that exist that could explain how upset I am. With the loss of our baby... it has come to our attention that a few statements have been made "What did they expect? For HF to give them a baby to damn to hell too?", "He was to righteous to come to this earth and their "fallen" family" and a few others.

OMG I want to go postal on some of these idiots. But instead I am coming here, as I feel I don't even want to dignify their utterly ridiculous statements whatsoever with a response.

So sorry for you loss. Those kind of people aren't worth wasting your time or thoughts on. They diminish the human race.

Your average cockroach would have more compassion than they do.

Hugs to you, Searching. Ignore those people. They are not worthy of your attention.

are members of dh's family.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with them.

I agree. They would not be considered family ever again in my life. Toxic, toxic, toxic. You need to let them dwell in their misery of condemning people. Have none of it. Take the high road unless you are spoken to directly and then say your few choice words. You won't ever need to say any more.

I'm sorry for you loss...family,i don't think so..no one should ever be that cruel and insensitive.

I know about toxic families.

stormy

Oh!!! I'm so sorry for you loss of your baby and for the Sh*t headed remarks from the self righteous twits!!

((((Searching)))))

I am so sorry. I certainly hope that these assholes go to hell, if there is one. Smug bastards. It may not be helpful for you to confront it, I can't say. But it may be helpful for them to be confronted with how their bullshit Mormon comments have impacted those they stabbed in the back with them.

Again, I am so sorry for the loss of your baby, and now the disrespect of these people.

I am truly sorry about the loss of your baby. Been there.

The world is filled with assh*oles. You have just encountered a number of them who are mind-numbing freaks.

I know their comments are meant to make you feel like you were not worthy to be a mother in their estimation. They are the ones who are highly suspect before God for their comments.

What I have learned in life is that what comes around goes around. It wasn't until utter kayos reeked havoc in the three that created sufficient lies and embellished facts that causes my excommunication that I realized that God is a god of love and his wrath is better than anything I could dish out in response to the three's conduct.

It will take a while, but karma will get their rear ends.

In the meantime, know that you are loved here on RfM.

Hugs!
Sandie

Some people really don't seem to have a clue about how rude and "off" the mark they are.
I'm so sorry for your loss and for having to deal with ridiculous comments on top of it.

I'm so sorry Searching. Their behavior is reprehensible! I know that you are trying to take the high road, but sometimes
assholes need to be called out on their behavior.It can be done in a tactful way without stooping to their level. Then cut off contact. Just because your DH has the misfortune of sharing DNA, does NOT require you to have them in your life.

Isn't your DH deployed or about to be? Or am I mixing you up with someone else. I certainly hope they didn't make these horrible comments with him gone. Regardless, sometimes there comes a time when enough is enough and we have to cut the toxic people out of our lives.

You are right - there are no words. I've been sitting here trying to think of the perfect smart@ss comeback for you and I, a journalist, have nothing. It leaves me speechless that anyone can behave like that. They are just monsters - I'm so sorry you have to deal with that aspect of their personalities.

I'm sorry for your loss...

F'ing self righteous mormons.

I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Sounds like the same people I dealt with 30 years ago,i.e.you already have 4 children, he was so righteous he only needed a body,if you only would have, should have, could have... They are all nuts and don't have a clue. Take care of yourself and do whatever you need to gain your physical strength. Don't let anger at the bastards in your life get in the way of your grieving process. Otherwise the grieving is only delayed. It will get better but it takes a long time. Wish I could give you a hug but I am wishing you well and continue to keep you in my thoughts.

That there are two kinds of religion operating. He called them covert and overt.

"Covert" religion is a guide, a comfort, something to give inner strength and a sense of purpose. It's quiet, reflective, personal.

The other, "the overt", the kind your obnoxious inlaws practice has as it's purpose to feel superior, to be part of the "in crowd", to be protected by being emmeshed with the dominant group, to have power over others, and to be in a position to pass judgement.

I too, am so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll find some comfort with the kindness of your true friends and family.

Things like this make me want to open my Texas size can of whoop ass on people! These people are seriously screwed up in their delusional minds. Do not even entertain any of their assumptions as having any sort of correctness in reality. Hugs to you!

These people are NOT family -- only toxic relations!!

What unbelievably cruel and unfeeling things to say at a time of such sadness, loss and tragedy for you.

My heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you have to be dealing with such a heavy sorrow.

I'm so sorry for your and your husband's loss. Miscarriage is a difficult grief, compounded by the hormonal changes that are (now) for no good reason. Been there, too.

Your dh's cruel "family" members are wrong and will sow their own with their hate.

Your job is to find nurturing where you can. You are hurting enough already and these little souls' pettiness is small. It's easy to focus on it, but you need to look to your own future, your own strength and where you can find people to build you back up. DO let it out, but then focus on strength and healing. It will come, dear. There will always be an emptiness, but there will also be life, too.

There aren't words to make it okay, but I'm thinking of you.

been there done that sorry you have to deal with the in laws on top of the loss of your child My heart goes out to you I understand the sorrow.

No, there ARE absolutely NO words at a time like this. I agree.

And that's why we have tears, and anger, and rage, and grief. All of them are Ok, natural and healthy to express at this time of sorrow.

When we lost our baby, I thought my world had ended. No matter I still had a great husband and three other kids. I was just emotionally, spiritually, and physically devestated.

And NOBODY told me it was Ok to feel that way.

So I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart. You are not alone, and there are lots of us who have been where you are now.

I did have a wonderful RS lady I barely knew come over to my house (my husband was gone), take care of my kids, feed me my pain pills and tuck me into my bed for a long-long sleep. But by the next day, I was supposed to be up-and-at-em, working just as before.

It took weeks, months to feel Ok again.

But yes, right now you do NOT need to feel "happy that the baby is in a better place" or any of that other such nonsense.

Just allow yourself to feel the whole wide range of emotions, and express them however you feel most appropriate.

Please know you have our sympathy and hope you feel the blessed relief of joy again soon.

My god, they will stoop to any level, even in the face of someone else's sorrow, in order to remind themselves of how righteous and right they are.

I'm so sorry for your loss. *HUGS*

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish there was something more I could say - but there is not. Sorry.

There are a few times in life when we get to see upfront and personal what the stunting of a human heart produces. The Mormons have created a status of non-human for those who leave, which abusers always do so that they can abuse their victims.

Your husband's family is so brainwashed that the normal human emotion of empathy has been erased and replaced with a cruel satisfaction that the cult's narrative about apostate misery has been confirmed.

You are so lucky to escape with your human emotions intact, with your ability to connect with another woman and feel her to be as valuable as yourself. The way they treated you is outrageous and pitiful at the same time. Imagine being sucked dry of your normal feelings by a giant hive.

You can withstand their lack of love. It really is not personal, about you, it is about their own fear. They are afraid that if they do not do everything perfectly, God will strike. This is the revealing of their true feelings about that loving God.

Big hugs to you, sweetie. It is unfair that you are subjected to this abuse while carrying that great lump of sorrow inside. I hope you know that your burden is shared with the women here who have walked in your shoes and if we could gather around you and drive away those heartless people, we would.

You are a strong woman and you will go on like so many before you because you have your three little ones to raise. You are noble and this experience will, over time, add even more depth and strength to your already sturdy spirit.


Light and love to you!


Anagrammy

I am so sorry for your loss. Several parents in my family have experienced this, and it's something you never forget.

Some of the kinder people are probably trying to really comfort you. For some, the belief that their child will be waiting for them in heaven is comforting.

For those who are being deliberately cruel to you. . . maybe your should let some of the "postal" out. Having to listen to heartless comments and forcing yourself to remain silent may create psychological problems for you later. There are times in life when anger is an appropriate response, and if we don't express it the fury eats us piece by piece.

I hope you can find peace and the strength to go on with your life, never forgetting what you have lost but always hoping about what lies ahead.

So sorry.

I feel your pain so deeply, I am crying with you at this moment. How can people be so cruel and insensitive? Always remember that what you said is true: their statements are utterly ridiculous. I cannot even say in words how very, very sorry I am.

Is there a non-mo person you could connect with? I'm thinking about a hospice counselor or professional counselor. My sister was able to survive emotionally by having support outside of the family; Non-LDS. She found light at the end of a tunnel that you never, ever deserved either. Connecting with a grief counselor, privately and outside of the church would be a really good idea. Hugs to you. Take care of you and all of these emotions and grief, and that is the upmost priority.

yes, those are cruel and thoughtless comments.

My nephew wrote this after the miscarriage of their first baby-

http://www.webook.com/project/Prenatal-Postmortem-1

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your little one. Don't EVER let anyone tell you your baby wasn't "real." I've experienced multiple miscarriges.

Grieve, darlin'. It's OK.

My best thoughts are with you and your family during such a sad, sad time.

Love,
Shannon

You're right - there are no words in the English language to describe how you feel. But there are others who do know what you're feeling - because they have been (and are) going through the same thing. Connect with them. They have helped me a lot for my children who have died. See if there is a chapter of The Compassionate Friends near you, and go see them:

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx

Yes there are absolutely no words to describe what total shits those people are to say such things. I'd say it only happens in mormonism but I know a christian family who lost a child to leukemia and they're "friends" told them that if they'd really believed their son would be alive.

I'm so very sorry for your loss and the horrible treatment by so called family members.

Just another person letting you know you are not alone and that indeed, there are no words to say at a time like this.

Just because these people who said these awful things fall under a catagory of "family" does not mean they are your loved ones.........we can't pick our family, but we can pick our friends and our friends can be soooo much better than family. I hope you have good friends nearby to help you thru this difficult time.

I too have grieved the loss of a child. There are never words to make it better or easier. Only time to help it get easier. May you soon find some comfort.

How utterly, completely, absolutely cruel and moronic. I'm so sorry you had to hear this now, while you're already reeling with pain. I hope you and your husband can cut these poisonous people out of your lives. I just can't see being around anyone like that, no matter how much DNA we might share.

So very sorry...