I left the church quite recently, I'd slowly been losing belief in god, but denying my lack of faith. Eventually though, I decided I couldn't believe in a thing that denied science and I couldn't agree with morally. After I moved out I really embraced atheism. It took me a couple months to be honest with my parents about my views on Mormonism, and all religion for that matter. Of course they didn't like what I told them, but they made it clear that they still loved me just the same. After all my dad used to be atheist and is a recent convert.

But at the same time as my coming out as atheist, my life seemingly began to fall apart. Now, I don't really believe a life can actually "fall apart" unless you let it. I think mostly it's just change starting off with a little turbulence. And I think most of us fear change. Anyway, things started going wrong. I made a lot of bad decisions and I ended up with a DUI and a fair amount of debt. My mom has pointed out that things started going down hill after I stopped going to church. And it's frustrating because she's right! But of course one isn't causing the other. I simply made bad choices.

Since I got the DUI I've had to move back home. I usually go to church with my parents and little brother because it feels peaceful there and I like to spend time with my family.

Now that I'm home and around my parents more often, I've seen how much my non-belief hurts my mom. It kills her. And that absolutely destroys me. I love my mom more than anyone or anything. I know what she wants most is to be sealed to her family. And to see her so sad breaks my heart.

Now she wants me to go talk to the bishop. Which I intend to do. Mostly to see what he has to say about my reasons for not believing.

But what I want advice on, is should I pretend to believe in the church so I can be sealed to my family? So my mom can rest easy knowing she's sealed to our family and to me. I'm sure I could fool everyone. I'd been fooling them for a while already.

I just have a little inner turmoil with doing this because I respect all religions. And I might feel guilty because I'd be disrespecting their beliefs. And I hate lying, but I'd obviously have to lie to do this.

I say fake it if it makes everything easier on family strains than fake it. They say leaving ain't easy for a reason. I would probably stay myself only it does more harm than good with me psychologically its actually dangerous for my mind to be near a cult with secret rituals, otherwise I could use the fake friends.

I don't think you need to hide anything with your family. They've already handled your views well. What I wouldn't do is to continually shove it in their faces.

Is your mother aware that (virtually) all Christians believe they will be reunited with their families and loved ones in Heaven? The Mormons do not own this concept and never did. Jesus promised the man dying beside him on the cross, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." (Luke 23:43 NIV) If Jesus promised that to an ordinary thief, why would he not promise it to you and yours? Other religions have believed it as well. The ancient Romans believed it, the Vikings believed it. Only the Mormons believe that they must pay 10% and go through a Masonic temple ceremony to gain what Jesus already promised to his believers. Tell your mom, "ALL Christians believe that they will be reunited with their families in Heaven. Mormons are not special in that regard." To put it bluntly, your mom needs to grow up a bit.

You made some bad choices, but you know what, you learned from them and will move past them. Make a rule for yourself about drinking and driving. Normally if I drink and drive, I limit it to one alcoholic beverage (along with some food,) which I know I can handle well.

As for debt, plenty of adults have debt as well. There is "good" debt (used to pay for a mortgage or an education that will gain you a solid income,) and "bad" debt that represents overspending for wants. You will learn your lesson from that and move forward.

As for your life falling apart, life sometimes does that despite the best of plans. No one is insulated from misfortune, not even Mormons. Plan to gain the education and skills you need to earn a good living. Find kind people and cultivate your relationships with them. But don't be afraid to make your own choices.

Keep in touch. We are here for you.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2017 10:27AM by summer.

I think if you can fake a morgasm, you can fake anything.

If you're living in your parents house, you have a full time acting job. Your job is to act like a TBM. You don't have to believe it. Part of the job is lying to the bishop about what you believe. Don't worry, it's what Joseph Smith would do. TBMs live a lie, so it fits in perfectly with the scheme of things.

Don't worry about your Atheism. It may or may not be permanent depending on how much you were hurt by the morg and how flexible your thinking is. There may be no God, but there is godliness so it's not so cut and dried.

Even if you decide to fake it, you may find that it gets harder and harder, until it becomes impossible.

You don't need to take an absolutist, black and white, all or nothing approach to your nonbelief like you did with your belief. You don't need to label yourself with anything permanent at any point in your life. At this stage, maybe it would be useful to view Mormonism as a tool, a language, to communicate with your loved ones.

"But what I want advice on, is should I pretend to believe in the church so I can be sealed to my family? So my mom can rest easy knowing she's sealed to our family and to me. I'm sure I could fool everyone. I'd been fooling them for a while already."

Yes. By all means, pretend to believe; fake it. After all, the Church pretends to know the truth; and when push comes to shove, it "fakes" its facts to make sure everyone is comfortable. Why not follow in those footsteps?

This is such a pathetic discussion when it comes up on the Board. People are so willing to engage in the same disingenuous behavior that they profess to be rebelling against: It is outrageous for the Church to lie, and commit fraud against its members; but its O.K. for an ExMo to lie and be fraudulent with their families. The Church justifies its falsehoods (in part) by claiming it is protecting its members. ExMos justify their fraud by claiming it protects their families.

Come on people. When you know its a lie; when you know it is a fraud, stand up to that fact and be counted--even with your families. Mom will get over it; but if not it is HER problem.

P.S. You don't "leave the Church" unless you resign. Short of that, all you are doing is pausing.

True but living with a mormon parent is hell when you're not in the church and pretending with them. I'd rather pretend until I'm moved out cause there will be never ending friction in that home believe you me otherwise.

ellisbell Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
>
> Now that I'm home and around my parents more
> often, I've seen how much my non-belief hurts my
> mom. It kills her. And that absolutely destroys
> me. I love my mom more than anyone or anything. I
> know what she wants most is to be sealed to her
> family. And to see her so sad breaks my heart.
>

If your MUM loved you as much as you seem to love her, then she'd want whatever made YOU happy.

I'm sure that your situation is very difficult for you, right now. I can tell you, from my own experience with trying to pretend to be something that I am not, it's not worth it.

First of all, this is not killing your mother. She may be feeling bad about the horrible things that the Mormon church has taught her, but she is not going to die from it. So, first, tell her how much you love her. And reread summer's post. As usual, she has got it right.

I grew up in a very varied extended family. We had all sorts of Christian and non-Christian religions and different ethnic backgrounds. Not one of the non-Mormons in my family believed that they would be separated from their loved ones after death. All of the non-Mormons were stunned to hear that the Mormons in the family were taught this ugly and horribly manipulative belief. Let your mother know that the world is full of religions and personal beliefs which counter the Mormon teaching.

For most folks who believe in life after death, you will be reunited with your loved ones simply because god --- or the universe --- or whatever --- is fundamentally good and compassionate. Not because people belong to one specific church, or do some specific set of rituals. Jesus doesn't require a special place, or special clothes, or special handshakes, or special passwords or names. You meet your loved ones again just because you are loved.

Give your mother a chance to digest that.

Beyond that, consider this: if your mother loves you (and I am sure that she does, very much) will she truly want you to spend the rest of her life lying to her? Lying to everyone that you know? Will she really be happy knowing deep down inside, as she must know, if she is at all thoughtful, that you are faking your whole life?

I'm quite serious here, if your mother wants to know what the cost is of living a life where you lie to everyone about some basic part of yourself, let me know. I'll explain it to her in detail, because I did that for decades and know exactly what kind of life that is.

Those of us who grew up faking it with everyone we knew --- all of us thought that we could do that. All of us imagined that we could pull it off, simply because we believed that we *had* to do it that way. And the personal cost was awful. Not to mention that those of our family who really did love us never got the opportunity to know who we really were.

> ... how much my non-belief hurts my mom. >

You have more than “non-belief” - and that isn't what hurts your mom, it's her own church's limitations/ restraint on her free-agency and thought that does that - you have knowledge, even wisdom, to think for yourself, which is what you are on this earth to do [GROW?].

> I know what she wants most is to be sealed to her family. >

What she (really) wants most is to raise the most beautiful, thoughtful, loving being (you are) can be, if honored for who you (actually) are (naturally). Mormon dealings/ “sealings" are actually ceilings… limitations! Get her to see that (if it takes your last breath). NOTHING can separate a family, EXCEPT Mormonism, and it's shortsighted and convoluted (caps on) [LIMITED] beliefs. FOREVER includes right now! For some reason, LDSinc is ignorant of that (or doesn't want members to think about that) - this eternal moment, right now.

> Now she wants me to go talk to the bishop. Which I intend to do. Mostly to see what he has to say about my reasons for not believing. >


Big nono. He can say whatever he wants about your beliefs - AFTER he listens to you about them - but it makes no difference whatsoever, because he is there to challenge you, not uplift, and honor you or your beliefs. In other words, he won't stand with you or behind you but in front of you, in your way… between you and what matters most to you: your eternal happiness, your individuality, your feelings.

> … should I pretend to believe in the church so I can be sealed to my family? … my mom can rest easy knowing she's sealed to our family and to me. I'm sure I could fool everyone. [I've] been fooling them for a while already. >

The LDS (“church") can't take away your sealing. You were born with it! Eternity means NO BEGINNING and NO END. “Sealing", on this earth, is a moot point and ONLY stands to benefit ‘the church’, not you. The church performs the ridiculous ritual to keep you/ “families" in tscc, paying tithing, doing free work for it, etc. “SEALING" is done TO YOU, not FOR YOU. It's done FOR tscc. You probably don't have to think about it. You ONLY have to fool them because they are fooling themselves. It's sick, perverted, nonsense.

> I'd be disrespecting their beliefs. > Nope, your be honoring yourself… something others may/ will have to learn [eventually] > And I hate lying, but I'd obviously have to lie to do this. > DO WHAT? Lie or tell the truth- it is the same. Someone is going to get hurt. The TRUTH will hurt them if they aren't ready for - or willing to - accept it, and HURT YOU if you don't come up with - and out with - it soon(er or later). Don't deny/ disrespect yourself. Talk to your mother. Not tscc. They have no answers (that's how the ces letter came about).

Lying will do nothing but satisfy the devil/ the LDS church and placate your family... temporarily. Meanwhile, lying will kill you, and get you a longer nose. Now you probably wouldn't look - or feel -very good with a long nose. Plus your pants would be on fire - and that would be HOT! Not.

Telling the truth will mainly affect those that aren't accustomed to it, for better or worse. PLUS, there will be more of it to come. Set an example.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2017 11:56PM by readwrite.

I'd like to point out the obvious missing link, here.

To your mom, your DUI was not the artfully minimized "bad choice."

It was her cherished and beloved daughter, lying in a bloody heap of flesh and bone, one foot protruding from the top of the pile near her head, the other no where to be seen.

Are you freaking kidding me?!

Your mom's "pain" almost must be an expression of doing everything in her power to prevent the terror you've induced in her.

Go ahead. Have THAT talk with her.

And don't refer to it as "a bad choice." A bad choice is mustard-colored walls when you were picturing a "sunny" color. Getting behind the wheel of a car when beyond the legal limit is a crime for a reason. It's a criminal offense, not a "bad choice."

/lecture

You've terrified your parents. You might like to believe that your mom's tears are all about Mormonism, and maybe that's a part of it, but I'll guarandamteeya that she was put in a position to picture her young and beautiful "child" in a coffin, and the CK probably can't touch that.

Her faith was shaken, and she's doubling down on you. I would say you've faked enough. Be kind, be honest, own the wrong you did to your parents, acknowledge it as a crime. Your honesty, your kindness, is the best you can do. You might attend as a gesture of contrition and gratitude toward your parents, but try not to lie to the people you love. That's manipulation.

I faked it regularly when attending Church to get a Temple Recommend