Some will be tempted to rush to the keyboard and write "OF COURSE NOT!", but hear me out. I think it's better to read my story first.

I'm a guy in his very early 20's, and grew up as a Mormon.
While I'm not from Utah, or even from the U.S., the Mormon people I grew up around seemed just as fanatical and crazy.
Further, I am from a very interesting corner in Latin America (Guadalajara, for the curious) which is very prosperous, yet stubbornly religious, so there weren't big cultural, social, or legal incentives to keep my Mormon family in check.

I started doubting the Church from an early age, and by my 12th or 13th birthday (I can't remember exactly) I wasn't a believer anymore.
Now, some might believe that the mind of a kid is, without exception, unable to understand the world and the Church doctrines enough to doubt them. I beg to differ. While that may be generally true, I have always been unusually curious around the world.

My family did, of course, doubt me. They just believed that I had read anti-mormon stuff on the internet without having enough discernment to question it. While it's true that I read evidence on the internet that contradicted the teachings of the church, I'm not dumb. As you all know, doubting your religion isn't easy, intellectually or emotionally; so I was very thorough, but they still didn't believe me. In an attempt to "discipline" me, they made my life miserable.

Later, due to personal reasons, I had to move with some relatives that were even more fanatical. To say that they shoved the Book of Mormon down my throat would be an understatement. Two of my best teenage years were made even more miserable because of them.

I greatly resented the above experiences, and made a point of keeping myself distanced from the Mormon religion and lifestyle as much as possible. I wouldn't allow myself to re-live the same misery again. I would move out of my parents' house asap, and wouldn't even think about dating a Mormon girl...or so I thought.

Just before turning 20, I earned a scholarship to study in France for a year.

While in France, and for reasons that I'm too embarrassed to admit, I ended up going to the church a few times. Still, I was honest, and presented myself as a nonbeliever, expecting people to shun me, or to have the same holier-than-thou attitude that I had seen from Mormons...

...But I was pleasantly surprised. Not only I wasn't met with hostility, but people genuinely liked me. I felt that they were refreshingly laid-back and accepting.

In the ward I met a few good and very attractive girls. Some of them showed interest in me, even when knowing about my disbelief, which I found strange.

I was in a mental tug-of-war. On one hand the memories of my miserable Mormon childhood and adolescence, on the other hand thoughts like "well, this is Europe, and Mormons are accustomed to being a tiny minority in a land where religious extremism is frowned upon, so they might be more open to romantic relationships with people who don't share their faith (heck, in Scandinavia they even celebrate Festinord alongside non-Mormons!), without trying to shove their Books of Mormon down others' throats, and they actually know what they are getting into, so religion will probably not become a problem...but I'm too scared to try."

In the end, I couldn't decide what to do. I ended up not getting in a relationship with those inoffensive-looking Mormon girls.

So, this got me wondering. Is there any possible scenario where a relationship with a Mormon girl could work?

(I suspect the issue of conservative values will come up. I don't really have an issue with them, as long as they are practiced intelligently.)

Finally, sorry for my English. Please tell me if something isn't clear enough.



Edited 11 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2017 06:02AM by ColdHearted.

The real question is a mormon girl ok with being in a relationship with you. I mean, the YOU that you are, not the you that she may hope to change you into.

Many mormons have a strong belief that they can change just about anyone into a true blue mormon. Especially someone that was raised in it and has since strayed. Don't be surprised if you find a target on your forehead. I wonder how long it will be before you're dining with the missionaries.

Another +1 for you


She has been taught temple weddings are the only way to go, her whole purpose if things get serious will be to suck you right back in!

I hear you.

So, you said "The real question is a Mormon girl ok with being in a relationship with you?"

I finished my edit, and this question was answered.

"Many mormons have a strong belief that they can change just about anyone into a true blue mormon."


Many Mormons have a profound psychological _need_ to convert others - thus justifying and reinforcing their own religious beliefs.

Run!

Mormons 'can' be as varied as the general population, but it's very rare;

there is a group of LDS nudists, IDK how they're doing (mostly live in the IMW).

"Variety" is not exactly what I'm looking for. Rather, I'm wondering if a relationship with a Mormon girl (even, say, from a particular culture) could work.

Not if they believe their religion. But even if they don't, there are many problems with thought control cults that mess you up psychologically. So, no matter how cute they are, you're asking for trouble.

Slow motion running towards you Noooooooooooo.

Like so many things...it is complicated. It is wrong to stereotype all mormon women in the same mold. Your relationship with a mormon woman is really up to the two of you. I would not want to be in any relationship with a TBM mormon but there may be some wiggle room there depending on the person and how many ties they have with the cult.

I suppose the better answer would be "Buyer beware". Trying to be in a relationship with any cult member is generally not a good idea. It would be based on the idea that she could change...although we all understand that people rarely change and when they do it is not usually in the way you had hoped.

Don't get involved with a "fixer-upper". Find someone who has a lot in common with you and who you love to spend time with. Hopefully it will be mutual. Good luck.

Go to a dangerous, seedy side of town and befriend a crack addict.

It makes more sense to me.

A crack addict KNOWS they are dying. They will turn around with your help, and the two of you will be deeply wed.

If she's a Mormon crack addict, practice self-control and go look for a crack addict who is only fighting one drag on her life.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RINuXucJHVA

The world is so full of seekers who would die to find a decent guy. Make eye contact and develope the nerve to speak up.

Never a day goes by that I don't let a women or girl know just how beautiful she is. No strings attached.

Try it.

Interesting insight.

How can I help a crack addict?

Also, as I understood your message, if I help crack addicts on their recovery, they will love me for it, even to the point of becoming potential partners. Is that what you are saying?

Ideally it may be best to find a girl from Guadalajara. Mixing cultures with an Utahn is going to bring a whole new can of worms. And complicates life.... Of course life can be complicated regardless.

Well, this may sound strange, but sometimes I feel I was born in the wrong country, and I generally don't like girls from it, for a litany of reasons, so I'd be more incompatible with them than with foreign girls I have known, as my experience has shown.

(I don't know if that's what you're referring to. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I'm very open to listening)

Anyways, I urge you to read closely. I never mentioned Utahn girls in my post.

"Oh no, Guadalajara won't do." - Steely Dan

I imagine it's thin pickings for the Mormon women in Europe. They may be happy just seeing an eligible man attending the meetings. My guess is that they would go into a relationship hoping to change you. They would likely want their children raised in the church.

Yes, on occasion it's been known to work. But there have also been many divorces when one spouse persistently doesn't believe and/or wants to leave the church.

It seems that it's not unusual for inactive or unbelieving Mormons to not want to leave their comfort zone when it comes to dating. Yet that is what I encourage you to do.

.Thanks for the response!

I don't think it's about 'comfort zones'. I'm very open to meeting non-Mormon girls, and in any case, I wouldn't say Mormon girls are more "inside of my comfort zone" than any other girl.

However, I work in an overwhelmigly male-dominated Engineering field. This puts me in an unfortunate situation where my chances of meeting girls are very few and far between...

...one of those few chances was the Mormon church, with the massive caveats we all know.

Churches may be some of the easiest places where you can get a warm welcome. I think it would be awesome to have some place where you can get a healthy sense of community without being attached to a set of beliefs.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2017 06:22AM by ColdHearted.

that is one of the reasons people take up hobbies and join clubs.

She asked my wife if I would find her a good man.

2nd prettiest girl in our village.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIGFOLjdLHw

Hahaha. What does this mean? Do you think I'm a good man? :)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2017 06:31AM by ColdHearted.

If churches are comfortable environments for you to meet women, and, you seem very adaptable, why limit yourself to one of most extreme venues available? There are many, many less cult-like options.

Like your country of birth, if Mormonism doesn't suit you, make other choices. There will be attractive, single women who are not "TBM crack addicts," but with whom you will share some of the same values. Your question becomes moot. She'll say, "...Joeseph who??"

It seems (forgive me) a little crazy to travel to the other side of the planet, only to land in the same place you've left, right?

And, your English is excellent. Had you not mentioned it, no one would have known. I suspect that if you start sampling other churches, it will be much the same with your "native mormonism." No one will know unless you choose to tell.

Your life as you describe it is born of a high intelligence and one of seeking knowledge and broad experience. You may feel like you're "in the wrong country" when among those who do not seek as you do, and are much less likely to find that sort of female among active Mormons. Exmos, on the other hand, male or female, have fought and won the battle for mental freedom.

A woman being attractive to your eye is only the cover of a book drawing you in. You may eventually want a book interesting enough that you'll never want to stop reading.

The problem with Mormonism is that it isn't just a religion. It's an identity. They are Mormon 24/7. It's a way of life.

When they don't have their religion in common with the people in their personal life, it just never works out well.

It is also instilled in them from birth to convert everyone who comes into their sphere. Even when they say they don't want to change you, they will still be hoping it will happen, someday. They'll be patient, but it will happen someday.

It makes them feel like a hero.

Though my wife and I were middle-aged when we met, I think that our experience may still be relevant. While we were dating, my wife knew that I had no intention of converting. It was agreed that I didn't care that she was Mormon if she didn't care that I wasn't. All that she asked was that I "take the discussions" and learn about the church from members, and not those "horrible anti-Mormon" sites.

It's been over four years and we're still married. The only real arguments we've had is the result of her pushing me to convert,,,despite her being "OK" with me not being a member, she still harbors the hope that I will convert and be our family's priesthood holder.

I'm happy I married her, but it is a great source of frustration that she periodically renews her efforts to convert me, though she herself has expressed some growing doubts about church.

The upshot is to make sure that any Mormon woman you fall for loves you for you, and not simply as a potential priesthood holder.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/21/2017 09:56AM by GregS.

I moved to Ecuador a few years ago where I met and married a nice Mormon lady. She is still quite active although I've explained to her why I'm no longer active, and now she too has learned about the church's lies and is eager to learn more. Poco a poco...

Before we married we had frantic monkey-quality sex on multiple occasions. I refuse to have any kind of serious relationship with someone that does not have an active sexual component. That doesn't work for me. Certainly I wouldn't think of marrying someone if I didn't know how we were together in bed. That's just plain foolish, IMO. Doing so with my now-wife bonded us in a way that Mormonism is unable to touch. Our relationship has always been a lot bigger than the church, so it's no surprise that we've been able to lead opposite lives concerning the church with few problems.

Of course, the culture here is quite different. The family is strong and unified in spite of the church--the church really can't divide families here like it can in Utah. It sounds like that might also be the case in France, which is why the folks there struck you as more laid back.

I'm an optimist: I believe that, lurking inside the heart of every Mormon woman, is a normal sensual interesting wise compassionate humble hardworking independent creative iconoclastic positive horny clever human who doesn't actually need a man (or woman) to complete her, but if the right one comes along she'll give it a shot. They're out there, bro.

Mormons think in black and white. You are either one of them, or not. They don't do well with anything that may be in between. Also, if you marry a Mormon you are also marrying her family. They may be fanatical, even if she is not. They will make your life hell and try to suck the children in. I speak from experience. I don't recommend it.

The trouble is that with a relationship, a Mormon girl will probably see you as a temporary amusement, until she finds a worthy priesthood holder, then she'll dump you.

Or, she will believe that she can convert you. And that is a serious, ongoing problem, for way too many people.

Even worse, if the two of you work that out and start a family, is that she (and her entire family) will insist that your children be raised as Mormons. And they will teach your children that you are following the devil. It is not unheard of for Mormons to tell children that they do not need to heed or respect a nonMormon parent. That anything you tell them can be ignored, on and on.

And you will have to stand by a see your children brainwashed into a harmful cult.

Just find another place to meet women.

Find her first, then ask her, then return here and ask us, and we could better help you with that [raw wisdom] question.