Back in my early adult life, I participated in a small study about relationships. One question was, "What are you looking for in a woman?" If I had still been in the church, I might have given the stock LDS answers about wanting a righteous woman, good mother, etc. But since I had left the church, I had to actually think about my answer.

I was still in a bit of a reactive mode, though, and mostly the things I DIDN'T want in a woman came to mind, and those things were personified in the typical LDS woman -- as I perceived her. And my perception of LDS women was formed by mother and sisters. They didn't seem happy. They weren't lighthearted. There was no spark. They seemed to be plodding along, doing their duty, and little else.

So I wanted a happy woman, one who greeted life with excitement. If possible, a funny woman, a sly, imaginative jokester. Someone who could make me laugh. Someone who could pull me out from under the baggage of a way-too-serious Mormon culture.

As a result of that little study, I had a clearer view of where I wanted my life to go. I found myself dating women I wasn't all that attracted to physically because they were fun to be with.

Even if I had still been a Mormon, would there have been anything unrighteous about wanting a happy, fun woman? Do LDS girls have that trained out of them, or did I just have bad luck? Was my sample an anomaly? Well, good thing I had bad luck with Mormon women, otherwise I might have ended up marrying one and being trapped in the church. Or, worse, had my brain so messed up that I wouldn't have realized I was trapped.

You indicate you dated women you weren't really attracted to physically but were attracted to emotionally....how does that work out for you?

What attracted me to my now hubby was his sense of humour and his fun personality. He was completely different to the types of guys I found physically attractive, but we had such a fun time when we were together and we could spend hours and hours talking about anything. In the end, that was what I felt more important - I didn't want to spend time with a good looking guy if he had the personality of a brick. And after 3 years of marriage (and counting!), he's become more and more physically attractive. I think the more you love someone, the more attractive they are to you.

I'm with littlekiwi. I think back on all the men I was physically attracted to before I met my husband and I realize that a relationship with any one of them would have never worked out. I met my husband online in a chat room affiliated to a non-dating Web site. Before long, we moved our chats to Yahoo! Messenger.

We got to know each other for over a 18 months before we met in person. By the time we were face to face, we were very comfortable with each other because we had "talked" every night online and we were both honest. We had seen pictures of each other, so we had an idea of what the other looked like.

At the time of our first in-person meeting, my husband was a Mormon. But within a few months of our first date, he shed his garments and started "sinning" with me by drinking beer. Now he brews his own beer and has developed a sophisticated wine palate. We enjoy the same kind of raucous humor, traveling to different places, playing with our beagles, and our personalities compliment each other.

I find my husband very attractive for so many reasons, including physical, but I find that the physical attraction matters so much less than the mental and emotional bond we share. That... and the fact that my very unusual laugh doesn't bother him. ;-)

My husband was not my "type" in any way, shape or form...he's a geeky, bigger guy, and much to my embarrassment, I turned down more then one guy like him in high school.

But his personality is exactly what I needed to balance my own. He is calm, dryly sarcastic, and very analytical. He is honest, though, and if you are important to him, he will go to the ends of the earth to help you. He is also shy...many people in my family can't understand what I see in him, because unless he trusts you, he will barely say two words together, much less let go and joke and be silly.

Letting go of the church has done so much for our relationship...especially because it means that he no longer has constant pressure to be someone he's not.

...I was both emotionally and physically attracted to (and who was attracted to me), but that's another story.

I think you were very wise to come to that realization.

One of the reasons I married my guy is because when he laughed, he laughed with his whole body, not just his mouth. I wanted to be around him and his wonderful laugh for the rest of my life.

Humor is so important in a relationship. Without the world is ugly.

You can find some who is physically attractive for you with a sense of humor.

Jake was my pick because he had it all...

stormy

that, although no fault of their own, were instilled from childhood with a sense of entitlement, superiority and seriously pious attitude to who and what they were.

My most precious memories are those where my hubby and I rolled around in fits of laughter at the most ridiculous things. Yeah, even loud laughter and irreverence :-)

My children often ask if I'd marry again but I remind them that chaps my age are often horribly bruised by their own baggage and there's little room for hilarity any more. I'd never contemplate having anything to do with a mormon man, even if he had diamond encrusted loose bits :-)

I think I'm turning into Patsy from Ab Fab, bless her little cotton socks. Life is good and getting better by the day.

Briggy

as I've found my peace and wish things to remain as they are, especially now that I've offloaded all the mormon stuff. My friends are very valuable to me and my family is everything.

Happy days!

Briggy

She went away to college and went inactive for a while. Then she finally got around to attending the student ward there. She went to RS and during a testimony meeting she had the epiphany that those women were definitely NOT happy. She never went back - end of story. She's now happily atheist and has a PhD.

That explains why I don't fit in!

Those poor women...ha ha ha Some priesthood holder can't match the goodness of GOD in me.

I am determined to be loud, have fun and be happy in my marriage!

Not sure what kind of women you ended up with but that is sad that you didn't get to be with some real normal women!