So... Tonight I'm alone sitting in the RV that I keep down on the gulf coast in Sargent, TX tonight.

Melancholy...

Introspective...

Nursing my second bloody mary...

Bad night!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 09:58PM by westerly62.

What the hell how you holding up mentally?

Because you told her you no longer believed and wanted out? Do you guys have any children together?

Yeah.

Six kids. Most of them out of the house. It's been a long time coming.

I pushed against the Church so that my kids would have a fighting chance gainst the heavy-handed indoctrination. I knew the costs but it still hurts like hell. All of my adult kids have left TSCC and are living good, happy, productive lives. Fingers crossed that my 13 and 17 year olds make it out as well.

My wife was converted to TSCC by my sister while I was working a pseudo-internship/short-term contract across the country in Winchester, MA. It's been a back and forth struggle ever since. I tried to make peace with TSCC and reactivated for years but circumstances and shit... Long story... Too damn tired to even talk about it.


Thanks for being concerned. :)

I can't even tell you how much I respect what you did for your kids. I give you deep respect.

Thanks:) The price paid feels pretty high tonight.

Remember there's a tomorrow.

Don. Sage wisdom as always. Thanks man!

Willie has a song for this.
https://youtu.be/C3PB1jWO3_E

WTF! Are you trying to kill me :)...

I'd have said, "If you want out, then you leave the house."

But anyway, I'm sorry that you got socked with that one.

Thanks man!

Fair Warning:


Don't count on tscc to be 'Standing For Something', like

- Their anti-divorce rhetoric

They might even endorse Hatred & Dishonesty if those are tools your 'loving wife' uses to get what she wants...

Yeah. I already know... I've already got some experience with how the church really think about "forever families" when I was a branch president... That's actually why I left the church a dozen years ago.

If you're curious you can search my older posts for the backstory but I just don't feel like going into tonight.

I'm so sorry.

Thanks. That helps!

Well, that just stinks.

Sorry to hear of your misfortune.

Sounds like you were together for a long time. And that you're likely beyond marriage counseling at this point.

Hope you're able to pick up the pieces of your life, and make something good come out of this. Maybe you and her have just been delaying the inevitable, and it was time for a change for the both of you.

Best wishes.

@Amyjoe thanks! Yeah, it has been a long time coming. 25 of our 27 years marriage... Basically, ever since she got dunked.

One of the girls I went to high school with lives in Sargent. Great duck hunting area. Is your family in the Houston area?

Sorry about the wife. Things will get better.

Not exactly but close enough. I'm a country bumpkin from the backwoods Leon Co., TX area. However, my wife and I live on a little hobby ranch in Brenham.

Sargent is one of the few remaining unspoiled areas on the Texas Gulf Coast so I keep all the toys that I need to scratch all my saltwater addictions of sailing, surfing, fishing, and all 'round goofin' off down here.

Wish my dad fought against the church when I was a teenager that might have changed my entire life for the better. Needless to say he's still a slave to this day.

I know that all the sympathy you get on this board can be kind of empty, and only you know what you are going through... and a "sorry dude" just doesn't cut it.

What I can tell you is that really the only thing that can heal is time... and lots of it.

It's painful and hard now, and it may get harder before it's over, but time does heal some of the deepest wounds.

Talking from experience here.

It's not empty at all. There are about a bazillion things online that could take precedence over my shit! It means a ton to me for you guys to acknowledge my humanity, my pain, my frustration...

Thank you for your understanding. It means more than you'll ever know!

Hope you got an attorney first thing to protect yourself and your assets!

I am with the other poster. You should move back in the house so you won't be considered to be "abandoning" the family. Bring in the coffee and alcohol then let your wife choose whether to stay.

Tonight is for drinking... Tomorrow is for dealing with the consequences of tonight's drinking (and maybe taking the boat out)... The day after I'll talk to my attorney.

Well, you just became a hot commodity. You don't know it now, but you'll soon figure it out. Best to you for the between times. She's a fool.

Actually....yes. But I have a comment further down, lol

I hear ya buddy...that fickle finger of fate finally finds ya...old timers splitting the sheets hurts way more than just a few years...all those years and for what...bout like finding out late the church is crap...been doing the two door shuffle for a couple years now...just room mates ...so far noones Dropped the hammer...just as well ride this horse till it falls over i guess...sorry way to wind up...go easy on the booze...your head will feel better tomorrow...get some sleep if you can...morning always looks some better...not much but some...they say it gets better...if i wasnt such a dam coward id see if theyre right...so far the fires get put out when they flair...one of these days there wont be enough water...give it time...sober second thoughts do happen...sometimes decisions made in moments of anger are reconsidered...mama realizes her trade up value might be on the low side...or they plain dgaf...black widow syndrome i call it...hang tough buddy...post in the morning...see how it looks then...tell your story if you feel like it...writing things out makes it easier to not rehash things over and over...last time i left i slept in the car for three days..no credit cards....rvs beat the seeds outta cars...saw a shrink years ago ...she says whats the worst that could happen....then what....then what...then what...it helped to form a chain of events the worst that could happen...you realize youll get through this and thats a good place to start...it worked...im still here...sorta

Thanks! It's been touch and go for a while so I'm not a complete noob but it sounds like you've been through that whole nine?

It helps to feel like your not the only one! Right!?

Bummer. Reality sucks.

Even harder than realizing the church was BS, was finding out that marriage was BS when I was threatened with divorce.

Wife never really saw me for more than a wallet.

We're still together, but I'd call us roommates.

The fantasy is over.

If she had a better offer, I'm sure she'd take it.

Marriage isn't BS. Your marriage was BS. Mormon marriage is BS.

I can't think of anything to say except I'm sorry, that is so painful and frustrating.

Sorry to hear this, but not surprised. The "family religion" busts up families.

I sort of agree with the others who say not to "abandon" anyone or anything. I know you're not, but you probably have a fight ahead of you. Make this time at the beach no different from any other overnight trek down there.

Kudos to you for helping your adult kids out of the Morg. She'll likely be working overtime to keep the younger ones in, and some pathetic priesthood holder may soon come along to "help" her do so.

Sorry to hear. I echo what others have said about not moving out of the house. It could have financial consequences in the divorce if you do. If she's so unhappy tell her to go. Get a recommendation for an attorney ASAP and book the appointment.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2017 05:23AM by summer.

Highly recommend getting back to your house ASAP... you may find the locks have already been changed. If not, hold your ground. If she wants out of the marriage she leaves the home.

Gatorman
9-4
23-5
3-1

I agree. Get back in the house ASAP.

My (experienced) attorney told me to get out and an apartment, asap. However, it was meaningless and I should have stayed in the house and told her to get out. Never was an issue during the divorce...could be because her attorney was crap, but for what it's worth I'm in Texas, too.

I agree with a lot of the posters to this thread. Different situations, different people. But...

My TBM wife told me she wanted a divorce. I tried to reconcile, but she was like a different person. Maybe it was her ex-boyfriend encouraging her, maybe it was the anti-depressants she was on, maybe it was her uber-orthodox mormon "holier than thou" mentality. Who knows.

It didn't take but a few weeks before I got fed up with her shit of no longer wearing her ring, sleeping on the couch, and not talking to me. I filed for divorce MYSELF. Took 10 minutes at the courthouse and super easy.

Regretted it. A year later when the process was winding down, we had reconciled to be friends and she was her old, nice self. She told me over lunch that she "didn't really mean it" that she wanted a divorce. Selective memory? Revisionist? Lying? Who knows. I would just caution you to not do anything drastic. Don't let her bait you into doing anything other than what YOU want.

The good news for me is that I've lived life these past three years like no other. Read: too many girlfriends to count. No mos, thank you. My fiance is Mexican, ten years younger than me, and wants sex like a bunny. TMI but every morning I wake up to her coaxing me into sex before I'm even awake. And she had no LDS hangups, thank you very much.

Consider if the marriage is salvageable and DO NOT fall into the trap of giving her an easy out. But if it comes to it, you may be better off. I am.

I'm so sorry! I've been through two divorces, and they exes were horrible people, who blamed me for everything. One beat me, and the other ran off with another woman, abandoning me and our children.

One thing you wrote really touched me!

"All of my adult kids have left TSCC and are living good, happy, productive lives. Fingers crossed that my 13 and 17 year olds make it out as well."

Focus on this! You are a success! This is where your future lies, with your children!

I thought I was saving my children from poverty and homelessness, but actually, they were saving me from despair. I might have given up, if it hadn't been for them. They were ages 8-13, and have grown up to be some of the finest, most loving, honest, and successful people I know. Their children are turning out well, too.

It is sad that you have to go through this pain. It is temporary. Anger worked for me. It can be really healing, to not want your ex in your life anymore. But your main concern is your children. Stay close to them, but don't complain to them or be too critical of your ex--she is their mother, after all, and they might become defensive. Move on.

You seem like a very fun person, and a fun father. Be assertive, and make lots of plans with your children, to sail, surf, and fish together! It's almost Spring!

Another girl I went to high school lives in Washington County on Hwy 290. I will be driving through Brenham this week. Never have stopped at the factory to see the ice cream being made (ha). I usually stop at the gas station with the McDonald's across Hwy 290 from the K-Bob's.

You do not have to live in the house to protect yourself. That does not apply in Texas. You will need to continue supporting your family.

I wish I was out fishing. The weather is so nice after the storm that came through.

I hope things work out for the best. Your children will continue to love you.

My heart aches for you. Impossible to do right now, but eventually you'll be able to see the backside of the waterfall. My wife of 30 years left me. Nearly killed me. It didn't. After a couple of years, one day I just saw it differently. And I was happy to be away from all of it.

Go home. Ride it out. Will be hard, but from a legal standpoint, it will be the best. Tell her to leave if she can't be around you, but go home. Really. Go home.

If you drive that RV to SoCal, the beers are on me.
Hang in there.

sorry westerly. Hang in there man.

HH =)

Thank you guys for keeping me company last night.

Today doesn't look quite as bad. I think that I'll go fishing for a little while and then head back up to the house and take care of business.

Good luck with that and the rest of your day. We're rooting for you!

You not believing in Santa Claus anymore is not your problem but hers

^ yes, that!
Good luck to you.

I missed your post last night, but hope the dawn was kind to you. I have deep respect for the powerful strength you showed your children. They got to see both sides of life because of you and everyone deserves that. They knew they had choices and what those choices were. What a gift. Knowing the risks, and knowing the price you could pay, and still going ahead leaves me in awe.

Let your head rule for a while while you are raw. Do for yourself what you have done for your children. Look at all the choices as you move forward. Be more legal than kind for while?

The cream always floats to the top and you are that so just hang in there.

This is heartbreaking. In fact it is my worst fear in life. I hope that you are able to pull through this. I am rooting for you.

#mormonismkillslove



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/22/2017 12:20PM by scaredhusband.

So westerly62, you pushed against the church since day one of your marriage? Am I understanding this correctly?

Your story is very similar to mine and many others that have passed through RFM. Every situation is unique but the major factors are the same: Marriages that involve the TSCC and one TBM spouse are put into crisis mode when belonging to the TSCC becomes untenable for the disbelieving spouse.

Please feel free to email or PM if you need someone to vent to that has been down the road it appears you are starting to go down.

Big feels for ya. Been there. Agree with others. Don't move out and if you leave to visit your toys or for any other reason let many know that so that she can't say you moved out.

My ex told me I should move out. Told her that was not happening and that maybe she should move out.

You have taken the hit for coming generations in your family. That my friend is a big time success!

"Been there, done that" although every situation is different. It is a hell I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

It does get better down the road, but you can't describe the pain to someone who hasn't been there.

I hope today was better.

brb ~ driving Sargent Beach looking for westerly62 ~

You're a good man ziller

MORMONS DON'T LOVE at least Christ-Like (unconditional) love;

Mormon TBMs 'need divorce' so they can out-mormon their peers.


Mormon culture is a cross between a rat-race & a ladder with no visible top.

Then, add the Perfectionist aspect > TROUBLE

Thanks everyone. As per the advice given by so many of you, I'm back at the house while we go through with the process. It looks like she ain't budging and I neither am I, so to say the least, it's a little uncomfortable around here. Having this kind of tension hanging in the air is going to be tough on the kids. Thank Zeus that we have a spare bedroom on the opposite side of the house.

BTW. In case anyone is curious, the fishing was really slow yesterday just like it usually is this time of year.:)

for fishing too cold at home".

It happened to me as well, 40 yrs married to a tbm. It does get better as they say.
Just get a good attorney that isnt afraid to ask for more.
So glad im out of mormondumb

I went through almost same thing, many years ago. I was out and she was inactive when we married. she got active and demanded I return and take her through the temple. I didn't do it. Got a divorce, lost a good business, house, everything. I rebuilt my life the way I wanted. Never remarried. It was not easy, but I was better off. I am now totally retired and have nothing to do with anything Mormon. Good luck and keep us posted,,