Does anyone else feel sick at the thought of even stepping inside a chapel?
Not that I am planning to, but when I think about going, say for a funeral, I feel awful. Not sure I will ever again. Not sure why it effects me like this.

Yes! After believing the lies my whole life, it is very hard to step inside a chapel. I was surprised by the sick feeling in my gut.

I don't like the idea of going to a mormon ward house, but I don't mind going into chapels that aren't mormon. I like live music concerts and and attend them in Catholic and Protestant Churches several times a year, especially around Christmas.

Yes. Last Saturday my 24yo daughter went to a memorial service for her former high school choir teacher. She was singing with a group of choir alumni so I told her that I would go with her to hear them sing. Honestly, it was also to discuss any BS that she was subjected to during the service. I didn't think much of it until about 3 days before, then I started becoming nauseated at the thought of going. The thoughts of going into the church building, being around that many church members had anxiety kicking in big time.

Hopefully there won't be anymore events that require stepping foot in an LDS church building again but living in a Mormon area that may not be avoidable.

Absolutely...I won't even consider for that reason.

A few years ago, I went to the funeral of one of my former bishops from my youth. His son and I were best friends, and he wasn't a *complete* asshat, so I went. It was at the chapel I'd grown up in.

I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Immediately upon stepping inside, it felt like I was being smothered with a gigantic pile of manure, pouring on top of me like Biff in "Back to the Future."

Yeah, sickening is right. Can't stand it.

It's the SMELL! If there is such a thing.

Matrix quotes aside, I think that we had aversion therapy. We were conditioned all those years to hate that place, including the smell.

My brother and I were discussing this and laughing about it at my Aunts funeral.

Yes, and it's real feelings of panic and nausea. For my kids' missionary farewells, I generally take some Valium. No judgment please. The night before the last one left, I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to repeat that in the farewell and have it interpreted as, "Looky there, the Boner misses the church!"



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/17/2016 12:53PM by BYU Boner.

maybe I should ask for some Valium, my youngest beloved son is leaving on a mission in 7 weeks.

Yes, you should. Valium can be a huge help to get through a few hours of an emotionally traumatic event. It helps you to not care. That's not a good thing long term, but it's a big help for short term events.

It can be empowering to go back into a chapel and to acknowledge that it no longer holds any power over you - that it's a tacky, poorly decorated room with a half-way decent piano, a lousy organ, and ugly furniture. almost nothing profound has ever been said there. Then again, you can anesthetize yourself with a glass or two of wine or a benzo if the prospect is too daunting.

On the rare occasions I'm in a Mormon church (funerals) my feelings are somewhat ambivalent as I never believed. I do however feel like an outsider.

RB

I get why you feel that way. The building represents a monumental amount of repression, oppression, and wasted opportunity, and, fear filled eyes. It seems a bit like visiting an abusive ex. No?

I have gone for funerals only. Like you, I thought I would feel like Daniel in the lion's den or like descending into the depths of hell to do battle with Hades along the river Styx. But no. I felt nothing.

And like scmd above, besides my aversion to cinder block and cheap carpeting, I found I was immune to what it had represented. Now it was just walls, brick, roof, benches, a cultureless hall and an organ.

I looked around and I felt like a camera. Seeing it all, but from a distance. Recording the event while feeling like I was floating above it.

The guest of honor was dead and the church was too. That realization, in contrast, made me feel very alive. We are survivors on a new journey, not traitors.

But I'll toast anyone who wants a pill or shot or two of vodka before going to the chapel. We all heal in our own way and our own time.

It felt like there was a strong repellent at work when my children and I attempted going back for the last time in the early 2000's. It felt strange and wrong to be there.

We went back out of nostalgia for my parents who'd died the year before, and we'd just recently left the RLDS so didn't have anywhere else to go to at that time.

Big mistake. I should've gone anywhere else but there. Hindsight is usually 20/20 vision.

It's so artificial and contrived. The longer you're out, the more noticeable it is when returning even for a short visit.

Fast and testimony meetings became the most mundane and ridiculous meetings of all to wade through, with their rote lines and recitations, and pagan worship of Joseph Smith. That right there was nauseating enough.

All is *not* well in Zion.

I agree with Sperco, it's the smell that was hard for me. In the last 5 years, I've only been inside a morg chapel for funerals and the first thing I noticed was the humid/human smell. It's unmistakable to those who have spent a lot of time there and then take a hiatus. I don't remember having too many pleasant experiences in a chapel, and when the music starts or a speakers begins, it is all too familiar and brings back all of those memories that were not good.

I agree, they all have that smell that makes it hard to go inside. Now, I don't mind going inside other churches, even a Catholic church because they don't have that smell, plus they often have better acoustics for concerts, often around Christmas. I will say that one of the best choral concerts wasn't a Christmas concert, but it was held in a church which was built as a concert venue. Another reason that concert was better than anything from the MoTab is that it seemed as if only professional opera singers are allowed to audition for that particular choir.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/17/2016 04:54PM by adoylelb.

My stomach doesn't get involved, but my mind sure does when thinking of taking those steps. I had quite a few ghastly, to me, experiences in the cult that at once pop into my head. These happened because, for the majority of the time, when I attended it was haphazard with friends, so I really missed out on the ABC's of how things worked in the cult.

An example....In mutual I was asked to give the theme, had no idea that this was the same scripture repeated week after week, so I picked a scripture out of the NT and read that. Oops. Adding to the embarrassment I felt right away, I was then corrected, in front of everyone. Such empathy.

Another example....I mainly attended dances and activities, but once in a while a friend would beg me to come to SS or SM because they had to go and I would give in. One time in SS, the teacher, with young teenagers, expected everyone to listen without a peep to his droning on and on and on. His voice was boring, his stories were dumb, and he added funny faces as he was trying so hard to get his point across. My friend and I started making faces at each other and then burst into laughter. I was asked to leave the room....not my friend...just me as I think he knew I did not have a parent at church that he would have to deal with.

I do have pleasant memories from inside the cult doors, but the ones that brought shame, fear and hours of boredom seem to jump to the forefront.

After reading my mother's RS bulletin I realized that very little is done at an LDS building these days. Her ward is sucking off the generosity of other churches. Their service project was one sponsored by another church. Methodist I believe. The childhood activities are at another church that has very nice play ground and other facilities. Anything to do with food is done at other churches. I'm wondering if the day will come that the LDS chapels are redundant and Mormons do nothing more than feed off other churches while sending all the money from their members to SLC.

Oh no. I have no problem walking into an LDS chapel. It has no power over me. It's just a building and there is nothing there that can upset my peace of mind.
The last time I was in a chapel was 3 3/4 years ago when my husband died and our family participated in his services.
It was very nice, warm, lovely. People came who loved him and paid him tribute.

I simply don't want to go in one. For a funeral, I would if it was a close friend or family member. Blessings, farewells, and homecomings; I'll go to the luncheon afterwards.

I took a three month hiatus after hearing a former bishop spew ignorant homophobic comments during a Sunday school class he was teaching about eternal marriage,during that time I felt free and happy and momentarily unrepressed,after many long unhelpful meetings with the ward elders about how "the Mormon church loves and accepts gays lesbians ect."I decided to go back.not only did I feel sick to my stomach the second I sat Down in the cold old diaper scented chapel(so many babies in that ward)but I could not stop sweating.the only reason I didn't run out screaming during a youth speakers stale irrelavant and uninspiring testimony is because an older infamous jack mormon in the ward had his hand on my thigh and was whispering dirty things we should do together in his car after sacrament meeting,lol

I hate to tell you this, but it's not just the babies that are wearing diapers. If you'd been subjected to the small enclosed, unventilated RS room, you'd realize this.

The PH usually meets in the chapel and has a bit more air space. It's not quite as obvious that some of those old men are also in diapers. Think...Tommy Monson.

Elizasnowjob,your comment struck a major cord for me,as I said in my last post I was soo happy and liberated for those few months that I was away from the church.now I'm currently back in my singles ward and I'm so very miserable and unhappy.ive been back for about two months now and theirs not one Sunday that has gone by were I haven't gotten up during sacrament meeting to go cry in the bathroom stall for ten minuets and go and sit back down.its not just the cold practically empty chapel that makes me angry and very tearful,It's just being inside the church in general That makes me feels so much negativity.

I'm sad that I can't find my peace with the church and all their absurd rules,I do want to leave it permanently one day,but its going to be hard because of the mostly kind hearted ppl I've met and the friendships(my friends mom even told a member of the bishopric that she thinks of me as a daughter)
For the time being though Sundays also seem to be my meltdown days.

Thank you for this thread, Lydia100. I thought I was peculiar in my aversion to Mormon chapels, because I have PTSD. It's good to know that normal people can feel sick, too.

I decided to be kind, and to rise above the shunning, and support my grandchild, when she was baptized. It was the first time I had been in a Mormon church, in seven years, so I was sure I was recovered from the Mormon abuse my children and I had suffered. NOT!

It was at our old ward, and two of the abusers were there. When I saw the baptizing dads dressed in those too tight white jumpsuits, I actually gagged. It reminded me of my abusive temple ex-husband, bulging out of his jumpsuit (he had gained 50 pounds over the summer break) on our wedding day--the worst day of my life!

I smiled, was polite, spoke the dialog, and had taken care to dress just right, but afterwards, I had an upset stomach for several days, and had to miss a day of work. After going through the Hell of flashbacks, and nightmares afterwards, my daughter accused me of "frowning". Well, the baby I was holding was squirming all over the place.

That's another thing about those Mormon chapels--the crying babies and toddlers. I love children, and I always sensed that they were crying in despair--picking up on the evil, hateful vibes of the adults in the pews. They were crying to get out, to go home, to be loved and comforted--to be free.

Since I was just a "frowner", anyway, I won't go to any other baptisms--it wasn't worth being sick. I'll just buy the 8-year-old a fabulous birthday gift, and leave it at that. Children know you love them. You don't have to prove anything by going to their baptisms, talks, programs, or performances.

I have a lot of TBM relatives, so there are lots of funerals. I always go to the viewing before the funeral, usually the night before. Often those are held at the mortuary. I sign the guest book, and give my condolences to the family. I was there, and honored the deceased. No way can I sit through more Mormon preaching, and their awful Mormon-approved music. Sometimes I feel bad about it--but I also feel bad that the deceased wasted so much of his or her life on the cult.

I don't have much connection with the mormons in my family. For that reason, I don't think i'll have a lot of funerals to attend in the future.

I'm older than the majority of my siblings, so maybe i'll die first and get spared the misery of mormon funerals. I doubt any of them will come to my heathen funeral.

My parents are still living (as far as I know), but I have no plans of going to their funerals. I just wouldn't do that to myself. There will be constant droning of how great they were and how great their religion is. Neither one is true. I just can't imagine why i'd abuse myself by listening to that tripe. Afterwards there would be the uber TBM's dumping all their perceived shit on me. Ummm, no thanks.

I had funerals for my parents years ago. I wrote down all of my feelings about them, and wrote about my lack of relationship with them, thanks to mormonism. I them put all of that onto little paper sailboats that I set free on an outgoing tide on the Pacific ocean. That was the end of that. Very cathartic for me.

I haven't been back in an LDS church since that glorious spring morning back in 2010 when I finally came to the decision to stop attending. (Bees were humming, sweet birds singing.)

My experience has been quite different from most of the above. I have only been in Mormon Chapels for funerals and family reunions for the last 35 years, mostly in the ward I grew up in. I always feel a little nostalgic.

Just attended my 50th High School Reunion. It was suppose to be at a park but due to cold temperatures and wind, at the last minute it was moved indoors in to the ward house.

I took a deep breath and went in. Was grabbing a bite to eat when the testimonies in the form of introductions started. It became too much for me.

I abruptly left without saying good byes.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/18/2016 06:35AM by dejavue.

I take a deep breath. I have had to attend several funerals since I went inactive over 20 years ago. Since I went through a separation at about the same time and in order to survive, I had drawn a line in the sand in my brain of before and after, it was always a jolt to my emotions to go back in.

I had a good friend die about 8-1/2 years ago in this ward. She was my VT right to the end as I was still a mormon and I allowed only her to visit me. I went to her funeral for her and only her. There were a lot of old ward members there who had actually moved out of the neighborhood. I still just held it all in.

My boyfriend (he lived out of state) asked me later if I saw anyone I was glad to see. I thought about it for a moment and realized I was still holding my breath hours later. I told him, "no," that it was actually very difficult to see some of these people, people who thought they were better than I am because they still had husbands.

I've been to my aunt's funeral, my uncle's funeral. Thankfully, my parents chose not to have their funerals at an lds chapel.

I go to weddings and funerals. I am now the oldest person in the immediate family, near oldest in extended family, and all the millennials are inactive and either already married, or not about to be. So, the odds of my setting foot in an LDS chapel ever again are slim.

That said, I view attending an LDS funeral like getting a hypodermic shot. I don't like it and try to look away and ignore it as best I can. It will accomplish something I want accomplished, and it will be over quickly enough.

I remember when visiting Utah a few years back, my dad wanted to stop by and set up some chairs in the chapel on our way back from somewhere.

It was kind of trivial, but I had a strong emotional response to this dilemma, and I had to weigh competing values. I don't want to burn another calorie making efforts promoting LDS, Inc., so people can continue to be deceived, learn to hate (yes hate) LGBT+ people, etc. On the other hand, I didn't want to be rude to him, and he and my mom have come to a pretty good place about my decisions. It was a lot to have to weigh in a couple minutes when this was sprung on me. Fortunately, some dutiful TBM already set up the chairs. Hallelujah!

I guess something will have to draw me back to the chapel for some family related event, and that's okay--but I don't want to be drawn into helping "the work."

Last time I went was for my son's baptism. I found it traumatic. I was against him being baptised but succumbed to extended family pressure so sat with my son, who had witnessed me baptise his older siblings, and watched as he was baptised by my FIL because I was no longer worthy. I left as soon as it was done and hope to never set foot inside again. I am pleased to say he no longer goes to church spending his Sundays playing rugby. I feel the spirit watching him play far more than I ever did Watching him participate in primary activities.

I've had to go to church a few times since I left and I completely shut down and feel a range of emotions-anger, fear, insecure, tearful, resentment, rage. As soon as I'm out of church and away from the situation, I feel better. I don't know why I feel this way. Looking back, before I left, Sunday's were always my melt-down days. I don't have very many days like that anymore.