I'm currently at home for another year, until I can transfer from community college to a four year university. I came home at 3:00 in the morning yesterday and accidentally left a bottle of tequila next to my bed, and I think a few days before that my mother saw a bottle of rum in my closet. It seems like my TBM parents are taking the "see no evil" approach and turning a blind eye. Should I continue pretending I don't drink? That seems silly at this point, but also I don't think they'd take well to knowing any further details. They certainly don't know that I tend to binge drink.

This isn't a serious issue (they'd have found out eventually anyways, and at least there's no punishment) - it's just uncomfortable. Is there any etiquette I should follow, aside from obviously not drinking in front of them?

Hi ren,

I can really understand your dilemna, but as a homeowner and mother (mine have all flown the coop), I can't help but feel that perhaps it would be best for all concerned if you didn't drink or have booze in your parent's home. If that is the standard they live by, then it should be respected in their home. YOu can drink while out with your mates, on dates etc, but simply not in their home. If they ask you if you drink, you can simply say "Yes I do, but I respect your home and will not drink here". I think that would take a lot of sting out of what you are saying to them. Good Luck!!!

I agree with fluhist, drink if you want to but not in their home if that is they way they live. It's just basic respect for someone who is providing you a place to dwell.

My own Father came to visit me for a couple of weeks and when he saw the coffee pot on my kitchen counter top he asked me why that was there. I replied that I liked coffee. He stated that I knew better and shouldn't be drinking it. I let it slide. Later that evening, when it was nearing time for bed, and my girlfriend hadn't left yet, he asked me when she was going to go home. I told him that she lived here with me. He stormed into his room and left early the next morning. I guess that my sinning was too much for him.

Don't secretly drink in your parents' home if you know they don't approve.

And don't drink and drive when you're away from home. You could kill someone and that might include you. Drinking is fine if it's done responsibly.

No need to worry about drinking and driving. I may drink too much sometimes, but I wouldn't dare drink and drive.

Your parents are not the problem. Binge drinking and leaving an empty tequila bottle next to your bed is not normal behavior. It is alcoholic behavior.

I agree, as a family member of a recovered alcoholic.

It sounds like the parent's fears may be validated.

ren, don't ignore the red flags in your post.

Brother of Jerry is spot on.

I definitely need to improve my pacing, but otherwise I think it's fine. I only drink once every couple of weeks, I don't drink life-threatening amounts, and I never do multiple drugs at once. I have some obvious impulse control problems and I'll try to be more cautious in the future, though.

I'm nevermo and come from a drinking family. Binge drinking is really bad news. I agree that there are red flags in your post.

I would advise keeping it out of your parents' home as well.

Binge drinking can lead to blackouts. That means that to others, you might appear to be somewhat tipsy but otherwise functional. You walk, you talk, etc. But the part of your brain that creates memories goes offline. You wake up in the morning with little to no idea of how you spent your evening. This is one of the dangers of ingesting alcohol at too fast a pace.

At your age I would strongly advise sticking mostly with beer, with only the occasional mixed drink. I would stay away from drinking hard liquor straight up or doing shots. You are in the learning stage of drinking alcoholic beverages, and it's best not to get in over your head.

Thanks for the advice. I've been drinking for several years now, so I know my limits pretty well, but I still push them nearly every time I drink. I have some issues with impulse control, which obviously doesn't mix well with alcohol. And, to be perfectly honest, I enjoy getting blackout drunk (but I understand that it's damaging and dangerous).

Once I transfer I plan on visiting a college psych counselor to try and reduce my impulses and self-destructive behaviors. Hopefully it goes well, although I'm reluctant to cut back.

You actually said, " I enjoy getting blackout drunk"? My friend, take it from a 71 year old party boy of many years and many miles....you are an Alcoholic. ...and I mean that with a capital "A"!! Get some help while you're young and save yourself lots of grief in life.

If you know your limits with alcohol, but push them nearly every time and enjoy getting blackout drunk, you have a drinking problem.

This accidentally leaving rum and tequila bottles around also speaks volumes about the drinking problem. That isn't normal behavior for a non-problem drinker.

Perhaps the reason that your parents haven't brought it up is that they already realize that this is more serious than your just breaking the house rules. They may not know quite how to address your drinking. They may be more worried about your drinking and other self destructive behaviors than about their Word of Wisdom issues.

For non Mormon parents, what you are describing would be beyond worrisome. It is the sort of thing that parents dread.

I would encourage you to stop drinking completely and see a psych counselor immediately, rather than putting it off.

My mother actually did make one comment about drinking, but it was just to say that I'm not allowed to drink in the house. Based off of that, my parents really are more concerned with house rules than with my own safety, but that's not surprising to me. My parents and I generally don't talk about anything personal.

Also thanks for the advice on what is/isn't normal. College parties are definitely not the best standard for me to measure myself against.

I met with a psych counselor at my community college several months ago, but it didn't help much. I'm hoping the university I'm transferring to will have better psych services.

I drink at my parents house. One drinks gets me drunk. I stay in a room by myself watch tv and get one you tube. They don't know I'm drunk. I don't leave my vodka bottle laying around also. I only get drunk a couple of times a year. Don't be stupid around your parents. They will think this happened because you're not mormon anymore. thus, anyone who's not a mormon is a drunk ( that's maybe what they are thinking)

I stayed with my parents when I was divorced. My father invited me, and of course he charged rent. I didn't drink there, but I did bring home a young lady. That was the end of my stay.

Hah, if I brought home a girl it'd also probably end badly (partly because I'm a lesbian, which they're aware of but not very comfortable with).

Parent's house, parent's rules.

My wife found out I drank when we went to counseling, and I said that I drank, and would like to drink in my own home from here on out. She actually said it was okay by her, but then I never did it, because she wanted my beer to be in a small fridge in the garage since grandkids were in our house a lot during that time. Well... Buying a little fridge, finding room in the garage... Too inconvenient. So I never did it. My bad, though. Was cutting the lawn last week, and was soaked through with sweat, and an icy Yuengling sounded so great. I thirsted for ice cold beer. Sometimes I just go to the bar at a nearby Applebee's and have a tall cold one, but then I have to watch all those damned sports games on the overhead TVs.