It's been several years since I left. For the most part I've been able to put things behind me and forget about them. Occasionally I'd have to explain that I couldn't watch TV or play video games or use the Internet as a child because "it's Satan trying to influence you," to explain my lack of knowledge of pop culture, or joke about how crazy it was, but that was it.

Anyways I've been reading a lot about another cult (they're much worse than the Mormons) and I guess it seems to have unlocked something? Like there will be moments where I disconnect from my surroundings and I will actually see the temple, or the church, or someone from church, or taste the shitty temple enchiladas, and not be able to move. Like I'll know it's not real but it's different from just imagining it. It's something I actually see. It's very frightening and I don't think I understand why. I've heard of flashbacks being a symptom of PTSD but I don't think I have PTSD.

Also it pisses me off to no end when people go "Mormons are quirky but they're harmless, it's just like any other religion." No it's not!!! I wish I could explain what it's like to not have any identity of your own and not know how to think and not even have ownership of your thoughts. But it's not something people can really understand unless they've experienced it.

I think they call it Disassociative Identity Disorder. Having TBM parents can do that to you. I wish you could sue the church for the cost of psychotherapy.

Isn't DID the new name for multiple personality disorder?

It's very rare disorder, however, you CAN disassociate when going through a rough time or trauma. It happens to victims of sexual violence and other forms of violence and abuse. It's a way of the brain protecting itself from further damage to the psyche.

Go see a a medical professional if you can or find a support group. These symptoms tend to get worse when a person finally feels safe because the brain can let its guard down and finally process all the damage.

It sounds like a flashback, which is a symptom of PTSD, which is a result of emotional trauma.

You don't *have* to have been physically injured to have experienced emotional trauma.

Symptoms *can* arise years later.

The range of intensity is as broad as human experience.

I would consider that mo indoctrination can be emotionally traumatizing to a child, especially children who may not fit the mold. Even those who do fit the mold may suffer from seeing the harm to those who don't.

"I wish I could explain what it's like to not have any identity of your own and not know how to think and not even have ownership of your thoughts. But it's not something people can really understand unless they've experienced it."

+++10,000 So, so, so very very true.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2016 09:15AM by Amyjo.

I think it just means your psyche is working through past trauma or upsets.

I'd still get hives and feel choked up if mormon strangers came to my door to try to force me back into their horrid church. It's because they don't "get it." They think they're my bosses just because my parents forced me to go to their church decades ago when I was too young to stand up to them.

Facing those upsets head-on is how I've learned to heal and move on.

Don't want to be an armchair psychologist but I have complex PTSD and that certainly sounds like PTSD, for sure. Long after my abuse, I had flashbacks-- my rapist threw away my phone, for example, and a new boyfriend jokingly grabbed my phone from me and wouldn't give it back, and I froze until he gave it back. I knew I wasn't back there but it was also an overwhelming feeling. Dissociation is a characteristic of PTSD and can mean anything from flashbacks to numbness.

Trauma support groups help. If it is PTSD, meds are not necessarily the best choice (they are proven to help anxiety and depression but they have actually not been proven to help those with PTSD), but they can sometimes work. I would suggest a TRAUMA FOCUSED therapist, as a regular depression counselor won't necessarily be the best to deal with trauma and can sometimes make it worse.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/18/2016 01:39PM by woodsmoke.