It happened about 15 minutes ago, after dinner. We were talking about International Women's Day, and how so many women hereabouts (South America) have fallen victim to the "machista" so prevalent in the culture, and I said how it bugs me that institutions reinforce the inferiority of women, and then... I saw an opening... "like, for example, the church. Why aren't there any women priests?" And she started to pay closer attention. And I continued: "And why did Joseph Smith have something like 40 wives?" And she said, "HE DID?? I didn't know that!" And I continued: "And why did Brigham Young say dark-skinned people are inferior?" (Our son-in-law, a terrific young man whom she adores, is black.) And we moved on to DNA, to the nonexistence of horses in the Americas, to the church's property acquisitions, to the rock in the hat, to LD$ Inc., to the Book of Abraham, to etc. etc. It just all tumbled out.

And then she said, "I didn't know any of this. I want to know everything." She got this look in her eye that I recognize, that says "People have been f------ with me and I don't like it."

This is a working-class poor woman who doesn't use the internet. She speaks and reads only Spanish. Fortunately I have the CES Letter translated into Spanish. We're gonna start there. Poco a poco.

I keep reminding her: she's a wonderful wife, a wonderful mother, a wonderful human being. She doesn't need the church or anyone else to validate her existence. ("Thank you," she told me earlier this evening, "for teaching me how to say 'No'.")

This is huge.

Yay!!!

That's great, getbusylivin! So happy for you!

That really is great! Amazing the things that start to chink in the armor. Do you think she would read a list of crops and animals native to the Americas that were never mentioned in the BoM plus the ones mentioned that weren't here before the start of colonialism? Like honeybees and wheat?

Yeah, she'd be interested--she's an avid gardener!

This is wonderful !!!

Exciting and wonderful!

Your wife sounds like an amazing person who, through your patience,love, and example has been able to find the light.

When my husband (he saw the light first) and I landed on the same page concerning the MormonCult, I can still remember the feeling of comraderie there was between us. You will have those timestoo.

My husband passed away before he was able to resign from the church as he could not prior because of his employment. When I resigned, I resigned for two, and I so wanted the church to acknowledge, even though it was impossible, that they had treated both of us despicably with their lies upon lies upon more lies. My husband had grown up in the church and had given much time and service to the organization. They treated a good man with horrible disrespect.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2017 12:23AM by presleynfactsrock.

find her another "village" to transition to if she is leaving the "Mormon village" but is not part of the "catholic village"...
what are her family members? your being there is receiving her community. Help her transition into a "village" within her established community... this is the bridge for you as well.

You expressed joy at her finding voice of her frustration. You also expressed concern at her hard very constant work and not being on the internet but working instead of course. So in your consuming love, very romantic love, build a bridge or search for a bridge within this hard working culture surrounding yourself now. NOT an internet village (as you said, would not work) so your beloved wife can be part of a supportive community & not isolate alone with you rather than shoulder to should among amigas en espanol or portugese.

find what non isolated established cultures are within walking distance, and being not the "Mormon village." Support one you select by speaking its vocabulary and establishing safe transition for your working wife who works very hard and will continue to work difficult if not long hours so she receives the cultural support that she needs. (which she has established she is not receiving from within the "Mormon village")

would I want only an intellectual discussion? were I to want to tear down someone, to tear down the fabric of their social support- I would only do so very precariously for they are so very very very precious to me by first, seeing they have a bridge into another enclave- another 'village' for the hard working person. NOT for the intellectual borgousie (sp) with many servants jets and not needing a community to survive within. Go carefully. Search. explore. & find. Open paths open doors. Not only into the xpat group or an intellectual online forum but into the a door down the street full of other hard workers, hard working women like you wife.

My former sister in law left the church for a while _ did the research saw the errors_ (had been married to my bishop brother heaven help her). However being born in a drug cartel community south of the border, when she stopped going to Mormon village things in the USA (where she had completed her citizenship so has duel citizenship, just like a former colleague from my last school site... its common here.) Well this dear sister in law found herself confounded with gang like & drug like requests and demands from cousins, uncles, and distant relatives somewhere else once she dropped the "Mormon village" in the USA. So sadly she put the "Mormon guise" back on with her garments in a "Mormon disguise" to avoid a "Sinaloa vise grip on the rest of her life" & her temple spouse is a norteno (claims red instead) & all her camping trips are surrounded by red Ts and hoodies on her new LDS kin. Who am I to judge? She needs a safe village. Leaving without a village did not work out for her.

Find your wife a village & speak its language instead of her "Mormon village."

Support your dear wife in whatever she wants or needs to do with her life. I am so glad you are on your adventure south of the border, and found romance. Since she doesn't work at a university but works real hard laboring instead, I don't think a suburban lds CA experience will meet her needs necessarily.
Be a safe guide. Exploring you is like an explosion of love-
now, exploring you is like an explosion in her mind- be her loving loving guide.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2017 01:22AM by paintinginthewin.

Muy bueno! :)

How long has your disbelief been known to your wife?

About 8-10 months. Neither of us has pushed the other to conform to our own beliefs (or lack thereof). I realize that it's more difficult to change horses in mid-stream because much of her family is Mormon along with most of her friends. I don't have as many entanglements.

*confetti*

Hooray for both of you! I wouldn't call this "poco a poco", tho :) IMHO , very Humble as I am nevermo. you covered a lot of territory in, what sounds like, one sitting? You should have said "Holy Champagne".... ;)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2017 02:00PM by cinda.