For those who feel traumatized by having been in a cult, this is for you.

"Stages in Recovery from Cult Involvement
There are three main stages in the recovery process:

1. Realisation and Exit
2. Comprehension and Emotions
3. Reconstruction and Dreaming

Stage One

This first stage varies in length. The length is dependent on the method of exiting. This stage is marked by the time and experience that alerted the cultist to the danger of the group and resulted in the cultist exiting the group permanently. The key to an effective exit is whatever helps to "jump start" the critical thinking process of the mind. This process has been on hold for much too long because the cult has told the followers that to question and doubt the group is to betray god (or whatever). The price for questioning and doubting, they are told, is eternal death. This is a very powerful fear to overcome....

Stage Two

The second phase is full of ups and downs, of feeling like you just returned from Mars, of exciting new freedoms and discoveries, and it is also full of rage and pain. It involves coming to terms with being raped, emotionally and spiritually. And for many, it involves coming to terms with being physically raped as well.

I don't know how to convey the extremes of pain possible in this phase. Perhaps, it is how you would feel standing by helplessly as some crazy person slowly murdered someone you loved. It seems so incredulousness to many that because they wanted to serve god and their country, wanted to help people, and wanted to make the world a better place - for this extension of their selves they were cruelly used. This is a very difficult aspect of the experience to reconcile. "What ever did I do to be treated like this?" is a question that rings deep in the heart of any ex-cultist. The answer to this question resides in understanding how mind control techniques work.

It is no wonder, then, that the rage and anger the ex-cultist feels is often overwhelming and frightening. So much so, that many tend to repress or deny the full expression of their emotions. But, understanding and feeling ones' emotions in a non-destructive way, I believe, is critical to recovery. This second phase can be extraordinary journey through pain and loss to learning and mastery. It varies in length and is dependent on how able the ex-cultist is to experience loss and how disciplined the ex-cultist is to study, think, and work toward a thorough understanding of the experience.

A Big Job

One of the truly tough parts about working through the experience is the very fact that it's a very big job. The ex-cultist must learn how to trust life again and learning to trust requires learning how to reality test. Because the cult phobias and teachings often touched on many aspects of life, such as family, government, education, religion, relationships, and economics, the ex-cultist often finds it necessary to examine and reality test most, if not all, of the teachings received in the cult for subtle, residual ideas that continue to manipulate the ex-cultist.

In addition, it is in this phase that the individual must learn how to trust themselves again and their ability to make decisions. Learning to trust after you have been used and hurt can be very scary, but trust in oneself and in others can be rebuilt with disciplined thinking and with courage. For those who come from dysfunctional backgrounds, recovering from the cult experience often means acknowledging and recovering from the effects of earlier dysfunctional relationships, such as:

Abusive parents, relatives, siblings, spouse or abusing others
Alcoholism, rape, incest, eating disorders, drug abuse
Difficulties with intimacy, careers, law enforcement
Stage Three

To someone in the middle of the pain of stage two, the idea of having a dream again and building toward it is merely a sad, frustrating, and painful laugh. Having spent many years in stage two I understand that despondent feeling well. It is possible to rebuild your life. You will not be able to make up for all the years the cult has stolen from you, but you can make up for some of those lost years. I've worked very, very hard to recover from a severely dysfunctional family, a life of abuse emotional, physical and sexual, the death of a daughter, many years in a cult, time on drugs and alcohol to 'forget' and so on.

I'm here to share with you that if you are willing to stick with it, to work at it, to work through and let go of myths that look like truths both from the cult's teaching and from within society's teachings, and if you are willing to acquire new skills and improve others, you can and will be able to build a healthy and well-functioning life with a dream you can work toward."

http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=56&Itemid=7



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/07/2017 01:35PM by Amyjo.

The hardest part for me (not my wife bless her heart), was to stop the fear and perceived power from the Bishop and Stake President. Once my fear turned to anger, I was actually better...;)

Reading through the stages it seems I may still be stuck in Stage Two (despite I've been out for quite a few years already.)

I understand the fear and anger. Good you were able to work through that.

I've been out for two years, and I am in stage 2. I am having terrible flashbacks to old, traumatic events that happened at the hands of Mormons. After every severe emotional trauma, I kept believing the church was true because I was terrified that God would get revenge on me if I didn't stay. There were people in my area who had left the LDS church and were doing just fine, even thriving in other churches. But I felt that God would pick me out as an example.

I no longer believe that God will punish me, but I have fears sometimes that this stage is going to last forever. I want so badly to move on!

Same here, Brigid.

The cult conditioning and brainwashing runs deep.

I didnt read it all but I've been working with my trauma counselor and I know I have my work cut out for me that's all I know.

It may take years Adam, so be patient with the process.

That's what I was afraid of I'm not looking forward to the next few years its going to be hard I have a feeling

I can identify with this, thank you for posting it. Like many of you here I was stuck in stage two for a very long time. Time is what allowed me to pass into stage 3 and even though I still slip backwards I have mostly put it behind me and it is a distant memory. What lingers with me is the issue of trust, I simply don't trust anyone anymore.

I live in a mormon stronghold and every day I am reminded of days gone by, but I no longer live within their sphere of illusion. I am a free man now, I make my own choices, and I am a much happier man because of that. The anger still floats to the surface now and then, but it feels like a healthy anger as time has smoothed out the rough edges.

I was in stage 1 for about a year and a half. It took me that long to accept it.

I have been in stage 2 for a year.

I'm dipping my toe into stage 3. I almost can't imagine "dreaming." But I'm working on reconstruction.

I go back and forth between the first 2 stages at times. Being surrounded by people I love who still believe in the cult with all their hearts, makes it hard for me to completely leave it in the past.