I am a convert of 2 years. I am 36. I am becoming inactive because of this event. I met a man in the temple and we began dating, for 4 months. Long story short, I got a creepy feeling about how he was parenting his 4 kids. One day he lied to me about locking my dog in his garage all day while I was in grad school. He tried to make his kids lie about it but when I confronted him I realized that all the things his kids had been telling me for the past 4 months about him hurting them physically and psychologically was true, I got out of there. I ended up going to the police a couple of days later because I was so afraid about how to get my belongings out of his house. I was terrified. I realized he was much more dangerous than he had originally presented. The police escalated the investigation and interviewed all four children. They brought Dept of human services in. A week later they arrested the guy for criminal child abuse. Several months ago he had convinced me to get my belongings out of storage and put them in his house. He wanted to get married. I was fearful as to how to get them back and the police told me to tell him to do a civil assist. I texted him to let him know i would be coming the following day, with officers to get my belongings. However, at midnight that evening he texted me that he was dropping items off at my place. I was too afraid to go out in the night as he has guns. In the morning there was nothing there.

I told my bishop. He said he would tell his bishop as we are not in the same ward. What else can I do to ensure that the criminal charges are made known to the church? I am feeling less and less comfortable in the church because of this event, like how could someone who is so cruel and systematically abuses their own children physically and psychologically be so enmeshed in Mormonism? It seems so false! It is something that makes me sick and I want to get away from.

A Mormon man is as capable as any man when it comes to harming innocents. I grew up with an abusive Mormon father, so I know.

That church is no place for women and children, in my opinion.

1. There are just as many bullies, abusive husbands, incest fathers, in the LDS Church as the general population. I know...the missionaries never told you this.

2. As a young Mormon convert myself, I was told the "Mormon women would never date, much less marry, any man who was not Temple worthy." was told that by Mormon bishops. Saw the exact opposite, that Mormon bullies were by far the most attractive men for single Mormon women to date.

There are good and evil people in every religion. Don't judge an entire religion on one experience. But judge it as a whole and what type of person it makes you inspired to become. I am not Mormon because I don't believe it's true and I didn't like the person it made me. I didn't judge it by the wonderful people I knew there or the bad people.

Well said.

Some 'good' LDS disqualify themselves from a TRIQ/TR for silly reasons while fraudsters & others who do harm interview, lie, & get a TR from Bps who Know the Score; Honest.

I am so sorry this predatory male was introduced into your life through the auspices of a church (which values goodness love & safety) and this demonstrates being open to goodness is different than walking around open to all People just they because they are at a "place" or "building" or even have a "group" like the church. Very disappointing. I hope you can survive without your belongings from storage & have your essentials- your life, your wellness, your now & your future.

I met a wolf among the sheep too. 30 odd years ago this summer, my husband and I met another predator at church. They introduced themselves to us as a Mormon so we let them into our lives for lunches and a few dinners, we shared our childcare and our other friendships made across ward boundaries, even our family network with them. It turned out the male was a child abuser actually facing charges somewhere else who had come into a semi rural area to hide, and it turned out, that he had married a lady in her second marriage with many children to abuse. I am so glad my husband's work and training put distance between this Mormon with a temple recommend when we met- this predatory, and my family.
That is the last and only time I was open to a sense of safety at church, or believing someone was 'safe and good' because I met them at a church. (there was no internet search on criminal history there was no internet yet for such as I )

YOu met a predator before he had any criminal charges. This makes a sense of safety & security more rocky, since an internet search on criminal background wouldn't yield results. & making your sense of "ward" or "church" or "temple recommend" not a solid black and white safe space to close your eyes about people's conduct in... Needing to note and observe people's actions, statements, and keep aware to preserve your own safety is sadly important (recall, they put locks on temple lockers- WHY?) because criminals lie. Criminals lie. Criminals lie. Criminals deceive. deliberately. & criminals hide among people like you & me - normal nice even wearing garments it didn't work, because criminals lie & apparently criminals enjoy being deceptive or something. You would think a mean person or a dangerous person like the predator you met would enjoy mean people or violent people, or someone like a crime show, or something where spys run around or something. But a Mormon ward? really? a temple? huh? why would a mean violent aggressive dangerous criminal want to wear garments? why would they want to watch their language in public? or go to church? Its SOOO confusing isn't it? I think it is. I don't know what's wrong with them, why can't they be honest & hang out with mean dangerous other people hitting people their own size so you could be safe in the temple or talking in the church parking lot anyways? It is SOOO unfair. I still think its unfair.

At least partiers who enjoyed auctioning stolen goods refused to go to church in my family of origin- you knew which side you stood on. But then my mom told me "never trust X____ with money" and they were in another bishopric "YOu never can trust him, remember that" turned out he'd pimped her in the forties to his friends so had a dark side. But here he is as a temple worker nowadays & was wearing his dark suite with his great tie on. That's why my mother stopped all the camp outs and sleep overs once I entered young womens- she just didn't trust him. When you answer temple recommend questions sincerely, and have compassion and try to teach and work honestly- criminals lie , deliberately. YOu met a wolf among the sheep. I did too a long time ago.

Once I had two safety strategies to avoid criminals & criminal misconduct - once before the temple recommend carrying predator of course I found before he went to prison... one was the church (theoretically_ ) and the other was -da da da dummmb
rural or mountainous isolated chateau.
I recall once thinking danger only existed in so CAL or a city, and I was seeking "rural safety" or "mountain villa safety" in my concrete young idealist stage. & I woke up with a serial killer with multiple victims remains buried in his yard was in a small mountain community near me. This predator He was a cannibalistic serial killer- who knows what else, happened not to be in the church, but was right there in the small community I had tried to hide from criminals in LOL. So it was with mixed regrets when I hit the highway to more populated realms when the job offers started coming my way.

Your brain is good. Your observational skills can be honed. Your safety can be guarded. You can learn from this.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 03/13/2017 12:41AM by paintinginthewin.

Thank you for this reply, it certainly helps my bewilderment and lack of understanding. I do not feel safe anymore but to hear your story and know that these criminals and predators and evil doers are everywhere and have been for a long time.... well that brings a sense of comfort. To trust my heart and gut. And to know that I must be wary and make myself stronger so I should not fall prey again to anyone like this or a deceptive person. These are very helpful stories to hear. Thank you.

Trust your gut is the best advice ever.

There's a very good book called The Gift of Fear (he means by "fear" your own instinctive awareness of real danger)

One I like even better by the same author, Protecting the Gift.

I recommend both for any parents, esp. parents of girls, and for any girl or woman.

Author is Gavin De Becker

Paintinginthewin, in response to your confusion on the fallowing points:

"You would think a mean person or a dangerous person like the predator you met would enjoy mean people or violent people, or someone like a crime show, or something where spys run around or something. But a Mormon ward? really? a temple? huh? why would a mean violent aggressive dangerous criminal want to wear garments? why would they want to watch their language in public? or go to church? Its SOOO confusing isn't it? I think it is."

The answer is quite simple: Predators hunt were the Prey are. Predators do not hunt among other predators what would be the point.

Right.

You are a hero!!!

You have escaped with your life. The perpetrator won't be in prison for very long, so if you can hide yourself in another city--do so! Get a fresh start. Change your name.

I married a wife beater in the temple, and he almost killed me. He had a secret history of assault, and his family did not tell me. He was a RM, and a close relative to a GA, and his family seemed nice. I knew him only a few months. He fooled my family, too. When I left him, I was afraid for my life, and for the safety of my family members. He stalked me, and he did visit my family, but my brother was bigger and meaner, and he frightened the cowardly wife-beater. I did move to another city, and got a great job there, and was happy to be free. I let the thug keep everything I owned, except my car, and job clothes.

It's not worth the risk, to try to get your belongings back!

I have permanent damage to my jaw and my hearing, from blows to the head, and I have PTSD. You have been through Hell, and I hope you realized that you saved those children! If you have depression or anxiety, or nightmares and fears, please see a good therapist, OK?

WTG! My hero!

The Mormon singles scene is definitely crazy. I have had friends find someone on other dating websites, though. Just be sure to do a background check. Part of one of my first jobs was to do background checks on prospective employees, so I knew how to do this. You wouldn't believe the bad histories some of the Mormon men had. Also, divorce records are public records, on file in the county in which the divorce took place. Read them, before you date someone! Two friends of mine read that their TBM fiancees had beaten their first wife. One friend's husband beat her, but she stayed with him until their children were grown--and she was unhappy her entire life. The other friend married her abusive divorced man, because he was a doctor, and a High Priest, and he wanted to go on missions, and travel all over the world. When he beat her, her son attacked the husband, and the children moved out of the house, back to their old house, owned by their father. They lived alone, for the rest of high school. Three of them got on drugs, and one got married and moved away. Of the three on drugs, two committed suicide, and the third is in rehab.

With the above things happening in the middle of my life, I decided to concentrate on my children, and not waste any time or thought on the Mormon dating scene. I was still TBM, and the Mormons always tried to set me up on blind dates, and push me to "get out there and date," but I refused. Best decision I ever made.

Thank you so much for your story. I had no idea how serious this really was, or how much I did for the children. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I cannot tell you how much they help. I was finally in touch with his ex wife and she was so thankful I stepped forward and contacted the police. I do feel afraid but not enough to let him have power over me. I think any person that knowingly hurts people lesser than them is evil and a true scoundrel, dark inside and out. These predators are leeches on our good nature and on goodness itself. I am so sorry you have suffered the wounds you have. Please continue to give other women and victims encouragement like you have me; we need it to call out the evil. We need to band together and shine light where we have once been silenced.

Comtlady - You are a hero. You saved those children. There are not many people willing to take the action to stop predators of all kinds. The legal system has it own challenges and it takes courage to face those. That you recognized the problem within 4 months and took action is amazing, you should be very proud of yourself. Many of us who are survivors of abuse took much longer to see it and even longer to take action.

On behalf of myself and many other survivors of childhood emotional, spiritual, physical and sexual abuse who never had anyone to stand up for us and who had to figure out to survive untenable and damaging life situations until we old enough to escape ourselves .... Thank You For Your Courage and Compassion.

Most men do not harm either women or children, and they too, can be found at church. There are many good men at church, but there are predators, too.

I think your question is about discernment; you are questioning why the good men of the church didn't know that he was a bad man.

Two main reasons:

1) The bad guy didn't reveal to the good men what he revealed to you, because all men who prey on women and children are cowards. Cowards will only confront those against whom they think they can win.

2) Good men are only human, like you and me, but most of them haven't been reared since birth to be on the lookout for predators. Women naturally observe behaviors, emotional responses, physical bearing, and so on. I'm not saying that men can't or don't do this, but women do it on a whole different level.

So in being first to recognize him as evil, you had a couple of vantage points that the good men of your church didn't have. You got to see more of "the real" him, in his home, and - most importantly, you got to know his kids. Nothing magical about that.

It's really unfair to judge the good men in a bad way because of it.

That said, magical thinking can lead you into all sorts of illogical behavior. I'm very glad that you relied on your observations and intelligence instead, and saved yourself and those kids.

But, the story leaves me wondering what happened to their mother(s).

The mother now has custody of the children. Apparently she got out of the marriage and fled after being totally physically and emotionally controlled. I heard different stories from both parties and don't really want to be involved in knowing details. She is still recovering 6 years later from the psychological toll it took. I believe she left the church. I wish I could believe that it is safe to return to church, but I don't feel that in my gut. I look around and every family I see I suspect of falsely living this huge lie, hurting one another and preying on the weak. I wish I didn't feel this way but I do.

The type of man you describe probably only wanted custody of his children so his wife couldn't have them. And so he wouldn't have to pay her child support.

He's depraved, and you did those children a real benefit to turn him into the police.

It is still heartbreaking for those children. Glad you got out with your life intact.

Amyjo Wrote:
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> It is still heartbreaking for those children.

I hate it when kids are swept up into these kinds of situations!!!


> Glad you got out with your life intact.

Me, too.

Very much...Me, too.