I'm sure this story I'm about to divulge is not unique. I come from a large extended mormon family and today I'm remembering back years ago when I had a great uncle who was very rich in land. He didn't have any of his own kids so he gave it away to certain favorite relatives upon his death. One of my uncles received about a million dollars worth of land and a different aunt received about 1/2 million worth. My family inherited an old guitar a couple of skeleton keys and china saucer. Yay! Now of course the only thing that really matters in a mormon family is luv, and memories... (sarcasm). But seriously this really bites. I'm in my 30's and have been working since the 1900's and I'm starting to think I could work my whole life time and never make a million dollars, waaa!

Here are my questions:
1) Should I feel jealous?
2) How do extended families deal with unfair inheritances and still like each other?
3) If you inherited a million $'s would you share with family?

Think about it. If you earn $50,000 a year for 20 years, that's a million right there.

Today that's considered solid middle class.

If I came into a large sum of money there is family I would immediately want to share it with. And some family I'd want to make sure didn't see any of it.

I have an adopted family with young children I'd want to set up a trust fund for. I'd want to give where the need is the greatest, and to whoever I consider to be the more deserving among my family members.

I would share with my dear brother who has saved my ass financially a couple times. I would set aside money for my grandchildren's education. We have some very dear friends who are trying to gain their Canadian citizenship and bring their children here from their home country. I would facilitate that financially to the extent I could. That's it.

RB

In addition to getting my PhD with that money, I would open up a practice/clinic with my sister that is a psychologist.

I would set aside funds in for my nephews' and nieces' college educations or for whatever they choose to do with it, provided it will give them valuable experience in life.

I've worked professionally since I was 14, under the table since I was 12 and I still see the value of investing in people that are willing to invest in their own futures.

What kind of guitar?

Had I inherited millions, I would have blown it on hookers and drugs. So it's a good thing I didn't.

Here at the other end of the line, I'm leaving everything to my wife. She should have enough to get her nails done and maybe pick up a couple packages of saltines. (She really likes saltines.)

1) Yes, anyone would feel jealous of someone who falls into a fortune. I believe that money is a good thing to have. I believe that it can help to buy happiness. (Though, if you're miserable inside, you can still be a miserable millionaire.) Healthy jealousy might goad you into working harder, so you can have something, too. Ambition is key to success.

2) My TBM in-laws disinherited my husband, me, and our children (their own grandchildren) when we left the Mormon cult. I was so angry! But, gradually, I accepted the fact that it was their money. Theirs, and not mine, and not my children's money. Some cranks leave everything they have to their dog, or to the Mormon cult, or some other cult or church. My wealthy neighbor died intestate, so the State of Utah got everything. Some people gamble it all away. Some people die and leave their families with a huge debt.

Anger gives power to the target of your anger. My TBM in-laws were not worth my being angry or unhappy or feeling bad. I erased them from my life, just as they had erased my family from theirs. I wish I had the space to tell you of the terrible things that happened to the recipients of that money. Some ended up spending it all and becoming bums, two committed suicide (money didn't make them happy enough to go on living). My father in law also committed suicide. Don't waste your time and happiness on hating others.

It helps to be grateful for what you already have, such as freedom, solitude, the purity of your own thoughts. Sometimes, money comes at a terrible cost. LOL--your uncle and your aunt have to pay taxes on that land.

3) If I had a million dollars, I would help my children with their mortgages and doctor and dentist bills, etc. I would put money aside for my grandchildren's educations. I would pay for some nice vacations to Disneyland or Europe--whatever they want.

I would share the money equally among my children. It's not fair to give a child less money, just because he's more successful due to his hard work.

But--I would portion out my estate according to how many children they have to provide for. My child with 3 children would receive more than my child that has only 1.

My oldest brother actually said that in Old England, it was the custom to will the entire estate to the oldest son! We are of English descent. He was dishonest, and did not like to work, and lived off my parents' dime, as did his children. When he conned my parents into making him executor and trustee and power-of-attorney and main beneficiary of their estate, my other sibling and I hired a lawyer. Otherwise, the oldest brother would have stolen it all. Still, that brother and his son did steal our share of the stocks and the business.

No matter what, if I were rich, I would hire an attorney (and maybe a bodyguard).

In your case, you can do nothing but suck it up, conquer hate and jealousy, and have a good laugh at tax time.

My parents inherited a bunch of money and lied to their children about it. None of us got a dollar from my grandparents' estate. My father looked me right in the eye and said there was no money left. The will showed that it was over a half million plus premium property worth about a quarter million. My father let me see the will two years later, after he'd spent the money.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/24/2016 09:47PM by donbagley.

Just wrote a similar post about what happened in our TBM family.

Same story.

What in the world did he spend it on?

He bought a couple of the largest buildings in La Grande and lost money on them. He opened a thrift shop and a fudge store and lost a bunch of money on those. He bought a couple houses and some property for splitting. He rolled some of the money into separate accounts, etc. I was able to track most of his investments through real estate sales listings and the local La Grande newspaper. He lied about everything to me and my siblings.

To me, a great uncle is not such a close connection that I would worry who he left his money to.

The interest from a million dollars, properly invested, would allow me (or most anyone else) to retire. It's not much more than that. You are not going to live the high life on the interest from a million dollars. You might get $50-70K per year on average.

If somehow I came into multiple millions of dollars, then yes, I would share it with my close family members.

"You are not going to live the high life on the interest from a million dollars. You might get $50-70K per year on average."

Here in the southeastern U.S., you can live very comfortably on that. Even better if your house is paid for, and you're old enough to be on Medicare.

Oh, there's a lot of different things one could do... I wouldn't share with my siblings but I have a niece and two nephews and would probably give them a sizable sum each. Because they are not a**holes and because they really make an effort in their lives, to live it well.

I got $250K from my M/D estate two years ago. Got two children who are married and 5 grandkids.

Over the last two years I've given them $220k with no strings attached, only asking the grand kids (ages 23 thru 12) that they use it for their educations.

Dad dangled the money like a carrot, at a time my sibs and I were established with jobs and homes. We don't need the money now, only hope the kids use it wisely when they are young and can use the help.

Oh that children were all so wise.

Spoke with a woman who inherited $200,000 when her mother died, after she'd spent it ALL on fast living. She burned through it and is now broke, living in a trailer house and squeaking by on SSDI.

I asked her how she could just throw an inheritance away like that? She told me it was easy. She just spent it on whatever she wanted with no regard for tomorrow or putting some of it away for a rainy day.

That's what happens to many lottery winners. They spend it all and end up as broke, sometimes worse off than they were before winning the lottery.

"I asked her how she could just throw an inheritance away like that? She told me it was easy. She just spent it on whatever she wanted with no regard for tomorrow or putting some of it away for a rainy day."

There's a term to describe people like that. It's "moron."

Can only imagine how long it took her mother to save that sum of money so she had something to secure her daughter's future with. And then she wasted it.

I was like floored.

She had to move back closer to her sister once she ran out of money. With what she inherited she could've bought a decent home in a modest neighborhood, and put something away for savings.

SSDI barely gives her enough to scrape by. Kind of made me wonder if her disability is for being mentally challenged? A right thinking person wouldn't be so foolish.

Just throwing this out there... I was a trust fund baby who burned through things pretty quickly. Some I gave to people during the housing crisis so they wouldn't lose their homes, some went to my education, but a lot of it wasn't spent wisely.

The reason? I had decided to commit suicide after finishing my education.

The reason some people don't plan for the future is because they don't plan on having one.

"I had decided to commit suicide after finishing my education."

Stupid question: If you intended to commit suicide, then why waste time and effort on finishing your education?

I did inherit a good amount and saved it until I could help my own children with their specific financial need. They are in their own homes now with mortgages they can afford. It was a treat for me to do that for my hard working and responsible children.

And they are hard workers and always have been and they appreciate things more because of it.

Money can buy happiness if you allow it to work its magic.

But as one person said, "Easy come, easy go." If we are given a handout and spend it all, it wasn't our hard work that was invested in that money so we don't feel the loss. Government welfare seems to be defined like that. While the rest of the nation works to earn their way, a few take and live off the sweat of another person's brow.

Tithing in the LDS church could be another example. That is one of my triggers - just the mention of tithing. To me the LDS church feels like they won the lottery with all their financial holdings and continued guaranteed income based on the tithes of members.

Living off the sweat of another person's brow. JSmith and up through the ranks since then are examples of it. There is no appreciation, just more sermons on paying and obeying.

Inheritance: One of the things that can divide families even more than religion.

No one is really needy, but yes, I would, and I would hope that each of us in turn would share at least some of it with those who are truly in need.

1) I could understand being jealous if the relationship was just as good as others that received more. If you did not, you shouldn't expect anything.
2) Depends on the family. After seeing how a TBM's family battled things out, my TBM family vowed not to act that way and highly encouraged the surviving spouse to blow all of it while they were alive. I'm of the mindset no one owes you anything. It's their money and don't expect a dime.
3) As you know LDS families are giant. Some I would possibly help. The majority; hell no. If it wasn't the lottery for the reason of financial gain, I would keep it quiet and change my number if it became public.

The standard farmer reply to that question is "keep farming until it's all gone"! I've thought that if I won $10M in the lottery I buy some machinery and more land and go back farming....but then I think "you're 68 years old and can barely climb on your little tractor....are you fuckin' nuts!"

RB

All very good responses that confirm what I heard the economist Milton Friedman say. And that is that People want a better life for their children that is the driving force of competition and quest for money and business. We all want the next generation to have it a little easier than we did. Americans don't care about what's fair or even making things fair.

There doesn't seem to be a sentiment of giving a distant relative a share even if they should have been included. Every poster (as far as I summarized) went along that line in their threads.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/25/2016 08:45PM by poopstone.

"There doesn't seem to be a sentiment of giving a distant relative a share even if they should have been included."

The problem with doing that is that virtually everybody has distant relatives who could use a windfall of money. Often, when somebody wins the lottery or gets a huge inheritance or legal settlement etc., all sorts of people come out of the woodwork "needing" money for this or that. And most of them may be sincere and legitimate. But the problem is, you can only help so many of them, and then the money is gone.

I have a relative who received a windfall of $240K a few years ago. He gave a few relatives and friends some of it, and he bought a modest house. The stupidest thing he did was buy a brand new $32,000 Chrysler Town & Country van, and pay cash. He could have bought a good used one for half or a quarter of that. His justification was "I always wanted a new car." The van is now six years old and beat up and maybe worth $10k. All the money was gone in a year. He now lives on his SS and VA disability checks.

My wife and I have joked that if we win the lottery (which would be difficult to do because we don't buy tickets) that the first thing we'd do is change all of our phone numbers and move into a hotel under assumed names, until we could secure a trusted investment counselor. We'd buy a house in a gated community or some other protected or isolated area so people couldn't just show up asking for money. Not that we wouldn't help people out---we'd just want to decide whom to help and how much.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/25/2016 11:19PM by randyj.

Shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.

Generation 1: Poor, makes sacrifices and saves to move themselves and their children out of poverty. Has an unfailing work ethic. Is successful in raising standard of living.

Generation 2: Sees parent's hard work. Also has the same work ethic. Usually the first to have a good education and obtains work in a "white collar" profession. Lives in a nice home, saves for retirement, takes children on vacations and can provide luxuries for them.

Generation 3: "Silver spoon" generation. College is a given. Is used to having things handed to them. Grew up in a nice neighborhood with nice things. Takes for granted. Whines about working. Flunks out of school and still receives help from parents for life's "basics" (rent, bills, etc.). When they inherit parent's estate, it is gone quickly.

From "rolling up their shirtsleeves" to go to work, to a nice button-down shirt, to being only able to obtain work that requires "rolling up your shirtsleeves"

Yes, first seeing if there's consensus as to a business to invest & manage together;

No Way would I just Give Gifts, but I'd make sure all housing & medical needs were met.

Relatives don't owe you anything. No matter how many millions they do or don't have. To whine about not getting "enough" or as much as others in your family is, frankly, a bi childish.

Yes, if I got millions, I'd share. I'd share with those I was close to, and who needed it the most.

That of course doesn't mean everyone would, or even should.

It would be great to help out kids with school and debt, but is there a way to make sure that the tbm children don't give 10% of it to the Mormon Church? If they would follow that stipulation then the money is theirs.

You could have a millionaire grandfather who left everything to his adult TBM children (some more than others), who then spent every penny giving virtually nothing to their children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Just sayin'.

my aunt and uncles neighbor won a couple million in the lotto about 25 years ago. They thought that they would fix up their suburban house, pay for kids education, invest and live a good life without worrying about bills and actually enjoy work.

Well as others pointed out in previous posts; every random relative seemed to come out of the woodwork, even strangers came to the door. The sold their house and moved to a gated community several years later.


-------------------------------
Best quote on money and happiness from my old boss

"Money doesn't make you happy, but I have been rich and I have been poor... its a hell of a lot easier being rich"

I have all I need. If I inherited, I'd try to share/spend it on those who needed it.

I'd like to share equally among the nieces and nephews but the thought that the one Mormon in the bunch will pay tithing on his share burns me up.

Parents yes, siblings no. Many reasons for this that I won't go into, but most of it is from how they treat my parents. I'm the "black sheep" (quit the morg), but I'm the one they trust financially and treat them best.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/26/2016 02:17PM by magic823.

I'd give equally to my 3 kids.

The couple with no children would get exactly the same amount as the couple with one child.

The childless couple helps rescue animals...

The couples with kids help pay their college expenses.
If a grand child isn't in college it's up to the parents to help as they see fit.

That's how I see any wind fall........it's shared equally.

I have two silings. My sister received 90% of our parents'8-figure estate and devotes her resources to advancing Christian Science. No way!

My brother lives very moderately, having never taken a full-time job since his mid-30s, even though he has an Ivy League MBA. But he devotes his free time to political causes I abhor, and I'd hate subsidize him so he could work more ill.

My brother-in-law is another matter: a hard working guy who runs his own business, does most of the house work and at least 50% of the childcare because his wife refuses to be treated for OCD. A very commendable man--I wish I could do more for him.

After paying of my bills, restore my childhood home, and buy a car, I would pay of my parent's bills and give them a little bit of the money just for allowing me to live in their house as an adult rent free, buying my groceries and helping to pay for three rounds of college.

Gladly share it with my wife and two children. Outside them... nope.

HH =)

I would share it with any mormon family member who disavowed TSCC and resigned.