Because it's a shitty religion. Actually it's just a sham religion used as a tax shelter for a Utah MLM. But still shitty.

For what a Mormonism has done for me and my family, I should hate it. But I don't. My folks converted when I was young. They bought the whole package, moved across the country to Zion. Where somehow, our nuclear family got nuked. This looney cult wore mom down. Looking back, I can see it in each kid she pumped out. This self-serving MLM squeezing the humanity out of her. Of course, I drank the Kool Aid like a good little Mormon. Married a nice convert. The church ground the life out of this one too. It took me a long time to figure out it wasn't me. How the church is really bad for decent people. Sometimes their only defense is to let it destroy their soul. So as Mick Jagger sang, "God damn the pusher man".

If my TBM self could have read these words, I'd be all WTF? I know, right? Man, what a mindfuck. Yes, the church really is that bad. Like antifreeze before Propylene Glycol came out. It tastes sweet but it will kill you. I lost my attachment to the church when I decided that humanity mattered more than my salvation. Someone else can have my spot in the CK. I'll go last. I think that opened a door. Then I started reading and did the whole rabbit hole thing, and now I'm happily out.

But I can't leave it alone. The hurt is gone. The frustration is gone. I harbor no bad feelings toward the leaders. It's just that I love the truth. It's the most beautiful thing in the world. They brought this on, not me, by perpetuating a known fraud. They took so much from me, but I'm a package deal. They don't get to choose which parts to take. Now it's time for them to take the medicine.

You can't love truth without hating the lies. It's a package deal. That is why I hate the "self help book" approach of "just let it go . . . forgive . . .forget ... don't let it ruin your life." Huh? No. I like having all the cards in my deck and deciding which ones to play to suit the occasion.

That's what I'm learning. You can't turn your back on yourself. I'm really starting to like myself. 40 years in the cult wasn't for nothing.

Sometimes, profanity is just the right thing to express feelings.
100%, completely, absolutely the right thing in this case.

:)

I can't say the hurt and frustration is gone for me yet or that I don't hate the leaders cause I am pretty sure I do!

I laughed at the part of you referring to your old TBM self reading what you are writing now.. the old self would NOT get it at all, too true..

I wonder if we could time travel and go back to our old selves and try to speak the truth to them how we'd react then? Seeing a 'vision' like that just might work for a TBM.. OR maybe not, we'd think it was a trick from Satan himself, cause of course a good spirit being/angel/ entity would NEVER say ANYTHING against 'God's true church'!!!

I left TSCC 20 years ago but recently joined this forum because I finally understood the full effect of the brainwashing on me. So I am still going through some of the disbelief and anger I should have a long time ago. I just buried my feelings instead. Reading 'View of the Hebrews' was enough for me back then and I didn't look into it further. Just saw that the longer I was out the freer I felt so that when I did try to go to meeting after a few years out it was SO intolerable to me!

But now here I am finally investigating the full truth, the dirty past (and dirty present) of the cult. And I find myself reading the historical accounts of Joe Smith and B Young and I find I have to keep convincing myself JUST how AWFUL They both were, pedophiles, murderers, thieves, liars,, Just the WORST men EVER! And I can still see that OLD thought stuck in my brain that says they were GOOD RIGHTEOUS MEN OF GOD! I KNOW it's FALSE but the child in me holds onto those images that she was fed SO OFTEN.

Hence I am reprogramming myself with the truth. I am going to keep reading the truth until it really kicks in. Learning all I can about the true nature of the cult. So maybe one day I can help my family members get out of it, I'll have answers readily accessible when any of them are finally ready to ask the questions. At least I will also know WHY they behave the way they do. Really understand where it comes from.

My mom has also been pretty much destroyed by the cult. She is SO afraid, with NOT one little bit of self esteem left. She is so unhappy but tries SO HARD to pretend to be happy! She tries SO HARD to be 'worthy' and to be 'righteous' and do what 'God wants'.. it's so hard to watch. I remember her just having these crying fits from nothing and I could see she thought it was just what she had to ENDURE (to the end! She loved to say that 'Endure to the end' that's what she's got to do!) for GOD.

How sad, what a wasted life. That you suppose you should not be able to enjoy it at all, just learn to SACRIFICE, SACRIFICE, ENDURE, SUFFER.. so that you can be 'exhalted and glorified' in the CK .. AFTER this world.. You aren't allowed to enjoy ANYtHING now, it will all come later.. it's 'promised'..

Makes me so angry.. my sisters (whom I really love love love!) are stuck in that crap, married to TBMs, having their babies.. doing nothing for themselves.. my brother dealing with severe chronic depression and anxiety and can't figure out the source (Oh, I know I know what the source is,,, teacher (I have my hand raised) pick me pick me!!).. And I can't tell him because then he won't hear it and he'll demonize me when right now I think I am his only life line because I am probably the only one not condemning him for it.

The lives it destroys.. my nieces and nephews growing up learning to hate themselves and fear god.. At least a couple of the older ones have gotten a clue and left, but still dealing the pain of it with their own families..

Sigh.. it's hard.. The cult is purely EVIL,, the complete Opposite of what the members think it is..

We grew up thinking they were heros, and they turned out to be vilains. It's like finding out (in my case) that Optimus Prime was really the worst vilain all along, and only pretended to be a good guy to trick me. The only difference is that Optimus Prime would never do such a thing. Sounds silly, but they were all heros of my childhood.

Actually it was John Kay of Steppenwolf who sang "The Pusher."

Don, you beat me to it!

Good insights, Babylon.

We are more than the sum total of our parts.

Mormonism doesn't get to pick and choose what we keep and what we give up.

They wouldn't understand that by loosing that bad religion, was really balm for the soul.

This is amazing. I have felt so guilty for hating it---and I do.

For feeling so passionately angry at the children being taught awful things that they will have to live with (until and unless they find the truth and get out, and of course, if and when they do that, they will leave behind broken-hearted family members, and and and. grrr.