Haven't made blog post in a while, but I did today.

"I got my hair cut this morning by a woman who was raped while growing up in Utah and never reported it because of the shamefulness of it all. Can you imagine if something like that happened to you and it was harder for you to report it than to not report it?

I think there are huge problems with the way women are treated in Mormon doctrine and culture that lead to horrible outcomes like that. That lead to women feeling voiceless. Powerless. Abused.

What do Mormon women get? They get to disappear. Yeah, they might nurture children here on Earth, but then what? If we have a Heavenly Mother, she disappeared. Men become the nurturers. God, Jesus, all the highest callings in the church and even in the theology, all men.

Women are given nothing godly to aspire to except to be a background fixture (one of many wives possibly given that plural marriage is still allowed in temples) to their husband's glory.
In the temple, women have to bow their heads and say yes in agreement with the covenant to hearken to their husbands. They promise to become priestesses to their husbands while the husband is a priest to God.

This is not a church that helps women grow. It does not value women outside of their reproductive abilities and tells them that if they lose "purity" in that area that they would be better off dead (see Moroni 9:9, which teaches that chastity and virtue are more important than life itself). It does not give them a voice of their own.

It does not treat them with the dignity that human beings deserve and then covers up this horrible lack of respect by putting the voiceless, powerless women on a pedestal of flowery, empty, rhetoric.

I love how this person puts it: https://youtu.be/SSYTbvAyHuY "

From my blog: http://www.unpackingmormonism.com/2017/08/mormonism-is-bad-for-women.html



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/07/2017 11:02PM by amandarfarrell.

It is terrible for women hence the record amounts of anti-depressant Mormon women pop. They get to marry a controlling man who sees them only as baby making machines that are to stay in the house and serve him. Then they are rewarded by being one of his many polygamist wives in heaven.

My first husband was a Presbyterian when we married. I heard after we divorced that he had abandoned the Presbyterians because they were becoming too liberal for him. Last I knew, he was a Methodist.

My current DH, of 25 years, is a believing, though inactive Mormon. He shed tears when I resigned, fearful that we would not be together in Eternity. I have assured him as best I can that if there is consciousness after death (pretty unlikely, but still) I will make a point of finding him.

He is a genuine sweetheart, and I don't think there are a lot of those around. We are still very much in love. Our youngest daughter tells us, "You guys are so cute!" Silly old lovebirds, but very happy together.

Aww... That is very sweet. I'm happy for you.

Jesus said their would be no marriage in heaven. But Mormons think they know what happens after death. We were all brainwashed to believe on eternal families, something Jesus speaks against. Just like Jesus drank wine but Mormons are wrong there too.

Very well put Amanda! Every Mormon woman I have known or currently know, I consider an abused person. They are so beat down, they have no alternative but smile, proclaim their happiness and to reach for the anti-depressants.

I think of family members or the vibrant, amazing girls I use to date. I look at them now and my heart breaks for them. Some have even been institutionalized at times over the years. Most have had a half dozen babies. They are still wonderful people but their spirit's have been broken.

Nothing cheers my heart more than watching a woman take back her power.

Thanks! I feel the same. Whenever I meet someone who is claiming their life back from the pressures that the Mormon cult (and society in general really...) have put on them, I get so excited about them and their potential.

Same goes for me in my life. I've claimed it for myself. Opportunities abound. :)

Mormonism is bad for humans and other living things.

Mormonism is the worst organization to be in. Women are treated like little girls who need constant babysitting. I always thought it was BS that no one could know HM's name because she is so special that HF didn't want anyone using her name as a swearword. Mormonism has to be the craziest organization in the world.

Mormonism is bad for anyone. Read Don Bagley's posts and stories. He reminds me a lot of my brothers.

There are a few select people who do well in mormonism, but not many.

I'm female, by the way, and I could never had handled doing what priesthood holders are expected to do like pass the sacrament, collect fast offerings, go on a mission (back then not many girls went), etc. I didn't want the priesthood and was glad I didn't have it.

My dad was a very "powerful" man in terms of he was big and strong. He worked hard. He wasn't so much a TBM. He hated being a ward clerk. That is as high as he got in leadership. He found it all boring. He hated bishopric meetings as he said they were just gossip sessions. He had other things to do like irrigate the crops or bale hay. He wasn't made a high priest until I think he was at least in his late 50s. He wasn't happy about it as he said the high priests were really boring compared to the elders. But because he didn't seek high positions in the church, he wasn't considered "worthy" to be anything higher. Both my parents weren't treated well by mormonism. It was their heritage, so they stayed.

The MormonCult shuts down thinking on one's own and so justifiably earns the reputation for being bad for humans.

When I attended the MormonCult as a teen because my friends were attending, I was exposed to some of the crazy demands their parents put on them such as only having friends who were LDS, no tennis or swimming on Sundays, and don't you dare bad-mouth your religious teachers.

My home was crazy in lots of ways but very freeing in other ways as I had a single Mom who was so busy and tired just making ends meet that giving us kids lots of rules and guidelines was not on her agenda. We were very free to do a lot of stuff that my MormonCult friends could not believe, but they often joined in unbenownst to their parents.

From my experience, I think that having freedom to think and experience on your own is vital. The MormonCult is a facist organization......do as we say and do it now. Do not think on your own or look at facts outside of our guidelines where the, now hold on for the trump card, "The Devil" is able and will grab you and your mind.

Yeah, right.

Well, sorry, but I don't feel sorry for women or men in the church. Nobody is holding a gun to their head. If we could leave, so can they.

Sure, there is some pain involved, but if you want freedom enough, you will pay the price.

Didn't we all leave? Then why can't they?

I mean, there are many stories here of guys leaving and inviting their wives to come along and they're rejected or even divorced. Every opportunity to leave and they don't.

My mom was the most adamant in trying to get me back. Why would someone who is so oppressed work so hard to reclaim me?

Turns out there are many benefits for women. The church pressures men to be sole breadwinner so they can be home with kids and never have to work again. They also get monopoly control over their husband's sexuality with the war on porn and masturbation, and all the modesty standards, etc.

So women have a lot of control. Get money from their guy while being his only sexual outlet.

Women are not stupid or weak. They have a strategy for control. And by claiming to be victims, they get even more power and control. The victim industry is booming.

"Nobody is holding a gun to their head. If we could leave, so can they."

You need to learn about psychological enmeshment - a force far more threatening than a mere weapon. A force strong enough to lock members into a shit-for-brains pseudo-religion.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 08/08/2017 10:34PM by 3X.

3X Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> "Nobody is holding a gun to their head. If we
> could leave, so can they."
>
> You need to learn about psychological enmeshment -
> a force far more threatening than a mere weapon.
> A force strong enough to lock members into a
> shit-for-brains pseudo-religion.



Agreed. Free Man's wife is his "his only sexual outlet" by his own choosing.

I'm speculating that it is a choice; he has stated unwillingness to leave, but other than being true to marital vows, no other reasons are given. she has been highly manipulative and at the very least, very emotionally abusive.

He hates her, as evidenced by his many posts, but stays with her. He
attaches her "evil motives" to every other female, and abuses them in lieu of defending himself against his wife, who among her many ill ways, denies him any marital relations.

The unitiated might believe that Free Man posts as a "free man," but that is, in fact, one of the most ironic or sarcastic user names ever employed on this board. Free Man is in some sort of prison in the relationship with his wife, but he is unwilling or unable to say why.

The misconception may be in that casual readers of Free Man's posts don't know some of his posted background; there are unknown reasons that Free Man is not free, and he vents here. I suspect that he feeds on the outrage as his true "sexual outlet," as he shoots his verbal wad, so to speak, and leaves. He is somewhat sated in emotionally harming other readers and posters.

I don't know what his wife "has on him" (or, they on each other), but it is more than marital vows. Enmeshment barely scratches the surface.

As a reader/poster, I dislike being used in this way, but the admins don't miss much, and must have their reasons for allowing the blatant misogyny in Free Man's posts, not least of which would likely be fairness. Undeniable misandry is exercised freely on this board (usually as attached to patriarchy) and to ban one might necessitate the banning of the other.

Generally speaking, paternal has been assigned to being bad, while maternal is assigned to being good. In real life, totally unfair.

"Get money from their guy while being his only sexual outlet."

Also referred to as "prostitution."

"Free Man" is clearly a misogynist.

His posts are always so sexist and bashing women. thinking they just 'love' being in the church 'so much' and not getting how imprisoned they and other abused women are. Clearly has no concept of what emotional and physical abuse does to people. It's actually much more powerful than having a gun held to one's head.

He has no clue at all.

I find his posts highly offensive and all I see is that he jumps on these threads about women being mistreated in TSCC to claim otherwise. I doubt he is actually an ex-Mo, seems more like a troll to me, trying to defend the cult to all of us 'gone astray.'

Also, he hates his wife and seems to think that we are all her, and women are a monolith and there's only one attitude/point of view.

Like, dude, just get a divorce already. No woman should have to put up with this shit 24/7/365.

Freeman said-
"So women have a lot of control. Get money from their guy while being his only sexual outlet.

Women are not stupid or weak. They have a strategy for control. And by claiming to be victims, they get even more power and control. The victim industry is booming."

You have got to be f-ing kidding me! What an f'n A-hole! Absolutely incredible. victims powerful? Oh please. That's right blame the victim for their abuse and powerlessness just like the cult does. That's how I am sure this ass is still a freaking MORmON. Or at the least extremely influenced mentally by the cult, so hardly 'free' at all.

What a jerk.

I think you made your point that women are seriously emotional creatures. There is a benefit to being a Molly, even with all the drawbacks. In a way, they have their man by the balls. She can complain to the bishop or the Mormon grapevine if he steps out of line. She can guilt him with church doctrine if he gets lazy or doesn't do FHE.

However, gaming the system is how a guy would think. In the (to guys) alien landscape of the female mind, it's about stability. They want that stable environment for their kids.

Obviously women can and do leave. But still, many are in the enthrall of church leaders, much like the followers of Charles Manson. Of course, the bill always comes due. For all their devotion, Charlie's girls went away for a long time.

I was abused by my boyfriend in high school. Sexually and emotionally. He was a convert, converted by me. Nobody saw it, how hurt I was, nobody saw what was going on. No my father just praised me for bringing in a member. I was a star in the family and the ward for awhile because of it.

But in secret he forced himself on me but claimed we both sinned. I took the burden of guilt and responsibility for his actions. I thought I was to blame. And I didn't know how to say no to men, esp. not 'priesthood holders'.. my training was to say yes.

This got me in trouble repeatedly with men after high school, during college, after college.. till I finally married an abuser (by that time I had left the cult and he was not a member).. again nobody noticed I was being abused. Nobody asked. I didn't tell because of shame and guilt and self blame. I just couldn't stand up for myself when it came to men. Of course now I know why.

The most aggravating thing was that years later when I went to therapy and started to get a clue and finally related some of the abuse I ended by men to my father (without details that I knew would 'embarrass him'.. so I was still trying to protect HIM, but also myself since I still felt shame or rather knew he would try to project that onto me) and tried to make him see why I had fallen victim like that and that he had something to do with that. But he instead could only feel sorry for me that I had been with the 'wrong' men but could not at all see his part in my sorrows, that really he was the reason that all happened. He was the prime male role model in my life, the role model for my future husband/ male partner. And he had cheated on and mistreated my mother. And he was emotionally unavailable and obsessed with righteousness and the Mormon cult.

I was also raped. Twice. Two different men. One a stranger, one date rape. I didn't tell anyone. Only a couple of close friends and only much after the fact. I bore my pain in total private and isolation. This after my leaving the cult, but I still felt shame and embarrassment. In the first case with the stranger I was also so horrified by it that all I wanted to do was escape the perp and never have to ever confront him again. And I never wanted to think of it again. So although I have may had a chance to take legal action I didn't chose to. And in the second case my self esteem was so low and I was so wrecked I pretended that my date had not done something I didn't want, something that hurt. In fact I spent another night with him after that, pretending it didn't happen.

Now I can't imagine doing something like that. But then I had no sense of self worth, I didn't know how to care for myself. And I know my self worth issues were completely a result of having been raised in the cult and the indoctrination I suffered in re. to 'worthiness' 'chastity' and my 'place' as a women, my subservient, unimportant worthless place.

So yes Mormonism is absolutely TERRIBLE for women especially. I think most cults likely are and other sexist belief systems. But Mormon has got to be one of the worst.

I'm so, so, sorry! Those are horrible experiences. Thank you for being brave enough to share. I hope you are in a good place now.

The ones I really feel for, are the women 30+ who are unmarried or childless, who would be viewed as perfectly normal in the real world.

The depression rates of these women are through the roof.

I'm a nevermo so I have to ask: Is it more acceptable for a Mormon man to be single and childless in his 30s?

inovermyhead Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I'm a nevermo so I have to ask: Is it more
> acceptable for a Mormon man to be single and
> childless in his 30s?

No, but I think you will be treated a little better because mormon women aren't known for criticizing "Priesthood holders" but Bishop/SP will pressure on you to get married and have children as quick as you could

It's actually less acceptable for men. Men are encouraged to be more active and take the initiative, and so if they're not married it's on them. Women are supposed to be more passive and wait for the guy to approach them, so it's not all their fault if they're not chosen. Men get the blame, and women get the pity.


Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Single Adult Brethren of the Church," April 1988 GC:

"Understand that temple marriage is essential to your salvation and exaltation…

"May I now say an additional word about an eternal opportunity and responsibility to which I have referred earlier and which is of greatest importance to you. I am referring to celestial marriage…

"We want you to know that the position of the Church has never changed regarding the importance of celestial marriage. It is a commandment of God…

"Without marriage, the purposes of the Lord would be frustrated. Choice spirits would be withheld from the experience of mortality. And postponing marriage unduly often means limiting your posterity, and the time will come, brethren, when you will feel and know that loss… And the older you become, the less likely you are to marry, and then you may lose these eternal blessings altogether…

"[Quoting Kimball] 'He knew he was commanded to find a wife and marry her and make her happy. He knew it was his duty to become the father of children and provide a rich, full life for them as they grew up'…

"I realize that some of you brethren may have genuine fears regarding the real responsibilities that will be yours if you do marry. You are concerned about being able to support a wife and family and provide them with the necessities in these uncertain economic times. Those fears must be replaced with faith… The Lord never gives a commandment without providing the means to accomplish it…"


Ezra Taft Benson, "To the Single Adult Sisters of the Church," October 1988 GC:

"I would like to express the hope we all have for you, which is so real, that you will be exalted in the highest degree of glory in the celestial kingdom and that you will enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage…

"[D]on't trifle away your happiness by involvement with someone who cannot take you worthily to the temple… you are not required to lower your standards in order to get a mate…

"And I would also caution you single sisters not to become so independent and self-reliant that you decide marriage isn't worth it and you can do just as well on your own. Some of our sisters indicate that they do not want to consider marriage until after they have completed their degrees or pursued a career. This is not right… But we earnestly pray that our single sisters will desire honorable marriage in the temple to a worthy man and rear a righteous family, even though this may mean the sacrificing of degrees and careers…

"I also recognize that not all women in the Church will have an opportunity for marriage and motherhood in mortality. But if those of you in this situation are worthy and endure faithfully, you can be assured of all blessings from a kind and loving Heavenly Father… I assure you that if you have to wait even until the next life to be blessed with a choice companion, God will surely compensate you…"

I had a friend as a member,male,divorced at around 30,fast forward 12 years,nice lady joins the Church,she fancies divorced guy,he's unsure and came under tremendous pressure to make a committment to this lady,he held out for 5 years then gave in,seem happily married but hey who knows what goes on at home,poor guy was hounded by Bishops,SP,other women in the ward,they went on holiday once,2 of them and 3 of his kids,2 who were late teens,gossip was rife and more pressure added on their return,I know (without a shadow of a doubt) lol that sexual relations did not happen ont hat holiday,but obviously PISSEDHOLDERS thought different but had no proof.

Mormonism is wonderful for those women who want to live a cloistered life protected from "worldly" influences.

Women are cattle. Ok maybe not really but any religion that says without a man you can't make it back to God.....well I think you're in the wrong mindset and religion.