This is offtopic but i could use advice.

Last week i tboned a van on my Harley Dyna Motorcycle. The bike was destroyed, and I was in the ER getting patched up.

My problem is my wife says no more motorcycles, and I said if I give up bikes, scuba diving, and traveling in third world countries I am already dead.

My wife says you are 68!. Too old to ride bikes. WTF?

I could use some advice. This accident was not my fault, but now my wife and mother are ganging up on me.

Help!

Maybe God wants you to ride a rice burner.

Bear in mind, they are recommending you drop these things because they love you. They care for you. They are concerned about your welfare.

And they don't want to have to live without you, if the next accident kills you. It really doesn't matter who is at fault, if you are killed in a motorcycle accident, you are dead.


I can understand where you are coming from, too. These are your interests, your hobbies.


I don't know if you should give up these things are not. At the end of the day, that is your decision.

But before you get too angry with your wife, please bear in mind that she is wanting you to give up these things because she loves you, and doesn't want to see you hurt. Or worse.

Babylon,

I love rice burners! I love all bikes, that's the problem.

Some motorbike quotes for cogutation;

"Some people say that riding a motorbike will kill you, but the reality is that if you're not riding a motorbike, you're already dead"

"You do not need a therapist if you own a motorcycle, any kind of motorcycle!" - Dan Aykroyd

"The extravagance in which my surplus emotion expressed itself lay on the road. So long as roads were tarred blue and straight; not hedged; and empty and dry, so long I was rich." T.E. Lawrence

Dude, get a new bike. You'll be forever gazing out of the window of your cage wishing for the wind in your hair, if your don't.

- from a a life long committed biker

Dude, TE Lawrence died in a motorbike accident that was not his fault.

Hi Brian, I'm so glad that you pulled through! I have a good friend who is in his 70s who finally gave up on breaking horses. (He got thrown and the horse's hoofs almost landed on him). What he's doing now is riding very gentle horses--no more cowboying up. But, that was his decision, and he was ready to make it.

Whatever you decide, please keep yourself safe. I greatly enjoy your posts and the amazing workings of your mind. Perhaps teaching others how to ride bikes will bring you some pleasure.

Very best wishes, I'm glad you're okay! The Boner.

Why not travel/tour with a bicycle?

I have done a lot of touring with both motorcycles and bicycles - and I much prefer the latter. It's much safer and you won't worry your family. Give it a try - you won't regret it

Kinder,

Good advice. I ride a bicycle as well. But bicycles and cars don't mix either.

I have seen two bicyclists killed, one with gravel and one tangled with a van.

There is no certitude.

Don't give up on your bikes!

Once you lose your passion, you are dead.

Motorcycles seldom win arguments with larger vehicles. At 68 your body has been undergoing changes including possibly slowed reaction time, less flexibility, and increasing trouble with night vision. I think that your loved ones are giving you some sensible advice. Go back and talk with those ER nurses and physicians about other motorcyclists that they've treated or sent on to the morgue. They've been known to call motorcyclists, "organ donors."

I have transplanted corneas donated my motor cycle riders who died in accidents. My surgeon said that's the biggest source of corneas.

I am grateful to the families for helping prolong my sight, but I would never want anyone to lose their life in an unnecessary accident.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/15/2016 12:10PM by Cheryl.

I can't tell you what to do. I was crazy about motorcycles when I was young. From the age of sixteen to the age of twenty-six I rode motorcycles and preferred them over cars. As I was passing through an intersection one night when I was 26, a drunk driver of a car broadsided my rear wheel while running a red light at seventy mph. I couldn't walk for weeks, and my bike was totaled. I thought I might never walk again.

I quit riding after that. Haven't ridden since. I love motorcycles, but walking is more important to me.

Sorry.

Several weeks ago, TBM friends hit and killed a 59 y/o motorcyclist. They called us for a ride home since their car was impounded.

My husband, (retired cop) said, "It's us older guys who are getting killed on bikes lately--our reflexes just aren't that good anymore."

Here's a grim fact that I read in a book on how to keep your whits in an emergency. (I'll find the title if anyone wants it.)

"... 60% of all hearts transplanted in the United States come from young, male motorcycle riders."

Consider yourself a man who is very loved by his wife and mom.

Plus also the longer you ride the more likely it is from a statistical point that you will have an accident.

The LA Lakers had an insurance policy on Phil Jackson that would pay them if he died while still their coach. He had a Harley, and the insurance company said they would no longer cover him once he turned sixty unless he got rid of the bike. Reflexes slow down. It was more risk than they were willing to assume.

They would not budge. It was either sell the bike or quit coaching. He sold the bike.

I had a sport tourer for 15 years, and occasionally visit a dealer just to torture myself, but I'm exactly your age, and I think your wife and Jackson's insurers have a point.

Trike a possibility?

I turn 66 next week and still ride, thanks to Queensland weather that's 12 months a year. I've given away the sports bike and gone to a larger sport tourer.(Triumph Trophy). I don't ride as hard as I used to as reflexes aren't what they were. Slow down a bit pay attention and you should be right. We can't always make up for the cagers I broke a wrist 3 years ago in a similar t-bone accident when the cager just didn't see me. But, like you I just can't give up my passion, there will come a time when I must but I've met riders in their 70's so hoping for a few more years, I hope you can resolve your dilema, your family loves you and are concerned, but you only get one shot at life you got to live it.

You can tell which posts in this thread are written by the cagers!

Get yourself a big Harley and have it mounted on a trailer. Then your wife can tow the trailer and you can still feel the wind.

Ha ha

That is hilarious!

He could ride back there all decked out, hair flowing in the wind, dark shades on. :)

Maybe put up a sign on the trailer that says, Everybody safe, Dreams still comin true!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/13/2016 09:52AM by AmIDarkNow?.

I was going to write a reply along the lines of "don't give up on what you are passionate about" but then I read the rest of the replies. Now I am re-thinking my thoughts. There is much wisdom within the bounds of this site and I would be foolish to ignore that.

I am also a Harley rider of many years and unless you ride you can't understand the reasons behind that passion. Utah is a helmet optional state and I rarely wear one unless I'm going into Nevada. I know the dangers and I'm willing to take my chances. However, I am aging too, 65, and know that one fine day my turn will come too. Reading what I have read here just now, I'm doing some serious pondering. I think I have a big decision to make sometime soon.

While you are reconsidering, please, please consider that when you have an accident and are not wearing a helmet, you are very likely to make a giant mess on the highway. If you die, that's no problem for you.

However, it is a terrible problem for someone else. Somebody else has to clean up after you. It's a horrible, nasty job. It makes them sick and gives them nightmares and wretched flashbacks. If anyone else is involved in the accident, they get to live with those terrible memories, too. For this, it doesn't matter which driver was at fault. Because *you* are the one making the huge, ugly mess, and leaving it for someone else to deal with.

It may be way cool, to die doing something that you love.

It's not cool at all to die leaving a mess for someone else to clean up.

Tough call. I like where Messygoop is coming from but I'm also 68 and would love to buy another bike but with my back issues I'm not confident I'm capable of safely operating one any longer. Doesn't mean I don't want to though.

RB

Security is an illusion. Hit crossing the street tomorrow, killed by falling in bath tub, endless et cetera.

The important thing is to make your own decision, and not harbor blame toward your wife and mother.

If you believe that your joy in risky behaviors outweigh any concern that they may have to bury your broken body, or worse, spend part? all? of their years caring for a vegetable or cripple, then you should go for your joy.

You should also be willing to be completely honest with them:

"Ladies, I have decided that my happiness outweighs the risks to your lives. I have provided for long-term care and funeral expenses, whatever may happen, and if I die, you will know that I died happy, and you will need to deal with your fears of losing me and possible resultant grief on your own, or perhaps you can find a therapist to help you cope. In fact, if you like, I will choose and purchase my coffin before I ride again."

If something happens to you, the kindest thing for your family would probably be death. Picture their lives if you survive with a brain or spinal injury. Are you well funded enough or covered for this, or would family have to sell the farm(s)? 20 years ago, surgery, two months in ICU and a month in rehab cost a million bucks. Then there was dialysis, multiple MD out-of-pocket, deductibles and co-pays.

Whatever you decide, either way, you are responsible for your decision.

Hi Brian, bobofitz here... (The Utah guy from a past thread.) I'm very glad to hear you survived your accident. You were lucky. The only broken bone I've ever had throughout a very active and foolish life was from a motorcycle crash.

To the point....it's not the same, at all, I know, but a sweet convertible with some kick will give you a small dose of what you get on a bike. I know it's not the same, but fun. I'm 70 and don't want to dump a bike but my car gives me smiles. Your wife will have fun too, and like you better.

I am over 60 and just bought a new bike. The people I have met and the places I have seen in my 40 years of motorcycling are irreplaceable. I have had those bad wrecks, got out of the hospital, bought a new bike and kept on riding.

I watched my best friend die in a bike wreck. If I go out in a motorcycle wreck, that beats the hell out of wasting away with cancer, all the time being a burden to my family.

My family understands that my motorcycling is a part of me. If you want to quit riding, quit. Make that decision on your own, not what makes other people happy. You only get one shot at this life thing. Live to Ride...Ride To Live JMHO.

Do you love bikes, diving and third-world travel more than you love your wife? This is similar to the question that gets asked here all the time: does my spouse love the church more than me?

It's a tough situation.

If you buy enough life insurance, they'll be happy to see you riding your motorcycle again...

That's only good if he dies.

If he ends up in long term care, it could leave his wife destitute and stuck taking care of an invalid the rest of her life. If your care taker dies before you, you're really screwed. Then what?

Ask your future care taker if they really want that job before you do things that could sign them up.

Or, maybe your spouse is like me. I have a chronic illness. It takes all i've got to care for myself. If my husband ends up an invalid, I can't take care of him. I don't have the physical strength or the energy. I would be forced to divorce him to preserve at least half of our assets.

Every older persons worst nightmare is being in this situation. It's incredibly selfish to take risks that could put someone else in the position of caring for you and forcing them into poverty. That is, unless you have at least a three to four million dollars on hand. IF you don't believe me, go hire yourself a good financial advisor. You might be stunned at what you don't know.

If the tables were turned, what would you think then?



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2016 01:16AM by madalice.

Well, shoot! If you're going to interject reality into this...

Simple, Ride or die

I no longer check RfM on my cell phone while my husband drives--I keep my eyes on the road. A few times a week, I have to yell, "Look Out!" He says, "Thanks, I didn't see that!"

Too many cars with after-market, overly blacked-out windows, and many people rely on mirrors instead of looking back.

Another option is to tie a shoelace tightly around your scrotum. After a couple weeks the "huevos del toro" will fall off.

Just kidding! (Rubber bands work better than shoelaces.)

Actually I concur with those above who advise you to dial it back a notch, maybe even give up the bike entirely. However, I say this as someone who stopped riding in my 20s because I wiped out too often to count. I have a bad combination of a quick temper and crappy reflexes; my riding career is proof.

Get one of those three wheelers. Maybe she'll buy that as a compromise.

You're 68? Wouldn't have guessed it!

In Mormon World, a 68-year-old man isn't supposed to be riding Harleys. He's also not supposed to wear black leather or shave his facial hair in a gray goatee or wear bandanas. He's supposed to act like Wilford Brimley, wear nice dark suits and look no different than the geezers on the Q15 do.

God help you if you ask your wife to accompany you on a trip to Sturgis.....

Seeing a guy get his leg ripped off in front of me, and a block long pool of blood from a couple that went over a cliff, has me convinced to never get on a motorcycle. I don't care how old you are.

My husband rents a Harley once a year and goes riding with his friends in Az. I don't like it, but I suppose it's his choice. I have told him that if he cripples himself, I can't take care of him and he will have to go into a home. IF that happens, I will probably have to divorce him to keep from losing all of our retirement assets to his long term care. Other than that, I make sure he has plenty of life insurance.

Brianberkeley,

I won't get into the whole wife/motorcycle thing. I will leave that to others.

I have read many of your other posts, and I was genuinely surprised to see that you were 68. Your posts have a much, much, much younger vibe.

I don't know what state you live in and if there's a helmet law there. I'm an advocate on wearing helmets with shield or safety glasses ,and heavy , padded jackets, long pants and boots.
How long have you been riding? Is this your first accident?
My father was riding bikes before I was born, so I love them.
He used to always give me and my sister rides on it since we were old enough to hold on, just up and down the street and when we were older, on the road . He's only been in one accident. His helmet was banged up and jacket torn to shreds. Cop said those saved his life.
He and my mom were members of a Christain bike club and the Hog club .
They went on a lot of trips. When I was 21, I took a motorcycle safety course, but didn't like driving . I just stuck to riding on the back . I learned on a dual purpose bike, didn't like it.
There was a Honda rebel 250 , but one girl was shorter than I was, so she got that one to learn on.
If you drive a stick shift car, it probably wouldn't of been so bad, but I hated shifting gears, remembering not to let the clutch out too fast, operating the hand and foot brakes , etc.
Maybe your wife might reconsider if you get her interested in riding with you and planning on trips together .
You don't drive extra fast or race with friends, or drink and drive do you?
My father rode his bikes into his early - mid 70's.
One of his bikes was a Harley Electra glide , a very pretty aqua blue colour.

If you were 24 you would have avoided the accident.

Your reflexes and eye sight suck. You are getting old.

Ride off road or take up a different hobby.

You were in a wife accident and you're having motorcycle problems? I feel you bro. I hate when the hog goes down on me. Um, er, scratch that.

My brother used to ride a motorcycle.

He worked as an emergency-room orderly at a local hospital.

That made him decide to give up his motorcycle.

Hey pare,
So sorry to hear you got smashed up! Hope you're recovering fully.

Just an observation...the fact that this *wasn't* your fault might be working against you here. That even though your wife knows you're a careful, observant rider you can STILL be in an accident and be seriously injured makes her less likely to want to let you ride.

Just FYI, I rode bikes from the time I was six, nearly always had one. My Filipina wife, after we got married, begged me to stop riding my bike to work, and get a car. I resisted, I argued that I loved it...then I sold the bike, and haven't had one in 23 years. I'd love to have one...but I love my wife more.

1. I'm not a fan of ultimatums, which, it sounds like your wife just made. That strikes me as manipulative and if that were me, I'd be calling that shit out. You want to have a reasonable discussion about risks vs. rewards? Great. Let's talk about that. But when you basically say, The Bike or Me, well... don't be surprised when the person you're trying to manipulate makes the choice you don't want him to make.

2. I'm also not a fan of telling grown-ass adults what to do. I have a friend who skydives and BASE jumps. He goes all over the world, jumps off stuff several days a week. One of these days, his number is gonna come up, but you will never hear a peep out of his wife about it. (And, boy, do I respect her for that!) He makes his own risk vs. reward assessment and he decides what margin of error he can live with and he makes his own decisions about how he spends his free time. They're happily married for more than a decade.

3. Obviously, your wife is terrified you will leave this earth before she is ready to let you go. Surely you have some compassion and empathy for that. Perhaps she has a hobby or a habit that puts her health or life at risk. I think you should be willing to make a compromise or two -- something like, I'll only ride out of town where there's less traffic, or I'll always wear a helmet, or I won't use the bike for daily commuting, or something. But I don't think she'd like it very much if you tried to strongarm her against something she loves. I'll never understand why people do this to their partners. Seems like a really quick way to get some resentment festering in the relationship. Why would you do that to someone?

Anyway. A compromise is in order to demonstrate that you give any fucks at all about your wife's fears and feelings, but I wouldn't just roll over and give up the things I love either.

My husband and I have a deal. The day he drops jr off for college he can walk accross the street and buy a Harley and drive it home. At that point he has filled his responsibility to our kids and the two of us have lived a long happy marriage. He should be allowed to have some joy.

I am wondering if there is a compromise. Would you consider only riding the motorcycle in groups? I have heard it is far safer for 4 or more bikes to ride together. I think there are even some decent statistics about this.

Make sure you have lots of life insurance. And then do what you want to do. They are doing this out of love and fear. But you are right, there are worse things than dying. One of them is getting old and just sitting around waiting for it.

You might think that will make you die, but it won't.

I am a patient of a prominent retinologist, a man who is now about 55 years old. Ten years ago he was riding his Honda Goldwing on an Interstate highway that passes through forested terrain.

A deer ran out into his path and he took evasive action to try to miss the deer. He managed to miss the deer but the motorcycle crashed off the roadway while going 70 mph. The doctor survived but he had a major injury to his spine at about chest level. As a result he became a paraplegic and is confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. He can't move his head much and thus he can't drive a car.

He still goes into his office a few times a week to do his doctor's profession, but to me it looks like he has a low-quality life. I think that would be a fate worse than death.

Edit: On the subject of hitting a deer, in January 1993 the mountains around Salt Lake City had heavy snowfall that forced the deer down into the city. Interstate 80 goes through the city and at 9th East it passes near a golf course. Deer were living there so they could find food.

I took a brand new Subaru Impreza for a "test drive" and I was west-bound on I-80. A deer chose to walk up the ramp over 9th East an she suddenly popped out onto the roadway as I approached at 60 mph. The deer was doing its four-legged bouncy gait and the car hit the deer at the high point of its bounce.

There was almost no damage to the front of the car, but the body of the deer directly hit the windshield. The car driver behind me said the deer went fifteen feet straight up and it was dead when it hit the ground. The windshield exploded inward and my wife and I were hit full in the face by the glass. Fortunately we were wearing eye glasses so no glass got into our eyes.

If the deer's body goes straight through the windshield and hits the car occupants at that speed, that usually kills the people. So we were very lucky to have come through with no injuries. The damage to the car amounted to $5200 and my car insurance comprehensive coverage paid the full amount, since I had zero deductible. Hitting a deer at 60 mph is a serious accident.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/14/2016 07:09PM by saviorself.

I love the topic of "fates worse then death" because I sincerely believe that there are such! But they vary by individual, and the amount of stoicism contained therein.

How many people, without knowing the full story, would leap to the conclusion that Steven Hawking should chosen death over the dwindling of his faculties?

And then you have people in full vigor who find death preferable...

Fascinating!

Yeah, there was definitely some able-ism going on in that post. I've been blissfully unaware of my privilege in this regard until very recently. I have a FB friend who is rather severely physically disabled. She would lose her mind at the suggestion that living in her chair is "a fate worse than death." Really? She'd say. No, the fate worse than death is being mentally crippled from a physical disability.

My quadriplegic husband is able to have sex normally, drives a car, lifts weights, travels/flies alone to different countries for work, performs in plays, goes on dates with me every weekend, goes bar hopping and is a full time professor. We are trying for another baby :) Sounds like that person didn't get good treatment. Definitely not worse than death! I think it would be a fate worse than death for me to lose him!



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/16/2016 10:10AM by woodsmoke.

My son and a four-wheeler tumbled together. After hitting the ground back-first, a foot peg picked him up by the gut like a giant meat fork and stood him on his feet.

He said he wondered why his feet got warm. Blood had filled his boots. He survived it with hundreds of stitches and a scar that looks like the bite of a great white shark.

That was the last of motorcycles/four-wheelers for him.

I ride, although I'm much younger than you. Just to reiterate, your family is worried because they love you. People in their 60's don't have as good of a reaction time as before. Both valid points.

You could always get a trike... but honestly if you're going to do that then you might as well buy a convertible. It's not as fun as being on a motorcycle but it's much safer and has its advantages. Get a manual mustang or something. Those are fun to drive.

If I were you, I'd get the mustang convertible as a compromise and take your wife with you. You've been riding for years and years. Quit while you're ahead.

They are doing this because they love you and fear for you.

take up reading?

Don't make life decisions in the Emergency Room, or for a while after. Let the initial fear and strong emotions have time to work themselves out, so everyone can discuss things from a calmer perspective.

Good point! If you had to watch one of those "Red Road Rashes Galore!" movies for 10 minutes before your car would start, accidents would be way down!

Luckily, the effect those movies have wears off in a short time and we all get back to driving like butt-holes.

The trouble here, Brianberkely, is that you are dealing with women who run on instinct sometimes more than reason.

Your mom's instinct was to protect you since you were as tall as a kidney bean.

That doesn't go away.

As a fellow rider, here is what I did. I am 44, been riding motorcycles since age 11. However, only on dirtbikes. Two years back, i bought a street bike. I rode several times, alone and in groups. I am a skilled rider and ride with my head on a swivel and with all the gear. Nevertheless, there are morons everywhere and so many people are driving distracted with their cell phones, you are almost certain to be wiped out soon. I sold the bike after a few months, because A. I realized it would likely be some ignorant, distracted fool that would kill me and they would chalk it up as an "unfortunate accident" and B. I have young kids and I dont want them to be fatherless due to some moron texting and killing me.

I still ride dirtbikes and feel i have much more control of my own destiny as I am not sharing mountain trails with 18 wheelers, dump trucks and Suburbans going 80 mph.

Know that your family loves you and sometimes you can give up more risky things and that will benefit all of you. Nobody wants to go to your unexpected funeral.

+++

Put me down for keep on riding. The world will never understand. I am more worried about dying on the couch from a heart attack or stroke while eating cheetos.

I appreciate your position. I am in a similar one. I need a kidney and have had to get rid of my horses. I enjoyed the 40 years plus of raising, training, trail riding and showing. When kidneys first went out on me, family all demanded I dump them and move into a little four room apt. I refused and got another four years of enjoyment out of them. Finally, could no longer keep up and had to face the future with out. It's a slow death.

I can't say I understand as I've never enjoyed extreme sports or risky hobbies, but I can certainly respect your desire to continue your passion. I agree with others that your wife isn't trying to take anything away, she's in fear and this is a 100% normal reaction. She loves you. I think a compromise is in order.