I know I'm not the first person to say this and won't be the last, but need to get it off my chest nonetheless...

Since leaving I have to say that life has become more wonderful than I ever knew it could be. Apart from the small issue of my TBM family members.

I really hate how, since telling my family I no longer believe, most things that come out of my mouth are no longer valid. I can't have any kind of discussion about "the Church" without them getting incredibly defensive and treating me as a bitter liar. Even though I was the most TBM of the TBMs, overnight I've become... I don't even know... someone who can't be trusted.

I try to avoid having these conversations at all, but if asked outright, I will cite some of the issues I have with the church, trying to be objective and as kind as possible. Of course I either get shot down or they feel the need to share their testimony. I bear mine right back, but come away feeling incredibly frustrated. It's hard to accept that you'll be forever misunderstood by your family.

My sister told me this weekend that I'd gone searching for excuses to leave the church, and that she knows I'll be back. I told her I'd gone searching for answers to help me stay, and that I'd most definitely be resigning when my husband was ready. I know she didn't believe either.

It sucks that the girl who I've shared everything with my whole life can change her opinion of me overnight.

There are no winners in families who have been affected by Mormonism. You stay and you lose your soul, you leave and you (emotionally) lose your family.

This is itself makes it a cult in my opinion.

I feel your frustration. Most of the time I can walk away and weather it all with empathy and mostly humor, but sometimes, it just really gets under my skin and I want to scream.

Best of luck with your family. I hope you can continue to develop authentic relationships outside of the morg.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2011 05:34PM by Queen of Denial.

My mom started talking to me about how excommunication can be a blessing because it gives you a chance to be right with God. All I'd done is ask some questions about church history and disagreed with TBM mom about gay marriage. I was always her Molly Mo child - the one that graduated from BYU, served a mission, never made a mistake, never touched alcohol or broke the WoW even as a teen. Nothing. But just because I dared question, she was sure it was because I had done something so bad I deserved excommunication. When I had never once in my life done anything that would give her reason to suspect I needed to be excommunicated. It was all just because SHE is in a cult, she couldn't give me the benefit of the doubt that I completely deserved. I still can't entirely forgive her for that.

My sister started sobbing about how "You've always been the strong one. I've always relied on your testimony." My sister was the wild child who drank and smoked and slept with her boyfriend in college and I think my studying my way out of the church hit her hard. But she could only trust my testimony the church was TRUE not my testimony that it was a hoax. Go figure. She recently told me she doesn't care what church I go to as long as it isn't one of those "anti-Mormon" ones. I wonder what she'd think of me posting here.

I'm so sorry you are having problems with your family. Mormonism is not pro-family. It's only pro-Mormonism. In order to achieve that goal, the family can be sacrificed as collateral damage if necessary. I wish it weren't that way but it is. It's a damaging, self-serving cult and a lot of people are caught up it it's power.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/16/2011 06:15PM by CA girl.

CA Girl. Just want to thank you for your posts. You sound like a really good person. May sound corny but just sayin ...

I was always the good Mormon girl growing up too. I struggle with the family issues as well. I hate how, when I resigned, they ignored the fact that I was an intelligent, thoughtful person. I only became "troubled" and "full of lies" afterward. I have a hard time trying to decide if I should just let them all go to keep my sanity or hang around them on a limited basis. It's painful to walk into a relative's house and see that all your pictures are taken down.

Talk about galling. Like we're suddenly someone different overnight, when we feel like the same person, only maybe even better.

For someone to react like that, it has to be fear on their part. Like our apostacy will rub off on them or something. Like we can make them leave to, against their will.

The LDS Church is always feeding the fear.

"It's painful to walk into a relative's house and see that all your pictures are taken down."

Having gone through this for years now with my family, I can tell you it does not get easier. It is painful on some level 24/7. It is insideously abusive. You will no longer exist to them. You are dead. I'm not joking. It sounds horrid, but all those people you once loved and went to family outings, dinners with? They are no longer your family regardless of how much you want them to be. If they choose to remain in the church, you do not exist. There is nothing to tell a person who is experiencing this. It is horrible.

The worst part is, is that over time, you fall out of love with them and you stop seeing them as you once did. I hate that. I know I don't love them like I used to, but how can you when you get treated like crap for years on end?

The church is disgusting, cruel and hateful.

I am so thankful for a Christian friend (after I confided in her how I felt) who said "just remember who you are giving up your friends and family for". She was right and I knew it. It was very difficult nevertheless. I've struggled with the need for acceptance and have since realized how deep this need runs within me. There seems to be an irony in this since Mormons know themselves as "a persecuted people". My need for acceptance doesn't mean worldly acceptance, that is easy to give up, the most difficult has been giving up familial (including the sociological extended family) acceptance. When times were hard or when I felt myself slip into depression I would choose to love the LORD my God with all my heart and with all my soul and with all my strength. (Deut. 6:5) Quite literally actually, I would bow down in prayer and cry to God and just profess my love for Him. There is a song called "Heart of Worship" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyzHHMriRqw that I love and makes me feel better.
Wishing you peace and love ~ Jewel

When one of us says that the church isn't true, it is a tacit assault on who they believe they are. While we may think it should be a "live and let live," they are thinking, "s/he thinks my religious beliefs are wrong."

They can either entertain the idea that their life has been a lie and look into it as you have, or they can villanize you. Guess which most pick...

Rarely can I have "regular" conversations with any of my family. I don't go "on the attack," but they always seem to want to bring up their mormon position of life.

Thanks guys. It's nice to have a safe place to come and be completely understood.

I try to be as generous as I can with my family and it hurts that they don't give me so much as an ounce of generosity in return. I don't want to cut them out, but as Lori said, I can feel myself loving them a little less. I think on some level I need to withdraw emotionally otherwise I'm going to be incredibly hurt over and over.

It's a shame that when the true colors come out it's all about the cult.