So a co-worker is relocating to a different state.

A bit of back story...she has consistently, over 5 years, produced 1/4 to 1/2 of what I and two others with the same position produce while making equal money. She has been placed in charge of certain things and fails to tell us of changes. This has repeatedly causes a 'thrown under the bus' scenario for me and the two others. She has made some rude, almost inhumane, comments surrounding the diagnosis of cancer in my FIL. Many other rude comments regarding my wife staying home and people being less than her. I could go on and on and on.

I have distanced myself from her antics which has helped

With in one week of me learning she is leaving, I get an email from her new employer. She put me down as a reference?! No request from her, no previous discussions, nothing. I deleted the email. I have, every other day, received a reminder email to complete the reference. I continue to delete these.

The first request was last week. I've worked along side her several days since then and still nothing.

Am I right in not completing the reference? It is a matter of principle for me. I cannot provide anything positive to say aside from the fact she is leaving. I also worry that if I were candid in the reference she would not get the job and be forced to stay here longer.

Thoughts?

Send it to the Spam folder and pretend you never saw it.

Perhaps tell her if she asks that you don't feel comfortable as a reference because you were co-workers instead of boss/underling? Shrug your shoulders and tell her you think that its inappropriate since you aren't her supervisor, but you hope the supervisor will be able to write her a glowing rec?

"This individual didn't let me know I was a reference and I have no comment."

+100

Reply so the "reminders" stop.
Just put what Cheryl wrote.
DON'T say anything bad -- it could be a liability for your company.

You can always respond to the request for that reference with something like this: "I can recommend so and so ... but not very highly!"

I like the no comment suggestion. Will do that to hopefully prevent the reminder emails.

I would write that you were advised to tell them that they need to contact HR for employment verification and a supervisor for job performance.

I agree with this. I would not provide any comment about her job performance because this may expose you to liability issues.

Yes! Pass the buck to HR!

That's how I would handle it. Tell them you cannot comment because you are not the supervisor, nor in HR.

I agree with the above posters.

My manager had a similar experience with a fellow employee. He basically told the potential future employer that he can't give a recommendation for that individual.

Absolutely not, nor would I forward it. "Sorry, I must have marked it as junk by mistake."

If your company uses Outlook, you can use rules and alerts to have the server delete them (use a headers rule), you never even see them, and they won't be in your junk or deleted folders, either.

-I block entire countries and domains that way. e.g., AMEX is not going to be contacting me via Nigeria. There is only one valid email address for amex mail, it goes to a folder, those that don't go to that folder are surveys, spam or scams, bye-bye forever.

My rule is that unless the person tells me (asks me) in advance for a reference, I don't do it. Who knows who is contacting you and asking for info about them? There are some liability issues there...especially if you don't have flattering things to say about them.

And if they do actually make a request and I don't want to, I say, "I don't think I'm the right person" or "I'm not well-enough acquainted with you to speak to your qualifications.'

I agree: Ignore the request.

If you are ballsy enough, tell her you received it and was surprised she didn't tell you that you'd be listed as a reference. And that you simply don't provide feedback on performance when you weren't asked in advance.

She sounds like she saw you in a different light than you saw her.

I had a friend in one of my last jobs who we worked side by side for about five years. In separate pods, but neighbors in an open office environment. I always thought well of her, but we were never really what I'd describe as chummy. Our job didn't allow for real close friendships as it was high pressure, but we were able to make time for some chit chat nonetheless, and got to know each other fairly well over the years.

Then she got pancreatic cancer. Diagnosed in March, and by August she was gone. It was pretty devastating. It wasn't even the cancer that killed her in the end, but pneumonia she picked up in the hospital from a weakened immune system brought about by the chemo.

Her sister, whom I had never met before or spoken to, called me ahead of the funeral to invite me to the luncheon afterward at a local restaurant. She made a special point to tell me her sister thought of me as her very best friend next to someone she knew from growing up with. I was floored! I had no idea!

It made me see her in a different light knowing that she thought of me that way, because to her I was not only a friend, but a 'best friend.'



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 06/30/2017 09:43PM by Amyjo.

The suggestion that you steer them toward HR is a good one. You are under no obligation to provide a reference for anyone. I agree with others that providing a bad reference could cause liability issues for you.

I have given out precisely one bad reference in my career, and I did it over the phone, not in writing. The person in question was unreliable and was applying for a job in which people could be hurt or killed by carelessness. I couldn't let that one slide.

I learned from my major professor in college if you want to get rid of someone give them a glowing letter of recommendation.

Use the phrase "honestly I don't know what we will do without xyz's contributions".