I am a non-Mormon and I have friends who have left the church and some who are closeted non-believers. I notice that you guys post here commonly and I always enjoy reading what you guys have to say because you both have a lot of wisdom and experience.

I just wanted to if you guys were BIC? How long have you been in the church before leaving? What cracked your shelves and did it tear a part your families? Also, how long have you guys been posting on RFM?

Gee, thanks. I'm still learning.

I was BIC and lasted about 40 years. I turned by back on everything I ever knew, so it's hard to sort out some stuff. Things came to a head all at once. The authoritarianism was probably the first crack. When the Russians complain that your church is too authoritarian, you have to wonder.

There must be some positive takeaway from the Mormon experience. I think I'm starting to understand some of it. I've heard belief described as a contract we have with reality. That would describe the things I saw during that time. The synchronicities, the miracles. Belief based on complete hogwash has real power. Why? If God has nothing to do with it, it must be us.

Why did the chapel feel special? Was it all in my head? The temple too. I could feel a shift in the energy when stepping into temple grounds. I'd stop in my tracks and look around. There was the fence boundary, right there. Yet we know it's all made up. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, those are the facts. The only thing making it special is people who believe it. Their belief rubs off on the building, just like it does in all belief systems. Every religion's temple is as holy as the Mormon temple. It's just a lot cheaper to get in.

Nobody visited Joseph and Oliver to restore the priesthood. There's just no way, given what we know. Yet, I've seen priesthood blessings do things. Not always, but sometimes. The bottom line is that we make the juju happen. God is just a mantra we use. An excuse to believe in ourselves.

Nowadays, I don't need an excuse to like myself. I don't need to please God. I hope that I do, but I'm allowed not to. The old social contract that I had with reality, where I had to beat myself and run toward heaven like a dog in the Iditarod, is gone. I can relax now and rewrite the contract.

What an excellent post!

Thank you.

Human

I grew up in a strict, but fairly normal nevermo home, until I was about 10. Unfortunately, my Mom developed into a bipolar alcoholic and my home life became pure hell. I joined the Morg because of a friend when I was 18--any church against alcohol had to be good.

I have 2 degrees from BYU. I started questioning during BYU religion classes, but figured the church was true, so I put it on a shelf.

I wasn't told that beating off was a sin until I confessed to my BYU bishop. I never could "overcome" it. I punished myself, unmercifully, for not being perfect. Hence, my screen name.

Then, Mark Hofmann started blowing people up and I realized the old farts were not prophets or seers. My shelf collapsed in a temple session where I realized--I'm in a fucking cult!

Hugs, Da Bone.

I should add that I've been married a long time. My wife and kids are TBM--temple marriages and missions. My wife thinks I'm of the devil, my kids love me. It's complicated.

I love my children and encourage them to be happy. I've never talked with them about my exit. The oldest ones are slowly figuring things out--Never be a jerk to those whom you love.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/08/2017 04:00AM by BYU Boner.

same here, lol. Except she left me...for a TBM who is abusive. She gets what she wants, I guess. I got a hot Mexican chick who loves to make love and drink dark beer. I think I got the better deal.

Are you open to threesomes? :) :) :)

Heads up -

Flattery will get their surveys answered, even if the "inactives" won't go to or participate in the marketing session Q & A "at the chapel" sessions.


"He kill 'em with their love." - "The Green Mile"


How to tell?

Do the questions match "the story?" Any authenticity there? Why not ask the "friends?"

Questions, questions, questions, unrelated to anything a nevermo would ask. But, everything TSCC needs to discover to stem the exodus.

We know what nevermos ask, and this ain't it. We have seen the same questions many times, and they boil down to:

Why did they hurt me, hurt each other? Why do they act this way? Is it true, is it safe? How do I help my friend/loved one? How to help someone get out?

Those are "real" nevermo questions.

Nevermos don't ask specific posters for their stats with a mouthful of charm.

Your usernames will be on their forms.

Someone needs to go to one of those sessions, lie his ass off, but return and report.

Babylon-etc.,

"Why did the chapel feel special? Was it all in my head? The temple too. I could feel a shift in the energy when stepping into temple grounds"

In my opinion, the reason was our expectations of what we thought we would receive upon entering those buildings. The same with all the rest of the Mo activities.

BYU Boner, that is interesting. Most men who confess to no longer believe in the church usually wind up in an ugly divorce and alienated from their children. How did you make it work even with a wife who thinks you are of the devil? And how is it that your oldest children are slowly starting to figure it out? Does your wife have pioneer heritage? How old are they? Does your family know you post on here?

If a woman confesses to her husband that she no longer believes, what would happen in her case?

I came very close to divorce. My lawyer told me that in Utah the number 1 reason for divorce was religious strife when someone left. However, there are couples whose marriage makes it intact.

Some couples just agree to disagree and are still very happy together. Other couples (like myself) live in an uneasy peaceful co-existence.

My wife's family are all TBM LDS, and her parents are classic narcissists. Things will change when they die.

The kids are free on my end to question without being put down. If I would have shoved things at them when they were younger, it would have pushed them deeper into the Morg. I know this because my nevermo parents did this, unintentionally, to me.

Questioning Mormonism happens as one matures, studies the doctrines, and realizes the church and leaders have been wrong or bigoted on many, many occasions.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/09/2017 04:08AM by BYU Boner.

That sounds very intelligent. When did your eldest children start slowly figuring things out?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/11/2017 03:20AM by helenm.