For the record, I know this is totally illogical. Bear with me.

I broke it off several years ago with my TBM ex because he wanted a Molly Mormon and I realized I was pretty sure I didn't believe. I also wanted a career and he didn't support that or me making money at all except maybe from home. I found out a few days ago he's married, and I'm having complicated feelings.

I absolutely know I have no feelings for this person, even nostalgia. I barely even had any attraction for him at the time, but felt sort of pressured. And I'm happily married to a nevermo. But I did feel sad about his post...He wrote about having an eternal companion, and being with her forever, and how he knew they were soulmates decided by God. I found myself envying that kind of certainty, or someone saying those kinds of certain, spiritual, "eternal companion" things about me. This sent me into a spiral about what if that's a deeper kind of love...And on and on. I 100% know I can't stand the church and don't believe it. But there's this feeling of something wrong, or that maybe our normal marriage wasn't special enough because it wasn't "forever" and other foolish things.

Please, talk me out of it! I'm in such a weird funk.

He is "speaking the language." That's what Mormons do. No matter how rough things might get behind closed doors, they will talk this way in public. Especially on facebook. I don't think it is a deeper kind of love, I think it could be more superficial. I'm not saying he doesn't love her. I'm just saying that that is how they all talk. I used to do it too.

^^^^ THIS ^^^^

And don't leave out the blessings your ex's new wife will enjoy when she gets to share her husband with other blessed wives in Mormon VIP heaven!!!

Every doctrine that the church claims and is viewed as eternal and special and forever, is tied to that nut job Joseph Smith.

Those aren't his words, those are the church's words. There is a limited vocabulary that is imbedded in TBM's from a young age; just read comments on any mormon-related post and you'll see.

I never liked the term "eternal companion," even when I was TBM. It sounded so unromantic to me. I wanted to be "divinely beautiful exquisite creature." Silly me. Eternal companion to me sounded like a mission extension. (to my DH credit, he has always told me I'm beautiful, so I lucked out.)

The thing is, my husband wrote a wonderful thing the same day for women's day saying I was brilliant, beautiful, and gave meaning, joy and direction to his life, and that without me he would be nothing and I'm the love of his life.

I'm super grateful. It's really not even about the romance...This is pure leftover Mormon brainwashing. :( I'm actually having thoughts about the temple!! What is wrong with my brain!!!!

have you ever been in the temple? I never want to go in there again.

yes, your brain must be wondering what happened to you. It's bringing up old stuff for you to debunk and throw away.

Keep talking! I think it helps, especially if you can laugh at it.

What a wonderful thing for your husband to share.

Well, at the least, I can tell you what's wrong with your brain.

Your brain is a human brain.

Like everyone else's, it sometimes goes to weird places and pushes things from one kind of thinking or from early programming out to the forefront, even if those odd thoughts conflict drastically with common sense.

So, aside from being human, there's nothing wrong with you. You're just reacting to your ex's second marriage in a way that surprises you. It's a strange feeling, but these things usually go away in a while. Rational thought will get the upper hand again and the silly stuff will fade away.

You already know that you are just having an upsurge of Mormon syndrome, so I'd guess that you are well on the road to recovery.

Speaking only for me, I have similar twangs of irritation but they're related to my ego in general, not to anything specifically Mormon-related.

I try to push back against such thoughts by recalling my belief that I should wish everyone well, enemies and antagonists as well as friends and allies. Easier said than done.

I don't know that I'd give much weight to his claims regarding eternity. I absolutely adore my wife but I don't claim that our relationship will last the rest of this life, let alone a mythical afterlife. I don't make most of the future, only a small part. My schemes for this evening, let alone eternity, can be washed aside in an instant by circumstances beyond my control.

And if my wife met someone who she felt would be a better husband than I, then it's my job to support her feeling. (Again, easier said than done.)

Bet a diet Coke within ten years the following 2 out of four:
A. Five or more kids
B. He spends more waking hours at church or church activity than home
C.One leaves the church
D. They are divorced

Keep me updated. I'm thirsty.....which two would you have chosen for your life with him?

Gatorman
9-4
24-7
10-4

You just explained my older sister's relationship I'll be damned A and B.

I don't trust any marriage decided by God it's so robotic to me. I don't know marriage should be decided by the two people involved not a third party. And watching the temple marriages on YouTube gave me the creepiest feeling they are doomed to fail it is a creepy ceremony. I wouldn't worry about its all talk even I have to fight similar ideas because the temple was the end all be all growing up the gateway to heaven, but it's really a creepy place where creepy rituals take place and nothing more.

Oh honey.

Your marriage is forever if you two say it is. You don't need some cult to tell you that you will love your man forever and ever, even after all y'all are dead. The stupid cult has no corner on the eternal love market.

What he wrote is just so much blah, blah, blah. My experience is that when you have an ex who you were with for a significant period of time, there are always residual feelings left. My advice is avoid those feelings by avoiding any contact with them or any news about them. Your feelings will gradually go. After many years apart, I was surprised to find that when I heard my ex had died, I felt almost nothing.

Just remind yourself how unfun life as a TBM is and that he is kidding himself about having a celestial companion for life.

That's the thing. This dude was absolutely the worst. I mean, one time I asked him for his goals. He wrote a list. My list included things like finishing two master's degrees, reading X number of books, and dancing in local theatres which I've always done. He wrote back that it was selfish and I should just want kids. That's why this was so weird.

ziller can be your eternal companion OPie ~



in b 4 ~ OPie feels better now ~

Nice, ziller to the rescue as always and guess what day it is it's Thursday oh yea you know what that means haha.

Anon4thisone Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> He wrote about
> having an eternal companion, and being with her
> forever, and how he knew they were soulmates
> decided by God. I found myself envying that kind
> of certainty...

Then make up "certainty" like he did.
I mean, you know that's what he did, right?
That no such thing IS "certain." In fact, it's incredibly unlikely. So he just made up the "certainty."

If made-up "certainty" is good enough for you, then go ahead and make it up. As long as you don't go around insisting to everyone that it's absolutely real (which your ex probably does), it won't hurt anybody, and it'll be just for your own "comfort."

I'm betting, though, that made-up certainty ISN'T good enough for you. That probably is one reason you ditched the cult...
That being the case, realize that his made-up "certainty" is nothing but a little fantasy of his to assuage his deep-seated fears...and have a little snicker at that. Then let him be. You don't need that stuff. :)

My suggestion is to "let it go." What happened was your personal situation and your life, in the past, and has nothing to do with the present. That was the past. You don't live there anymore. Sounds a little like you are doing the "regret-thing."
Regret, in my view, is self sabotage. It keeps you from living in the present. It's Ok to let that go, also.

Concentrate on the present, what you have chosen for yourself and your life now. That is where the joy, happiness, and content lies.

I often say: "that was then, this is now." Get on with living in the now. It's so much nicer here! :-)

Indeed, thats what I'm trying to get better at.

If you are happy with where you are, then let him be happy! You know and have said you don't believe what he is going on about, so you're tied! You both found happiness, Don't waste your time even thinking about it



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/09/2017 04:29PM by seamaiden.

Lol-- I'm not not letting him do anything! Haven't said a word to the guy.

Thats my girl!!!

I know a girl who married the father of her 4 children - it was a misguided last ditch attempt to save the relationship. It failed within the year. My friend confided once after the divorce came through that she felt 'cheated'. Not so much that he had cheated her, but that life had cheated her out of her younger self's ideal of a happy marriage.

Perhaps you are grieving what the church told you was possible (certainty, as another poster said) but which you now know to be impossible. We grieve for the things we can never have - sometimes even if we do not actually want them.

His post has just triggered your feelings of grief - not feelings for him, not feelings for the church, but unresolved feelings that a little girl once harboured, but a grown woman now knows is false.

I'd just like to mention that he likely said those things about your marriage, too, just not online. Times have changed...

And, he likely felt the same pangs of nostalgia that you're currently experiencing, when you married your current hubby.

Enjoy your life, your head is playing games with your heart. It will pass. :)

Fromm what you have said, I can't help but feel sorry for his wife.

ROFLMAO 100pts!!!

If it helps you at all I can tell you I've seen this on all sorts of levels and topics from TBM's on FB. As with anything else in life, the more you practice something, the more skilled you become. Mormons are expert at constructing images for themselves that make themselves seem on a whole other (elevated) level than mere humans. All I can say is: IT AIN'T SO.

More shocking and disturbing than the low levels TBMs I know have sunk to are the utter heights from which they appear to have fallen.

Don't waste time beating yourself up over feeling this way nor waste a minute of your life believing the lie.

Just today I read a post on Facebook a TBM wrote about how his new wife is his eternal soulmate, etc. She is sending me messages about what a total and complete jerk he is, how she cannot stand him and is going to divorce him.

Ive moved on from my former TBM spouse and I tried to put myself into your shoes...

I don't want my ex anymore either, but I think seeing someone make a commitment to another person can dredge up some feelings of rejection.

I agree that your ex may be "speaking the language". He is doing some personal lifestyle marketing to the public about how great his life is being married to a MORMON companion.

It hurts to see your ex be nicer to someone that they ever were to you.

The feelings of envying that certainty of "eternal" may be poking some tender parts about enriching your own marriage at this time. Instead of looking back, look forward:)

Best wishes,
RMM