I'm out completely now, just received my letter from the morg a week ago that tells me they have removed my name from their rolls. After a lifetime of "towing the line" and trying to be perfect, I am now free of all of that.

However, some damage that was done will never go away. The effects for me are minor compared to others I read about. I would like to share a recently learned story about my Uncle and his journey through mormonism.

When I was a small child, maybe 7-9ish, we would visit relatives from time to time. One of the houses we would stop at had one Aunt and two Uncles. I liked these people, they were nice to me, and I felt welcome even though they were old and smelled of liniment. Uncle Loren was a very soft spoken man, soft hands, and a little strange, but nice.

When I was in my teens, and more aware of the world, I noticed that Uncle Loren was very feminine. I asked my Dad why this Uncle was like he was. My Dad said that when Uncle Loren was younger he fell off of a wagon carrying barrels of water and was run over by a wagon wheel and his testicles were severed. Dad explained that men without their "boys" become more like women than men.

I lived with this explanation for most of my life. These Aunts and Uncles are now long gone and even though I still remember them I don't dwell on it much. As my Dad aged he wanted to compile a personal history and with my Daughter he wrote out his life history and she transposed his handwriting into a printed form we could all read. It was here that I learned the truth about Uncle Loren.

As a teenager Uncle Loren had a penchant for touching himself. Back in early church days, this was a very serious sin and no matter how much church counseling he got he couldn't shake the habit. It was feared that he might become a threat to society so as a last resort he voluntarily sought out a doctor who would remove his manhood to relieve him of this horribly self-destructive habit. Uncle Loren lived his life without his boys, became very feminine, never married, and missed out of a very large part of what life is all about.

It saddens me to read about things like this. Suicides that are fueled by impossible morg standards, prescription drug addictions, anxiety, fear, and pushing people to be something that they aren't is just plain wrong. The church leaders who can help prevent these problems are the ones propagating them. I dunno, Gawd won't help us, where is Thor when we need him?

What a story. I believe many teen suicides are due to Bishop interviews that make young men and women feel worthless for normal sexual feelings and development. Those suicides should never occur. We here at exmormon.org strongly emphasize to those who are still forced to be active due to a spouse or employment to, at minimum, never allow their children to be alone with the Bishop, his counselors or any other church adult. Always be present with your child, even as an older teen, at any time such meetings are requested. Do not back down on this. These Mormon leaders are untrained individuals who can and have done irreparable harm to young people.

It is important, Erik K reminding us that these are untrained clergy handling life altering matters and doing serious and permanent damage to those beautiful young kids. I don't "forgive them for they know not what they do." I hold the "Mormon Celebrities" responsible because it is 2017 and it is the Information Age and they have no excuse for the emotional carnage and real suicides they perpetuate.

The Mormon leaders have blood and misery on their hands and they will never have to answer for it. They have a license to do anything they want because we have this "hands off religion" policy in this country.

The story you tell, Dodo, is sad and unimaginable. It reminded me of so many more I know. Way too many.

Mormonism is disgusting on a deep level.

Hopefully they can be overcome but you may be right.

I just reconnected with a kid (now adult) I grew up with. As it was in the church, it took some cajoling on my part to get him to accept my friend request. It's been several years that I've wondered about him because as an adult I realised he was most likely gay and therefore I legitimately worried over him surviving growing up Mormon and gay.

Isn't that sad?

what a tragedy!

Dodo, there may be more to the story of your uncle. The church has a history of making eunuchs out of young men for one reason or another. You can read about it here, as written by the Tanners:

http://exmormon.org/d6/drupal/bloodatn

This practice goes way back. Here's an excerpt:

"I knew of many men being killed in Nauvoo... and I know of many a man who was quietly put out of the way by the orders of Joseph and his Apostles while the Church was there." (Ibid., page 284) Lee also revealed another very cruel practice which took place both in Nauvoo, Illinois, and in early Utah:
"In Utah it has been the custom with the Priesthood to make eunuchs of such men as were obnoxious to the leaders. This was done for a double purpose: first, it gave a perfect revenge, and next, it left the poor victim a living example to others of the dangers of disobeying counsel and not living as ordered by the Priesthood.
"In Nauvoo it was the orders from Joseph Smith and his apostles to beat, wound and castrate all Gentiles that the police could take in the act of entering or leaving a Mormon household under circumstances that led to the belief that they had been there for immoral purposes.... In Utah it was the favorite revenge of old, worn-out members of the Priesthood, who wanted young women sealed to them, and found that the girl preferred some handsome young man. The old priests generally got the girls, and many a young man was unsexed for refusing to give up his sweetheart at the request of an old and failing, but still sensual apostle or member of the Priesthood. As an illustration... Warren Snow was Bishop of the Church at Manti, San Pete County, Utah. He had several wives, but there was a fair, buxom young woman in the town that Snow wanted for a wife.... She thanked him for the honor offered, but told him she was then engaged to a young man, a member of the Church, and consequently could not marry the old priest.... He told her it was the will of God that she should marry him, and she must do so; that the young man could be got rid of, sent on a mission or dealt with in some way... that, in fact, a promise made to the young man was not binding, when she was informed that it was contrary to the wishes of the authorities.
"The girl continued obstinate.... the authorities called on the young man and directed him to give up the young woman. This he steadfastly refused to do.... He remained true to his intended, and said he would die before he would surrender his intended wife to the embraces of another.... The young man was ordered to go on a mission to some distant locality... But the mission was refused...
"It was then determined that the rebellious young man must be forced by harsh treatment to respect the advice and orders of the Priesthood. His fate was left to Bishop Snow for his decision. He decided that the young man should be castrated; Snow saying, 'When that is done, he will not be liable to want the girl badly, and she will listen to reason when she knows that her lover is no longer a man.'
"It was then decided to call a meeting of the people who lived true to counsel, which was held in the school-house in Manti... The young man was there, and was again requested, ordered and threatened, to get him to surrender the young woman to Snow, but true to his plighted troth, he refused to consent to give up the girl. The lights were then put out. An attack was made on the young man. He was severely beaten, and then tied with his back down on a bench, when Bishop Snow took a bowie-knife, and performed the operation in a most brutal manner, and then took the portion severed from his victim and hung it up in the school-house on a nail, so that it could be seen by all who visited the house afterwards.
"The party then left the young man weltering in his blood, and in a lifeless condition. During the night he succeeded in releasing himself from his confinement, and dragged himself to some hay-stacks, where he lay until the next day, when he was discovered by his friends. The young man regained his health, but has been an idiot or quite lunatic ever since....
"After this outrage old Bishop Snow took occasion to getup a meeting... When all had assembled, the old man talked to the people about their duty to the Church, and their duty to obey counsel, and the dangers of refusal, and then publicly called attention to the mangled parts of the young man, that had been severed from his person, and stated that the deed had been done to teach the people that the counsel of the Priesthood must be obeyed. To make a long story short, I will say, the young woman was soon after forced into being sealed to Bishop Snow.
"Brigham Young... did nothing against Snow. He left him in charge as Bishop at Manti, and ordered the matter to be hushed up." ( Ibid., pages 284-286)
Mormons today would be appalled if such a dastardly deed was committed and would demand that the persons responsible be severely punished. Brigham Young, however, approved of many violent acts perpetrated by those he put in authority. Interestingly, D. Michael Quinn found documented evidence showing that President Young supported Bishop Warren S. Snow's cruel mistreatment of the young man:
"In the midsummer of 1857 Brigham Young also expressed approval for an LDS bishop who had castrated a man. In May 1857 Bishop Warren S. Snow's counselor wrote that twenty-four-year-old Thomas Lewis 'has now gone crazy' after being castrated by Bishop Snow for an undisclosed sex crime. When informed of Snow's action, Young said: 'I feel to sustain him...' In July Brigham Young wrote a reassuring letter to the bishop about this castration: 'Just let the matter drop, and say no more about it,' the LDS president advised, 'and it will soon die away among the people.' "(The Mormon Hierarchy: Extensions of Power, Vol. 2, pages 250-251)
On November 30, 1871, T. B. H. Stenhouse received a letter by an individual who was present at a meeting in Provo, Utah. The letter indicated that Bishop Blackburn was also strongly pushing for the emasculation of men who were disobedient to their leaders:
"'Dear Stenhouse: I Have read carefully the accompanying statement about the "Reformation."... If you want to travel wider and show the effect in the country of the inflammatory speeches delivered in Salt Lake City at that time, you can mention the Potter and Parrish murders at Springville, the barbarous castration of a young man in San Pete, and, to cap the climax, the Mountain-Meadows massacre... Threats of personal violence or death were common in the settlements against all who dared to speak against the priesthood, or in any way protest against this "reign of terror."
"'I was at a Sunday meeting in the spring of 1857, in Provo, when the news of the San Pete castration was referred to by the presiding bishop-Blackburn. Some men in Provo had rebelled against authority in some trivial matter, and Blackburn shouted in his Sunday meeting-a mixed congregation of all ages and both sexes-"I want the people of Provo to understand that the boys in Provo can use the knife as well as the boys in San Pete. Boys, get your knives ready, there is work for you! We must not be behind San Pete in good works." The result of this was that two citizens, named Hooper and Beauvere, both having families at Provo, left the following night... Their only offence was rebellion against the priesthood.
"'This man, Blackburn, was continued in office at least a year after this...
"'The qualifications for a bishop were a blind submission and obedience to Brigham and the authorities, and a firm unrelented government of his subjects." (The Rocky Mountain Saints, by T. B. H. Stenhouse, 1873, pages 301-302)
This is a very important letter because it throws additional light upon President Brigham Young's knowledge regarding emasculation in early Utah. According to Wilford Woodruff's journal, not long after Warren S. Snow's cowardly attack on Thomas Lewis, President Young discussed the matter of castration being used to save people:
"I then went into the president office & spent the evening. Bishop Blackburn was present. The subject Came up of some persons leaving Provo who had Apostatized. Some thought that Bishop Blackburn & President Snow was to blame. Brother Joseph Young presented the thing to presidet Young. But When the Circumstances were told Presidet Brigham Young sustained the Brethren who presided at Provo....
"The subjects of Eunuchs came up... Brigham Said the day would Come when thousands would be made Eunochs in order for them to be saved in the kingdom of God." (Wilford Woodruff's Diary, June 2, 1857, Vol. 5, pages 54-55)
In 1861, Apostle Orson Hyde met with Wilford Woodruff and indicated that he believed Warren Snow was guilty of stealing. Wilford Woodruff wrote the following in his journal:
"He spoke of his mission in sanpete and the unwise Course of Bishop Warren Snow, & George Pecock his first councillor. They have squandered a large amount of tithing funds, County taxes &c & Brother Hyde thinks from Testimony guilty of stealing many Cattle." (Ibid., Vol. 5, page 554)
It is astounding to think that the prophet of the Mormon Church would allow such a man as Warren Snow to function as a bishop in the church. Unfortunately, however, President Young went so far as to give him a special blessing. Wilford Woodruff recorded the following in his journal under the date of April 1, 1861: "Warren Stone Snow was Blessed By Presidet Young who gave him a very good Blessing." (Ibid., page 571) Moreover, in 1867, he was given the opportunity to preach in the Mormon Tabernacle (see Vol. 6, page 319). In a public discourse President Young acknowledged that the church had use for some very mean devils who resided in early Utah:
"And if the Gentiles wish to see a few tricks, we have 'Mormons' that can perform them. We have the meanest devils on the earth in our midst, and we intend to keep them, for we have use for them; and if the Devil does not look sharp, we will cheat him out of them at the last, for they will reform and go to heaven with us." (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 6, page 176)

that is a terrible tragedy story. If reincarnation is possible I hope your uncle has a much better go around in the next life.

That story left me with a sick feeling in my stomach. The fucking Mormon church is EVIL.