I stopped wearing garments after not going to church for two years. I kept wearing them because I didn't want to deal with the drama of an upset or sad TBM wife. She's been cold with me the past few days and finally told me today through a text that's she's sad about it. Not sure how to respond. I mean why would she expect me to keep wearing them after almost 2 years of telling her I don't believe in the church and it's lies.

Looking at things from her perspective she has the right to be sad since she feels she has lost her eternal partner. You may have to deal with a lot of negative impact from this. In my case my wife rapidly came around to the conclusion that garments are stupid uncomfortable and don't seem to be supported by any scripture. Doing some low key education about where the temple ceremony came from and the shenanigans of the first endowments might open her eyes ... but go slowly.

My problem is she isn't really sad. She says that so I feel bad. Been through this with her before. It's her way of making me feel bad and guilty. I'm the one doing something wrong and she wants to make sure I know it. It's frustrating trying to get her to understand. I've been wearing them for 2 years now because I didn't want her to get upset. Should of just pulled the bandaid off a long time ago.

"I'm the one doing something wrong and she wants to make sure I know it."

That's quite the relationship to be in....

You might -tell- her, not compromise or negotiate with her, that you've been out for 2 yrs and as a result, you see no need to wear or display any symbols of a religion you don't believe in, nor practice, anymore.

You might also tell her that you are tired of always "doing something wrong" and want to -stop- doing something wrong...and live your life guilt-free

She is responsible for her own emotions. If she is sad because she can't control what underwear you decide to wear, that is a self inflicted injury.

It seems like a particularly ridiculous thing to be "sad" about.

If it's really an issue of her losing her eternal companion, as Hedning wrote, I say give her the typical response that a Mo would: "We were sealed in the temple...God knows us and will sort it out [you two being together for eternity] in heaven."

Put a knife in her hand and ask her to cut you. That's what was done in the original Masonic ceremony, to give you the scars that are now embroidered on the garments.

It's all about scars and secret handshakes, so why not have real scars?

Hey Ben, glad to have you back on board, but sincere sympathies for the problems. I wish I had answers. My wife and I separated many years ago when I stopped wearing the Gs. Eventually, we got back together, but the agreement was that I was no longer LDS and wouldn't be wearing the holy underwear.

I suggest you let the comments ride and just try not to make a bigger deal about the issue.

Again, friend, I'm truly sorry that something like underwear is causing so much tension. The level of Morg brainwashing is truly amazing. The Boner.

BYU Boner Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Hey Ben, glad to have you back on board, but
> sincere sympathies for the problems. I wish I had
> answers. My wife and I separated many years ago
> when I stopped wearing the Gs. Eventually, we got
> back together, but the agreement was that I was no
> longer LDS and wouldn't be wearing the holy
> underwear.
>
> I suggest you let the comments ride and just try
> not to make a bigger deal about the issue.
>
> Again, friend, I'm truly sorry that something like
> underwear is causing so much tension. The level of
> Morg brainwashing is truly amazing. The Boner.
Sorry it's been awhile. Thanks for the tips. Reason I avoided not wearing them was because I knew she would get upset enough and wanted to avoid separation or divorce. I felt ridiculous wearing them everyday and just couldn't do it anymore. Something she won't ever understand.

She told you through a text? wow

She is in charge of how she feels about things.

If she keeps raising the issue, just tell her that it makes you sad that she doesn't wear Victoria's Secret.

Okay, so the garments represent a symbol of your eternal commitment to one another (nevermind there's nothing about love in the temple marriage, whatever). To her, taking off your garments must be like if you took off your wedding ring. Just. stopped. wearing it. I would be upset too if it appeared that my partner wasn't as committed as he once seemed to be.

So I recommend making up a new ritual and just between the two of you, renew your vows, make a new commitment. Study D&C 132 together and ask her if there was anything she'd change about the concept of mormon marriage, what would it be? Then make up a ceremony and swear yourselves to it. Maybe that won't seem valid to her, but my idea is to open up the idea that just because you don't believe, that doesn't mean you don't still love her and you don't want to be with her for eternity. I think she just needs reassurance that she's not losing YOU.

She is manipulative. You have a right to live your life according to your own conscience and principles. I think if you are communicating through text messages, that signals another significant problem. She needs to grow up.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2017 12:50PM by newnameneeded.

Don't worry. Assuming she's a normal adult, she'll get over it.

Can you just text her back that you are sorry she is sad? You are acknowledging her feelings without backing down.

No...he shouldn't apologize for her sadness, just because he made his own personal choice about hygiene, fashion, and (lack of) religion to practice. NOR should he (they) be texting each other.

If my wife did that, bells would be going off in my head..

Just start strutting around in some sexy boxer briefs for a few days and see how long the sadness lasts. :-D

I have friends who left the church. I gave your topic some thought and maybe it's a culture thing. Maybe she may feel that this is 360 degrees away from normal.

Texting you is a very passive-aggressive move on her part.
Do you normally communicate feelings with each other this way?

Text back: If you would like to talk about it face to face sometime in the future; let me know.

More than likely, you see them as underwear and she sees them as a symbol of you being "good".

Sadness and disappointment are emotions adults have and are understandable. Let her know her feelings matter, but you still stand by your choice. Remind her that SHE is one of your choices.

RMM

What's the big deal with texting? According to Dieter, that's how God put the messages on the Seer Stone for Joseph to translate the BoM. You'll notice that BoM verses are less than 160 characters. Maybe such a holy medium deserves more respect.

Another Case of one spouse using church as a wedge;

This isn't unusual anymore in Morland, because ppl are Tired Of LDS Lies.

"Loyalty belongs to individuals, not to groups"

My TBM son cautioned me to not wear my Gs once I went A, because there are curses arrached to them to inflict upon those who wear them unworthily!!!

Does she want the magic Gs to become weaponized on yer sorry self? 'Cause yeah, they will !!!

Put on some Barry White and ramp up the seduction. Remind her that cold is a curable condition.

Wait... What decade are we living in again?

Because she doesn't share (have) the truth.

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