So my wife and I (both 24 years old) have had a rocky few years of marriage and were going to split after the first year but found out she was pregnant so we decided to stay together and keep trying. Things have gotten better but still not fantastic. Our current situation has us at her parents house because I'm leaving go basic training in a couple weeks and my training as a whole will be a year. So she is living with her parents while im gone. She mentioned that she wants to hang out with some of her old friends while she's here namely the guy she had a thing with before we met and started dating. She literally said she will hang out with him while im gone. Am I safe to assume that I'll be single again before my training is up? Am I weird to think that it's not okay for her to hang out with the guy who still has feelings for her while im gone or even at all?

Dump her OPie ~


yes you will be single when you get back ~


( in b 4 ~ Ukrainian war-bride )


( jk )


NO REALLY ~


SEE A LAWYER before you leave bro ~


(srs)


Serve this woman with divorce papers right before you get on the boat ~


(srs)



IN b 4 ~ jody


in b 4 ~ https://youtu.be/biWZRRELe-w

So in all seriousness I should probably talk to an attorney or just wait til I get to station and see a lawyer there?

yep ~

don't wait till you get to station ~

you will be too busy with other stuff !~

serve her papes before you leave ~


( srs as sh!t)

But I can't be going through a divorce before joining. The army will disqualify me.

I am an attorney.

Question:
Will the military disqualify you if you have visited a divorce lawyer? If you are even contemplating divorce?

If no.
Advice:
Pony up the cash and see a reputable divorce lawyer and figure out your options.

No, I am not a divorce lawyer.

You know the recent thread about mormon women not growing up...?

I'd like to read it.

I thought what another person thought--how do her parents feel about this if they are TBM?

This really is a tough one. I don't know what to tell you to do. What a horrible thing to do to someone just before you go into the military. She sounds like a really great person????

Here ya go:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1890621

What does this have to do with women vs. men? Mormon men aren't exactly bastions of maturity and faithfulness either.

I was just passing information along. I don't have any opinions about mormon wives, or mormon husbands. I have seen idiocy committed by both sexes.

I can say that my TBM wife is not a 'childish'. She has a good city government job and will have a decent retirement package.

Yes, see a lawyer now. An atorney will be able to advise you when you give him or her all of the details.

I read her statement about her ex bf as she's going fishing, and highly disrespectful to her marriage, full of contempt for your feelings and career pursuits.

And I'm a woman.

Were the man I loved going into the service, I would do everything in my power to make him feel rested and assured about my behavior while he was away. I would want to be his v.e.r.y. l.a.s.t. cause for concern.

Okay. I'll go see an attorney. I'll try to get things rolling but won't have any papers served until I get to my first station for training.

you will be getting a "dear john" letter.

If you wait until after you are in, you will have the benefit of having free legal representation courtesy of JAG.

I think you should give it a little time at least. That is a huge decision. Do not take it lightly.

I don't thi k she should hang out with exboyfriend at all ever.

...even if they are meager. You want to make sure that what she gets her hands on is restricted to the child's welfare and future needs, and not her return-to-yesteryear love life.

Is she pregnant now? Baby born?

Would she hide the old boyfriend from her parents or are they all for her seeing him again too?

I agree she doesn't need to hang out with the exboyfriend.

Sorry you're going thru this.

You need to let go of her now. Hire an attorney and let her (attorney) take care of the details. Getting divorced will not disqualify you from joining the military. If your "wife" gets pg by her boyfriend, you do know you are presumed to be the father and will get the honor of supporting the boyfriend's child. Just for 18 years. You also cannot get divorced until after the baby is born if she becomes pg.

Do yourself a favor and move on now. You can thank me later for this great advice by buying me a really cold beer.

She sounds very immature, and not ready for marriage. Having a baby may help her grow up and accept her responsibilities, but not if she's dropping huge hints like her old flame is going to be around when you aren't.

Ziller's advice may be the best. But your heart is still hurting assuming you have feelings for her.

It's a tough call. If she isn't going to act the grownup, it isn't up to you to expect she will long distance.

As a former Army officer, I can tell you that the best thing to do is take care of it now, before you go in.

I have seen many servicemen get screwed in divorces. The military has their own set of rules, which are probably going to be worse for you than gong through a regular divorce outside of their system.

Good luck.

Can you expand...how would he get screwed by waiting until after boot camp and even the first year?

So glad that you stopped by here. Yes, if you're actually going through the beginning of a divorce right when you're joining, it'll delay your date going in. You might not get the same MOS even after, especially if it's a small or elite one.
First of all , the way you'll describing her, make sure it's your baby to begin with . The military is strict with child support payments.
She can make your life a living hell once you're in and she finds out about the 1st Shirt. She'll be going to him for every complaint, or your Commander.hol
My husband was in 30 years; he's seen it all.
Also he's seen guys depressed because their wife's left them as soon as they got back home from an overseas assignment. That's when they found out she only married him to go to Hawaii or Germanyr and her problems youe r
Then she'll be back to dating r wGIs, and marrying the next guy going to England, etc
You don't want to pay alimony, one visit from her to your commander that she's not getting it and you'll be paying .
A lot of wives make up abuse stories too.
Get rid of her now. Her first thoughts should be that she's going to miss you and can't wait to see you when you return , NOT some kid she wants to hook up with.
So, yeah, make up your mind now ,if you want a military career , which can be very rewarding, or being stuck with her problems if the kid IS yours

If you had a rocky start in your marriage, and all of a sudden things seemed better, it may be that she's already hooking up with the guy. If she was stressed in the marriage and then found some comfort with him, things will appear to be a lot better even though they aren't. Because she will be giddy thinking about him and being nice to you to allay your suspicions.

I agree with those who say to see an attorney now. Let him advise you as to the best timeline - when to serve, paternity, etc.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/12/2016 10:41AM by auntsukey.

"Am I weird to think that it's not okay for her to hang out with the guy who still has feelings for her while im gone or even at all?"

No, you are not weird. It is not OK.

I would tell her that no, it is not okay for her to hang out with her ex-boyfriend while you are away. Given the stresses that your marriage has already been under, I would say that the prognosis is not good. A military lifestyle will only put additional stresses on your marriage.

I'ts unclear to me whether or not you have a young child. If you don't, you might want to make a clean break of it now before the military complicates your life.

Make sure she doesn't ruin your credit while you're gone. Do not give her a general power of attorney. If you are married, her debit is your debit. If you don't trust her to stay faithful then at least make sure you're legally separated.

One thing all the guys in your unit will tell you, don't give her general power of attorney, most guys don't do that one. She can buy a house , a car for her and her boyfriend, fancy trips, she probably married you for the benefits, hoping you ll get a fun assignment (for her ), when you get out of training. If she's telling you now, in front of your face about other guys, you know what she'll be doing when you're away,behind your back.
You have every reason to divorce her, her behaviour is in your favour.
Do you know positive she's pregnant ? Still have the baby tested before you start giving child support.

Believe me, you'll meet plenty of girls as a single recruit anyway, you're 24, do there's all kinds of women who'd like to meet you. Your new buddies will want to set you up with their friends wife or girlfriends. There's all kinds of dingle groups geared to single military guys and girls.
Assignments will be easier too when you're single, if some remote location interests you

I'm kind of surprised that people are really quick to suggest divorce on the assumption that she might do something. I realize that the marriage is not on the best footing and that she seems immature.

I'd suggest the OP have a really good heart to heart with his wife and also see an attorney to see what his options are. But I don't think this means she's just a disposable person without more information.

To me, it sounds like she is possibly upset at your going away? Is she on board with your joining the military? Some people are not cut out to be military spouses, with all the time their spouse is away.

If that's not it, idk what it is, but to me, she sounds angry at you. So please just try to communicate with her, find out what's at the bottom of this before you decide to take such a big step of divorce.

Just wanted to add that if you're joining without her 100% consent, if she married you believing you'd be working a normal job, your joining could be the problem.

Military spouses have to be a special kind of strong to be apart from their spouse, especially with kids in the mix.

If she didn't sign up for the life of a military wife when you married, she may now feel deserted.

Sorry if I'm totally off base, but its the first thing I thought of when you talked about her telling you she was going to hang out with her ex. To me, this seems like she's trying to tell you she is not happy with you going.

Edited to add: And her telling you ahead of time may be her way of giving you a chance to fix it before it happens. She may have said it hoping your jealousy would make you stay.

But again, I could totally be off base and just reading into things. I'm sure there are lots of details I don't know, but open and honest communication between you two is a must.

run like hell

I think there is probably more to this story than the OP is letting on... Not enough information to be drawing conclusions IMHO.

Honestly, it's hard to say because there are a lot of factors here that aren't explained. When you say rocky, what do you mean? Did she know you were going into the military?

Do you WANT this marriage?

Do you love her?

Are you concerned she will get involved with someone else?

Ok, so what do you want? If you want to keep it intact, make sure you are taking the steps to let HER know you want the marriage and want to make it strong and work. Being away from a year is a challenge, especially as a young single Mom. You have to work harder at the marriage. Do not hope it will all be ok once you re-enter the picture.

If you don't want it to work out. Do nothing.

What does SHE want? Find out. Have a talk. Make decisions.
Don't just wait and see what happens when you return.

Best wishes,
RMM