I was thinking it would be kind of hilarious to 'rewrite' the gospels, only to have the main character be a 'Mormon' Jesus, ie., how the Mormons actually think Jesus is versus what we actually read in scripture.

It would involve Jesus going into the temple and rebuking the money changers, not for being money changers, but for not having a clean shaven face and a missionary haircut, and wearing sandals, or 'blessed are the meek'...who pay tithing on the gross and not the net, yea blessed are the peacemakers who 'persecute people for not being delightsome and pure'

you know, stuff like that.

What are the attributes of the 'ideal' MORMON Jesus.

You could have a rather interesting PPI where Mormon Jesus is interviewing Judas to determine his worthiness to be a member of the Q-12.

Fun idea.

Here are a few thoughts that occur to me (not necessarily following your exact examples):

Appearance:

White and delightsome.
Long reddish curly hair.
Full beard.
Long white robe with scarlet cloak.
Clean toenails in open sandals (where's his bathtub?).
Brother of Satan (so where’s the horns?)

Personality:

Magnetic personality - everywhere he goes crowds of people follow.
Loves his male disciples, a lot.
Hugs lots of kids, a lot.

Behaviour/Skills:

Likes to make speeches, displaying more talent and appeal than any Mormon apostle ever.

Conducts his lessons and gives his speeches outdoors rather than at a GC podium.

Actions/Beliefs/Sayings:

Turns wine into water at the wedding.

Be a good Samaritan, if those you're helping belong to our church.

Advertise your charitable acts.

Pray where you can be seen and heard.

Don't turn the other cheek - if someone hurts you that's grounds to do likewise.

To Mormon apologists - if someone "insults" you, that's grounds to return insult for insult.

Heaven awaits the rich man, so spend your mortal life amassing wealth.

The least among us will be last, the highest first (at GC, let the peasants line up in the rain and wait in vain for entry while the "highest" scoop the tickets and sit in the best places).

Hate your "enemies" and be gleeful at their misfortunes.

You have heard it said that "I will destroy this temple and no one will be able to rebuild it." Instead, I say to you, build many temples in all the land, paving their roadways with the people's gold teeth.

You have heard it said that "You cannot serve God and money". Instead, I say to you "God IS money".

You heard: "Ask and it will be given. Seek and you will find. Knock and it will be opened for you." Rather, I say to you, Ask. Seek. Knock. And keep on and on and on and on with it, for as long as it takes. The answer will come only when you are worthy of it.

When you have put in all your time and effort to keep pace on the Mormon hamster wheel, try harder.

When you're exhausted, depressed, hopeless, undone, it's your fault.

You have heard "Come unto me all ye that labour and have heavy burdens". I say to you, "Bring me your burden and I will increase it".

I am the Light of the World. And you get to pay GE. And pay. And pay. And pay.

Pray, obey and pay, in fact.



Edited 6 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2011 03:35PM by Nightingale.

Have you seen the Mormon Jesus animations on YouTube?

Hilarious.

Old Spice Man. "Got Leprosy?" Waives his hand. "Not any more" "Dead?" waives his hand. "Not any more" "Hungry?" Food starts dropping from the sky.