Posted by:
Breeze
(
)
Date: July 15, 2017 01:50PM
I don't know you or your wife or your mother, but I can speak in generalities.
Please keep your relationship with your wife SEPARATE from your relationship with your wife! I can't stress this enough! Your relationship with your wife is more important. It seems your mother has opted out, if she is on a mission, and has temporarily escaped from being in your life. Concentrate on your wife.
In the long run, it is best to battle dishonesty and secrecy (which Mormonism is all about) with HONESTY. Don't become part of the Mormon back-biting, scheming, and manipulations. The way to do this is to be genuine.
Tell your wife and your and mother, separately, that you listened to their conversation!
There's something about telling the truth, that gives you personal power. I agree that it would be a mistake for you to "dim your light" for your wife and mother. In business school, they used to say that whoever does the most talking has the LEAST power. After you tell your wife and mother, just listen to them. Let them squirm. Let them try to explain. Let them gloss it over, or deny it. They will probably use the "best defense is an offense" tactic on you. They might team up, in a united front against you. They might bring the bishop into it. Squelch your anger, and above all, don't swear. Don't try to talk them out of the cult, or argue the religious issues. Just. Listen. Practice unconditional love towards your wife. Be the best father you can be. But don't back down. You want to teach your children 1) love and 2) integrity. The Mormon cult will not teach your children these things. Their mother hasn't learned these things. I'm afraid your mother hasn't learned it, either. This is something maybe you need to learn out in the world, in your own life, as you mature.
As you listen, try to understand. You need more information, before you decide what you want to do. All the counseling in the world won't work unless BOTH you and your wife can be honest.
Mormonism is like a nasty, black mold that spreads into every nook and cranny of your life. Its in your sex life, your underwear, your heart. Telling the truth is like shining bright sunlight into the dark corners. Mormonism shrinks and dies in the light, because it is nothing. You don't need to kill anything else, or destroy any relationships, if the Mormonism is eradicated.
Stay strong, and make the effort. I always think of the children, above the spouses, in Mormon marital problems like yours. How can you rescue yourself from the cult, and still leave your children under the bus, to battle through the very life that you, yourself, couldn't tolerate, as a grown adult? Your children need you!
The up-side of divorce, is that it often opens the door to another home for your children--a place where they can enjoy unconditional love, less punishment, honesty, laughter and joy, and the freedom to express themselves and to ask questions. You can have a relationship with your children--one-on-one--without Mormon interference.
I feel sorry for you. Your battles are probably just beginning, as you, yourself suspect, by the message in your title for your thread. Your wife will want your children to go on missions. Your wife will want you to go with her on a mission, like your mother is doing.
BTW, the cult and my MIL helped break up my family. Fortunately, like Incognitotoday, my divorce was the best thing that ever happened for me and my children. I wish you could see us now, compared to how we used to be as TBM's, with a husband and father who did not love us, and lied to us about his serial cheating. He blamed and accused me, until I almost lost my self-esteem. A good non-Mormon counselor helped me, and getting a great job helped me, and being around people who DID love and appreciate my helped me. It helped my children, too. They flourished, after they were away from DH's verbal abuse, name-calling, and criticism. Sorry to bring my own problems into this, but your wife yelling and beating on your car gave me a flashback of my ex-husband doing the same thing.
Again, my sympathy.