Wow. Just friggin' wow! My brother an I were among a very small group in our ward who chose not to go on missions....and nothing was ever said in SS or PM or anywhere else to us about it. Maybe because we're not in Utah or Idaho. My dad would have had harsh words for anyone accusing me or my brother of choosing Stan.
Only a couple guys in my ward went on missions...I was one of the dumb ones that went. Almost all my Mormon friends left the church as soon as they got out of the house. I never heard anything negative about these guys not serving missions, and all of their families were pretty cool with it too. This was nowhere near Utah though.
The author of that piece, while making good points, makes a huge mistake... She attributes the pressure to serve a mission to "mormon culture." That's an excuse. It is, in fact, not "culture" at all, but a command:
“Every worthy, able young man should prepare to serve a mission. Missionary service is a priesthood duty—an obligation the Lord expects of us who have been given so very much.(Thomas Monson,“As We Meet Together Again,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2010, 5–6).
“The question is frequently asked: Should every young man fill a mission? And the answer has been given by the Lord. It is ‘Yes.’ Every young man should fill a mission. Every man should also pay his tithing. Every man should observe the Sabbath. Every man should attend his meetings. Every man should marry in the temple” (President Spencer W. Kimball, “When the World Will Be Converted,” Ensign, Oct. 1974, p. 8).
"Emphasize that through his prophets the Lord has commanded us to serve missions. We cannot escape that obligation any more than we can be exempt from paying tithing or from keeping any other of the Lord’s commandments." (Aaronic Priesthood Manual 3, Lesson 25)
The author is being a normal human being, demonstrating empathy and a bit of reason about kids serving missions. What she misses is that his "prophet" leaders are not demonstrating empathy or reason. They have indeed demanded that every young man MUST serve a mission, it's their duty and obligation. Either the author must accept that her "prophets" are speaking for "god," making her post heresy...or he must accept that her empathy and reason show her "prophets" don't speak for "god." She needs to make up her mind.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2017 11:46AM by ificouldhietokolob.
I have a Mormon friend who shared with me that when he was visiting BYU, he saw people bully the guys that didn't serve missions. I have a friend who came home VERY early from his mission from depression and went to BYU and experienced rejection and shunning from other students that he transferred out the institution.
Sure, but see it from the coed's point of view. The whole reason they went to BYU was to get their RM (not to be confused with RN). They can get a non-RM at home. But yeah, the rejection can be brutal. It's all part of the program to sex-starve guys into going on a mission.
"But as I think about that long-ago Sunday when a church leader told my son he was on the same side as Satan, I ask myself, how welcoming are we of the broken, feeble, imperfect and limited in understanding?"
In reality, how many young people would CHOOSE to serve a mission if it wasn't required?
I think the FMH author's son, who didn't want to serve a mission made the correct bottom line analysis: “I don’t think this church is the right place for me.”
The author wants there to be a place for him in the LDS Church, and tries to dress that up in a more sympathetic way, but it doesn't really get us anywhere practically speaking. Think of her application of the quote from Ms. Okazaki: “Somehow we get the message that Heavenly Father doesn’t want the real us. He wants the prettied-up us, the does-everything-right us, the almost-perfect us. Sometimes we believe that Jesus is saying, ‘Clean up your act and then come back.’ But He wants us just as we are – broken, feeble, imperfect, limited in understanding and limited in achievement.”
Doesn't that still imply that her son is failing to do the right thing by not going on a mission? Is he imperfect, feeble, or limited in understanding for not wanting to go? Were the LDS Church to accept him as he is, it would still do so with the point of getting his life "prettied up" to the point of going on a mission and getting with the program.
After all, failing to go on a mission is technically speaking a sin (at least if you take a TBM point of view). When I was a missionary, the discussions said that when we know the will of God and fail to act accordingly, we sin. A detour into a personal reflection will help illustrate.
Before going on my mission, a bishop did explain to me that serving a mission wasn't required for entry into the Celestial Kingdom. Now that was a theological conundrum. Several prophets have given a commandment to serve a mission, so not going is a de facto sin. The prophet speaks for God and expresses His will. If I fail to heed that command, then I would sin. Would I have to repent? How does that work out to get to the Magic Kingdom?
The author's son reached a correct, clear, and clean conclusion. The LDS Church wants people who do what they are told. He will not do what he is told, and consequently the LDS Church does not want him.
When I was at BYU, I wanted to serve a mission. I prayed about it and felt the call. I decided to tell my nevermo parents. They went apeshit crazy. The worst was my Dad. He didn't say anything, but stared at me while my Mom screamed. I could take the screaming, but there was something about the stare.
The next day, my Dad had a little chat with me. If I submitted my mission papers, he'd disown me. He promised me that he would make sure I defaulted on the student loans we had co-signed. He told me I had a choice--either get my ass back in school or leave the family. I knew he was serious. Later that night, I drove back to Provo.
A couple of weeks later, my missionary preparation teacher (Eldon Ricks) asked me why I was back in school. I told him what had happened. He told me it was Satan's way that I not stand up to my family and go on a mission. This hurt more than what my Dad did.
It all came back to me when my children told me they were going on missions. I hugged them, told them I loved them, and said I would write to them.
My parents meant well, but their parenting skills left much to be desired. The Missionary Dad's Boner.
The son of some friends began acting in very NON-Mormon ways when he was about 16.....smoking, skipping school, etc.
Years later he told his mom he started down that path because he didn't want to go on a mission and knew that refusal would not be accepted so he set out to make himself unworthy.
His dad was upset and disappointed at the time but has since left TSCC himself and views his son as brave to have resisted the pressure of family and the ward. He was not feeble or broken.
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/13/2017 08:50PM by caedmon.