mormon God is being hogtied.

Mormon men are the family ATM's. They are to "provide" but without asking for any respect for it. I've seen countless women get a free ride through life, expecting it from teenage years to the grave never ever thinking she had a role in the family of providing as well and the man gets sucked up like puckered lips after sucking on a lemon. Please don't let this happen to you. Being alone is better than being abused.

Hugs to you.

your adult children are behaving like teenagers - start treating them like teenagers and demand payment for shopping requests, refuse requests for use of YOUR car until they pay for gas and contribute to repairs. If you give them a free ride they will take it as long as they can. Like the old saying goes "give them an inch and they will take a mile".

I am sorry this is happening to you but as Lori points out, if you do not demand their respect, they will continue to treat you as a doormat, your wife included.

Perhaps reminders of the 11th article of faith are in order?

My condolences, this church destroys families, may it lose it's power over yours.

Not saying it is a universal poltice but it works for me: when I'm loved, I'll do anything for that person. When I'm not loved, I return in kind...

The secret to the success of this method is not caring what anyone thinks of you. Saying "I don't care what you, or anyone you know, thinks of me" is hard, but completely liberating when you put yourself first. In other words it is applied selfishness.

It's not for everyone.

I feel your pain, edz. You're not the only one. I'm now a divorced mom of 3 - and my kids and my ex are all TBMs.

I get my kids on weekdays, the ex always has them on weekends so they can still go to church. (Kids' choice, not his)

And they leave my house midweek to go to YM/YW activities. Then, they come home, and it's like they're afraid of me. They don't trust me anymore. They treat me like I have horns. And I haven't brought up church stuff with them in over a year. I've been trying to be supportive of their decisions to still go, even though I hate that my children are being brainwashed, and I have no control over it!

So - they treat me like I'm either scary or inferior. And if I ever bring up anything about critical thinking - they automatically jump to the defense "MOM - You're just trying to get us out of the church!"

They've chosen the cult over me. And I work my ass off to try to arrange my time so that it's maximum with them. I drive an hour and a half each way to go to college each day to get my degree and provide better for them. Why do I make that commute? Because the buggers wouldn't leave Rexburg. And I wouldn't leave my kids.

I make sure I try to get home when they do, which means I drive instead of waiting for the bus.

I cook 3 meals a day for the ungrateful little beings. And I do my best to bend over backwards, working, schooling, and being super mom - all for them.

And what do I get in return? The little buggers shun and avoid and belittle me - because I'm now an atheist. I'm at the breaking point too. Ready to say F*ck it, and walk away.

If they feel like mom abandoned them because she left the church, maybe they should experience what it's like when mom really abandons them and leaves them to their precious church.

(p.s. - I know this is the anger talking. And I'm not about to ditch my kids. But it sure feels like it would be worth it at times. Grr!)

ed, I can't imagine what you're going through, and don't have any advice, just...wow. Hang in there.

Thx.

If you need a big flashing neon sign, there it is.

CULT... CULT... CULT...

Agreed, in general. But not in specific.

Case in point: When I was young & newly married, my best friend (same age) was also married. Our wives were both TBMs.

MY wife: She would give you the shirt off her back (can you say that about a woman?). She does not care that I'm "living in sin" (i.e., living a gay life). She is a generous, giving, loving person. If she judges, she pretty much keeps it to herself. She's not perfect, but she is also not the kind of "shunner" described above.

HIS wife (they're now divorced): they have 4 kids, three of whom have left mormonism. She remarried to a TBM, and they moved away, supposedly because God revealed it to them. They are living in a distant place, far from the kids & grandkids. When one of her "wayward" children contacted her, she replied, "You're dead to me." Now THAT is shunning.

I feel VERY fortunate that my ex is not a shunner. I just wish she'd wake up to the fact that she belongs to a cult.

I feel really guilty when I do not attend SM. I mentally flagellate myself the whole time I am fishing or taking pictures or drinking beer. However non-attendance is still my preferred state of existence.