Whether we like it or not, we are growing older with each passing day. Things change, we change, and our abilities change. I never figured that I'd ever be this old (65), figured that I'd always be young and vigorous. There was a time when I could do about any, , , yeah, there was a time indeed.

I'm recently retired and having a hard time adjusting to all the free time on my hands. When my wife passed 5 years ago I went into a tailspin of destruction. It took a while to level out and I found a girlfriend who would let me be me and not try to change me into what she wanted me to be. She the same.

I have a few questions for those here who are also retired or feeling the effects of aging. Also, I'm not saying anyone is old, don't want to appear to be insensitive as I'm a very sensitive older guy. But:

Did you save enough money for when you no longer work for a living? I didn't, but have received a couple of inheritances that have saved my butt cheeks.

What do you do all day to keep from going nuts? I sometimes go to a 24 hour big box store and just walk around looking at stuff I don't need or want.

Has your libido waned? Mine did, but with an understanding doctor, testosterone injections, and a little bit of Cialis, Mr. Libido is nearly as good as he was years ago.

Do you struggle with weight gain? I'm not nearly as active as I once was, and over the last three years I've gained a little bit of wisdom around my middle. I'm slowly losing that wisdom, but it involved a change in diet & cooking. And, I still want waffles at cludgie's house.

Have you became a more tolerant person? Or have you grown more cranky? I think I am more tolerant of another person's point of view even though I think that they might be off their rocker. For example, when the religious salespeople come to my door, I will talk to them instead of closing the door rudely.

Has your health changed? Luckily for me I am pretty healthy. I have the occasional ache or pain, but nothing to worry about.

I dunno, the older I get, the more I understand how much I don't know. I can't stop aging, but learning how other people deal with it helps a lot. It would have been helpful if the mighty morg would have had some classroom lessons on this instead of the crap that they teach. Any comments would be appreciated.

We should play golf...

My brother retired a couple of years ago. He is the type of guy who likes to stay busy, so he had a plan in place before he retired. He travels, volunteers, does woodworking (his furniture is much in demand by family and friends,) gardens, plays golf, and sails. That keeps him as busy as he wants. My sister-in-law is more low-key. She gardens, putters around the house, and reads a lot.

I will be 60 soon. I carry more weight than I would like, but apart from that I look pretty decent. I know that I will need to have a plan in place for stretching and exercise sooner rather than later. My libido has waned a bit but is still there. I'm a bit more cranky, but I'm working on that.

I have a financial plan in place for retirement (pension/SS/pay off mortgage.) I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will be enough. I have to work out the details of my exit strategy over the next few years.

I'm 65 and a few months away from when I can take full SS. I'm making good money right now, and that motivates me to keep working, but I have pretty much lost all interest in trying to keep up with the young bucks at work, and expect to be pushed out of my job at any moment to make way for the young kids that work for half what I expect to be paid. If I get tossed out, I will be forced to sell and move into something I can afford---trailer park?

I have enough in various 401k's, IRA's & stock investments to supplement SS to live a simple existence in retirement.
I'd love to retire today, but I'm afraid that I'm not financially sound enough to do some of the stuff I've put off for years, mostly involving travel and seeing the world while I can still get around.

The desire to travel, ironically is what will force me to keep working as long as they'll let me. If I retire, the fixed income will just barely cover the day to day costs-no frills and no travel...

If I retire, I can have the time to join fitness classes and have the energy to do stuff-like travel. My current job leaves me beat at the end of the day and the last thing I want to do is exercise after work in the couple hours before going to bed, so I forego the fitness classes.

It's a rock and hard place thing right now and it's tough to steer a course one way or another. Hell, I get tired just thinking about what I should do. It would be kinda nice to know how many years I got left before my ticket is punched for the final ride to the dirt nap.

This old age thing ain't easy and only the most ornery and stubborn are the ones that refuse to give up. I got decent health and as long as I can afford hearing aids, I'll get by...

I do kinda wonder what will eventually take me out, hopefully it will be spectacular and not long and painful.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 12:48PM by csuprovograd.

You can take your full SS payout and continue working without penalty. Bank your SS for home or travel while you continue to work. If I work for a year past my full SS date, that's what I plan on doing.

If you haven't already, you need to go see a financial planner.

I just did that, and was surprised to find that things aren't always exactly working how we think they are. There are a lot of rules around the money issue. It's almost impossible to know what they all are. One I didn't know was that our property taxes are going to get cut almost in half when hubby turns 65 and is retired.

Go find out exactly where you stand and when the best and worst times are for you to use or move money around.

A trailer park isn't such a bad idea, in a warmer climate IMO. With a functioning AC anyway. Some of those trailer parks are designated for 55 and older, and have amenities for seniors. The HOA dues aren't as high as one might expect. They hover between $85-$100 month.

Another option that's being touted in the sunshine belt are the reverse mortgages for 62 and older. For however much you have to put down on a house, the lender will match that in a reverse mortgage, and you 'own' the house up to your 150th birthday - with an option of survivorship for a child or family member to take it over.

Ex: If I had $125,000 for a down payment on a house when I'm ready to relocate, and wanted a reverse mortgage so I won't have a mortgage payment in retirement ... the reverse mortgage will match my $125,000 so I can afford a $250,000 house and live mortgage free for the rest of my life.

It frees up your money for other things like travel, health related needs, savings, etc.

I have a financial planner. He can't do much with a meager amount of 401k savings...we'll do our best to make it last.

I expect I will have to work beyond retirement. I've been working since I was 14...honestly, I was looking forward to not having to have a 'job' in my schedule, but it looks like I will work as long as someone will hire me and I can function.

I am particularly torn about living arrangements. We will have to move. We can't afford to continue living here. Downsizing is the goal. Where? Dunno. Leave SoCal? Many pluses, minuses are a shorter list, but when tallying, the wife counts 'being near kids and family as equal to 20 good reasons to leave SoCal. *sigh*

The general rule is that if you want to cut back on living expenses, you move further from the center of town. Less cost however comes with less convenience. Trips to see a doc or grocery runs become a major event that is inconvenient for old folks.

I shudder at thinking of a mobile home or even an inexpensive house on the outskirts of a town. I do not want to move into a house that is simply a box in which I will wait for death.

A reverse mortgage may work for some, but the biggest drawback is that every month you are in a reverse, you lose more equity. Equity is equivalent to buying power, the less equity, the lesser your choices, should you want or need to relocate.

Ideally - for me, at least - would be a small house in a medium size town (Big enough for a Costco) where seniors get a break on property taxes and is in a reasonably dry, temperate climate, where I could grow some food in a garden...

I'm tellin' ya, this retirement thing turns out to be a lot of work!

Interesting post, sunbeep, and a lot rings true for me, too.

I'm 65. Didn't save enough $ but have a little, plus Social Security, so I moved to South America. This accomplished several things:
* It's WAY cheaper down here. $ goes a lot farther.
* I'm studying Spanish, so my mind is getting a good workout. Plus it gets me out of the house every day.
* Being in a new culture is keeping me humble and I feel younger. The challenge has been good for me; I've learned a lot, not least about myself.

Cranky? Yeah, sometimes--a bit anxious, too. I've learned to watch my caffeine intake--too much makes me crotchety and nervous. Also I started taking a SSRI (anti-depressant) and it's done wonders.

I do a fair amount of cooking for our extended family, which I really enjoy.

Libido? Exactly: testosterone + Cialis. Plus a sexy, loving wife. Lucky doesn't begin to describe my current status.

I think my health is actually better because I don't have a car, so I walk a lot more. I'm schlepping groceries up the hill most days instead of having a car do the work.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 01:17PM by getbusylivin.

I'm a 62 year old woman, retired about a year and a half ago. I am as busy as I want to be - which really isn't a lot. I'm a teacher, so I substitute teach once in awhile, just enough to remember that I loved teaching (until the end when I was burned out) and to top up my pension a bit. I am usually out and about in the mornings, with fitness classes and yoga. Some days there is lunch and/or shopping with friends, but some days the afternoon is just a good book or Netflix, and I'm totally fine with that.

I saved some money toward retirement - in Canada we call them RSPs, but in the early years of our marriage paying a mortgage and raising our kids ate up a good portion of our income. Fortunately, I have a pretty good pension plan, and that along with some government pension money, gives me about the same cash in hand I had when working full time. The sub pay is the gravy.

Health wise, I have osteoarthritis, and recently developed Plantar Fasciitis. I know it's important to keep moving, so I do and even though I don't always want to, it's keeping me limber. I have high blood pressure, well controlled, and that's about it. Retirement has been great for me.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 03:04PM by looking in.

I am aging as gracefully as is possible given our circumstances. I am 68 and have yet to join either of Lethbridges two seniors organizations. In my fevered mind I'm not old enough for shuffleboard, canasta and bridge.....

Ronnie and hiz ol' lady



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/20/2016 08:14PM by Lethbridge Reprobate.

This is very much on my mind. I turn 65 on Friday Nov. 25th. Sigh... I retired in April of this year.

One of things I did was plan on how I would be busy in retirement. I play in a few bands and orchestras and get called to fill in at times when there is a need in other groups. The practicing, playing and now writing music is a great retirement hobby for me. I started on that path 11 years ago. This site is now in it 21st year. It was never intended to be a retirement project.

I believe finances are a bit of luck and of course planning. Some of us have pensions. That makes a huge difference. The concept of a pension kept me at the same company for 23 years. I am glad I did. There were many times I wanted to leave. I left when my pension was decent and went into consulting for the remaining 7 years of work. I feared failing as a engineering consultant and was pleasantly surprised how well that turned out. It was luck and hard work. There are no guarantees in consulting. If you have a skill, consulting in retirement is a possibility. I was asked Friday, at a funeral, if I was interested in doing some more consulting. You never know where opportunities will arise.

There is no one path. I still worry if we will have enough. Seeing a long time former co-worker pass away this week at the age of 61 was a stark reminder we don't live forever. Living modestly is good. Do not pay tithing!! That will enable an earlier retirement. The Mormon church does not need your money. Exercise is essential especially in your 50's so you have a good foundation for your health when retired.

DW and I just had a discussion on what groups we wish to help support financially in 2017. We will also help with some of our time. Retirement is nice.

Hey, that's my b'day and I'll turn 71. I don't feel 71. How is 71 supposed to feel anyway? I retired four years ago and for three of those years I worked as a contractor at the same place I had worked only I set my hours and the clock started when I opened the garage door and it stopped when I returned home and closed the door. Oh, my hourly rate was much higher as well. This last year I haved worked around the house and taken a couple of trips. Retirement is great. It just takes a little getting used to like when you leave the church.

I haven't figured out how 68 is supposed to feel either. Parts of me like my new knees feel young and then there's my back which is at least 85!!

RB

Well, I made it to 71 and it feels the same as 70. When I told my youngest grandson I was 71 he looked at me seriously and asked if I was going to die now. Gosh, I hope not too soon because I have a lot left undone.

Be careful and talk to SSA. I was told at 65 or 62 if you make over $25,000 per year you have to give SSA 50% over 25k to SSA. Don't know if I'm explaining it right. After 66 you don't have to pay penalty. When I applied for doc sec they told me that.

If you are still working after you start to collect SS benefits, then your SS is reduced by $1 for every $2 you earn above the limit. This does not apply once you reach full retirement age. If you are not receiving SS benefits, then you just pay the usual SS tax with no other penalty.

https://faq.ssa.gov/link/portal/34011/34019/Article/3739/What-happens-if-I-work-and-get-Social-Security-retirement-benefits

I lost almost everything about ten years back. Home, business, health (the primary cause of losing the rest), partner.... The only thing that I didn't lose was the most important, as it turns out. Friends.

They helped me though the worst of it, and then, when I could, I started helping them with odd things here and there. And that turned into all of the activity that I can manage, given the health thing. I have never had time to be bored. Or lonely.

I have (see above) no savings, no pension, nothing except what very tiny amount Social Security puts in my bank account each month. That makes some things a challenge. At least, now, I get Medicare and so forth, too, so the enormous medical expenses are more or less under control.

Life could seem really miserable, except for the whole friends thing, and all of the things that came from that. As it is, I love my life and can't remember any time when I have been even faintly close to as happy as I am right now.

So, my advice, don't forget to invest in friends. Put as much as you can into that. It can yield remarkable returns.

Oh, and as to the libido thing --- once the health problems were reasonably under control --- that came back quite nicely.

And happy Thanksgiving to all.

That is different, and lovely, advice. I am guilty of being obsessed with working too much and playing too little. Years fly by and I often fail to keep in touch with even great friends (who are still there for me anyway, hence the 'great'). Many people when younger don't look ahead to the slowing down time of life, not only financially but also in terms of keepng up with friends and family ahead of work or other activities. My clients will step over my rotting corpse and carry on without a blip, I have figured out, while family/friends may actually care a little when I shuffle off. Speaking of 'reverse', I'm switching to snuggling now with good people that I care about, rather than working so much. I somewhat care that people might notice I'm gone but maybe they won't if they can only recall me from the dim and distant past because I didn't stay in touch. I've made a concerted effort to be part of the lives of my sibs' kids (and it was an effort; I wasn't a natural born good auntie), not for what I would get out of it but because at least I knew that time goes by quickly and I didn't want to miss their cute years. 'Investing' in relationships is a good way of looking at it, for mutual, not selfish, benefit.

Exercising as soon as possible for as long as you can is also great advice. Even simple walking can keep you younger and more limber.

I was just reading the other day that learning a new language, mentioned above as a great retirement activity, keeps your brain healthy and active and can fend off memory loss. You can meet people in classes too (or at least, so I read in magazine articles!). Same comment with being musical, which Eric mentioned. It exercises your brain too and obviously increases your social contacts, also a fine way to stay young.

It's too bad they don't dispense with some of the non-essential, non-helpful classes they subject us to in mandatory schooling and instead feed us something more helpful, such as financial and retirement planning. True enough in school as teens we can't visualize growing old or the life changes that dictates. But plenty of people needed to start saving earlier and/or differently. We can make crucial decisions without thinking through the retirement thing. I would be in line for a much better pension if I had stayed working in a hospital, for instance. Not sure if that would have kept me in a job I no longer enjoyed but at least I would have thought about it.

It's so too bad about medical costs eating up personal resources. I wish that didn't happen to people. (Here in Canada, it's not likely that a person has to bear costs for basic and accepted medical expenses but sometimes cost of medications, if not covered, can be a huge burden for older folks).

Also when young we don't think about failing health. That can hit you upside the head without warning and completely change your life.

Maybe there should be a map for school kids that starts them thinking about planning out their lives, for the basics, and planting the concept early that we can control some of what happens to us.

One of the saddest things to me is seeing older folks lining up in the rain waiting for the food bank to open to supplement their meagre pensions, after working hard all their lives.

I wish we could change that, prevent it. We can start by ensuring that as far as we are able we look after our own retirement needs. Not that we need a fortune (tho t'would be nice) but a decent level of income is definitely desirable. I love the idea of travelling without encumbrance (like having to get back to a job) but that certainly eats up the funds.

Fortunately, I have a ways to go. I need more years of hard work and maybe a bit of fairy dust to see me through. Especially as the females in my family are generally long-lived. And despite my earlier leanings, I have realized I don't actually want to work til I drop. I'd rather be in the Himalayas, at Machu Picchu or somewhere equally exotic.

I wish for the good folks here a healthy and happy retirement. The humour and positive outlook and generosity of spirit are all good signs.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/28/2016 03:39PM by Nightingale.

I am nearing my 2 year mark since retiring.

My main goal at retirement was to regain my health. 2 strokes, HBP, pre-diabetic and major balance problems resulting in a couple of falls.

I completely changed my eating habits and exercise routine. I have 4 different specialists who tweaked my meds. I went to the balance center and they discovered I had inner ear issues which they solved!

I am SO much better now. I find things to do each day that stimulate my mind and projects I have tackled to keep me busy.

My financial situation is ok and I have a good long-term care plan in case I ever do need assisted living or nursing home care.

I have a partner who has been my godsend during all of these health scares and we support each other in many ways. My TBM grown children have come to terms with the fact that we will probably never marry even though we have been engaged for over 6 years.

I am SO glad I do not have to do the daily commute to work, put in 8 hours behind a desk and come home totally drained. When people ask me how I like retirement, I always say "I recommend it".

Question: Is it just me or are drivers much more aggressive and speed more now than in the past? It is scary on the roads.

gemini Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Question: Is it just me or are drivers much more
> aggressive and speed more now than in the past?
> It is scary on the roads.
>

Yes! Every since I retired, I refuse to spend time lollygagging in traffic. I speed much more now than I did before. And because I have a split personality, I'm allowed to use the carpool lane. It's a blessing.

Commuting... That has to be such a waste of time!!!

gemini Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> I am SO glad I do not have to do the daily commute
> to work, put in 8 hours behind a desk and come
> home totally drained. When people ask me how I
> like retirement, I always say "I recommend it".
>
> Question: Is it just me or are drivers much more
> aggressive and speed more now than in the past?
> It is scary on the roads.

I don't think it's just you, Gemini. I've noticed an increase in bad drivers where I live too these past few years. Going to work in the last couple of years has been a traffic nightmare nearly every morning, and now leaving, with changes in street traffic directions.

Just getting to work is enough reason to make me want to take early retirement. My parking garage has been deemed a terrorist soft spot by Homeland Security, so an access entrance was closed, one which half the cars who pay to park there used in the past. It's a multi-layered parking garage. Now we all go in through the same entrance which only adds to the congestion each morning. Outside the street was recently changed from one-way to two lane in a busy downtown section. With parked cars blocking the view when exiting the garage it's perilous leaving work as well. I hate the daily commute!

When visiting my home state of Idaho this past spring and northern Utah I noted how much heavier the traffic has become since I moved away (it's been years already.) Traffic is thick, and people insist on driving massive pickup trucks and SUV's on little roadways while driving like there's no tomorrow. Add to that fray, the speed limits in Idaho and Utah were increased last year on all the highways to 85 on the interstate and increased on the secondary as well to 65 or thereabouts, from what had been saner driving limits before the increase.

My brother there tells me the traffic accidents are about the same # as before. But the fatality rate has gone up since the speed increase went into effect. That is one of the dumbest laws the states legislatures has passed *unless* they did so for population control. :( (And if that is the case I hope someone who's lost a loved one on one of those highways sues them quick for punitive and compensatory damages!)

I get that the population has been growing, which explains the increased congestion of my hometown and places along the Morridor I remember from my childhood. We cannot turn back the hands of time or of "progress." I just wish the city and traffic planners had planned better for the traffic influx, because the same streets that served the communities 50 years ago are not sufficient today. The little country roads of my childhood are still little country roads that the city grew up to engulf. People race down them now worse than ever. As a child I lost two little dogs who were gunned down by hit and run drivers where we lived in the countryside. Today the traffic has become much, much worse where I grew up. If I was considering there as a retirement destination, I've decided against it owing to the traffic nightmare.

I'm probably going somewhere 'off the grid,' as far away from the rat race as I can get, where I can still get Internet. That may not be possible, but I'm willing to take my chances. ;)

Like my 97 yo grandfather inlaw used to say "Those old farts need to get off the road!" He wasn't trying to be funny, he meant it.

I couldn't fault him though, he was a very good driver up until he turned 99, when he went into assisted living.

I've been semi-retired for three years. That has taken a lot of getting used to as I had been working 60 hour weeks for 12 years straight until then.

Now I'm down to a p/t job, and biding my time until I can collect my pension from there- I'll be 62 when it will finally have matured.

I'm getting by, but the extra time is both a blessing and a curse. When I had two jobs I was overworked, but at least my time was always consumed with 'something.' Now I've been finding new interests or renewed old interests to keep me occupied. Such as my newfound love of genealogy/family history. Going to concerts I haven't had time for in years. Seeing as many movies as I want, when I want. Because I have the time for these things I wouldn't have when raising a family or working two jobs for years on end.

Social Security is still a distant dream - I'm trying to wait until full retirement age. If I take it sooner it will be due to health or job constraints.

Trying to find enjoyment in each day along the way. Life is supposed to be about the journey not just the destination. So instead of waiting for my life to begin at 62, or 67, or 70 etc., I'm trying to live each day to its fullest. I don't even know whether I'll live to full retirement age. I hope I do, but can't wait until then for my life to begin. It's nice to be semi-retired now, so I can at least be preparing myself for the eventuality of retirement. This has been a preparatory time for me to be doing that.

Just know that SS is based on what you made your last 10 years of work. You should probably talk to a financial planner so they can help you figure out your best time to collect SS. I would hate to see you get less because you cut back on work toward the end of your working years.

Your benefit is calculated based on the 35 years with your highest earnings.

https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10070.pdf

I've been working on SS charts since I was 15 years old. My leanest earning years are still being counted in that 35 year space (there was a gap when I was in college, and another gap for two years I worked for a California city government who didn't pay into SS back in the day. Don't know if it's still like that or not...)

Each year my SS chart gets a little more. When I cut back from two jobs three years ago I saw it go down, but that's okay. Now I have a fighting chance of living to see retirement lol. Working 60 hour weeks was killing me slowly, but surely.

My pension at 62 will be about 1/2 of what it would be if I can hold out until I'm 70. @ 66 and 10 months (my full baby boomer retirement age,) it will be midway between those two points. Since nobody has a crystal ball, it's a catch 22. But I will say would much rather wait and collect at age 70 when it will be its highest yield, if I knew I'm going to live a long life. Things only get more expensive as we age, not less.

On other hand, there's the quality of life issue. I hate working now. Getting older isn't easy, working or not. I'd rather move while I'm still able bodied to make that transition from East coast to West again. When I die will be buried in a country cemetery in a family plot in Idaho. I don't want to be too far away from there - not that I plan on checking out anytime soon. Just don't want to make my death a hardship on anyone, or my burial.

I'll probably pre-plan my burial like my mom did hers. It saved us kids a ton of grief when she died, because she'd already taken care of all those details. We just had to show up.

I am 68. Just ended a 43 year love affair with horses and now have an empty barn. Have purchased a potters wheel and clay. Threw my first pot today, (after a hiatus of 40 years). Just a small practice pot. Plan on throwing one pot a day and see where it goes and what it leads to.

Have already met some new, fun and interesting people who are doing the same. May enroll in a class to get back some of the basic skills. Amazing, new, and fun approaches coming into play.

One of my girlfriends from synagogue told me this afternoon she was recently diagnosed with lymphoma.

She's only 62. She's already started chemotherapy, but the effects haven't caught up with her yet.

I don't know if she's terrified or not, but I probably would be if it were me in her shoes. Another friend of mine online is dying from cancer. She's been fighting the good fight for some time, but it's beating her instead of the other way around. She's *at* retirement age. Instead of planning her retirement, she's planning for the inevitable.

There is no aging 'gracefully' with these diseases. They're vicious and no discriminator of persons.

I hated that job for 30 years, but it pays a good retirement, plus benefits.

DH is retired too, but does occasional mental health counseling, very part-time. He works on his own, word-of-mouth referrals, not through an agency, and he likes it that way.

I'm not very mobile, due to horrible arthritis in my low back, and sometimes I have to use a wheelchair, but with DH's help, this works out too.

I never, EVER, get bored. A bad day of retirement (and I have yet to have one, in 14 years) would beat a good day at work, any time. I love to read, play on the computer, and spend time with the love of my life.

I'll be 70 on my next birthday, but I've never been happier.

Yes, Sunbeep, nearly all that you are describing, with the addition and cognitive decline. That is the part that is creating the most fear in me.

I suppose it's not a prerequisite to know the purpose of the OP's question but, I admit, I am more than just a trifle curious(no pun intended). I recognize, and have enjoyed a meal at, several of the restaurants mentioned above, in addition to others in my mental list.

BYU Boner mentioned LaCaille in SLC which is among the more memorable. I have enjoyed a meal there on probably three occasions. Just mentioning, for example, the restaurant on the top floor of the Caracas Hilton in Venezuela, or the very understated Oyster House in Hawkes Nest, Australia, is unpleasant to me because I abhor the appearance of snobbery in myself. As to what I may have ordered, or what the tab was, on any of these occasions, I would have no recollection

Waffles at my house, then.

I'm 67 (well, this week I will be), and hating every moment of it. I want to retire and have a life beyond work. My greatest fear is retiring and walking right into some major medical situation in which my retirement is over in a couple of short years. I want to retire to have more of a life ahead. I'm well into the 4th quarter of my life's football came. At the end of that quarter I'm in overtime. If I make it to 90, it'll be decided with shoot-outs, and the other team's goal keeper will better than mine.

I do not have a sympathetic DW. She wants me to keep working, is totally resistant to my retirement, and totally resistant to anywhere I want to retire. I find myself wondering if we should have separate retirements. In a sort of de facto divorce, maybe it would be better if she went on place, and I went another. Our 45 anniversary comes up next month, and it's increasingly strained to celebrate it.

My intent was to put in my retirement papers on Friday, Jan. 20. Then it would take 2-3 months. But the renters have moved from my rented house in WA state, and I will not have the money for the mortgage unless I keep working. That has thrown a spanner into that plan. It's going up for sale again because my realtor says that the market there is currently robust, and she believes she can get it sold.

We're also dealing with the issue of an adult son who has a brain tumor, which has seemingly taken over everything to include... Well, everything. His surgery is rescheduled for Dec. 7.

Obviously, I've said too much. Too much IRL stuff here. But I'm very frayed right now, and it's hard to do just about anything. Talking and/or telling anyone else about it seems to help in some perverted way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/21/2016 06:58AM by cludgie.

I wish I could help with the problems you face. You deserve support and kindness and I want you to know that we care about you here on RfM. Love and good wishes, Cheryl.

You have so much on your plate right now. You're in one of those times where you take it one day at a time. The real estate market in Washington is moving very well. My daughter lives in a nice middle class neighborhood in Marysville. Two houses sold on her street in less than a week. There don't seem to be a lot of houses on the market, so i'm guessing your house won't take long to sell.

I have some friends who were in the same situation as you are with your wife. They retired, but the way they wanted to live and spend the rest of their lives wasn't even close. They divorced less than a year after they retired. I think they're both happier then they've been in many years.

I'm hoping your sons surgery goes well. I'm sure he's pretty apprehensive about the whole thing. My thoughts are with him, and I hope it turns out well. Please keep us posted.

I can empathize. DW is great person but our interest are and always have been quite far apart.

I have always been active and involved with the outdoors and with critters of all sorts. I enjoy the interaction with the animals and watching how they interact with the people species. I find they really are great examples and guides on how to enjoy life and assess the people who pass by. No point in arguing with them. They seem to be spot on and are not fooled by pretended and less than sincere facades. They are able to assess and act accordingly.

Interesting to me is that DW really cannot connect with any other species. Never has and I now accept that she probably never will as her interest in even trying is pretty non-existent. She tolerates my involvement with them but I have learned better to ask or expect her to feed or take care of them if/when I am away for a day or if my health issues preclude me from giving them care.


DW is heavily involved in theater and seldom misses a performance of any kind and often is involved with the productions in acting or directing. That is her life and she loves to critique each show and character. When I use to attend some of them with her, I would ask her to please just enjoy the show and not dissect and find all the things they did wrong.

She is always right and is quick to tell me or anyone else how right she is (or how wrong we are - depending on how you want to look at it) It seems she cannot, 'not criticize', and always has to have the last word in any 'conversation'. I have learned to keep my lips zipped and I simply do not go out with her anymore. We have 'discussed' my dislike for negativity and she doesn't get what my issue is with it. It is just how she is and I no longer feel compelled to try and explain, argue or defend my thoughts and position. I let her live her life and I live mine. We have been married 48 years and yes, we have been to therapists and recfeived lots of counseling.

Once I gave up trying to fix or change her, life became acceptable for me. When she is home, she watches her programs and re-watches old movies. For our last anniversary she got head phones so she can enjoy them without my having to hear the constant noise of the TV. I think it's working out well for both of us. She loves noise (she doesn't call it that) and I love quiet. She has many friends and goes out with them often. I think that is great. I do not feel the need to hang with lots of people but enjoy some interaction.

Have come to realize and respect that we are all a bit crazy in our own ways. I work on trying to see the good things in my life and ignore the bad. Life is too short to be miserable and I have found I can be pretty okay with life when I refuse to let the behavior of others be the impetus of whether I am happy or not. Loving people is not really all that difficult when you let go of expectations or requirements. Solutions are found when we stop agonizing so much about the problems.

I really need to do what you did, or take the attitude that you have.

Right now I really feel like an ass. I went in twice this week to get a tattoo. It's nothing great, just real simple, meaningful, and black and white. But I also have a daughter and her family visiting for the long weekend. So I backed out both times, citing the time it would take. The tattoo would be an "in your face" statement to DW. Actually, my counsellor (yes, been seeing one) told me it would probably not be the thing to do. Another person from RfM cautioned me lightly. But it's all I could think of for my birthday, now three days ago. I don't know what to do, and that's why I feel stupid. If I could talk to DW about it or about anything, I might. But I can't. So there is no getting "permission" or talking it out once it's done.

Still, I like the tack that you have taken. It just might work.

Cludge here are hugs for you. (((())))
I hope things improve for you soon. Wish I could help. ((()))
Love,
Aquarius

sunbeep Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did you save enough money for when you no longer
> work for a living? I didn't, but have received a
> couple of inheritances that have saved my butt
> cheeks.

I "semi-retired" at 52. I had saved enough to take care of my needs and those of my kids (until they could take care of themselves) -- I thought.
Then the recession hit, and some of my "savings" (in stocks) lost value.
Then I had an unexpected new baby at 55 -- what I had wouldn't cover her expensive teen years and college.
So I went back to work full-time, to save some more :)

> What do you do all day to keep from going nuts? I
> sometimes go to a 24 hour big box store and just
> walk around looking at stuff I don't need or want.

I started by turning a hobby into a very part-time business, which I enjoyed greatly. I also volunteered to tutor mostly poor high-school kids in math & science. Both were at levels that I chose, rather than had to do, and were very enjoyable. I also golfed a lot (see elderolddog's answer!).

> Has your libido waned?

I think my unexpected new baby at 55 answers that question :)

> Do you struggle with weight gain?

A little. I can't eat whatever I want to like I could in my 40's, and it's harder to take some extra off once it's on. But I have a wife who helps me eat healthy, and even though I don't play as much golf as a few years ago (I always walked the course whenever allowed), I'm only about 10 pounds over what I was before.

> Have you became a more tolerant person? Or have
> you grown more cranky?

I think I had already gone over to the "extremely tolerant" side before retiring, but I also find myself getting more and more that way as time goes by. Do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone...that way I get to do whatever I want too :)

> Has your health changed?

Nope (fortunately). Just went for two exams this weekend (physical on Saturday, eye exam for new glasses Sunday). I need new glasses (one more diopter on the close-up part of my progressive bifocals!), but BP, heart rate, cholesterol, etc. are all just fine. I thank my mother's side ancestors, all of whom lived to 100+, for their hardy genes :)

I enjoyed being "retired," and kept busy. I'm enjoying working full-time again, and if things pan out, I'll get to cash in some stock options in a few more years, and retire again. I'll then go back to my hobby-as-business (photography), and tutoring to keep busy, as well as spending as much time with my now 17-month old daughter :)

That baby thing--it would be some story if your wife were also 55 and even more surprised than you. How is everyone coping? If it happened to me, I would commit ritual sepuku to be out of the picture and to provide the child with a means of support. I couldn't do it on my income as an itinerant phrenologist, but I'm covered well.

Myron Donnerbalken Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> That baby thing--it would be some story if your
> wife were also 55 and even more surprised than
> you. How is everyone coping? If it happened to me,
> I would commit ritual sepuku to be out of the
> picture and to provide the child with a means of
> support. I couldn't do it on my income as an
> itinerant phrenologist, but I'm covered well.

Well, she was 47...:) And she was AS surprised as me! We had at the time a 19 year-old son and a 15 year-old daughter, and were "done." Wife felt funny, and thought she might be starting menopause...nope, pregnant. OB-GYN said, "That might be the last egg!"

Everyone is coping nicely. Can't imagine life without my sweet little girl now. I tell everyone that she's either going to keep me young or kill me, the jury's still out on which.
Funny thing is, sometimes I'll take her to the grocery store or someplace, and somebody will comment on what an adorable granddaughter I have. Hehe.

No seppuku for the insurance money, though. I don't want to miss her growing up. She waits at the door for me to come home every day from work, and won't let go of me for at least 15 minutes after. You can't buy "affirmation" like that :)

ificouldhietokolob, your story becoming a Dad at 55 is mine, except I was 59 and my wife was 45. Who would've guessed. My wife cried when I asked what the Plus sign meant. The doctor's office laughed when I asked if it could be a false positive. Nine month's later and I have my third daughter. I was sicker than a dog, snot running down my nose and collecting in the mask, and of course I was crying like no tomorrow. Six years later, my little girl is growing up, seems to me a mini-me, and the feeling I get when I get home and she runs to open the car door is indescribable. Yeah, I'm slower but my health is pretty good. I'll be around a while. But retire? Not for a bit. The stories we could tell if we got together, Ificould...

Some other Social Security info for you old farts. If you take SS prior to your full retirement age, FRA, it is true that SS will take back $1 for every $2 you earn on the job. However, there is a special case if you retire in the YEAR you turn your FRA. Approximately $45K and change is exempted and then the take back is 1 for 3. Example: I turn FRA, 66, July 2017. I can take my almost full SS retirement (less about 3%), continue to work, and receive my SS without take back up to the $45K amount. Then the 1 for 3 hits. In my case, I lose 1 month of SS but get to take SS 6 months early at very little drop in SS amount. Beginning the month I turn FRA, I get the full SS check. Anything withheld is then doled back to me over time so there really is no loss of SS. This means you have a SS windfall that you do have to pay federal tax on, but it's still a substantial amount. I can get the SS.Gov references if anyone is interested.

For Ificould... you can also get benefits for your child and wife once you start actually collecting SS retirement benefits. Again, I can give you references.

I'm not retired yet, but am starting to think about it more. I'm 57. I agree with the advice to talk to a financial planner. I have TIAA and they provide some financial planning for free. This past summer, dh and I sat down with someone and it was very helpful. I had some stuff happen at work and some colleagues retire that got me thinking about it.

We've saved right along and dh (teacher) will get a modest pension, as it was a mid-career change for him. I went into the planning with looking at a worst case retirement age of 63, from a financial perspective, and walked out feeling fairly confident.

We'll be better off if we work a few more years past that, and I especially think the US economy, along with our portfolio, is going to tank over the next several years, so I'm figuring we may have to stick it out.

I'm trying to plan activities for retirement. We still have a kid in high school, and what with kids and working FT, don't have much in the way of hobbies. But I'd like to volunteer more with the regional food bank, join a few book clubs and meet-ups. It has been so long since I've had any time to myself that it will be a dramatic switch.

I don't know if I will be able to age with dignity or not. I am barely 80 years old.

Have had more health problems in the past 18 months. I'm up tonight because of neuropathy in my feet. It started with my twin pregnancy from water retention, toxemia, etc., (that ended 31 years ago 11/21/1985). I had shingles for a year and I still have the nerve ending pain called postherpetic neuralgia. It has taken a toll on my energy level. And I'm working on the health end of things.

I'll be working until whenever??? Another good reason I didn't get my divorce as he has a pension. ha ha ha ha No, I'm not going after it, but we share our house and he can pay more of the bills and he knows it.

But I do have a plan. As soon as I can, I will be going to work in Alaska for the summers for Princess (where my daughter works and is a supervisor now). My boyfriend plans on doing the same. Just a supplement to our retirement incomes. Many people do it. I LOVE Alaska. This is actually my dream. If you work for Princess, you get cruises for a very low price especially if you travel standby. My daughter has yet to have missed being able to go standby. Another benefit is if you have your trailer, you can park it on the grounds of the lodge and live free. They pay all utilities, etc. My sister and husband are "going to do the same thing." My sister's husband worked for them last summer and will be this next summer.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/22/2016 06:44AM by cl2.

I'm retired. I'm old. I'm OK. I have a life.
I worked mostly part time. So when DH passed away I collected on his SS....and had some savings.

My mortgage is affordable and soon to be paid off.
WHEW...that will be more fun/traveling money.

I have traveled to France....soon to Italy....also many states.

I'm in several groups.....high school reunion committee, grief group, exmo group (started 5 years ago)

I love my alone time. I also love my family & friends time.

I love my pets.


The best part of this part of my life is being free to believe or not believe. I gave up on religion.....first Mormonism then all religion.

Health? Some days I feel young....other days I feel ancient.

But I'm here. I my have adult kids, grandkids, nieces & nephews...sisters & brother....and my Dad.

Aging is best choice for me....although some days I struggle.

Hopeful & grateful

I refuse to grow old. I will go kicking and screaming into old age on the back of my motorcycle. HAVE AT IT!!!!

Davetheseer,

Kababayan, brother!

I am 68 and work out at a gym, target shoot, ride motorcycles,
and do anything else I want to do.

Its better to die than to fade away...

Nice!

I want to die happy, and I think you have to be happy NOW to have a chance to die happy later.

One key to being happy NOW is a pair of nice fuzzy scissors...

I'm 70. I just had my 1 year anniversary of my lung transplant. Every day is a gift of science and luck. I work out, play golf, and try to learn something new every day. I was frugal and lucky and made and saved enough to be ok. Forget you're old as much as you can. Go to the gym and work out, even when you don't want to. Do whatever you can until it gets easier. It helps to not look in the mirror more than you have to. Try to eat well. Take it, good or bad, like you're going to die tomorrow, cause we might. Go down fighting. Both my parents did and I will too. Maybe I don't have a dignified attitude, but I don't care.

Since this is a Mormon "Recovery" Board, I feel a certain responsibility to address the subject. God, I wish I knew then what I know now....I'd have raised more holy hell than I did.

I really enjoy this board. There is quite a mix of people. It's proof that individuality is hard to defeat no matter how controlling a culture we grow up in. There is hope. Love you all.

Wow. Lung transplant. I hope you are doing well.

I'm planning to have my eyes re-balled and my brain flushed with vinegar.

I hear that's quite the rush!

Is aging with dignity an oxymoron?

Yeah... It's right up there with "Pooping with decorum."

Hehehe

Sorry, I'm not buying into your assumption that it's undignified. Youth and inexperience are no match against experience and treachery....

Many thanks for such a personal peek into your lives...each different but much the same...i identify with several...cludgie keep up the good fight...your a hero...deja vue..i hear ya...its like roomates and you wonder if you can finish the semester..and i too have never found a soul who could bullshit my dog or my horse....as always old dog has the finest vision of life possible...laugh every day at something...its good for you...seems our matrix will keep us financially hogtied till death...hie...good on you man...that little girl has more luck than she knows...finest lemonade life has to offer...to those who suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune...keep your stick on the ice...were all in this thing together....and were pullin for ya...if you wanna know my sitch just read above...its all there somewhere...today its good to be alive...last week not so much...hang in there cludgie...this too shall pass

sunbeep Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did you save enough money for when you no longer
> work for a living? I didn't, but have received a
> couple of inheritances that have saved my butt
> cheeks.
We both retired at 60 (nearer to 61), but DH is older than I am so he reireired earlier than I did. DH and I have worked at jobs with good 401K plans plus we worked at a company for many years with a decent pension and even a retiree medical plan. We are very comfortable. It is a combination of good planning and luck - no major medical issues, no prolonged unemployment. We were consistent in our savings and kept it in the stock market. We also both had good paying jobs, not just one of us. It is an enormous advantage.

> What do you do all day to keep from going nuts? I
> sometimes go to a 24 hour big box store and just
> walk around looking at stuff I don't need or want.
We have a travel trailer and travel a lot, probably half time. I also have community activities and hobbies. DH likes puttering and doing woodworking things plus he reads a lot! Before I retired he volunteered at the local,food pantry two or three days a week.
>
> Has your libido waned? Mine did, but with an
> understanding doctor, testosterone injections, and
> a little bit of Cialis, Mr. Libido is nearly as
> good as he was years ago.
We have no problems, either of us.

> Do you struggle with weight gain? I'm not nearly
> as active as I once was, and over the last three
> years I've gained a little bit of wisdom around my
> middle. I'm slowly losing that wisdom, but it
> involved a change in diet & cooking. And, I still
> want waffles at cludgie's house.
We actually have both lost >10% of our weight since retiring and still losing. It is easier to eat healthier with no long work hours, and I don't stress eat.

> Have you became a more tolerant person? Or have
> you grown more cranky? I think I am more tolerant
> of another person's point of view even though I
> think that they might be off their rocker. For
> example, when the religious salespeople come to my
> door, I will talk to them instead of closing the
> door rudely.
I think I recognize a lot more variety of opinions than I used to. Lots of things that used to bother me don't any more. However I have less tolerance for racism, misogyny, and religious intolerance.

> Has your health changed? Luckily for me I am
> pretty healthy. I have the occasional ache or
> pain, but nothing to worry about.
I had a serious health scare a few months back that included a stay in an ICU. It made me enormously glad I retired early. Some things I can't help like the arthritis in my hands, knees, and back, but I can still get around pretty well.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2016 09:51PM by UTtransplant.