I didn't mean to make anyone uncomfortable. I am checking all the words I don't know how to spell so hopefully it will look ok.
I was really embarrassed by my post. I didn't read all my answers or anything so I really meant it when I said I didn't know where Lloyd came from. That's the top of the things I am ashamed about.
My questions started when my moms sister left the church. I was told growing up by my dad that no one ever leaves because when you get an answer from the spirit that it's true then you know for life and thats it.
Then my teacher at church said in her lesson that there are sights on the Internet that make people question there testimonies until they were unsure why they believed it.
It made me think about my aunt that left. It made me mad because I loved her and my parents wont let her come around anymore. I miss her so much.
I was curious about what people online were saying so I went on my phone and look. I thought it was your fault that my aunt left which is why I posted that. I was angry. And a lot of you were right because I was wanted to be right that people who leave the church are angry and mean. I kept posting that you guys were mean because you laughed at me. I said I wasnt coming back. I lied. I read a lot of posts about Emma Smith and Joseph Smith. I left the sight after I read a lot.
Then I looked on lds.org because I saw at the top of the board the sticky post about the essays and I read them. And it made me mad because there were lots of stuff about his rock instead of the plates. Then I read the CES letter. And I cried. Because I want to believe it but there's too much to prove that it's wrong. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it and it took all I had to post on here and apologize. I wanted to be sincere and show you guys that I am trying to do what is right and I am trying to be better about my spelling which is really hard. I am not a smart person when it comes to school. I have a D minus in math and a C in english. I chose this username because I wanted to show you guys that I am able to laugh at myself when I do stupid things. Maybe it was the wrong choice because now a lot of people think I am fake which doesnt really bother me. Because I know that I am a real 14 year old with lots of questions and no one to talk to. I cant tell my dad because he is my bishop and he will be so dissapointed. I cant talk to my brother because he is on a mission and I can't write him about this, I would die of embarassment. I think my mom is already depressed. I think she is taking too many pills. I am worried about her and I think this would make it worse.
I am a real 14 year old with real feelings and concerns and I don't know what to do. I have lots of questions.
Anyway, I dont feel like I am being pushed off this sight, I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable with my username or anything else.
I am still going to post my questions, but I won't sign in when I do that.

I am not leaving forever. I just don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/28/2016 06:48PM by honeybootsnsweater.

Congrats to you for taking up the gauntlet and doing what you can to figure things out.

At this point I just want you to know that people are hoping for the best for you. You're in a very tough position.

One thing you might consider is getting in touch with your aunt, one way or another. It would appear that your mom isn't going to be in opposition, just from lack of interest.

Your dad... Well, I certainly lack sufficient information on which to base any observations or advice.

Just keep mulling things over. Your grades may not be anything to write home about, but you're way smarter than they reflect.

I say post as you, with your username.

People are uncomfortable because of the way you started out. they are skeptical. they will get over it as you post and they start to get to know you.

We are here to help and support however we can.

You could always ask your aunt why she left. Give her a call and talk to her about it. I think she might enjoy the conversation. Also, she might be able to be your support.

No worries, sweetheart.

Perhaps you can reach out to your aunt on Facebook or Instagram.

My parents gave me some really good advice when I was even younger than you. They said that life is uncertain and that I should always be prepared to support myself with a job that pays well. I knew from a young age that I was expected to make that happen (college was a given in my family.)

Don't sacrifice your grades by spending too much time on housework and your younger siblings. That is not your responsibility. Given your mom's depression, your dad should be taking over more.

I think seeing your school counselor is a terrific idea. Ask your teachers if they can seat you at the front of the class and if they can partner you up with a stronger student. Teachers LOVE when a student has a good attitude, asks for help, and works hard. Try your best and they will go out of their way to help you.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

Worrying about us (exmormons) is the same as worrying about Mormons. Our happiness isn't your responsibility. Nor is your responsibility the happiness of your parents, your church leaders, your friends, or anyone else.

Get happy, and stay that way.

...Of discovering you were raised in a less than honest environment.

You're only 14 and we really can't give you any real advice other than reading and educating yourself. If you stick around and see some of the bizarre, out-there stuff that has happened on the site, you will see why so many are skeptical, including myself.

However, I like to trust, but verify.

I don't know what your parents would do if they found out you were questioning, then the inevitable "rebelling" phase, but in my family, you were thrown into the loony bin (this was in the 80s). There was a poster here that was a minor and when he "rebelled" (translation- normal teen stuff) his parents sold him into one of those boot camps that's for wayward teens and are usually abusive and cruel. Yes, your parents can legally pay for someone to "kidnap" or take you away to one of these camps.

So just be careful. You are still very young, your brain has not completely developed, and that means you could be prone to impulsive decisions because you don't have the emotional experience to weigh the decisions. (That doesn't mean you're dumb or immature, it simply means the part of your brain that processes decisions is not developed.)

Read what you can, find the counselor at school if you need someone to talk with. He or she can guide you as well, but if the GC is a Mormon, that may be a bad idea. You are more lucky than many here to be asking the questions you are right now- You still have your whole life ahead of you and can make the choices you want to make instead of having unqualified "leaders" tell you how to make them, then pat you on the back making the right choice.

Right. We consistently advise young board members to do what is expected of them. Parents can double down and make your life miserable if you appear to be deviating from the Mormon program. Do as your parents wish and plan for the day when you are a financially independent adult.

When I first posted here I made one comment that caused multiple posters to write rude, offensive and hurtful comments.

My first impression of people here at the time was very low.

Over time I learned that it doesn't matter what they reply back as much as it mattered that I was able to vent, explore my own situation and share my experiences.

4 years later I find most of my experiences here to be positive.

It helps if you check what you write before you post it. It helps if you seperate your post into paragraphs.

Llyod was probably an auto correct error. Don't worry about it.

I'll give you the advice I give my granddaughters.

You are a person. You decide your future. Never let anyone else, especially a religion or school tell you that you can't choose to be who and what you desire.

it is difficult to process all of the information at once but there are people here who understand how you feel. When I was 14 I hated the world and especially my stifling parents (never considered it was the church that was stifling) and I was determined to do my time and leave church at 16, which I did, and home as soon as I could which took a bit longer. It was over 20 years later that I decided to finally do the research and study to 'get a testimony' before I allowed my daughter to be baptised. I'd been putting it off my whole adult life because my entire extended family believed and told me it was true and not trusting their judgement was essentially the same as calling them liars, according to mormon definitions. The mormon church breeds such black and white attitudes in people it is scandalous. As I hope you can tell, you are in a better position than I was at your age - I had never completely detached from the indoctrination during my teens. We have some posters here that are also teenagers and some that are at or just finished college and relying on their parents for financial support.

I felt rather silly after reading some of the articles on LDS.org, especially the one about the translation process and the stone in the hat. I had recently disparaged someone for getting their information about mormons from south park and then I find out that south park told the true story, not the one I had been indoctrinated with. Luckily, I had the opportunity to apologise to the person I disparaged.

This is just a suggestion: you are at the the same age now as Helen Mar Kimball was when she married Joseph Smith. The mormons all claim there was no sex involved with this marriage, ie it was only 'for eternity', however, she was not allowed to mix with other kids her own age and she was denied the chance of marriage to someone who would be a dutiful husband the world knew about, and help her raise children. She effectively lived the life of a widow from the age of 14 - no friends, no parties, no dancing, just the old spinster lifestyle. I would wager you could imagine how she might have felt and your mother could possibly consider how Vilate (helen's mother) felt about knowing her daughter would never be a mother in this life.

Talking about Helen Mar Kimball to my brother, whose daughter will soon be a teenager, did something to his psyche which he now mostly avoids me for but he did say he would not allow the prophet to marry his teenage daughter but could not, as an RM, justify disobeying the prophet. So, for now he just ignores the issue but it will be gnawing away at him every now and then.

I think if you discussed this subject with your parents either together or one at a time, describing how difficult it must have been for her and asking them how they feel about 'finding the strength' to obey the commandment concerning polygamy. This could open a way for you to discuss some things with your parents without outing yourself as a closet unbeliever.

Most of us were shunned by our parents when we stopped attending church and more so when we voiced our disbelief in church and we would not wish this closing down of relationships on you.

Keep communicating with your folks but when it comes to church, quote only church approved sources but take it easy - you don't want to push too far and be shut down and have your parents stop listening to and talking with you.

Good luck and keep posting. There are some experts here on various subjects. there is always lots of good advice and there will always be someone who can empathise with you.

Don't be embarrassed because of us! If you're really legit, it will sort itself out - and we're glad to be of help!

If not, we'll laugh if off later. Water off a duck's back. Life's too short to get bogged down in worrying what others think. Ask your questions. You may get some smart aleck comments. It's the norm here. But you'll probably also get some genuine help.

Don't be afraid. We don't bite. Mostly..... ;)

I see no reason for you to be concerned about making anyone here uncomfortable, or for you to be ashamed of your earlier posts. We are all human and everyone has done things that if given the chance they would do differently (myself as much as anyone). Life has taught me that dwelling on those things is not very productive.

If you are having second thoughs about your choice of a username, it can be changed. (Just don't do it all the time, as that creates issues for the site moderator.)

After folks here get to know you here, I think you will find that they are very supportive.

Finally, go easy on yourself. Your worldview has been seriously shaken. Don't feel that you have to resolve everything all at once! I and many others here studied years before leaving Mormonism.

Welp...ill be the first to say i might have preempted you...if your for real i feel elation and sorrow for the position your in...elation that you have the sand to swim against the tide at your age...sorrow because its gonna be a Long four or five years till you fly...anyone blundering into rfm with their opinions hanging out is gonna get em trimmed..especially if they tout tscc..thats just how it is...about like telling your dad how its gonna be while hes still paying your bills...now if you'd opened up with this post...youd find nothing but love and support from kind people whove been through the wringer...whatever they tell you comes straight from the heart and sometimes just straight...you likely wont find a better bunch to sort your mess with..welcome put your feet up and sit a spell

I would add you are only 14. And then to that you are all of 14. It's a young age, and an old age rolled into one. You're asking questions, and have lots of growing up to do along the way.

Don't sweat the small stuff. Concentrate on getting through your life one day at a time, chapter at a time.

School and home for now. Your parents and family are going to be a part of that between here and at least high school graduation.

You have so much growing to do between now and then, don't even start to worry about what comes next.

I wouldn't recommend using this site either very much, because as much as you are entitled to deciding for yourself what you want to believe as an adult, you're still subject to parental rule until you can leave home.

This site doesn't restrict who can use by age, but there are some topics here that are not age appropriate for young minors, I'll just say that. Or that if your dad, a bishop no less, knew you were here might cause you to have your Internet privilege revoked - parents do dumb things like that out of a sense of protecting their children from what they perceive to be threats to their way of life and values he's trying to instill in you.

So, just go easy. Surely there are more age appropriate sites there for young women. And if they aren't suitable to your liking or needs, you are free to associate here as long as you need to. This may be a bridge between where you are now and where you're going. But it's only one stop of many along the way between your life now and who you hope to be in your future.

Enjoy the time you have each day as a gift - with your family, friends, school, etc. That will do more to help you grow than whatever you do online. You'll figure things out - life is a journey not a destination.

If you are seriously going through the changes you describe, this is a very good place for you to be.

If you go back and forth in what you believe, THAT'S OKAY. Only you can decide what you think, and how what you think makes you feel. I don't think that any of us here would claim to "know it all" or that we have all the answers. It is not healthy for someone to tell you how you "should" feel.

Good job! looking up the words and subjects you want to know!! It's okay that you thought it was Lloyd, and we were just having fun with it because having fun is one of the great things about this board, and because we thought the auto-spell checker messed up the word, not you. I don't think there's one person here who would seriously try to make a young person feel bad for not knowing something.

If you want help with a word, you can always put it like this:

lloyd(sp? help?)

and someone will answer:

*lord*

It really is not a big deal to mess up a word.

The board rules are that we are not supposed to act like spelling or grammar police, but if you want help, that's different. :)

Again, we "played" with that word because we thought it was a computer glitch. I'm really sorry if it hurt your feelings. We are about helping, not hurting, so as it turns out, we also gave you the wrong impression.

That's one great thing about being human - we all make mistakes, most of us know that, and we can forgive each other, let it go, and move forward in friendship.

I hope that you can forgive me for being somewhat snotty and unfriendly. We can chalk it up to starting off on the wrong foot, and start again. As much as we want to.

Ask your questions. We will answer, in healthier, better ways. We don't know all the answers to life, but I think I can say with confidence that there are centuries of experience between the lot of us. ;)

I wish you well.

(((safe hugs, honeybootsnsweater)))

(and you can decide on any name you want)

Come here as often as you can and like. Plenty of people here to help you sort things out.

I posted on your other thread about minding your internet history. Please take that seriously. If you're not allowed to come on this site, remember there are others if you search. Bear in mind that a lot of posters on this forum are strongly atheistic. There are forums where more posters have left LDS and become more traditional Christians. They'll welcome you, too.

Last, HB'n'S, don't worry about your writing, spelling, things like that. We're more interested in the issues you're dealing with and how you're working them out.