Is this really a thing in Utah? I thought I heard it all and then I see this on Facebook.

Women born with imperforate hymens have to do the same thing, sometimes have the hymen surgically removed. Women who find out they have dyspareunia and or vaginismus have to practice with varying dildo sizes to make sex more comfortable.

It's really not stretching the vagina, it's stretching the hymen so it won't be painful if it breaks or rips. More women should actually consider this option before their first PIV intercourse (or just do it on their own) because the first time doesn't HAVE to be painful with plenty of education and preparation.

I think it's a good idea to get these exams, because how will you know you might have some issues, even if they are rare, if you don't?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/18/2017 07:31PM by Itzpapalotl.

http://www.thedirtynormal.com/blog/2012/01/27/break-your-hymen-re-redux/
http://goaskalice.columbia.edu/answered-questions/hymen-stretching
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cristen-conger/sex-myth_b_1154683.html
http://tallirosenbaum.com/en/node/159

Again, I just cringe at the lack of sexual education in this country and the insane amount of urban legends and misconceptions that abound regarding female genitals.

I'm a man whose wife had vaginismus. It is a condition, afflicting about 1/1000 women, in which the muscles of the vagina cannot relax and intercourse is extremely painful. Obviously that can lead to marital problems.

My wife went to a number of physicians, male and female, about her inexplicable pain and they all recommended using objects to stretch. Eventually one doctor gave her a set of plastic tubes, closed at one end, of graduated sizes, to use on herself. None of the doctors mentioned the word vaginismus.

After several years of trying the tubes and other things, she went to a physician who recommended that she see a well-regarded sex therapist. The therapist diagnosed it as vaginismus in about 10 minutes and started her on psychotherapy.

That is the key. Vaginismus is not a mechanical problem but a psychological one stemming from past trauma, including things like molestation and rape. The solution is dealing with the emotional scars. Giving a woman suffering from the condition physical objects with which to violate herself (ultimately to satisfy a man) is profoundly counterproductive. It deprives her of a sense of safety and control, which by the nature of the condition she already lacks. I have no doubt that the well-meaning but clueless doctors who thought she needed to "stretch" prolonged my wife's suffering for years.

It is amazing how few MDs have a basic understanding of a condition that is so serious and, frankly, not that rare.

Dialators are not used in all cases of vaginismus, but it is a common treatment for many. Vaginismus can have a variety fo components to why a woman has it from trauma to no actual physical causes to be found. I can honestly tell you I don't know which is more beneficial because I am not there in my studies quite yet on my path to becoming a sex therapist/researcher, however, like with so much in life, it depends on the individual's circumstances.
https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-causes/

I have to disagree, it's not always either/or--sometimes the pain of vaginismus can exacerbate or START the cycle of anxiety, because you fear that pain happening again. My pain was so bad I couldn't insert a tampon. The dilators worked for me. It took about a year. Finally it was discovered that I had a thick hymen, which required breaking at the gynecologist. So every time I had sex it was like ripping it anew, but with much thicker skin than the average hymen. Many ob/gyns are dismissive of women and assume it's 'just psychological' (as if that wouldn't be serious enough...) and finally I found one who listened. I agree though that it can be either one: If it's physiological and you keep being told to 'just relax' or go to therapy it can be harmful and feel dismissive, and like with your wife, if they're doing all sorts of physiological things and ignoring the psychological when that's the origin it can be harmful too.

You're also assuming that everyone is only penetrated to satisfy men instead of 1) to satisfy themselves, 2) penetrated by themselves or 3) penetrated by a female partner. I really didn't care about pleasing men, I cared about me being able to have sex and be penetrated by myself or any partner I happened to have for my own pleasure. That wasn't the case for me--the dilators GAVE me safety and control. It didn't feel violating, it felt empowering. Being forced to never be penetrated or feeling afraid of it instead of taking it into my own hands was what added to the fear and pain.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2017 09:46PM by Loyalexmo.

Yes, there are other causes of vaginismus. I spoke too quickly when I said it always psychological. Sometimes it is physical, sometimes psychological, and sometimes both. My great concern is that the medical community does not generally understand the complexity of the condition and the extent to which psychological factors are involved. When pushed by you and Itzpapalotl, I'd say the only thing I care about is that each woman be considered individually to avoid a "solution" that in her case may well make the problem worse.

I have, in fact, read a lot of stories of women who developed the condition because of emotional and psychological factors and were prescribed remedies that made the illness worse. It's a real problem.

On your other point, that many or most women want to overcome vaginismus for their own pleasure rather than for the pleasure of a man, that is of course true. My point, made too forcefully, was that in a relationship a woman with vaginismus may end up feeling bad not only for her own sake but because she is unable to meet her partner's needs. She then feels guilt regarding that partner, which is no good for either of them. The guilt can make the vaginismus worse.

A woman suffering from the condition needs to feel (be) empowered. Healthcare providers need to figure out how best to help that woman achieve that.

All the responses under and including Itzpapalotl's are amazing. I've learned a lot.

I've been told to "relax," and that I feel tight. I bleed whenever I try to get a pap smear. A school counsellor -- who's also a sex therapist -- told me to try dilators of increasing sizes, but nothing else.

I'll definitely investigate all the suggestions all of you have given. So glad I opened this thread even though I thought it'd be about something else.

It was a thing to do in the 70's before marriage. I believe it was a cover for not being a virgin.

Drats, He beat me to it!! Its all about virginity.

If it's not one thing it's another !

I knew someone with MRKH. In some cases dilation is possible in others a vaginal opening has to be surgically constructed.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/M%C3%BCllerian_agenesis

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginal_hypoplasia


Hymen re-attachment is also a "thing" -- especially in Arab and South Asian cultures:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymenorrhaphy



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/19/2017 09:31AM by anybody.

Very rarely best for a woman to break her hymen herself before attaining to sex-life. The amount of despair and devaluation that many young women feel, having done so themselves-perhaps during masturbation- is extraordinary. It doesn't seem to me personally that they should feel that way- and possibly it is chiefly the best quality, most noble-souled women who really experience great remorse. Neither Modern Science nor Medical nor psychiatric Science can alter this tendency, not with sophisticated theories nor via any means, really...
Root reasons for many women being impotent, frigid, or without sex desire/ability to enjoy it at all- perhaps current conditions, quality of civilization and life, love-malpractise of males this past aeon especially, etc....
Sincerely, Tele-Mormon Tele-Psychic

Sheesh - this really wouldn't be necessary if women were encouraged to masturbate - a totally normal thing for people to do. Then - duh - the woman would know what she likes and would be able to tell her partner how to give that to her.

Not all women masturbate using penetration. I masturbated plenty and still had this problem because I was not ever penetrated.

More doctors should be educated about these things. The medical community jumps on erectile dysfunction but vaginas are still scary and confusing. It's silly.

I've never met anyone who enjoyed the gyno! But hey, if that'
s what float one's boat, I guess...

It seems to me that males have no idea how humiliating such exams are to undergo. Moreover, some male doctors get a hard-on just doing them. There is nothing pleasant about it for most(?) women.

One of my daughters came across a doctor who made it a practice to get his kicks during these exam. As it turned out, several women complained about him, but the STUPID judge considered only the one woman who testified that he had never done such a thing to her.

Grrrr. So what?! That doesn't negate or prove all the other women were lying. Moreover, the women were interrogated only one at a time, with the others having to wait outside (so they wouldn't be copy-cats of the other women). I still get angry about this. It was all stacked against the victims, aggravated by the one woman who said she hadn't had a problem with that doctor.

Oh yes, I almost forgot. In the audience were a group of women from the man's church, there to verify his integrity. Of special interest, they were all dressed like Mennonites (or some such religion), and wore plan, long, homily dresses, and had the same drab braided and rolled-up hair. Quit an experience to attend this farce.

Male doctors in my city will always have a female employee in the room if a female patient has to remove clothing. Don't know about other combinations of genders. But that doesn't mean it can't get creepy.

To check for cancerous moles, I was naked except for a gown. The doctor was lightning fast when he looked at the exposed parts, but spent a LOOONG TIME looking down the front of my gown. I don't think he'll do anything when we're alone, and he's a good doctor, but EWWWWW!