These are troubling times. I don't understand the ugliness that seems to be surrounding us now, even on the board. I am more grateful than ever for kind generous people. People who are generous in their giving of their time or resources to help others. I hope kindness and compassion will someday dominate our lives.

We admins are not on the board 24/7. Yesterday I spent the day organizing music for a swing band to play at a senior gig for Valetines and then left to play for a special night gig for Veterans in Chattanooga. I came home exhausted and went to sleep. Other admins have lives too. We do the best we can. I am discouraged.

---------------------

This is from a poster named 'Double Standard' (referencing a post now deleted):

"This is a political post clearly defaming the current President of the United States. Why the fuck is it not deleted?

You phony goddamned motherfucking bastards. And that means you, Erik K..., you pretentious cocksucking son of a bitch.

Take a wild fucking guess why you so-called liberal,socialist, butt fucking pieces of shit were voted out of office across the United States. It's because decent people can no longer stand your self serving situational "ethics."

Look out the window. You assholes have lost the culture wars. Retribution is on its way.

Think about it."

Do you need more admin trainees?

Gatorman
9-4
14-4

You would have to be interviewed and found worthy.

Send Eric e-mail if you're serious. We are very picky about our admins and mods, so the process is selective and can take a while.

"You would have to be interviewed and found worthy.

"Send Eric e-mail if you're serious. We are very picky about our admins and mods, so the process is selective and can take a while."

Did you forget to mention the $10,000 membership fee? :-)

Actually, that's a non-refundable application fee. :-)

(For any humor-impaired among us, that was a joke. Eric is completely open about the site's finances and is utterly responsible with both the money and financial requests.)

wow. that's unbelievably awful. I'm glad you have lives outside of watching over RfM. I want to hear you play in that swing band. I'm sorry you are discouraged, and it's completely understandable. You provide a service that saved my sanity. Please know how much I appreciate you and the others here. sending hugs and much love.

I saw it just before you deleted the thread.
And was disgusted.

Thanks for the great job you do, Eric. That tirade wasn't merited in any way.

Thank you to Admins for your time. I dont like the crude language either.

Whoever wrote that piece of garbage is a reflection of his own inner mental impoverishment, rather than the world he's attacking.

What a nutbag! Because this is a public forum you're going to get crazy loons walking in off the street, much like a government office has to deal with from the public on any given day.

At least here it's easier to block someone's IP address than it is from a government office where security or police need to be called to escort certain nut cases out to protect the public.

It's a form of hate speech. It may be protected in a government venue, but it isn't on a social network that is privately operated and managed. Neither is profanity protected, including in a government milieu.

Amyjo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Whoever wrote that piece of garbage is a
> reflection of his own inner mental impoverishment,
> rather than the world he's attacking.


Exactly. It says a whole lot about the person who wrote it. They put themselves out there for the entire world to see and it wasn't pretty.

Wow Eric, I am so sorry you have to put up with hateful messages like that.

Thanks for all you do! I have been coming to this board on and off for support for over a decade. It has been a godsend.

A true lack of civility that is totally unacceptable but the tirade in its uncouth ignorance hides the insidious evil that lurks in our society.

Let's look at this as "The exception proves the rule."

The rule is: this is a great space. It's a great space because (1) a variety of folks post diverse and mostly respectful insights into what lives in their hearts, and (2) the admins, including you, Erik, rock.

I totally see why this is discouraging and frustrating for you, but look at it this way: it's the exception--that's why it sticks out so much. Were this not such a well-run, interesting, creative, therapeutic, informative space, such occasional crap sandwiches would be nothing unusual.

Great work from you as usual. Carry on.

We appreciate all the work you do for this board Eric, and all the work of the other admins (even you Steve).

Keep it up -- this board is worth it.

People sometimes use the internet as an excuse to say whatever they want, and express thoughts in whatever manner they see fit. If they spoke the way they did on the internet to people face to face, or carried out the threats they make, or displayed the level of anger, obnoxiousness, or hostility that they do at the keyboard, they would be routinely confronted, beaten, and probably arrested and jailed.

It's a form of inconsistency tantamount to cowardice. I myself have been active on message boards for well over a decade now, and the experience of communicating about a wide range of topics was thrilling and liberating, and it was easy for me to blow up and get emotional like the example Eric cited (although not usually, if ever, that cavalier in being so offensive and explicit). It has only been through experience and sometimes being schooled and learning the hard way that I have tried to be the same person online as I am in real life- say and do the same things and act the same ways.

I know others take an opposite approach, and adopt online personas, or deceive people, intentionally or otherwise. I've found that only creates problems, but it's a free country, and people take these freedoms to the extreme over the internet.

Point is, it's easy for people to blow up and spout off. There isn't any consequences that seem to matter to the people that do the blowing up- maybe they get banned from posting, or blackballed on their online community. Because of the intangibility of the internet, it's hard for individuals to see that as threatening, or serious, or of any consequence.

Society will only move more and more towards virtual discourse and communication. People need to learn to adopt the same social mores they have about face to face communication to virtual communication. I think people don't take things like this seriously, despite myriad examples of internet bullying and even suicides as a consequence of words exchanged on facebook and such.

Sometimes I still fail at being as polite as I should, and fail at trying to see myself talking to people face to face instead of behind a computer. I know I've had posts deleted and required censure. I'll commit to trying harder to being polite and being part of the solution, since I think Eric is right, and there is a problem. Like I alluded to above, I suppose people don't take certain aspects of the internet- or even the whole internet- seriously, and that's a shame. Words matter, spoken aloud, printed on paper, or typed onto a message board. I think RfM is especially important and provides an incredibly valuable service, and if there is sometimes a heavy hand in the way it's moderated, I think it's because individuals know just how important this place is to some people.

Those are my thoughts.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 10:17AM by midwestanon.

>Words matter, spoken aloud, printed on paper, or typed onto a message board.

I totally agree. And I say it often. There are consequences to what we say/write. I hope people take that into account more often.


>... if there is sometimes a heavy hand in the way it's moderated...

I think many forget, or don't realize, that one of the foremost purposes of the board is to answer questions for, and help, questioning Mormons and people who have recently become ex-members. Eric has mentioned this often.

Once we're out, especially a longer time, our needs, ideas and approach likely change and we want/need something different from RfM. It alters the topics we choose to read and post as well as our interactions on the board. It is natural that we grow and change but RfM remains attached to its basic purposes and can't fulfil its mandate if it changes to suit the veteran exmos rather than newbies. Hopefully, there is something here for everyone who looks for information and community but still the questioners and newbies are the ones Admin has always expressed their desire to accomodate.

An example is years ago when oldtimer exmos wanted a social sub board. Admin tried it but there were problems and it was soon shut down. My point there is that seasoned exmos were past the initial period of questioning that begins a person's exit from the church and lasts until they've had their queries answered and start seeing the "same old/same old" on the board. It's not the same old, though, for the newbies that continually find their way here and that's the standard Admin has explained that they intend to maintain - room for newbies and answers and support for them.

Eric has finally been able to retire from work. Who could blame him for wanting to shut things down and pursue his personal interests? It's that time in his life where that would be reasonable and understandable. I value the board and hope it lasts for a long time still. But some days I'm sure Eric would be happy to pick up his instruments and glide off into the sunset, after switching the crazy thing off.

I think you've nailed it on the head. Monica Lewinsky, who was one of the first people to suffer from this phenomena of internet anonymity is correct:
"We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let's acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention.

'The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but showing empathy to others online benefits us all with a better and safer world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion and click with compassion"

You provide a valuable outlet for everyone that reads or posts here. Whenever someone goes off like that, I was told to remember two things: 1- That person is the one who has a problem, and 2-Consider the source. Everyone appreciates all that you put into keeping this board smooth and running.

I shouldn't get discouraged. Just have people report, and when you can get to it, delete it. And block it if you can. Basta. Crazies of any ilk can find their way here and type bullshit. We knows 'em when we sees 'em. Some, oddly, appear to be active Mormons who get their knickers in a bind about what we say here, then react and try to cover themselves by acting as if they're some sort of angry Marine instead of some active high priest. It's hit-and-run cowardice, in any case.

Thank you EricK for this site.

Please know that when I see something as ugly as that post left up for a while I get that you are having a life and I am glad. I do enjoy seeing the lovely people here pile on the post with some fun take downs. The board has to work for you too. Make sure it always does.

... I am convinced that the post Eric K is referring to and that has now been deleted, was purposely constructed in as vile and obscene manner as possible in order to get the thread nuked in its entirety. I hope we don't let these types get away with this kind of crude and lewd tactic. Unfortunately, this is how these kinds of trolls and others using similar gutter talk often operate, launching their ugly assaults late at night.

Until the thread was swarmed by foul-mouthed attackers (including one who is now posting in this thread), the OP was being well received.



Edited 8 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 06:40PM by steve benson.

Somebody has to go into the sewers and make sure they're flowing correctly. Others have to perform autopsies. Some people have to investigate rape, child & elder abuse, patrol the streets, search the internet for kiddie porn and pedophiles, fight jihadists.

Be thankful for moderators, investigators, and regulators who have to watch for and act upon people who break the rules and harm the rest of us.

Thanks, Erik.

Yes! Mike Rowe would be proud of the mods here.

WOW...can that poor soul string expletives together...i thought i had talent...nope just a rank amateur...good thing they are just sounds that we give meaning...let it go ...like water off a duck..i know it hurts like hell...id be hurt too...this joker might be shooting up the next mall with issues like those expressed...cant say ive ever seen such a spoiled brat special snowflake tantrum from the sorriest losers in history...if i stomp my feet..scream swears...and shake my fist at the sky...my mom might come home from work early and make me a sammwich...is this really where the greatest nation on earth is headed??...some days it seems so...and its sobering...all the best eric...thanks for all you do...with this guy...its just a village missing an idiot...but there seem to be so many...more mods cant fix this joker...delete him sooner perhaps...but someone has to get some sleep sooner or later...sorry you got caught in the spewed venom...he likely feels much better getting that off his chest

lashed out at Eric for daring to be heroic.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 12:56PM by steve benson.

What makes it worse, in my mind, is this behavior is often exhibited by people who claim to be followers of Christ. I can't remember the last time I have heard a lesson or talk that wasn't divisive or polarizing, and instead about what Christ taught. Love your fellow men, do good to those that spitefully use you, bless those that curse you.

If I can help in any way let me know.

Also, use the report button, folks. If you find a post to be political or otherwise violating board guidelines, report it. No need to use the nuclear option.

Along with that, I'm going to guess that most long time board members have been deleted at least once. I've been deleted, Steve B. had been deleted, and so on. It's not a huge deal. Hit the report button and let the mods make the call.

Rebuttal: Erik K and helpers you are amazing. You do a hard job just to help others recover from a very difficult walk through Mormonism and prevent others from making the same mistake. You are wonderful, helpful, unselfish and truly great people. If it weren't for this board, I'd still be a slave of that church but because of your hard work and sacrifice, pure unselfishness at it's finest, I had the answers I needed and the support - most of all the support - to get myself free. For every unpleasant name some misguided individual calls you, I can think of 5 praises. I wouldn't even have to strain my brain. You are the best of the best and are doing an outstanding job. We are deeply grateful.

I miss all the good stuff.

That post sounded threatening.

Be safe, Eric, and thank for providing this site. It has rescued so many of us.

Thank you, all of you mods.

I've seen this quite a bit all over the comments section in all social media venues, from Yahoo to the R place to Buzzfeed and much more. It is unnerving, because we don't know who is going to be the next Eliot Rodger or Dylan Roof. Most appear to be are deeply mentally disturbed individuals spewing their internal filth, imposing their sickening views all over the internet in an attempt to pull a Freud, and expect the rest of us to subscribe to their horrifying version of reality. We see it here on RfM, too, with a couple of posters, and the worst came out with whoever that drive-by poster was.

The report button, that's what it's for...Engaging with them only feeds their monstrous Ids.

and for the cause and for the plight of people struggling to break out of the Mormon cult.

Their dedication to promoting individuality and choice is unswerving, their support for the ex-Mo community is unending, and the hell they go through from the flying monkeys of Mormonism is unbelievable and truly disturbing.

They have my deeoest gratitude and appreciation. If I believed in God, they'd be doing God's work. :-)



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 06:42PM by steve benson.

steve benson Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> and for the cause and for the plight of people
> struggling to break out of the Mormon cult.
>
> Their dedication to promoting individuality and
> choice is unswerving, their support for the ex-Mo
> comminity is unending, and the hell they go
> through from the flying monkeys of Mormonism is
> unbelievable and truly disturbing.
>
> They have my deeoest gratitude and appreciation.
> If I believed in God, they'd be doing God's work.
> :-)


Well I believe in God, and couldn't agree more with that sentiment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 01:54PM by Amyjo.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 02:34PM by Nightingale.

steve benson Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> and for the cause and for the plight of people
> struggling to break out of the Mormon cult.
>
> Their dedication to promoting individuality and
> choice is unswerving, their support for the ex-Mo
> community is unending, and the hell they go
> through from the flying monkeys of Mormonism is
> unbelievable and truly disturbing.



> They have my deepest gratitude and appreciation.
> If I believed in God, they'd be doing God's work.
> :-)

Funny, Steve. :)

That's way more that just the appearance of evil. That IS evil. Disturbing indeed.

It appears that the foul-thinking poster referred last night to
Trump as the "current president." Other than that factual error,
I think his post was typical of what you people, through your
viewing, approval, and responses, have made of the Internet.

He probably thinks deletion is a violation of civility, however
legal it might be. These things escalate in the absence of human
contact. And thanks to the endless threats made to influence the
recent election, human contact increasingly means violence too.

of electricity that zapped him while he was watching selected news on a TV in his bathtub and fried his brain.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 01/20/2017 06:37PM by steve benson.

Double Standard's claim to represent "decent" people is somewhat contradicted by the content and manner of his post. The ad hominem is nasty too. But the world is a very nasty place at the moment.

Thanks Eric and all the Admins for all you do. RfM is a breath of fresh air for many.

Tom in Paris

I'm grateful for your endeavor, and all the time and energy you put in.

Don't-let-the-bastards-grind-you-down-ly yrs,

S

Wow! As other posters have said, you and all the mods do such a remarkable job in providing this most remarkably helpful site.

Unfortunately, miserable idiots do occasionally find their way to this board but in no way do those venomous comments overshadow the sincere, and well-deserved accolades you have received in this thread. I join them in thanking you for the service you provide.

Eric K Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You phony goddamned motherfucking bastards. And
> that means you, Erik K..., you pretentious
> cocksucking son of a bitch.

yah, you probably did not deserve that.

I think Admin does a great job of cleaning up the messes as they appear. Thank you Eric and the rest of you admins.

All of the rest of us could help by simply not taking the bait when the mess first appears and refusing to respond to it. When we do, it simply is a big payoff for the one who pooped and then we become part of the problem. Just report them to Admin but try not to engage with the perpetrator by replying to their postings.

It seems some people love punching buttons and creating chaos. They get a big charge out of it. Hit and run is their life. Keep ignoring them and when they don't get the charge they are looking for, they give up and move on to somewhere where this is a payoff for them. That is why when they get caught deleted by admin. there is no more payoff for them and they don't get to watch the pot boil and the mess they created get bigger.

Keep up the good work Eric and staff. Thank you for the wonderful service you provide and continue to provide to thousands. You are all awesome!

You can't shout 'no' to problem and have it go away. Saying no to it only gives more energy to it. Best to not give it any attention at all. You can say yes to something and no to something. Giving attention to it, either favorable or not favorable, helps it to grow.

Double Standard wrote:

"It's because decent people can no longer stand your self serving situational "ethics." "

The rest of his cussing-rant aside, this is all he said that's respond-able to.

His cussing could be excused except that it was just flare on his ad-hominem fallacade.

So I'm left without any argument at all why he represents "decent people" and I represent, well, various potty words.

Then, ironically, he says "think about it".

I'm sorry to hear you're discouraged.

The rant seems like the profane musings of a jack Mormon who had a bit too much too drink. The subject cartoon was designed to invoke a response, and this one certainly did. It's sad you got included in the the venom of the poster's response.

Your willingness to offer us this platform is a tremendous gift, and I appreciate it. Please don't be discouraged. We live in stressful times, and you host a platform that will necessarily be a place to vent. It just shouldn't be vented toward you.

There's a word for that kind of behavior… "Intelligent"? "Thoughtful"? "Insightful"? No, that's not right. Ah… I have it now.

Deplorable.

Thanks to the admins for the hard work they do. As others have said, just use the report button when you think something is political, or a troll has shown up.

It is disturbing, to say the least. Thank you, Eric, for all you do.

I've been coming here nearly daily since the late 90's. It's been such a godsend to me! A heartfelt thank-you, Eric!

Thank you Eric. I love this place and can't imagine losing it and the dear friends I've met here. As for "Double Standard"...a pox on him.

RB

Thank you, "de ja vue", for posting your sentiments ("think Admin does a great job of cleaning up the messes as they appear. Thank you Eric and the rest of you admins", and,

"Keep up the good work Eric and staff. Thank you for the wonderful service you provide and continue to provide to thousands. You are all awesome!"

Ditto from me. Many times I wish I could better say what I mean to say, and what a wonderful outlet for me--and so many others--to have under such capable and good hands.

Yes, I too feel RfM provides us a place to be able to say what can't be said in other sites, and do so in a civilized manner, without a crude undertone.

In my instance--coming from a deep-set "Mormon" background to being nearly destroyed by Packer under the guise of his "Strengthening Church Members Committee"--he did his best to get me excommunicated (so as to make my friends at church think I must have done something very foul). Indeed, he kept up in this manner for more than a year.

So, RfM gave me a safe place to speak, and (when possible) help others having troubles, and safely be able to speak out for advise and help.

Many times Susan I/S would have to slap me down..or delete my political leaning posts.

Yes people are more liberal-leaning here...understandable.

I have tried present a nonmormon view of political leaning that isn't left leaning because...

(BLACK) Mormon===Tea-party loving, right wing fanatics..

so become ex mormon and you become.. OR

(WHITE) exmormon===left wing leaning to go against the political side of the life long indoctrination...

There are many shades of gray, which is what I try to present..

All understandable IMO..



I do understand that person's sentiment...but definitely not how he/she said it. I think that person who Eric quoted was excusfying how this site is run to hammer Eric....not cool..


My 2 cents....

And just to add...If you need a break Eric...MEANING shutterring this site so you can get some rest and perspective, you deserve that.

I know there are many other Admins and hopefully they can keep the site running, but if not, we understand.

You should not burn yourself out over this..

Take care....

Don't take it personally. That person is wallowing in anger and negativity.

I agree with the person in this thread who said the entire thread shouldn't be deleted--as was likely the intent of the poster of that vile diatribe.

I agree. These are very ugly times we're living in now. Very ugly.

Eric, thanks for giving us your precious time to help us all with recovery.
If you shut down to take a vacation or shut down entirely, we would understand and be grateful for the time we have had. (()))

I'm confused. He is referring to himself as one of the "decent people?" Pretty Orwellian if you ask me.