When I was a Mormon I was told I shouldn't use tampons because I wouldn't be a virgin when I got married. Did anyone else get this message?

I couldn't stand using napkins so I started using tampons knowing I would no longer be a virgin on my wedding night. So, I guess I lost my virginity to Playtex corporation.

Wonder how many women felt guilty/shame/fear using tampons? And do guys really notice things like this when they get married?

One poster said her roommate used to steal her tampons and replace them with pads as a way of forcing chastity on her. The day the poster moved to her own apartment dozens of boxes of tampons showed up saved for many months by that silly TBM.

My mother was repulsed and angry when she found out I used tampons when I was about eighteen years old.

Usually it's something that predates the 1980s, although I'm sure there's arch-conservative, religious people that believe tampons and virginity are related somehow.

I remember from a book about menstruation taboos, the Catholic church was concerned girls would go exploring themselves down there while using tampons and so they should be discouraged from use. As a person that experienced menarche in the early 90s, most of these quaint misconceptions about menstruation had been thoroughly debunked unless, again, someone was raised in a extremely religious household that placed taboos on menstruation and female puberty.

As far as virginity, that's more or less a social construct, and people place way too much emphasis on it, but generally it means someone who has never engaged in sexual intercourse, however, it should be noted there is NO standardized medical definition of virginity. You could have sex 100 times and have an extremely elastic hymen that stretches. You could be born without a hymen, have it broken through sports or an injury, you could be born with an imperforate hymen that requires a minor surgical procedure to remove if you want to engage in PIV intercourse. I didn't really feel that much different after I had PIV sex for the first time or like somehow my status as a person had changed. Never felt shame, guilt or fear about using tampons, only annoyance at running out of a specific size.

I had to start using tampons at 13 because my gym class was doing a year of swimming and it was a non-issue with my very TBM mom, so it depends on the parent. I graduated to cups when I was 18 and those things are amazing, but with an IUD, it can be a litle dicey.

"And do guys really notice things like this when they get married?"

What do you mean by this question? Can a guy tell if you're a virgin or not because you used tampons? Very doubtful. They have enough problems figuring out what to do with a clitoris.

Yes, I guess that's what I mean. Do guys even notice, or care, if you are a virgin on your wedding night?

and "bloody sheets" or a "tight" vaginal canal as proof of virginity, they are pretty much mistaken and buying into a lot of the old wives' tales about virginity. You can fake the bleeding by inserting a blood-soaked sea sponge and the vaginal canal remains the same size (more or less) whether you had sex once or 100 times with one or more people. It's a muscular canal that is more likely to weaken and loosen with age and childbirth than intercourse.

It also depends on the guy when it comes to virginity and the wedding night. Some people want to save themselves, male or female, for this and there's nothing wrong with this inherently. the problem is when people tie a person's worth with their status as a "virgin" or not, and men and women have different experiences in this that can be difficult. There's a whole group of misogynists that think they have the right to screw any woman that comes their way but their stupid mantra is "No hymen, no diamond" so this is something of which to be aware. This is also an issue you should discuss waaaaaaaaay before any idea of nuptials makes an entrance into the relationship because you want to know what your possible future spouse thinks of sex and sexual mores before the ring goes on. I personally think people should have sex before getting married to rule out any sexual incompatibility or problems, but I know not everyone thinks this way either.

I was living with my ex-husband before we married and he knew I had partners before him. My SO of almost 13 years knows about my sexual history and has no issue with it. I simply wouldn't be involved with someone who had a problem with it.

I listened to a recent podcast featuring LDS sex therapist Natasha Helfer Parker, and she inferred that if a woman is sufficiently aroused, she would not necessarily bleed or hurt. I don't know much about these things. I was stupidly the one in a virginal state when I got married.

I concur with her. It's a terrible misconception that the first time is supposed to hurt for a young woman. The reason it often is painful because people, especially young people, are ignorant about female sexuality. If you practice foreplay and get an idea of what turns you on, then actually engage in foreplay before first PIV intercourse, it generally won't hurt. It might feel weird and a little uncomfortable, but you go slow and can use lube to help. Helping bring the woman to orgasm before penetration is one of the best ways to make the first time fun. I think the subconscious motive behind the pain of first PIV sex is to punish a woman for giving in and giving up her "virginal status." The flip side of this is that a woman who enjoys sex or engages in sex work can't be raped and is up for sex at any time and any sexual activity- you know that whole Madonna/Whore complex so embedded in patriarchal societies.

There's this misconception that women don't like sex and only do it for security, love, and/or to reproduce and/or are too pure to enjoy sex. This is a Victorian idea enforced by the discarded Freudian (and rightfully so) theories about women and sex. This is simply not true across the board and female sexuality is as varied and complex as any other sexuality.

"I think the subconscious motive behind the pain of first PIV sex is to punish a woman for giving in and giving up her "virginal status."

I always thought it was a way of "imposing" and underlining the man's domination and ownership of the woman.

Whatever it is, the focus on virginity has always struck me as being nasty and wrong-minded, too: I don't think I've ever met anyone, man or woman, who told me that their first time was mind-blowing. Mine wasn't and I'm sure that the only virgin I ever slept with didn't have as good a time as she should have and, I hope, subsequently did with other people. Your first time doing ANYTHING is rarely the best...

Tom in Paris



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/03/2017 06:30AM by Soft Machine.

One of the most gloriously beloved doctrines of the wondrous gospel is that "not being a virgin" before the wedding night is an extremely grevious sin that pretty much is almost as bad as murder. Our loving Heavenly Father is so much very focused on this sacred rule so as a result the loving Priesthood leaders are therefore obsessed with carefully and thoroughly managing the sex lives of the members from cradle to grave in order to ensure that all the required legal paperwork, except in cases of same-gender marriages, is in place to draw the sacred line between "do it and you are like a murderer" and "its ok to do it". Thus as a result the members are wondrously blessed to know they are under careful surveillance and that if they aren't paperwork-compliant that they will have their eternal self-esteem permanently adjusted in this peculiarly beautiful way.

I support premarital sex.
Why?
Because my former church was against it.

Itzpapalotl Wrote:
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> What do you mean by this question? Can a guy tell
> if you're a virgin or not because you used
> tampons? Very doubtful. They have enough problems
> figuring out what to do with a clitoris.

Sad but true.
And I had to think for a minute about what "PIV" sex was.
Now I got it :)

"What do you mean by this question? Can a guy tell if you're a virgin or not because you used tampons? Very doubtful. They have enough problems figuring out what to do with a clitoris."


lol...so true...so true

anongirlygirl Wrote:
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> And do guys really notice things like
> this when they get married?

Most guys haven't got a clue what a tampon *is.*
And I dare say the extremely sexually uninformed mormon guys know even less than most guys.

So...no.

I didn't know if my wife was a "virgin" or not when I met her. I didn't care. I know she wasn't when we got married (direct experience!). :)

My Catholic mom had an issue with it back in the '60s for the same reasons. What if the tampon compromised your virginity? That was the thinking back then. Fortunately, I had read enough magazine articles aimed at young women to realize that tampons do not normally harm your hymen, and a virgin may not have an intact hymen, anyway.

It only took a few months of sitting with a damp rag between my legs (sorry guys, but it's the truth) to convince me that tampons were the way to go. The first time I figured out how to insert one I was *so* relieved. Freedom! I never once looked back.

Now young women, let me tell you about menopause (which, once you get through the transition, is "the Promised Land.") ;)

was very upset when my best friend and I decided to look into tampons, when we were in high school. Mother was a registered nurse, and should have known better, but she insisted that if I used tampons, I wouldn't be a virgin any more. BFF and I decided to use them anyway, and of course they were a lot less messy than regular old pads.

Menopause is better, all around. It's very much under-rated.

I grew up in the 60s and many.of my friends and my sister used tampons. I was a little late to the party because I had issues with getting them in and gave up temporarily, but no one ever told me they were evil oor compromised virginity

My mom didn't have the attitude. I heard it from others. How can you live without tampons??? That is one thing I ABSOLUTELY don't miss. I'm glad to be 60 for that one reason only.

Exactly. Virginity was determined by whether you had had intercourse and not whether you used tampons or had a pelvic exam. I guess some people thought that way, but tampon use was common in the 60s in my Mormon town. My mother let us use whatever we liked.It simply wasnt an issue with anyone I knew.

focused on virginity than anyone else, although I still think there is an attitude out there in some cases. When the bishop told us we could do anything to get my gay boyfriend turned on EXCEPT intercourse, that tells you something. I thought when I was raised mormon, it meant EVERYTHING. I found out that wasn't so.

It is ridiculous how focused people are on this subject--virginity. I saved myself for someone gay. ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm actually laughing as I say that. He certainly didn't save himself and neither did my current boyfriend. I just told my ex when I hear about all the "lovers" he and my boyfriend have had, I think, "Maybe I should break up with my boyfriend and go out and sleep around for a while and then come back." My ex said, "But that's just it, we both know you'd never do that."

My feeling is it shouldn't matter. If you love someone, all that other stuff doesn't matter.

"Ladies of Landover member Mrs. Taffy Davenport-Gaines Crockett, visiting the Landover Christian Pharmacy recently to refill the church tract display, happened upon a shocking sight. A young woman was visibly upset and arguing loudly with pharmacist Emma Mae Martin. What Mrs. Crockett discovered next sickened her unto the point of nausea.
"The young woman was trying to buy tampons," Mrs. Crockett said, barely able to hold back tears. "I snatched that girl by the hair and pulled her outside... there were children present! Can you imagine how they'd be damaged by hearing such evil ideas?"

“I explained to this young lady that we do not carry such phallic devices as tampons and when attending to her monthly curse," Mrs. Martin said, adding that "Satan himself controls the manufacturing of those things." The young woman then began to verbally abuse her, she said.

"A Godly woman is only to use a Maxi-Pad," Mrs. Crockett stated. "Why, they even have them with little angel wings now! I handed her a box and told her unless she wanted my handprint across her face she was never to utter that evil T word again!” The as yet unidentified woman then fled the store in humiliation. Landover Security sketch artists are preparing a likeness to aid in identifying the young woman. Her salvation status is unknown, but based on this event, it is likely she is Hellbound.

"Toxic Shock Syndrome is God's way of punishing unsaved harlots who choose Satan’s cotton fingers over a Godly pad," Pastor Deacon Fred stated upon hearing of the event. "These playthings of Satan are created under the guise of a ladies hygiene product to bring unsuspecting women and young girls to the fold of the Devil."

Church members are commanded to talk to your teen-age daughters, and search their rooms if you have to. "Souls are at stake and God is taking names," added Pastor Wiley.

Mrs. Crockett has organized the Ladies of Landover Phone Bank to spread the word, and has called for both a letter writing protest campaign and a boycott on all stores who are found to carry these satanic sexual devices. Manufacturers who create such vile products will also be targeted for salvation, or, failing that, closure.

Mrs. Crockett has secured six 24-foot trucks for use in her new ministry, "Stop Satan From Pulling The Strings." She and the other Ladies of Landover plan a nationwide tour, going city to city, pulling what she calls "The Devil's delight" from store shelves once clerks are distracted. Upon the ladies' return, Mrs. Crockett plans a large bonfire.

We shall pray over the flames as we watch these evil devices go back to the fiery pits of hell from whence they came,” Mrs. Crockett said during her church news conference, adding, "these things are created by Satan for pleasure, and young women are succumbing to the Devil without even realizing it. This is one battle Satan will NOT win!" Her statements drew a standing ovation from the congregation.

All church members are encouraged to join in the BBQ and bring a covered dish as we celebrate yet another Victory over Satan. Marshmallows for roasting over the bonfire will be provided by The Ladies of Landover. Due to the nature of this event, the roasting of hot dogs will be prohibited for obvious reasons."

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0999/cotton.html

the tampon also vibrated, would that change its sinless quality into something more sinister?

I lost my virginity when I clicked on a website called 'Recovery from Mormonism'.

:-) :-) :-) :-) :-)

Virginity is lost when sexual intercourse is engaged in. Other that that a person is still a virgin!!!!

Here's where it gets complicated, tho'- What do you define as sexual intercourse? Are lesbians that never had PIV still virgins? How about gay men? Is a penis and penetration required to define sexual intercourse? And why is something "lost" and not gained or given?

Just some questions to ask when it comes to the value placed on virginity and sexual experience, I'm not harping on you.

desertman Wrote:
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> Virginity is lost when sexual intercourse is
> engaged in. Other that that a person is still a
> virgin!!!!


Well, see, that's the tricky part. So much emphasis on a body part (the lauded female "hymen"), which some girls lose as children during different sports, which can be stretched or broken in any number of ways. (Old joke: I rode my bicycle home over a cobblestone street. Wow--I'll never come that way again!) I personally lost mine while bouncing on the bed of my neighbor's parents, while they were at my house, playing cards. The neighbors' son and I were bed bouncing and I came down sitting, legs akimbo, on the toe of his hard shoe. Yikes! Bye, bye, hymen. (No gush of blood--maybe a drop.) I have known girls who claimed to be (air quotes) "technically a virgin" because he had not actually put his PIV, but had used his hands and tongue to stimulate the little man in the boat until she had an orgasm. She did the same for him (sans the little man in the boat, of course), which is why so many kids today have oral VDs, while sanctimoniously claiming to be virgins. True. They do. So--who's the virgin now? Is it the person who has never had their private parts touched in any way by someone else (opposite or same sex)? Or is it the woman with an intact hymen? Why are only women who have not had intercourse referred to as virgins? Why is it not a common term for men as well? (Well, there was that movie about that guy who was the "40 Year Old Virgin") And if a woman has been brought to climax by some other way than PIV, is she still technically air quotes "a virgin?"

I'm pretty old, so I come from the generation (non-Mormon, at that) who felt it was important to be able to wear white at our wedding, indicating virginity. I was taught that men really really valued their wives virginity, and really wanted to be the one to teach her what sex is all about. So when I married my second husband, after already having had a child, I kind of apologized to him for not being able to bring him the "gift" of my virginity. He laughed so hard his coffee went up his nose and all over me, and after choking, kissed me and said, "What would I want with a worthless virgin at 25? Way too much pressure on me to make it the "perfect first experience", and besides, its no fun being in bed with someone who doesn't know what they're doing." So--that's the other side of the coin.

Once my uber TBM then fiancée learned of tampons. She rejoiced in making a shitty week less shorty. No sex involved

In the Frankfurt temple they have a tampon vending machine in the girls bathroom. I come from a crazy lds family but was encouraged to use tampons.

Virginity is highly over rated.

Dave the Atheist Wrote:
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> Virginity is highly over rated.


That's what he said. :D

So much to say....lol. My 19 year old bride, a virgin (I am to believe and absolutely do not think otherwise) was not as, ahem, one would think as a virgin on our wedding night. She was sufficiently lubricated au natural :) Yet did not seem as one would think as untouched. Oh well.

But a 32 year old and 38 year old I was with...very different. Different as in difficult to enter. Even sufficiently lubricated. Neither virgins. The latter had a child.

I have been with about 25 different women in the last few years. All different, yet most were similar. Except those two, to a degree.

Soooo.....It depends and is inconsequential, in my opinion.

Now, both were of a particular race. I won't name and the only two of said race that I have had relations with. Coincidence? Who knows. I've been with every other so I don't know. I just know that IT DOESN'T MATTER and shouldn't. It's a male hierarchy that imposes ideals and myths regardless of reality



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 07/30/2017 09:23PM by txrancher.

My mother told me not to use tampons, but never gave a reason why. It wouldn't surprise me if it had to do with her not wanting me to touch myself, or if she thought I would no longer be a virgin.

When I asked her about sex, she told me that my husband would teach me everything I needed to know on our wedding night.

When she discovered that I wasn't a virgin, she told me that no worthy man would ever want to marry me, now that I was "used."

My catholic doctor told my mother not to let me use tampons as that could lead to inappropriate exploration of that area---and I didn't for years. Made swim parties and life in general difficult and more unpleasant than it needed to be during that week every month.

Being over 60 has benefits!

I'm trying to think of another natural, physical process that includes such manipulation, control and deceit.

From non-virgin to virgin, one loses ignorance. There is no magical "virgin" status that exists in reality. A virgin may impregnate or become impregnated on his or her first try, or one hundreth try.

For anyone to claim that tampon use could or would impart the same knowledge or effects is pure delusion.

"I'm having a baby tampon, but I don't know which one was the father, and I threw them all away like trash!"


"Oh, I do hope I meet another tampon like that again...best I ever had!"


And when's the last time you *ever* heard a woman say,


"Oh, I can't !wait! for my next period! I even bought new shoes!"


If tampon use were in any way similar to sex, they wouldn't be able to keep them on the shelves, and there would be news items every day about women killing each other in stores over "the last box." They would have names like "Roberts" and "Timmys."

Since when has sex not sold? Go ahead, risk your well being; accuse any female of deriving pleasure from tampon use. Tell her it's "just like sex."

What rubbish. I would think that the least likely set to believe this crap would be men, whom most definitely can tell the differences between their own penises and a tampon. The most likely to believe it would be females who have yet to come into contact with a penis.

Control, manipulation and deceit.

Bane Wrote:
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> "Oh, I do hope I meet another tampon like that
> again...best I ever had!"

More women should use that line.
It would certainly take the male ego down a few notches :)

Or...

"Well, sure, you were ok. But my tampon was better..."

You bring up a lot of excellent points about the ignorance of female anatomy and sexual pleasure.

My first asked me if it felt pleasurable to use tampons to which I was shocked anyone would think that would be pleasurable (and maybe there are women out there that derive pleasure from it, rule 34) but in his defense, we were high school kids, though. This is something I see quite a bit on misconceptions about vaginas, menstruation, and female pleasure, though.

While the clitoris can extend 6 inches in the cavity, which is most likely what is known as the G-spot internally, PIV alone is not usually enough to bring most women to orgasm and inserting a dry wad of cotton is not exactly a turn on.

I had to steal tampons from my mother hoping she wouldn't notice until I had money of my own to buy them and hide them. One time our plumbing got stopped up and it cost a lot of money to have the pipes cleaned out or whatever. The guy told my dad it was tampons that had plugged it up. I felt like shit when I heard him yelling at my mother for flushing them when I was probably the biggest culprit. But I valued my life so I didn't fess up.

I had never heard anyone say it took away your virtue, thank God. That would have scared the hell outta me after my patriarchal blessing warned me about guarding my virtue with my very life. And No, it didn't make my wedding night easier.

I've known men who were about as exciting as a tampon. Maybe that's how the tampon rumors began.

I always had strong bleeding. I started to use tampons after my second or third period just because I hated the bloody surfboard between my legs. I never thought about "loosing my virginity" but having more comfort. My mom encouraged me to use them.
On my mission we heard from the mp wife that they are evil and we are losing our virginity by using them and she strongly discouraged us to use them. She even said they might raise impure thoughts and we should avoid to use
them. I didn't gaf
The last thing I would have thought was oh yeah gimme that mini penis huh so hot.
Any idea how they think about cups? That must be devilish toys for them.