Posted by:
messygoop
(
)
Date: August 08, 2017 09:33AM
I've refrained from sharing this story because it's a bit sophomoric in nature, but it illustrates more follies of the lousy church and the priesthood.
Jeff and I were priests that never let the church get in the way of having fun when we were supposed to be reverent. It was fast and testimony Sunday and Jeff was saying funny things about having a "Big Mac Attack" while we were breaking bread during the SM song. I was the bread man and I really had to ignore his comments or I was going to crack up at his joking. As it was, Jeff himself began to lose it by laughing at his own comments. About this time, Bob the water man, started to laugh out loud. A sudden thump on the wall caught our attention. It was Brother Drip, our YM prez, who watched us like a hawk. He had caught our shenanigans and a big lecture on reverence would likely be heading our way during today's priest quorum.
We settled down and administered SM without further incident. We continued to sit in front of SM table as TBM's began their snoozefest. We were no longer dismissed to sit with our families as a 6 month punishment for the entire Aaronic Priesthood. The YM prez squeezed into the pew of the deacons as part of his SM monitoring of behavior. He continued to snap his fingers as we priests goofed off in front of him. The talk of a Big Mac persisted. Jeff then flashed a twenty from his pocket and said "Come on Messy. You drive and I'll buy. This will be the greatest Sunday ever." I could taste McDonalds in my mind.
We planned to go during Sunday School. It was a simple plan because I already had my mother's car keys from driving that morning. What I didn't know was that Jeff was trying add more people to our Big Mac attack. He lined up 3 girls to go with us. Prissy was kind of a snob, but agreed to go with her non-member friend Kelly. Prissy's younger sister Rhonda was also supposed to go with us, but her CTR ring kicked in at the last minute. Rhonda's refusal to go with us would greatly impacted our trip as you will soon discover.
I drove to our rendezvous at McDonalds drive thru. As we pulled up to the board, Jeff leaned across me from the passenger's seat and hollered "Give us some free food!" There was silence for a moment. "Is that you Jeff?" Jeff shouted again, "Yeah man it's me. I got Messy and some girls from school. Hook us up with some eats." We were told to pull up to the window. We were given free burgers and fries in 3 separate bags. It was great; especially on a fast Sunday.
Jeff said "Let's drive around and eat." This seemed too good to be true. As I exited slowly from the drive thru, a white Camaro cut us off in the parking lot. It skidded to a stop. Two men exited in white shirts and ties. Brother Macho, the father of both Prissy and Rhonda, began screaming for Prissy to leave my car. Kelly was also told to exit my car. Brother Drip slowly walked over to Jeff and told us not to move. It was as we had been arrested by the FBI! Brother Macho, being so enraged, walked over to me. I thought that he was going to deck me. Instead he reached in and grabbed the 3 bags of food. He continued to scream "What the hell are you doing! You think that you can kidnap my daughter and get away with it. Just wait until you get back to the church. You're in so much trouble. God dam you two!"
Brother Macho laid more rubber on his way back to church. I never saw him again that Sunday. Brother Drip rode in the back of my car with a confiscated bag of fast food firmly clenched in one hand. After we arrived, Drip ordered us to sit on the grass in front of the church. It was his version of public punishment. I let Jeff answer Drips interrogations. He was very annoyed that Jeff and I had set a poor example for a potential investigator. We were told that Jesus was so disappointed that we were barred from entering the ward building. Jeff stood up and told him that he needed to use the bathroom. Drip countered Jeff and pushed him down. Jeff bounced up and ran away from Drip.
Nobody from the BP directly addressed this incident with ppi's. However, Brother Drip contacted our parents. My mom was more amused by the entire incident, but she agreed with the consequence. We were told that we had to be walked to our meetings and that we were barred from partaking of SM for 2 months. This was blessing because it was a vacation from blessing the SM! We were a small group of 5 priests.