I have just come to this forum. I have seen a startling amount of information and accounts of people describing systematic psychological, emotional and physical abuse which is classified as domestic violence. The mormon church seems to publicly put such emphasis on having a loving and Christ like approach to families, but I am hearing and have first hand seen the opposite which is truly saddening. Is this an epidemic or just a normal sub strata of society? Am I missing something here? Are themes of power and control and outright abuse more prevalent in the Mormon culture or are we more willing to speak about them in these forums? Is this something anyone (journalists) has formally brought to light?

There is another form of abuse that the church encourages, and that IMO is the worst of all: teaching children that myth trumps reason.

Before they are sufficiently developed intellectually to recognize and refute logical fallacies, children are taught by their TBM parents to believe and follow a MYTH. Everything else follows from this initial abuse. Later, if they violate the myth--say, drink a mocha with a friend after school--not only are they subject to more abuse, but it's THEIR FAULT for having violated the myth.

Based on what I've read on this forum, their are Mormons who struggle against this LIE for decades, and it pollutes every aspect of their lives. They have intellectually accepted the fallacy of Mormonism, but emotionally they're still reacting like the children they were who had myth-acceptance drummed into them starting (literally) before they could walk.

So, yes, there's a lot of abuse in Mormonism. And it all stems from the primal abuse of reason.

When I went to stay with a Mormon family at age 19, there was no physical abuse. But the emotional/psychological abuse was absolutely enormous. They did quite a number on their own kids, and they passed it along to me too. I didn't stay very long.

I was raised in a family where there was horrific physical and emotional abuse. The emotional abuse was even worse than the physical. I needed desperately to get out of there and experience something "normal." This family was purported by all the Mormons in my ward to be highly spiritual, with happy children.

I'm happy that they were not physically abused, but it was easy to tell behind closed doors (away from the rest of the ward) that the children were suffering. They pleased their parents by acting happy at church, but at home the truth was out. The oldest child was brimming with anger and acting out behaviors were starting to happen. The younger children were afraid of him, because he was snarling all the time and making threats to harm them physically. I told the mother, but I didn't get the impression that she took me seriously. That mother displayed lots of narcissistic behaviors, and you know how that messes with the heads of children. She and the father used the church and gospel principles to constantly (emotional attacks wise) beat those kids over the head with. As a result, the oldest son was turning against church. But he brightened up when they told him how wonderful it would be when he received the priesthood soon (he was 11 and 1/2).

I moved away and have no idea how it all turned out. I don't want to know. I refused to ever again stay with a Mormon family, but even without staying with anyone, I had picked up the signals and noticed how bad many Mormon families were with their children. There is something about a fake religion full of lies that messes up families and attracts the wrong kinds of families for conversion.

Welcome to the Board!

Mormonism, in my opinion, is one of the most destructive forces in all types of families. All-TBM families face shaming when they're not absolutely perfect. Part-TBM families often have members who feel morally superior to non-Mormon family members.

And, the worst types of family destruction can occur with super-TBM families when a child leaves or comes out of the closet. Mormonism destroys love and families despite its seemingly pro-family PR. You'll read about many folks, myself included, who have been burned by Mormon teachings and the cult' leadership.

The interior of my Mormon home growing up was a war zone. The parents were righteous and deserving. The kids were bad, especially the boys. We were frequently beaten for getting into trouble while being neglected. My father strutted around the house wearing nothing but urine stained temple garments. His forearm did the talking. He destroyed his sons and emotionally crippled his daughters. True, this was only one Mormon home, but it was mine.

Ive been hearing more and more stories about how destructive this lifestyle is; the opposite of what it purports to be. Perhaps I was so naive when I joined the church and believed all the mumbo jumbo about love and kindness, tenderness and mercy. A bunch of PR I guess is what took hold of my heart. I'm realizing my own experience is not unique but rather a common one.

What you may not know is that there is a huge amount of sexual and emotional abuse across the board in all religions. Except that the LDS church makes it worse by insisting that their leaders don't do it because of their so-called "inspiration," being led by god, "power of the priesthood," etc. In order to reconcile the myth, the LDS church discourages members from taking action against abusive priesthood leaders, and will even threaten members with church discipline for making a complaint. When a leader has been proven to be, say, a pervert or sexual predator, the church will normally pay a settlement to the victim and have the case sealed, and not put it in the public light any more than is necessary. Then they shuffle the abuser/predator off to another ward so that he will no longer draw attention. Most often, the church provides absolutely no oversight (to do so would draw attention), allowing the predator to abuse his authority yet again at another location. Image is everything at LDS Inc.

Apparently, one of my bishops tried to sexually abuse me when I was 16. I was too dumb, naive, and inexperienced to realise it. I only put 2 and 2 together when he was arrested for public indecency in the restroom of a department store about a year later (and years later after a friend verified the things he had been doing). The church could not cover up that one. Due to the public nature of it, they were forced to excommunicate him. (Epilogue: A couple of years later, he was re-baptised and back in full fellowship, his office of high priest restored. And then he died.)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/14/2017 10:25AM by cludgie.

A close acquaintance of mine suffered psychological abuse from her Priesthood holding TBM spouse for more than 30 years. It was not until he refused to address the issues and started hitting her that she divorced him. Hooray for her

I think it's pretty common. There was a lot of psychological abuse in my home - especially toward the older children. My mother was a covert, which, often in tscc, means already in trouble. IME, people who are healthy and whole, rarely feel the need to join cults. Rather than put any brakes on the behavior of an already troubled person, the seemingly black and white positions of tscc, combined with an emphasis on relying on the often very misguided advice of untrained/lay clergy as if it is carved in stone by God's own finger, is more likely to exacerbate the extreme behavior of the unhealthy convert. Sometimes, with time, the converts get a clue and calm down a bit as happened - to some extent - with my mother.

My father, OTOH, was raised in a mixed faith home where his tbm mother continued to tolerate atroshious behavior, including physical abuse of my father, on the advice of her bishop. I'll bet now, with the benefit of age, wisdom and a lot of what I've learned here and on other exmormon sites, that SOB bishop, who encouraged her to stay with the monster, just didn't want his ward saddled with a single mother.

My father only now in his very old age, has begun to understand the life-long effects the abuse has had on him, and the psychological detriment his unhealthy behavior has had on his children - again particularly the first few, though he remains in much worse shape, IMO than my mother.

Always worth a look:

www.thehotline.org/2013/08/taking-a-spin-around-the-power-and-control-wheel

Having been in a bona fide abusive marriage, and then coming back to the church to "purify" myself,I couldn't help seeing certain parallels. Sorry, but when you have a rigid hierarchy that seeks to remove choice, the foundation is already there.

When black and white thinking is pushed by a patriarchal-all-knowing male priesthood, critical thinking is pushed right out the front door never even making it through the house and out the back door.

when I am in TBM homes, I feel like there is no choice, no thinking, and no spontaneity. (Here is where you jump and this is how high). Indoctrination is the password and to vary from what is demanded invites trouble.

Here the psychological/emotional abuse is not recognized as abuse by those in the home. If the abuse includes physical abuse I believe it is recognized but, more often than not, goes unsolved. I think the unwritten rule is "spare the rod and spoil the child" (or wife).

At least family abuse seems prevalent by those who turn to this board and leave the cult. Maybe the abuse is one of the catalysts that ends up driving people away.

Lynn Wilder (an ex-mo) shared with me that she has met a lot of women who have been abused by priesthood holders. I would think that a lot of abuse that occurs at home stays at home - can't ruin the "happy family" stereotypical Mormon image.

This is very illuminating. I wish there were an open thread/or a board dedicated solely to this topic specifically dedicated to abuse in this religious culture. Perhaps it could promote more awareness and change. It's very sad, very scary, and nothing to just ignore.