I met with a therapist (well, a community college psych counselor) for the first time last week. I was terrified and stumbled over my words or misspoke a lot, but she got the impression that a lot of my depression and unhealthy mentalities (perfectionism, fear of vulnerability, difficulty expressing emotions, internalized homophobia, etc) come from my LDS upbringing. Thoughts? Aside from the homophobia, I'd always considered myself to have a fairly fortunate childhood and hadn't realized all the other ways that the church might've affected me.

I've only had one session so far, and I'll probably only go another one or two times since this isn't really meant for long-term therapy, but I thought I'd share.

You're in the right place here; welcome...

I would expect to be angry for a long time, and this is the place to let loose... I trust you'll give yourself permission to do so.

For a number of years I've corresponded with a very mild-mannered scientist who discovered the truth about LDS, Inc. almost 20 years ago...

"Stupid f***ing cult" was a phrase he used with me many times...

Thanks! Yeah, I definitely plan on letting loose, and I've been doing a decent job of that since I left the church about ten months ago. My therapist actually brought up the possibility of me returning to the church (she started with the whole "there are gay mormons, you know" line) but I was very quick to shut down that idea.

ren Wrote:
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>"there are gay mormons, you know" line) but
> I was very quick to shut down that idea.


Very uninformed about TSCC, or way too involved with it. Either way, I wouldn't be able to trust her with mo-specific issues.

TSCC refers to gay people as "same sex attracted," and expects them to live in denial and pain; it's abuse.

I'm glad you're reaching out to counseling and posting here. The world can always use another exmo. :)

I find that comment of hers about gay Mormons concerning. I would bring it up with her next time. "So, it's okay with you if you went without sex and close companionship for your entire life? Because that is what the Mormon church asks of gays. I find that unacceptable." See what she has to say.

Apart from that, I would give her some time. But if after a few sessions you don't find her helpful, see if you can switch.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/31/2016 07:04PM by summer.

That she would even bring up, "there are gay mormons, you know" sounds suspicious to me. Red flag there. Be careful with her. Her comment seems off balance to me. Is she still operating under the delusion that the Morg is good? Sad and sick if she is. Keep looking for another therapist is my suggestion.

I second dejavue.

Therapists can be helpful but sometimes, not so much. She may need therapy more than you do!

Beware folks who want to "help" who in reality have a hidden LDS agenda.

Dallin Oaks wouldn't agree with your therapist. One of them must be wrong.

A therapist told me a quarter of a century ago that the LDS church is a dysfunctional church while I was still active TBM.

It took time for me to process that, but she was spot on.

It's easier for them to be objective when they're on the outside looking in.

:)

I began therapy the first time @ 26. Over the next 26 years I was in therapy probably around 20.

I've been out for about 2 years and I'm thinking @ the beginning of the year I will probably go back for come CBT.

I have LOVED therapy. It's a great experience if you have a good therapist who you've developed a nice rapport with and trust. The experience for me has made a profound difference in the way I've experienced my life.

Yes, your childhood experiences undoubtedly had an impact on your desire/need for therapy now.

Good luck.

Sometimes it is helpful to state what you want out of the session. Ask questions.Therapy is not about their view, but YOUR process. If you do not connect it is totally cool to say that and find someone you click with. Therapy should be an incredible experience and with someone who supports you and helps you to get to where you want to be emotionally and psychologically- a little spiritually.
Referring to your posting However, I find it would be impossible for that not to be the case----Mormon upbringing is abusive IMO. I get sick reading this recovery board as it is full of people who have been brainwashed and fed poison. The more I learn the more I despise this "church". Get more help and support. GOOD FOR YOU FOR HAIVNG THE COURAGE TO GET HELP!!!! KUDOS!

I'm also gay and was raised Mormon. And it sounds like your therapist might be on the right track. I also had a fortunate childhood. I had great parents and never doubted they loved me. But the Mormon church can still do a number on you if you're gay.

I was also a perfectionist. I think it was some sort of overcompensation for being gay. The Mormon church always got the message across that being gay was bad. So I overcompensated by excelling in every other way I could. And to be honest it just got too exhausting! I graduated summa cum laude from BYU, partly (mostly?) to deflect attention from the fact that I'm gay.

I think I had difficulty expressing emotions too. I was so wrapped up in what I thought the church wanted me to be that I had a hard time knowing what I actually felt about things. For me that was the hardest part about leaving the Mormon church - trying to figure out what my own thoughts, emotions, and beliefs were. I'd spent too many years believing and thinking what the church taught me to think and believe.

I think you're on the right track. Even if you have great parents, being raised Mormon can mess you up, especially when you're gay. Give yourself time and be patient with yourself. I went through a very severe depression, including suicide attempts, when I was leaving the Mormon church and coming out as gay. And life is wonderful on the other side!!! I don't think anyone lives happily ever after, but for me it's been pretty close!

Thanks! I relate to a lot of that (especially overcompensating for my sexuality, which I perceived failure to live up to expectations, with perfectionism). I'm just starting the process of improving my mental health and I have a long ways to go in terms of self-discovery, but it's good to have a positive vision to look forward to.

Thank you to everyone for all the advice and support! The therapist isn't mormon, so I'm not concerned with her trying to get my back in the church (not that there's anything that could convince me to do that), but tomorrow if it comes up again I'll ask her to clarify her suggestion.

Having a week to think things over really helped clear my head. I didn't realize until now just how hard I try to act straight in front of my mormon parents, even though I'm out of the closet, and how exhausting it is.