Posted by:
anon 4 this
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Date: February 19, 2017 09:52AM
His emotional affair was with a woman he had dated for 10 years but never slept with because, as he told me, he wasn't attracted to her, just dated her because everyone pressured him into it.
He was in his 40's when we got married, never married before, no children. He told me I was the love of his life and he never wanted anyone but me, even after 20 years, I foolishly believed him. He told me he hadn't slept with anyone since me (20 years before). He's a believing Mormon. He told me that he would "snap" his weiner when he got an erection so that he wouldn't masturbate. The emotional affair started just one week into our marriage. I was completely devastated.
I had been looking forward to our wedding night so much. We had an amazing sex life up to our wedding night, then it just stopped. I bought a pretty negligee. When I came out, he was turned on his side, asleep. It's been that way pretty much ever since. We go weeks without intimacy. I've asked him to fix it because I can't live like this. We took him to the doctor and his testosterone levels are normal. When he sees me naked, he'll make a joke or twist my nipple or something, but I don't think he's attracted to me. When we do have sex, the only way he can climax is if he is behind me. There are many times he can't even finish.
He never gets jealous. Ever. I think I could cheat on him and he wouldn't care. I'm not ugly and I've had men hit on me; when I tell him about it, he doesn't seem to believe me or even care.
It feels like he has two separate lives: his life with me and my kids and his life with his friends and family. I've expressed to him many times how I don't feel like I'm included in his other life. I've never been invited to his mother's house. Despite throwing lots of parties and inviting nieces and nephews for outings, my children and myself have only been invited to big holiday events. They never talk to us or make an attempt to include us.
He has one specific male friend of 20+ years, who is also married with lots of kids. They only talk on the phone when I'm not around. It makes me feel like he thinks I'm controlling or something. He told me he likes to talk on the phone driving to/from work and at work.
I know he lies to me frequently, because I catch him doing it all the time. It is confusing to me because he seems like such a good person, how can he do all of this?
He's very anti-gay. When the subject comes up, he becomes visibly disturbed and says it is a choice and he doesn't want it thrown in his face.
His favorite music is Erasure, Casey Stratton, Depeche Mode.
My health has declined and I've put on some weight because this has been so stressful for me. I constantly question myself and I feel like I must be disgusting and I must do everything wrong.
We get along fine n a daily basis. We hardly ever argue, we laugh, we communicate on a limited basis: work and home subjects, nothing deep or meaningful.
There are more signs, but that is what comes to mind at the moment.