So, I know this guy who has a neighbor who knows an apostle of the mighty morg. He told me in confidence that starting next year the church will begin using a test program for online Sunday attendance instead of going to a church building for the three hour block. Members will use their membership number to log in with and with a "member-cam" they can watch and be watched for three hours.

Sunday attire will be required as well as a credit card number for automatic tithing withdrawals. With the new member-cam, people can be called on to give speeches and they will be seen by other members at home on their computers.

I can't confirm this as fact just yet, but this guy I'm talking about was at one time a bishop and personally knew two of the three Nephites, so he is a very credible source. You can trust him.


I also heard that in the future these member-cams will remain on at all times and turning one off will result in a visit from the home teachers or visiting teachers. I'm watching Facebook now for further light and knowledge about this new and exciting development.

Have you heard any new rumors?

I'm sure this is true. Now excuse me while I forward my credit card information to a Nigerian prince who has a fortune waiting for me.

I heard they'll be a lottery to claim Thomas S. Monson's earthly remains, which the winner can then prop up in the passenger seat and thereby use the carpool lane.

I ran it by Legal, and it's totally legit. When the Prophet passes through the Magic Curtain, he'll still be technically alive (in Utah, anyway), so he qualifies as a second occupant. It's not like that time I got a ticket when I tried to pass off Britney, my inflatable love doll, as a fellow commuter.

stop giving TSCC ideas !

Yeah, and you get a percentage of the tithing paid by anyone you get to join the Mormon MLM, er, church.

Now that is an inspired idea. I'll bet that they would do that, if they thought that no-one would make it public.

Beware the *CrotchCam* for the YSA!!

They will make chapel cleaning into a mandatory meeting. Failure to attend will void your temple recommend. The Kingdom of God will require toilet scrubbing (unless your tithing exceeds an amount to be determined).

Seminary will add after school sessions in addition to morning classes. The youth need more immersion in the gospel.

Fees will be assessed on partial or late tithe payments to insure promptness and good faith.

A new super computer will be set up by the church to track members. It's so big they call it "The Beast."

1984 all over again!

RB