This is a question about "Mormon nice".

I've always found that individual Mormons are polite, sweet, well-behaved folks. (I'm a life-long heathen/scoffer and ridiculer of religion in general, especially Mormonism. One major thing about religion and its followers that interests me is, "what is their behavior? Is it honest and moral, and does it follow the teachings of the religion?")

Recently I ran into 2 older women who were ex-Mormons, who said that "mormon nice" was "fake".

I'd appreciate any comments on this. Is "Mormon nice" just a ploy to suck in naive potential converts? Even if it is, I'm impressed that so many people are able to behave this way so consistently.

As a whole, Mormon individuals are no better or worse than anyone else. Some are quite nice even under very difficult conditions. Others are nice when appearances need to matter but downright nasty when they can get away with it. Some will smile and say the nicest things to your face and then talk all kinds of shit behind your back. Some will speak up and come to the defense of an enemy being wrongly attacked. Some have tremendous moral courage, others are cowards. Some are truly practicing the golden rule, others pretend to while hurting others and laughing about it. Some are the finest people you will ever meet, others are the biggest pricks alive. All in all, the individuals who happen to belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are no different than anyone else.

michaelm (not logged in), you are on point and fair. Mormons are my favorite people in the world, but they are just like everyone else with flaws and fake facades. But, not all of them are like that.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2017 11:34AM by canary21.

In Mormonism avoiding the appearance of evil is more important
than avoiding evil.

This exactly. Even if deep down Mormons are just as varied as other people (of course they are, we're all human),as Mormons they are indoctrinated to avoid the appearance of evil so much and have so many people watching them that it does take priority over actually being a good person.

I've read many times about people seeing the contradictions, so it's common enough.
As for consistency, I suspect some have been brought up to learn what's acceptable behavior and what isn't and have been behavior-trained. Eta: It doesn't mean that's what they are inside, just outward behavior.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2017 09:07AM by KiNeverMo.

If they seem too nice to be true, it's because they're faking it.

Heard the saying too good to be true? Believe it.

Mormons tend to be overly nice when they have something to gain, then they turn on a dime if it doesn't pan out.

OK, I don't disagree with what you and others say here, but nevertheless, I am impressed at how well and how consistently Mormons manage to do it, compared to other religions (most notoriously, Southern Baptists).

Diogenes6 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> OK, I don't disagree with what you and others say
> here, but nevertheless, I am impressed at how well
> and how consistently Mormons manage to do it,
> compared to other religions (most notoriously,
> Southern Baptists).

As michael pointed out, some truly are "nice people" (in spite of mormonism). Just as many aren't.

You've only seen the public facade. The one they're taught to show you. The private one isn't nearly as pretty.

I'd wager that many Southern Baptists present the facade they were taught to as well. Their is just *different* from the one the mormons were taught to show, them being more of a "hellfire-and-brimstone" kind of church and all...

is that appearances are VERY important to most Mormons. They believe that being perfect is the preferred method of making converts. Most of the Mormons I know can and do twist themselves into pretzels in order to appear perfect. Most of TBM family are "nice" people and most of them spend a good chunk of their time being phony.

It's not my job to figure out when they are being real or fake.

I just proceed with caution knowing what they are capable of.

Sometimes that's all you can do.

Gabriel García Márquez said, "All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret.”

I agree. I reveal my public life but I closely guard my private life, and I barely even know my own secret life--it bubbles up from my unconscious infrequently, then sinks back into hiding.

I take others as I find them, although I discount the possibility that what I find is actually them, because I lack sufficient data, and always will.

From what I've observed, as a Minnesotan married to a Mormon, "Mormon Nice" is the same as "Minnesota Nice"; otherwise known as passive-aggressive.

I was just going to make the same comparison. MN Nice is we will speak to you in a group setting, even seem nice, but we do not need you in our social circle. We have the same friends now we had in 1st grade so no need to upset the group.

I am a never Mo, Minnesotan. We are not "nice" we are cordial.

I think part of it stems from motivation. I know of several ex-mos who are seemingly befriended by a member of the church. But once the member realizes the ex-mo isn't coming back to church, they cut off the friendship.

It's the "Every Member A Missionary" mentality taught by the church to all the members. Follow that up with "if you can save but one soul how great will be thy reward", you now have a false front put on by the member who is selling the church by the 'nice' example which is a semi-conscience act of selfishness in the guise of doing a righteous act.

What you don't get is authenticity from a mormon. They cannot just be themselves or express themselves in a natural and honest way. All output must be rinsed through the filters of mormonism.

Real authenticity must be kept hidden from a member expressing anything that contradicts church dogma due to fear of being found out by other members which could cause them much grief at church and with their spouses/family's as now they are looked upon with suspicion in every action.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2017 09:46AM by AmIDarkNow?.

Often, Mormon nice is like a back-handed compliment. The Mormon personality is often the epitome of the "wolves in sheep's clothing" idea. Scratch the surface and what you will find is more manipulative than genuine. This is found mostly in the Mormon competitive zones like mission, BYU, the concentrated Mormon clusters in the Morridor. If you get away from those areas you might find some of the good ones.

I know a group of Mormons who are the exception that proves the rule. So, you never know. Best to assess individually.

In heavy LDS areas, Mormons are often quite cliquish. I don't really consider that nice. Upon meeting you, they might smile and be chatty and it might feel like they want to get to know you. But unless you're a certain type, they really don't. The initial friendly chattiness is really just a technique to determine whether or not they want anything to do with you.

I've lived in my current heavily Mormon neighborhood for nearly a decade and I don't have a single friend. Nor did I have any friends in my previous Mormon neighborhood. Not only that, I have some LDS neighbors who won't even wave back when I wave at them. And it isn't because I've left the church. I was treated that way as an active member.

But there are good and bad people everywhere. There are some Mormons who are genuinely great people and others who aren't. The bottom line is that Mormonism doesn't make a person better than they would be on their own.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/06/2017 11:00AM by want2bx.

mormons are like pennies.

You think they are copper but scratch the surface and you get zinc.

It was an image bought and paid for on Madison Avenue. Commercials for decades and emotionally destructive conscriptions for members BOUGHT the image that they have magic powers to create nice, white, people.

The truth is advertising and marketing were employed to brainwash nonmormons just as much as mormons. It's expensive but if you have a few billion dollars of other people's money and unthinking, obedient followers, it is hardly magic.

Fake nice is just simple passive aggression. It's ubiquitous among mormon women because passive aggression is the only way many of them have to gain any semblance of control over their decisions. Often, it's the only thing they have control over.

You know how there's a stereotype about Southern hospitality? I'm a "yankee" who transplanted to the South about 25 years ago and I'm here to tellya: same thing. It's not hospitality. They talk shit about you the minute you turn your back. People do not communicate directly; they'll talk in circles around what they're trying to say and you're expected to correctly pick up on the hints. "Bless your heart" does not mean what you might think it means. It could mean, "Well you're a goddamned idiot, aren't you?" Or it could mean, "Oh fuck off anyway." Or it could mean, "Well aren't you sweet and naive?" None of those really are a blessing of your heart. That's just one example, but I find mormon women and Southerners often communicate similarly.

Either one, once you get to know them, it's clear that it's just a façade.

I can confirm the "mormon nice" applies to my parents.

People will find out who my father is and say to me "he is so nice." I mean everyone. I want to tell them (but don't) that he currently treats my youngest sister and her family (open pot smokers) like they are scum of the earth and doesn't even spend time with his non-mormon grandkids who live in the next town. He physically and emotionally abused us when we were kids. Yes, he is sooo nice. Just not to his family that doesn't measure up to his mormon standard.

On the other hand my oldest TBM brother is a little more in the normal range of public/private split from what I have witnessed.

I will agree that it is not just mormons who exhibit this human behavior. It just bothers me more when they pretend to have all knowledge and power of god and yet are not as "special" as they think they are.

My Mormon father has always been nice and deferential to strangers. He has an act that's good for ten or fifteen minutes. It's well rehearsed, but it must be stressful, because he always gets angry at some point and takes it out on his own flesh and blood. He never worried that his sons might tell him to go to hell someday. I guess it caught him by surprise that an asshole can drive off family.

Joseph Smith and his corporate cohorts spared us from the dribble of Scientology, Mary Baker Eddy and many other tortuous mental anomylies. Just now I happened upon another hazard from which they kept us safe:

http://www.ebay.com/itm/NEW-The-Mystery-of-Vibrationless-Vibration-in-Kashmir-Shaivism-Vasuguptas-Span-/391445277772?hash=item5b23f4ec4c:g:lPIAAOSw1DtXI6N0

Mormon doctrine isn't drivel? That's news to me.