My tbm wife is amazing. She is totally willing to give me my space, and recognizes that I need my space to make my choice. She even said that since I am insisting on not living that this is the first time that I really choose her, since we kind of just fell into marriage together.

So she is really supportive. BUt this is my first sunday home where I Haven't had to find an excuse to be home. Just home, instead of at church. IT FEELS SOOOOOO WEIRD.

Suggestions on how to celebrate?

Congrats! Just the feeling of freedom is celebration itself. Find a good book to read. Get some exercise. I am about to go for a walk before it rains. Find an interesting podcast on an unfamiliar topic because you never had time before. Relax - it's Sunday. :-)

Make dinner/lunch for your wife.

Be careful of blowback. Your TBM wife says she accepts now but her ward family may change her mind. If at all possible, if and when she is ready, get her to take this step with you. I've been down this road before as many others have and obviously having both out is the best.

I concur

^^ Yesssssss

Take a walk or a hike. If you have a dog, take your dog with you. If there is a brook or stream nearby, so much the better.
Play a round of golf or a game of tennis.
Go to the pool.
Go out for coffee or brunch. Sit at an outside table and read a book or the Sunday paper.
Watch soccer, golf, Nascar, or Sports Center on TV.
You probably have worked hard on your yard, why not enjoy it? Sit in a lounge chair, read a book, drink a lemonade or something stronger.
Go fishing.
Plan a trip to a historic property or garden.
Pack a picnic lunch at take your wife with you when she gets home.

Personally, I am headed to the pool this afternoon. Enjoy your day!

I don't remember if you said you had kids.

Be careful not to be perceived as a selfish person who "obviously" doesn't want to make sacrifices and can't keep the church's "high standards" (cough) or commandments.

This can backfire.

Consider doing things that will persuade your wife that just maybe it is NOT church that makes life and relationships good.

I assume she went to church (with the kids if you have any). Consider doing something that would show her you are a better husband than the Mormon drone model you were before. Maybe:

Tell her you will take the kids (to the park, whatever) so your wife can also have time to herself.

Do some chores or a honeydo thing that she would be truly glad to have done.

You might know if she is the type who likes things like flowers, dinner, day out, or whatever. Maybe she would like you to plan a family outing.


When she figures out that the husband who doesn't go to church treats her better it can sometimes help her let go of her wish to reactivate you.

Good luck! Welcome to a life where you are in charge of what you do.

"Consider doing things that will persuade your wife that just maybe it is NOT church that makes life and relationships good."

Absolutely. This is the BEST advice, I think, for couples in this situation.

Hmmm. This is either going to go well for you are you are being played. Pay close attention to what she says and does. Then check your finances, and make sure nothing has changed.
Hopefully she is sincere. On the other hand, you would not be the first one to be suckered into a sense of calm, when the storm is on the horizon.

What would you do if your boss let you out of work 3 hours early on a Friday? Do that...

...and return and report (if you like).

I agree with others who have cautioned you to be very careful. Please watch your back.

My husband was also surprisingly supportive when I left the church. Looking back, I believe it was because he possibly received advice from a bishop to be patient and that I would most likely return to church. I believe that he got it in his mind that it was all a phase and that I would come around shortly.

Fast forward three years and it's become apparent to him that I'm not returning to church. Instead of his anger subsiding over time, it has increased. We're trying to work through it, but it's difficult. I thought it would become easier with time, but it's definitely harder.

So, enjoy your Sundays off. But I would suggest that you speak to your wife as much as possible about how she feels about you leaving the church. It might help with things down the line.

Home alone?

Obviously, have a porn fest.

Make dinner and do the dishes. Sunday dinner is a huge deal to most LDS mothers and it takes a lot of energy on their part.

Listen to SuzieQ#1.

Time spent not in church is not deducted from your life. Enjoy.

Celebrate next Sunday by sitting outside as the sun is coming up, listening to life while holding a cup of coffee and saying quietly 'Free at last. Free at last. Thank god almighty, free at last.' MLK

It will take a while for you to feel the freedom. In the meantime you might feel uneasy when the phone rings, or someone knocks at the door during church time.

Try not to be home during church, play golf, see a movie...just sit at McDonalds.

If you do get caught at home remember it is YOUR HOME. The one place you should always be comfortable.

You do not need to answer the door phone or any stupid question that is asked of you.

If they do get in or you get caught there,,,,you have the right to ask them to leave.

Good luck