Posted by:
shapeshifter
(
)
Date: August 04, 2017 04:41PM
20 years out of the cult and I realize that something I do might be related to my upbringing indoctrination.
I often do not take normal or needed safety measures in many situations because I somehow think that a particular bad thing won't happen to me.
For example. I may go out into our seasonal river when it's flowing and go for a swim. knowing that the river this time of year is prone to flash flooding. Knowing that people have died in it because of this.
I think I am being cautious, paying attention, but I don't ever really feel afraid. I don't feel the fear I think I am supposed to. And this especially in wilderness settings (I do a lot of camping, kayaking, backpacking in wilderness areas). I have seen bears and sharks and deadly snakes in the wild and have not really felt fear. When others I know in the same situations do feel fear.
And I think maybe this is because I grew up believing god would protect me and that I was one of his chosen people and that nothing bad will happen to me unless it's 'supposed' to and unless it's 'his will' and my time to go..
I don't think these things now and certainly not on an intellectual level. I think I am prone to all of the same consequences as others but on a deeper feeling level I think I may still believe that I am protected in a magical way. That certain things will never happen to ME.
I know when I was younger I really took some crazy risks and am lucky to be alive now. (but this after the ages when we tend to feel immortal, like in my late 20s and into my 30s.. maybe this is to do with developmental delays due to the sheltered mormon upbringing?)
If anything the fact that I wasn't harmed at those times when I should have been (this referring to other types of adventures with dangerous types of people in dangerous (urban) places, using drugs, etc).. it may have reinforced this notion that I am invincible.
I can tell my partner worries that I am not really taking some risks we face living in the wilderness seriously. And he often (over) reminds me of certain dangers. Sometimes that's annoying to me, but I understand why he worries because he knows I feel too safe too often.
Does anyone else relate to this feeling and if so do they attribute it to their time in the cult? And the magical types of beliefs we learned?
Thanks!
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/04/2017 04:44PM by shapeshifter.