Whrn angry/in a fight? Ive thought it would be easier if he just died rather than get divorced but ive never said it. I just read my husbands journal that ge wrote in when we were fighting and it says just that. It also says he doesn't love, respect or admire me... i dont know whether to believe it or not. Ive thought those things too well not the bo love. I almost think he wrote it hoping i would read it because he tore the pages out after our fight and i found tgem in his jesns.

When you find those in his jeans, do you ever say, "Maybe we should talk about these"?

I'm a little confused. Does he say it would be easier if HE died or if YOU died?

If he says it would be easier if YOU died, you should show them to someone else, like a counsellor.

My aunt made the mistake of marrying the wrong man. Not only that, she transferred ownership of HER home to his name. A couple of years ago after Christmas, we went over to one of our relatives' place. My aunt was at church....most likely praying that the Lord rid her of her husband.

I do think we should talk but i wasn't suppose to see those thoughts. Some things are better hever shared with our partners. Like i admit i think it would be easier if my husband died rather than go through a divorce and apparently he thinks the same haha but yeah maybe i should confront him about it. I really don't know. I just wanted to know if anyone else ever thought similarly or are we both really messed up

Oh he said me. But ive thought the same and its not like ive ever contemplated murder or anything remotely crazy. Just an angry thought that when in a normal/good mood i would regret.

And people think I'm crazy for never wanting to get married...

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I don't think it's terribly unusual for people to feel trapped in marriage. I wish I had more to offer you in the way of advice, but it's at the very least a good opportunity to look at the dynamics of your relationship. Maybe you can help him deal with his feelings. Everyone deserves respect and it's concerning that his respect for you is conditional. Mormonism assigns value to some people and not others and that is not healthy. You absolutely deserve respect unconditionally.

I'm totally messed up, and I'm pretty sure that I wished death on my (past) abusers, and they eventually died (natural causes).

But, that "jeans move" seems to be non-passive aggression. He ripped the pages out, ostensibly to "delete" them from the journal, but left them in a place you were sure to find, I'm guessing while doing laundry.

That's material that a divorce attorney may be glad to have.

we can all have crazy thoughts, but his "accidentally" letting you see those thoughts is a game changer. He did more than think the thoughts. He sent you a message, and you should take him at his word.

IMHO, I think that you need outside help, more than the internet can offer.

Do you and your husband only have these feelings when you are angry with one another, or is it a day to day thing?

All types of relationships, IMO, require mutual trust, mutual respect and healthy, honest two-way communication.

Just from your brief post, it appears you are having some problems with all three.

* You read your husband's journal? Breach of trust, which damages respect.

* Your husband passive-aggressively left journal pages in his jeans, knowing you'd find them when you do laundry? Poor communication. Perhaps you should talk to each other.

* Husband's journal straight up says he doesn't love or respect you? Yet he's told you he loves you right to your face, right? Lying, breach of trust, obvious disrespect, poor communication.

All y'all are in trouble without some marriage counseling and a re-commitment to work on trust, respect, and communication. I believe if I found journal pages in my husband's jeans, I'd gently confront him. "What do you want to talk about?" However, I think that, by the time you're wishing your spouse dead, the opportunity to work on the relationship has mostly passed. When you get to mutual contempt, you're done.

If counseling is not an option, then I recommend getting an attorney and put this dead relationship to rest.

Does he make you feel unsafe in his presence?

Reason I ask, is if he's wishing you dead, he might be conspiring to kill you.

All you have to do is watch 20/20 or Dateline to know what I'm talking about.

Bottom line is if he's going to harm you, you've been warned. Maybe time to get out now while you still can.

ETA: Take what he wrote at face value. He isn't messing around.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2017 09:58AM by Amyjo.

I am so glad I never got married. I'm 62 and everyone of my friends have been divorced. My sister hates her husband, my younger brothers marriage was a joke from day one. Because I did not get married I was able to retire early about four years ago. I'm happy as can be. I eat what I want, watch what I want, I go to bed when I want, get up when I want, etc., etc.,
My parents marriage was horrible, and even when I was in grade school so many of my friends talked about how their parents fought all the time and some even divorced and this was a long time ago back in the good old days supposedly. I'm glad I paid attention to the pitfalls of marriage.
I think of marriage as the Titanic it didn't sink right away, but after 2 1/2 hours it did. It's a mathematical certainty.

If your thinking you'd be happier if your spouse was dead. You need to see a lawyer ASAP.

Maybe there's something good about Mo, Inc. when you're married to the wrong person. I used to think that if we both made it to the CK, he'd be a different person and I'd love spending eternity with him, and if we didn't, at least I'd be rid of him for all eternity and happy by my little ol self.

Then I wised up. Why wait till eternity when you can be rid of them now.

I think there a an awful lot of spouses who got a gentle boost into the hereafter. I hope you don't end up being one of them. You need to get out of that marriage.

My TBM ex-wife used to pray that I'd be hit by a truck, or
something, and killed. So I say, "I'm glad prayers don't come
true."

Meh, I use to mutter/think "I wish you would just die" or "Why can't you just leave or die".

Looking back it was what I said when I felt powerless to leave him. I wanted someone or something else to be responsible for ending my marriage.

He did not die and I finally got the guts to walk out.

believe me, there are plenty of people out there who entertain the idea that their spouse died.

Yes...During the last couple of years of my 23-year temple marriage.

When our family left the church, my JackMormon husband saw it as a huge opportunity to "party" without the constraints of the WOW. First he resurrected his dormant alcoholism, then he developed a cocaine habit. He lost his job, medical license, our house, cars...everything.

I had gobs of kids (many adopted with special needs). Even though I was well educated, I had elected to stay home to care for the kids throughout our marriage. I was in no position to simply walk out the door or file for divorce.

I know this sounds absolutely freakish (gulp), but during the worst of it I wished that he would get in a drunk driving accident one night and simply die. That way the kids and I would get his social security benefits and we would be able to survive. He had long since drained all of our savings/retirement accounts. I made sure, though, to specify to God/The Universe that I didn't want anyone else to be harmed, so could they please make it a tree and not a crash involving another car.

Amazing where our minds take us when we are desperate.

I hate to admit it, but I did have those thoughts because my ex-husband was verbally abusive. He also had a tree nut allergy, with coconut being the worst, so the thoughts I had were of him eating something cooked in coconut oil, and having a fatal reaction.

In the end, I got the guts to leave him and file for divorce. I agree that sometimes when we feel trapped in a bad marriage or situation, our minds take us places we wouldn't go, such as wishing for someone's death.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2017 02:58PM by adoylelb.

When we got married and he was "sin free from gay sex" for a short time, I hoped we'd die on our honeymoon.

At times during our marriage, yes. When he told me he was cheating, yep. When he left me. YOU BET. I'd be rich if he had died.

My daughter tends to leave things for me to read. It might sound to others that you were snooping. Nope, you can tell. My daughter never leaves things around and then all of a sudden her journal would be left on my bed on top of my book or a letter to her "mormon worship mom" on top of her desk when she went off to Alaska to work for 5 months. Like I wasn't going to see that one. She is very secretive unless she wants me to see it.

There have been many times in my current relationship that I've felt like I no longer loved him and I didn't respect him. He deserved it. (He was going through a divorce after 26 years of marriage and we had reconnected after 28 years and he lived a state away--made it very difficult). I told him about it. We went through some rough times. There are days he drives me bonkers. That's just a fact of relationships.

I don't plan on divorcing my children just because some days and months we can't stand each other.



Edited 4 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2017 03:41PM by cl2.

LOL @ Dave! 64, you sound like me. I had a disasterous 10 yr marriage, but since, 100% enjoy being single and free! Yeah, I'd marry myself if I could!

This is for all of you. What you're describing is a spousal death fantasy. This IS A VERY COMMON FANTASY in a difficult marriage. None of you should feel guilty or shameful; it's a fantasy, period. However, it's a symptom of something very wrong in the relationship.

For Annon66, for now, just ignore the journal entry.

When the time is right, converse with your husband. Tell him simply that communication has broken down in your marriage and you want to work with him and a marriage counselor to see if you can put it back together. If he's open to the idea, have the counselor help the two of you to see if you can mend your marriage. What you're after is mending and healing, not hurting. I'm sorry you're going through this!

Very best wishes, The Boner.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2017 08:50PM by BYU Boner.