Posted by:
DumbLawyer
(
)
Date: May 23, 2017 05:49PM
At some point in the remote future we will have the ability to travel to Kolob in a privately charted spacecraft.
In exchange for a $100,000.00 non-refundable deposit, on a first come first serve basis, you will be entitled to one round trip ticket. This includes all meals and non-alcoholic beverages. Although alcohol would be helpful for such a long flight, we intend to follow the Word of Wisdom strictly. But, any and all prescribed medications are specifically encouraged, especially antidepressants and mood stabilizers. Any other prescribed narcotics must be individually approved for the comfort and safety of all future Kolobians.
However, once the inaugural trip begins, we make no guarantee as to how soon the technology will develop to make the return flight home. But again, the return tickets will be given out in the order they were originally purchased.
The actual ticket full purchase price has not been determined as of yet, due to the short supply and fluctuating prices of kryptonite and other necessary space materials.
For those who plan on staying in Kolob, you will have the opportunity to purchase fee simple lots, based upon the same order in which your tickets were purchased, but your return ticket is non-refundable. At this time, pricing and lot prices have not been determined. However, if there is water on Kolob, we anticipate lots adjacent to lakes and oceans to have a
significant premium.
The Kolobian planet has two main continents, which we will call Light and Dark. Light is where we will land and begin development. Dark is where all trash and harmful substances will be discarded. It will also be the place where non law abiding citizens will be removed to.
This one time offer is only available to temple recommend holding couples who pledge to multiply and replenish Kolob. The future of Kolob depends on it.
There are several advantages to living on Kolob. They include living with only the most righteous members of our faith, we expect little to no pollution, and the physical proximity to the Throne of God.
Lastly, I am sure you have countless additional questions but all of your future questions and answers are needed to be taken on faith. You cannot expect answers to these questions because no one has been there, but always remember that when you pry you must always doubt your doubts.
Please contact me directly for deposit information. We take U.S. Currency and any and all notes from the Kirkland Safety Society.