So for the last 2 years, my life has had a string of bad luck, due to very bad health, unemployment, & no luck finding new jobs because of bad health & unemployment. It's been a very hard time, but I see a silver lining, even though it wasn't the one I was hoping for, so things are starting to, slowly, get better.

But aside from this, things are still hard & have been hard. To cope with my situation, I've resorted to humor & sarcasm. I'll share posts on my social media kind of poking fun or comically referring to what I've been going through. And sometimes even on a serious note, I'll share my experiences about my health, specifically depression, because I think the stigma needs to be broken.

However, my LDS & Christian friends have jumped at this opportunity to preach to me the power of prayer, loving others (as if I don't...?), "just being happy" despite everything that's happening in my life. But ironically, they miss the whole part about me laughing my way through all of this. It's really getting on my nerve & it really upsets me how they think they have this superiority in situations like this. That somehow, they know better, or have all the answers.

News flash! No one does. If prayer helps them through things, great. A sense of humor & sometimes even discussing things on a deeper level with others, even if it's not the pretty truth, is how I heal.

It doesn't help that many Mormons see things like depression & anxiety as vices from the devil. There was an article that many of my Mormon friends & family members shared about how depression is "Satan's arsenal".

It's getting to a point where I'm just wanting to get rid of all my social media, because they are getting kind of flippant & overly self-righteous. They're saying things like, "why should you complain? You're so talented & beautiful!" or "If you just pray, I know God will send you blessings!" Ahhhh... & the thing is, every single one of these people is aware of my situation. I don't want these people to know so much about my life (even though I really don't over-share to begin with) if this is how they are going to respond to it. I think instead of seeing it as a legit problem, they are viewing it as the "consequence" of my leaving the church. It's just disgusting how they will use your personal problems & heartache as a self-fulfilling prophecy.

It's really bumming me out, because I don't have anyone else in my life, so social media has been a place for me to connect & cope with what I'm going through. It helps me not feel so isolated, because my situation is naturally a lonely thing to go through.

Anyway, this was pretty much just a rant. One day, after working for some years, paying off my debts from unemployment, & finally having the financial freedom of moving out of Utah (hopefully to somewhere like California, maybe even Europe, doesn't hurt to dream big), I'll be able to expand my social circle & meet new people who have absolutely nothing to do with the church & aren't self-righteous believers of any kind. Until then, I thank my lucky stars there is coffee & Rfm!

PS who votes yay or nay to deleting all of my social media platforms? I'm thinking... yay? Yup. I think it's happening tonight. As one of my greatest icons, Marilyn Monroe, once said,

“It's far better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone..." or with a bunch of fake Facebook friends.

Has anyone else had experiences like this with Mormons?

xx Kolob Kate

I could barely read your post that was so painful I have heard similar things as I have been recovering from multiple surgeries over the years I have let them get in my head and destroy me my whole life but in reality I broke off from the cult slash business whatever you want to call it and I still can be saved with time they are in too deep in my opinion the ones that ridiculed me without a true challenge outside their bubble. I recommend saying goodbye to Facebook at the very least.

I think the problem is that a lot of people still don't really understand major, chronic depression. They think you are talking about situational depression where you can shake it off after a short period of time. The type of advice they are giving might help in some instances for short term depression. It won't help for chronic depression.

I think instead of deleting social media, it is best to realize its limitations. It really isn't great for discussing very intimate issues that are best saved for one-on-one conversations. What you might consider is looking for a support group locally for people with depression or major health issues. Or try to cultivate some exmo or nevermo friends locally. And if any of your friends are giving genuine support on social media, then PM them or email them instead so that you can discuss your situation more privately with them.

I like to read about other peoples problems, So yes I agree facebook causes a lot of problems. Here is a story that is similar to kolobKate. What's your take on what happened in the account below?

Just a few days ago my extended tbm family posted the main backdrop photo of everyone but me on the fakebook page. Naturally I got a little irritated and said the photo looked bad and that there should be a different photo. Well the next thing I know they posted another photo and left me out once again. The relatives wouldn't support me, they wouldn't notice that I was left out. This is my own family, and it really made me sad that they could be so insensitive and uncaring. And mind you this is tbms all temple worthy, families can be together forever crap kinda mormons. I guess I should just shrug it off. They all just love me so much or something?

I know I should just forgive and love everyone, but I am really offended. I don't see how they can be such a happy family when they are so insensitive.

This sounds like something my family would do.

I don't do FB. I signed on a couple years ago thinking it would be fun. That lasted for about two days. It felt very invasive to me. Also, I realized I didn't want to share anything about my life with my family of origin, and I couldn't care less what they are doing in their lives.

My husband is on FB, and he loves it. To each their own. I've banned him from showing me pics and keeping me posted on what my ex family is doing. They're all extreme TBM, so I pretty much know what they're doing and i'm not interested in hearing about it.

Hang in there, fellow kolobian. :)

Something in your post especially resonated with me: your desire to shine some light on the facts of depression, and the contrary social pressure to pretend to be happy even if you're not.

I like your approach. It's honest, it's sincere, and it's needed. Hiding behind a fake facade of happiness drives me nuts about the mormons (and other religious people). They're not getting the help they need if they're hiding it in order to appear fakely "happy."

You go, girl.

Just unfriend or block the aholes and stay connected to true friends. I rarly use facebook anymore. Im private and dont care to read the crap others post.
Sorry your going thru this. My TBM husband told me my depression was caused by sin. So hes an ex, resigned from church, have a great nevermo boyrfiend and no more depression.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2017 09:57AM by scootergirl57.

That's pretty much how I remember typical LDS response to my DW's depression. General cluelessness. Obviously ignoring the problem doesn't make it go away, since there's a positive correlation between Mormonism and antidepressant use. Unfortunately, the only tools at their disposal are the ones provided by church leadership: pay, pray and obey. When a canary falls off it's perch, you find out WTF caused that. You don't blame the canary.

I woudn't get rid of social media - if there is social isolation it can be wonderful. However I would recommend filtering who can see your posts. When you click share then custom then scroll down to the "friends except" button. I use this frequently. TBMs won't be able to see what you have posted unless you include them in each specific post

Post a pic of yourself with a beer.

Religious historian Karen Armstrong sarcastically wrote, "What's the point of religion if you can't use it to condemn others?"
I would add, "Or to be smugly self-righteous about other people's misfortunes."

Last year one of my stepdaughters had a science project that involved caring for a pet hamster. So, I dutifully purchased a hamster along with a cage with an exercise wheel and those plastic tube things for the hamster to crawl through.

It occurs to me that the mind of a Mormon is like a hamster cage. Kinda interesting at first but, really, the novelty wears off pretty quickly. Pretty boring after a while--not much to them. The Mormon's mind crawls up into its exercise wheel and runs circles for a few minutes, or maybe crawls through a plastic tube for the 6,000th time.

The mind of a Mormon doesn't have a lot of options. Telling others to pray, putting checks on their piety list, feeling "blessed"--they can't go far in any one direction without running up against the bars of their cage, poor things. Hamsters, but with a better vocabulary.