Following on from a previous poster regarding what is ward council, I'd like to hear crazy/funny/maybe even uplifting stories from ward councils that people on the board have attended.

I served on Ward Councils for a number of years - as a clerk then as first counsellor on branch presidency (I was released Jan 17, never to return to Church. See my previous posts for how it all went down). I'm not kidding you, the shit would hit the fan more times than not in these meetings.

One family who I've spoken about before many times, they loved to make this meeting about them. Fuck the rest of the members, active or not, this was about what THEY were doing and how GREAT they were. Would give a rundown of doctors appts, meetings they'd have to attend (really just sneaking into, their callings didn't require them to be there), the state of the chapel, the wifi not working, family history classes and what they wanted to do to improve them.

One memory that stands out is the fat workshy daughter having a go at me (during the meeting) for buying small laptops for the class and should have got bigger and more poweful, they were useless. I had to explain calmy there is such a thing as a BUDGET. Can't throw our entire funds at one thing and be left with no money for anything else. More to the point, she had a calling as family history consultant. She was not in charge, but kept acting like she was.

Another memory - we had a guy that used to be a pro-wrestler come to church a few times. All he was interested in was using the building to train kids to wrestle and put on shows. The Branch President, good guy he really is, said to go ahead with it. Doesn't want to be the church that says no, and knew the whole thing would never work as nobody would show up (i explained, being a huge wrestling fan and good knowledge of local area that there is a wrestling school near to us and people go there). Plus, this guy was in a wheelchair, how was he going to train people to wrestle.
Anyway after been given the permission, he had a van bring up an actual wrestling ring. In bits. Most of it stored out the back, the grass was ruined from the van being on it and all the metal. Most of it leaned against a fire door...more on that in a bit. Mats, which were filthy, wet and massive, were stored in a cupboard with all of the tables used at social events.

So this family is CONSTANTLY bringing this up at meetings. The wrestler went awol for months, and this ring was just sat up at the chapel. They constantly complained about it blocking the fire door, mess of grass, tables being infected and them constantly having to wash them down because peoples immune system would not cope. I had a wrestler friend who could take the ring but it was so funny to see how angry they would get, I let it continue. Eventally, this guy turned back up to collect it. The family apparently spent a whole day at chapel washing everything.

The wifi was a constant issue brought up at the meetings. I eventually got it fixed and working perfectly, until fat guts started playing around with it again and broke it. Every meeting seemed to be about that, I eventually just said it was fixed and if people would fucking leave it alone it would stay fixed, and looking right at her. She was furious at this, but I said I knew it was her. When I left, it was still not working.

Home Teaching was always brought up, the EQP and HPGL would constantly berate us for not doing it. We had to constantly explain back to him, we are a small unit with few cars, and people we are trying to see simply don't want us in. But nope, constant battle with him.

One guy, a former police inspector, would loose his rag if meeting descended into everyone talking amongst themselves and not to BP. He'd shout and scream and demand silence. Guy was nuts. Proper nuts.

I have many more, will post when I have time...like to hear some others.

Rulon Gardner? Who keeps his amputated toe in a jar on his fridge?

Fortunately, I got out before I was old enough to serve on a "ward council."

I did, however, serve as fodder for them on several occasions. How do I know? Because a "ward council" member would tell me.

One sunday, for example, I was rebuked by the bishop for having worked the previous Sunday evening (at Jack-in-the-Box -- manager called Sunday afternoon and asked if I could fill in, knowing that I had asked for Sundays off. So I did. The bishop found out, and despite having sent me off to the grocery store with $5 to buy "emergency" sacrament bread the week before, read me the riot act for "violating the sabbath").

The sunday after that, the 2nd counselor and the ward clerk both told me I had been a "subject of conversation at ward council." Because of my horrible sabbath-breaking ways, of course. As the priest quorum leader, I also had numerous ward council members tell me about the "discussions" (meaning gossip sessions) that were had at ward council about some wayward priests in the quorum. There were no secrets in that ward.

The 1st counselor even told me (shh -- in confidence!) once (when I was a priest) that the former scout leader had confessed to having an affair, and was about to be excommunicated.

I couldn't help but notice that he sounded a little envious...

I wasn't sure whether to post this one, but what the heck!

About 20 years ago, I was membership clerk and was obligated to attend because the ward clerk was working Sundays. I quickly discovered that there was no set time limit and these things really went on and on. It was 95% gossip about less actives, singles and any members "slipping" in their faith.

The meeting began with a concern from the RS prez. She brought up the Wires family and their behavior. They were the largest family in the ward with 7-8 children; save for the BP ~ he had 9. What was the beef? The Wires were attending every ward potluck dinner WITHOUT bringing any food. They were notably the first in line at the Spaghetti feed, and the ward ran short on toasted bread and green beans. It was noted that canned vegetables and loaves were rather inexpensive. This lead to concerns about not having food or being ingrates.

The RS prez was not done with Sister Wires. "Several sisters are concerned about her lack of discretion and modesty of dress."

BP replied, "What is the problem?"

RS prez, "I guess that you haven't noticed that we have been entertaining Mae West. Teri has been using very low cut dresses with high slit skirts and fishnet stockings. She looks like a cheap hooker and it causing too many husbands to eyeball her every time she gets up in SM."

The BP held up his hands and told her that he wasn't going to directly address it.

***I knew that Brother Wires was encouraging his wife to dress that way because he had shared his opinions in EQ about spicing up the marriage. He told the EQ that a happy marriage was creating fantasy time and making the wife into a lovely mistress. His idea was not well received by the EQ.

As the acting ward clerk, I had the misfortune of bumping into Sister Wires during SM on several occasions. I had to walk around counting people for SM attendance. While I was failing miserably to act discreet while counting heads, a plump Sister Wires would begin her treacherous trip to leave the chapel. With towering mega high heels, she would teeter back and forth as she zig zag-ed the slope of the chapel floor. She often grabbed my shoulder to maintain her balance on her dangerous shoes. My newlywed wife, Sister Goop, was not amused by Sister Wires' chapel antics.***

One final "surprise" comment came from the womanizing BP counselor [re-baptized 3 times for adultery]. He blurted out that Sister Wires attire was not offensive in any matter. He told the RS prez to mind her own business. This counselor later was ex-communicated for cheating on wife #4 with a twenty-something.

> hooker and it causing too many husbands to eyeball
> her every time she gets up in SM."
>
>
>


> As the acting ward clerk, I had the misfortune of
> bumping into Sister Wires during SM on several
> occasions. I had to walk around counting people
> for SM attendance. While I was failing miserably
> to act discreet while counting heads, a plump
> Sister Wires would begin her treacherous trip to
> leave the chapel. With towering mega high heels,
> she would teeter back and forth as she zig zag-ed
> the slope of the chapel floor. She often grabbed
> my shoulder to maintain her balance on her
> dangerous shoes. My newlywed wife, Sister Goop,
> was not amused by Sister Wires' chapel antics.***
>
>


This is beside the point, but why was Sister Wires so regularly "getting up" in the middle of Sacrament meeting? You didn't mention that she was holding a child as she teetered on the stilts she was wearing.

My parents taught my siblings and me that we were to take care of business before church started so that we wouldn't need to disrupt the Sacrament Meeting. Emergencies happen, but not all that frequently. I only remember leaving Sacrament Meeting once when I was about eleven and became unexpectedly nauseated. My mom left with me and took me home after I finished hurling. (She had a Relief Society Spiritual Living lesson to teach, but it didn't matter because one of her children was sick. As much as I complain about having been brought up in that crazy church, I was very lucky to have a mom who wasn't totally mind-fucked.) I'm sure I occasionally had to use the bathroom during church when I was really little, but from seven or eight on, I was expected to sit through S.M. unless I had an emergency.

When I attend now for special family functions, I notice people all over the chapel walking in and out during the meeting. It used to be that people with young children sat near the back so that they could quietly exit without disrupting anything if their babies or very young children became restless. Now there seems to be little or no attempt to encourage children to look at books or to do other quiet things during the meeting. It cannot be just for emergencies that these people are leaving the chapel, as no group of 200 people would have that many emergencies in a seventy-minute interval. Even Job wasn't that cursed.

Regarding the adults, as most of the kids have no choice in the matter: if they have so little interest in what is taking place during the meeting, why do they bother to show up? Why not just stay home? It's like they think they're doing something truly awesome by the sheer act of dragging themselves to church, so once they're there, they have no obligation to pay any attention or to observe any basic rules of politeness.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/18/2017 07:30AM by scmd.