I had a discussion with a never-mo recently and the topic wandered into an area that got me to thinking about my boyhood as a Blazer/Hatchet/Trekker, etc.

I am not sure which was cause and which was effect, but a a lad, I never got into a physical altercation of any sort. Was it because I was an obedient little mo-boy or something else?

I told my friend that I'd never been in a fight. He was shocked and amazed. His view was that fighting was a rite of passage for a pre-teen/early teen. To not have ever punched anyone in anger and intent to put hurt on another was representative of a defective childhood.

I'm wondering---how many out here in ex-mo land are like me. Or, am I an aberration? Hell, at my ripe old age, Now that I ponder it, I wonder what it's like to be in a fight.

Do tell.

My guess would be about half or a little higher.

I'm as "defective" as you are.
I got challenged to a fight in middle school.
Met the kid after school just off school grounds.
A crowd gathered.

I told the bully I wasn't going to fight him, 'cause it was stupid and wouldn't solve anything. That I was going to walk away, and if he wanted to chase me, he could -- but that I could run faster than him. And that me not fighting him wasn't a sign of weakness on my part, but of being smart. And him thinking hitting me was going to resolve anything was him being stupid.

And I walked away. He didn't chase me.

That was it. Nothing to do with being a good little mormon, at least not in my opinion.

And nothing defective about it :)

I was never in a fight either.

But I was ridiculously obedient as well. Once when I was in about third grade, a guy on the playground at lunch told me, "I'm going to kick your ass. Be at the flagpole right after school!"

So I went. How could I not? He had TOLD me to be there.

When he still hadn't shown up after about 30 minutes, I walked home.

I almost did come to blows with a companion on my mission. I had endured this insufferable blowhard for an entire month, and almost let him have it on p day before transfers. Right as I was advancing on him, we were interrupted by the member we lived with , who had heard the yelling and quickly diffused it.
Too bad....that self righteous, stupid hick had it coming.

First fight was in 7th grade. I put up with a lot before then because my parents had drummed into me that good boys don't fight. The line in the sand was when the some boys started throwing rocks at me.

After that, I enjoyed a blissful two months where nobody bothered me at all. Then one day, a boy who had not gotten the memo that nyetmo was fighting back picked a fight with me while I was reading a book under a tree. After a little scuffle, I picked him up and ran him into the tree.

Never had to fight again after that.

I was never a fighter either, however, I did do a lot of boxing, wrestling, and some martial arts with my 3.5 year older brother and his friends, so I was quite able.

A few kids picked fights with me on the playground, grade school, middle school, and I had no difficulty dispatching them.

Once in high school, no one really bothered my and I didn't go looking, so haven't had a fist to cuffs since then.

I have no desire to hurt or be hurt.

I'm a girl. I was a convert at age 12. At age six (pre-Mormon) a boy grabbed my brand new stocking cap off my head, threw it in the mud, and stomped on it. I didn't know it could be washed so I thought it was ruined. After school (this is about first grade) I waited until we were off school grounds and punched the offending boy full force on the nose. He went down like a rock. Frankly, I don't think being a boy OR being Mormon has much to do with it. I was just steaming mad.

What do you define as a fight? Do physical matches (not the playful kind) with siblings count? Is it solely limited to punching or does slapping kicking, biting, strangling count?
I have sparred with a lot of men when I was in wushu, some twice my size, with mixed results, so does that count, too?

You answered my query.

You fought.

OTOH, There seems to be more non-fighters here than I expected. I was told that fighting was 'natural'.

I wonder now if the non-violence actually was a result of being raised in the church...

I retracted my story with the f-bomb at the end, because I thought it might be too, well, violent for sensibilities here.

I will say, I generally don't start fights as a rule, but if someone is physically violent with me or one of my friends in front of me, I will fight tooth and nail to protect myself and/or my friend. It has happened, I'm not proud of it, but I will defend myself or a friend if needed and here is no such thing dirty fighting when someone is in danger as far as I'm concerned.

Taking martial arts was actually very healthy for me, I felt safer (I had just gotten out of a fairly abusive relationship), and it's an excellent sport in which to learn discipline, control, and confidence.

I am a tall Dutchman. As such, I Never needed to prove or defend anything. People would size me up and determine for themselves what outcome may arise in the event of conflict.

So there's that.

I'm a rather short and when most of these fights happened, a very petite female, so I think it does make a difference how people perceive you. My former sifu used to tease me about being a bulldog when it came to sparring.

Your post actually had me sift through a lot of violent memories- of past abuse and violence that for the longest time I internalized as normal and typical. Iused to think that this was just typical, but really, it's not, and it makes me worry for the children I monitor that tell me about past abuse and violence they witnessed.

I may post on some experiences because as I have graduated with my first psych degree and evaluating my past, a lot of my behaviours and reactions make sense now, even if I couldn't make sense of them before. Much of the pathology IS rooted in Mormonism as well. It's healthy to try and work through these issues on a continuum if you are discovering fresh epiphanies about yourself. Repressing the feelings does no good.

My friend and I two not very large little girls beat the snot out of the neighborhood bully with her Mom's spike high heels. He had beaten up his paperboy and stolen his money. We decided he would not be expecting to be ambushed by two little blonde girls so we took him down. Tripped him with a canoe paddle and pounded him until he started crying with the shoes. He ran home.

His father then appeared with kid, full of welts, at my friend's Mom's demanding she do something about her daughter and friend. We walked into the living room when called, father looks at us, looks at his kid (twice our size) looks back at us, tells his kid to stop lying, apologizes for bothering my friend's Mom and leaves.

Her Mom turned to us, asked what we had used a weapons and grounded us.

He never messed with ANYONE we knew after that.

Everyone got off the bus to watch the fight but I would not fight. However, on several occasions I DID hit someone. And they deserved it! Except for one time, it was the other person who got the punishment. That one time I was suspended for about two hours - and I broke one of the other guy's back teeth. One time I hit another boy at a high school church camp, breaking his nose.

In 6th grade these two guys had it in for me for unknown reasons: one time I decided to play dead when they jumped my on the playground to freak them out. The only time I really whaled on of them was when he jabbed me in the butt with a fountain pen; when the teacher demanded why I kicked the living snot out of the kid I told him, rightfully, that he stabbed me!
In 7th grade, a jerk tried to beat me up a couple times; when he had me on the ground I figured I should do something unexpected to throw him off his game, so I sunk my teeth into him. It worked. He slunk away crying "He bit me!" as if it wasn't fair.

Oh, final story, years ago a kid in my 1st grade daughter's class got beat up pretty good by 2 or 3 "Christian" girls when he said something about not believing...

I've always seen it as a socio-economic thing. In the wealthier suburban schools that I've attended or worked at, I saw it little to never. In my current urban school system, I've seen it a fair amount. Certain boys are very prone to fighting. Others will do it on occasion. A few girls will fight as well, but you don't see it as often.

I don't expect kids to take abuse. Sometimes I'll settle fights by saying, "Okay, he hit you, you hit him back, we're done here." If it's chronic or someone gets injured, I'll notify an administrator.

I used to try to break up fights among older kids, but I won't do that anymore. It's too dangerous. I just call for admin to handle it.

I've met subs that will refuse to work in the area high schools because of the size ratio and I believe it considering there are 4th graders taller and close to my weight here.

Have you ever heard of "honour culture?" That's a big part of why certain groups are more prone to physical fighting than others. I wish i could remember the name of the article, but googling brings up plenty of scholarly articles on the subject.