As a TBM, I relied on praying, fasting, turning the other cheek, and living "righteously" to deal with difficult people. Overall effect on these difficult people was to allow them to ride roughshod. Most people have probably lived, worked, or otherwise associated with people who have a few or many of the following characteristics:


Glibness/Superficial Charm
Manipulative and Conning
Grandiose Sense of Self
Pathological Lying
Shallow Emotions
Incapacity for Love
Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
Contemptuous of those who seek to understand them
Does not perceive that anything is wrong with them
Authoritarian
Secretive
Paranoid
Only rarely in difficulty with the law, but seeks out situations where their tyrannical behavior will be tolerated, condoned, or admired
Conventional appearance
Goal of enslavement of their victim(s)
Exercises despotic control over every aspect of the victim's life
Has an emotional need to justify their crimes and therefore needs their victim's affirmation (respect, gratitude and love)
Ultimate goal is the creation of a willing victim
Incapable of real human attachment to another
Unable to feel remorse or guilt
Narcissism, grandiosity (self-importance not based on achievements)


I have a TBM family member and a non-TBM coworker who both exhibit a large number of these behaviors. It is a whole new skill set dealing with these master manipulators. In retrospect, as a TBM, we were trained to allow manipulators to walk all over us. The Mormon plan is to keep people in a subservient and infantile state. Not questioning and not being assertive are imperative to the maintaining of a "testimony." So the growing pains from leaving Mormonism go on.

It is very interesting to watch how the leaders in TSCC (unwittingly) are able to feed the members blatant lies, keep the members overly busy, take their money, and warn them against those who would tell them the truth. As we know it is incredibly difficult to see through the manipulation games and realize that the supposed "good guys" are actually the "bad guys" who lie, manipulate, and use. The same situation exists with many individuals who are also "bad guys" (or gals) and who are experts and manipulating, conning, and pulling the wool over people's eyes.

As part and parcel of being human we are so easily conned and used.

yes... sounds like Scientologist Tom Cruise

Yes, a Commanding Officer I worked for in the 1980s. I always knew him to be a sociopathic asshole, but mid 1990s he was discovered sexually assaulting another male in his quarters while deployed to Bosnia. He got off the subsequent court martial, basically his word against a drunken Captains. Military justice for you.

Johnny Canuck Wrote:
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> Yes, a Commanding Officer I worked for in the
> 1980s. I always knew him to be a sociopathic
> asshole, but mid 1990s he was discovered sexually
> assaulting another male in his quarters while
> deployed to Bosnia. He got off the subsequent
> court martial, basically his word against a
> drunken Captains. Military justice for you.


Reminds me of this guy:

http://abcnews.go.com/US/slideshow/photos-canadian-commander-serial-killer-col-russell-williams-11937839

The man was a highly successful, Canadian Air Force colonel. He also had some issues that were beyond serious. People like that can put on just about whatever face they want. Most people do not have a clue what a monster such people are.

I have recognized all of that in my mother over the last decade or more since I left home. It took me 5 years of therapy to stop shaking with anger every time I was in her presence. You're right...growing up I was given every reason to give in to her tantrums, narcissism, and made-up stories. My goal was to make her look good, never to correct her. It's a miracle that people like me get out with any sanity. Although you mentioned "grandiose sense of self" I tend to think that deep down she hates who she is. But you never know...she isn't really in tune with reality.

Sounds like a serial killer profile.

WickedTwin Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Sounds like a serial killer profile.

That is correct. But most sociopaths are not murders or criminals in any manner that is easy to prosecute. They generally have no interest in running the risk of incarceration. They prefer to manipulate and subjugate in more subtle ways.

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

After eight months of living under the same roof, I have finally discovered her ruse. I am in the process of extricating myself from her abuse.

This one will help also:

narcissists-suck.blogspot.com

Carol Y. Wrote:
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> http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/
>
> After eight months of living under the same roof,
> I have finally discovered her ruse. I am in the
> process of extricating myself from her abuse.


Thank you for this link. I think it may help SIL as she is putting her life back together. (I am also very sad that I recognized FIL as the 'Enabling Father')

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/23/2011 12:04AM by Makurosu.

http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Door-Martha-Stout/dp/076791581X

Review:

"[Dr.] Stout says that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths who have no empathy or affectionate feelings for humans or animals. As Stout (The Myth of Sanity) explains, a sociopath is defined as someone who displays at least three of seven distinguishing characteristics, such as deceitfulness, impulsivity and a lack of remorse. Such people often have a superficial charm, which they exercise ruthlessly in order to get what they want. Stout argues that the development of sociopathy is due half to genetics and half to nongenetic influences that have not been clearly identified. The author offers three examples of such people, including Skip, the handsome, brilliant, superrich boy who enjoyed stabbing bullfrogs near his family's summer home, and Doreen, who lied about her credentials to get work at a psychiatric institute, manipulated her colleagues and, most cruelly, a patient. Dramatic as these tales are, they are composites, and while Stout is a good writer and her exploration of sociopaths can be arresting, this book occasionally appeals to readers' paranoia, as the book's title and its guidelines for dealing with sociopaths indicate."

I went to go check out the link to see if it had any info that might help me deal with a person in my life and not only did I find it concerning this 'friend' but I found my mother and myself in that link. Great gods and little fishes, who stinkin' knew?

My head is spinning.

There is so much to sort through. Just when I thought I was healing from my childhood (and I did not grow up mormon) this re-opened it all and put a name on it and confirmed what I always thought and that is the realization that my mother never loved me. Incidentially, according to the website, I was the ignored scapegoat.

Wow.

I will say thank you because I am sick and tired of the grief these people try to cause and the pain and I am no longer a willing participant. Just so much pain to work through.

I dated a sociopath for a little over a year. After we broke up she was officially diagnosed as a sociopath, along with extreme narcissism and bipolar disorder. She was a piece of work. Killed one small baby animal for fun that I know of. There might have been more.

My mom has a ton of these symptoms, but she's histrionic. That one's rough to deal with, and unfortunately it set my crazy tolerance so high that I wound up dating a sociopath. Gotta love our parents for working so hard to make sure we had issues to battle through for years and years.

I'm a magnet for sociopaths and have been really screwed by these so called "friends". On the plus side, I know pretty much what to look for when it comes to these nutjobs. It's prevented me from developing any kind of relationship with more of them.

a guy who researched it and found 1 person in 100 is a psychopath.

In the church, those people find a happy home and lots of support. In the real world, they have to adapt more.

This seems very familer like all my family familier.

Sounds like Ahhhnold. Princess Diana, too, come to think of it.