The other day I was cooking for a big group--the five of us plus five or six guests--and I asked the girls to set the table. The eldest, whose own table is being inexorably set (she's seven months pregnant), finished the project by setting out and lighting three candles. I had neither requested nor expected candles but her serendipitous act brought a smile to my face: the girls are always doing something like that, something extra--an embellishment, a design twist, a bit of whimsy. (They get that from their mom.) Our home is never barren; there is always music, laughter, silly decorations, puppies, scents of pots bubbling on the stove.

It occurs to me that Mormon culture is largely the opposite. There is conscious suppression of warmth, instead an adoption of self-flagellation, of forced denial--Mormonism is chaste in all things. Instead of celebrating this wonderful, surprising, joy- and sorrow-filled life, this 100% real life, this only-life-there-is, Mormonism hides from life within its frigid myth of a theoretical life to come. Mormonism fears life as the anorexic fears food. The mindset of denial is so complete that Mormons won't even speak of the Celestial Kingdom in specifics--for example, what's the weather like there? Does a warm rain glisten on the sidewalk? Does a cool fog cleanse the air and turn a pretty girl's hair curly? Mormons flee such sensual dreams.

There are blazing candles on my dinner table. But there are none in the chapel. And there are none in the Celestial Kingdom.

In my old ward, the organ was much louder than the people singing. I noticed the biggest difference when I was in France and one of the old churches was raising the roof with Greensleeves.

With Mormonism, you go to church because you have to, not because you want to.

This post is amazing. I really identify with the warmth of my own family compared to the church, where it felt cold and sad. I never understood Mormon friends who said the church or the temple was their favourite places in the whole world. They looked cold and sad to me.

I would also like to add if Mormonism is spiritual Anorexia, then I believe Catholicism is close to spiritual Bulimia.
Smells and bells and fabulous hats, but Holy Mary mother of Jesus! get yourself in that confession booth every Sunday!

The Catholic church does deliver a good sensory experience, but most Catholics are relatively relaxed about their faith. When I was a child, my mom and I would go to confession every once in a while on Saturdays -- maybe once every month or two? We certainly did not go every week. IIRC, Catholics are only obligated to go to confession once a year.

Profound and beautifully expressed...

Without exception, every single convert to mormon that I've watched adopt TBM'ness (including my wife) have lost their most attractive qualities.

I have never been a Catholic and take issue w/some of Catholicism's doctrine, but I do like the candles burning in their churches.

I was just joking about Catholics really. Those guys are alright and their churches are just beautiful.

Excellent post. Mormonism is a mind-numbing drug that keeps its adherents in a perpetual mental fog.

I identify heavily with your post because of my own life experience. Your post also reminded me of my favorite all time movie--Babette's Feast. It speaks exactly to what you have described in your post. It starts slowly and builds to a breathtaking finish that will immediately have any Exmo's jaw drop and leave you feeling like you just saw your life in before and after mode.

Your first paragraph is the perfect description of the Christian Eucharist. (This is not meant in any way to be preachy.) Catholics, Orthodox, Anglicans, and Lutherans all do this basically the same way--people are gathered into one, candles are lit on the Lord's table, songs are sung, prayers are said, and the simple gifts from the harvest (bread and wine) are shared in similitude of the great feast of the heavenly banquet.

What you described, my friend, is indeed heaven on Earth. Would that all families be as warm, inviting, and joyous as that which you described.

Would that all churches be as loving, warm, accepting, and surprising with their love!

Getbusyliving, your posts touch me to my heart! Love, happiness, health, and all good things come to you and your family! The Happy Boner.

I remember the first time I witnessed an LDS "eucharist": little noisy kids, people chewing Wonder Bread and tossing the little paper cups of water down down their gullet--it was the least spiritual thing I had ever witnessed; they were all doing it by rote, because they really didn't care, or they were programmed to do it.

Conversely, the Catholics and Episcopalians down the road, even if they were doing it by rote, had a hushed reverence, candles, music, sun streaming through stained glass windows, and seemed like it had *meaning*.

If you think about it, Mormonism denies its followers coffee, tea, and wine -- some of the greatest sensual pleasures of life.

It sounds like you've built a very nice life for yourself, Getbusylivin. I always enjoy reading your posts about your family life.

Beautifully written, very simple concept and yet it strikes to the very core of what makes us human. You so eloquently expressed in a few lines of your recount of a simple everyday experience what it is to be a warm loving joyful human being.

Just for fun I thought of how this experience might unfold for a TBM.........
...."The other day I was cooking for a big group--the five of us plus five or six guests--and I asked the girls to set the table. The eldest, whose own table is being inexorably set (she's seven months pregnant with her fifth child), finished the project by setting out and lighting three candles. I asked her what she was doing and she replied that she thought it would be a nice touch to have candles on the table. I gave her a stern look and replied that she ought to know better than to light candles in the house...we neither have them in the meeting house or the temple and neither should we have them here. She realized the error of her way and apologized for straying from the standards that she had been taught. I gave her a hug and said that I forgive her in spite of what she had just done and gently told her to put the candles back in the 72 hour emergency kit where they belong.
Brothers and sisters how wonderful it is to be members of the church where we are taught how we should live. I am thankful for all the standards that keep us on the strait and narrow and for this wonderful teaching moment the Lord has blessed me with. It is so comforting to know know that I have a house of order that hopefully one day I may be found worthy to enter the Celestial Kingdom."

I love it when Getbusylivin waxes poetic. Seriously, you have a gift for words, and for expressing pure feeling.

I know exactly what you are describing.

After reading this, I'm going to make some New Year's resolutions, to bring back our candlelight dinners and lively conversations. We're all too busy, now, it seems.

Laughter is good for the digestion! My TBM father and mother would not allow laughter at the dinner table. If we laughed too much, we got sent to bed without any dinner. My brother would purposely make me laugh--he was hilarious--and I lost weight and had stomach aches, because of skipping so many dinners. This makes absolutely no sense to me, to be anti-joy!

Mormons think Heaven will be like that--reverent and pious--with total control over earthly emotions. Have you seen the Mormons' movies from the Fifties and Sixties? The wing-less, halo-less, blonde "angels" are wandering around aimlessly in blank whiteness--and some of them have clipboards and pencils (for keeping records? for snitching on others?)

Thank you all so much for your very kind and generous comments.

Every time I visit this board I receive so much strength and peace from reading everyone's stories, observations, and advice. I'm glad I've been able to pay back a bit of this great debt that I've accrued.

What I like about your post is that the theme of it is pursuing joy -- and that joy can be found in the little things such as lighting candles to make dinner a little more festive. Joy can be found in, "music, laughter, silly decorations, puppies, [and] scents of pots bubbling on the stove." It is found in home, love, and family, and not in endless meetings, interviews, indoctrination, requirements, hoop-jumping, and guilting.

If a religion does not promote joy, then what good is it?

I would say Mormonism is also spiritual bulimia as well, more so than Catholicism. They binge eat on their version of spirituality then spew it right back up to anyone who will listen, in order to maintain appearances. Also, they try to purge by running as fast as they can, the way some anorexic/bulimics exercise obsessively, again to maintain appearances.

The real problem is that Mormons don't feel they have any right to their own lives. No right to indulge, enjoy, partake. Only the right to appear perfect and jump through whatever hoops that may take - to make whatever sacrifices are asked of them. To a large extent, just being at peace and feeling contentment is unknown to them. There is always something to do and somewhere to improve and they don't feel they can just enjoy living.