I get the feeling that the church sites in Independence are like the blacksheep sibling in the family of Mormon historical centers, overshadowed by Salt Lake, Palmyra, and Nauvoo. So, when I found myself with a day to poke around Independence last month, I decided to stop in.

I had already been to the Community of Christ temple and auditorium, hosted by one of the very-gracious staff organists. The LDS Visitor's Center is across the street, and the Bickertonites own the remaining block on the northwest corner of the temple lot.

I had looked at the Visitor's Center website and saw that they had some museum-type displays, and I was curious to see them. As soon as I walked in the door, however, no fewer than 6 missionaries made beelines straight toward me--two pairs of sisters and a senior couple. Senior couple got there first, but handed me off to the first pair of sisters. I guess I still look marriageable. The joke's on them, however; I prefer elders.

So, Sister Glinda the Good Witch and Little Miss Muffet proceeded to take me downstairs to the exhibits--which were sparser than the website made it seem--and did their whole spiel. Little Miss Muffet was a greenie, and her companion kept tossing the conversation to her. I almost felt sorry for her, she looked so uncomfortable whenever she was called on. She held her own, though, with a river of bullshit proceeding out of her mouth worthy of an experienced missionary.

I was very upfront with them; they asked at the beginning of the tour if I was familiar with the church, and I said point blank, "I used to be a member, but I resigned several years ago." That only steeled the resolve of Charlie's Lesser Angels, however, as that seemed to make them determined to win me back. They intermittently stopped their recitations to ask me stupid questions about the church and God, perhaps hoping I would trip myself up and suddenly reconvert. Much to their chagrin, they were disappointed in this regard.

To make matters worse, they didn't know anything about the historical aspects of the exhibits, like the replica printing press. My questions were met with blank stares and hasty changes of subject back to God and the early church leaders and the general trope of hardship. If the early Saints had suffered half as much as Glinda and Little Miss Muffet said, it's a wonder they survived at all. I refrained from pointing out that their suffering could have been avoided entirely had they not followed a charlatan across several states in his mad quest for sex.

At the end of the tour, I was led back upstairs where--surprise!--they had a replica of the Christus statue. I almost asked, "Do you know where the original of this statue is?" (it's in a Catholic church in Denmark), but thought better of it and let them do their thing.

Their thing turned out to be a faux-spiritual "inspiration." Yes, Glinda had a "strong impression" that I was to call my parents! Praise the Lord, the Spirit is real! Of course, they didn't know that I'm on perfectly good terms with my still-Mormon parents and had already talked to them earlier that day, but thank you for assuming that because I left your little cult I must have severed all ties with my family. Sadly, Glinda's little stunt did not have its intended effect, and I remain firmly apostate to this day.

And thus ended my bizarre stay in Mormonland, in the shadow of the Reorganized Temple.

I took my girlfriend to Salt Lake city a weekend or two ago to show her around because she's never been before, as she's from Africa. She wanted to go to temple square and look around, regardless of my hesitation to do so. Both me and her both are planning on leaving the church soon so it was awkward but I guess it's one of those things you HAVE to do in Utah or whatever. About three minutes after we entered, some of the sister missionaries approached us and began asking question. I got out of it by pretending I did't know English and began speaking Swahili, so we dodged a bullet on that one lol.

Was there 13 days ago. Wished I remembered their names; the couple made a beeline to me too.

Did you visit Liberty Jail? If so do you think Elder Bronson acted like a crazy TBM in his presentation?

I thought about going to the jail, but after all the Community of Christ stuff, the visitor's center, and driving out to Far West and Adam-ondi-ahman, I was so sick of Mormons that I went and saw Spiderman: Homecoming instead.

Went to the visitor center in Portland years ago. Moved to a tiny moron town in Utah. I mean tiny. I ran into the old couple who corralled me in Portland. They said I looked familiar. Nope, just have that familiar face...

I stopped at the St George temple on August 23rd and had the opportunity to meet a number of missionary sisters in the visitors center. I played the role of an individual conversant with American religious history, but not a Mormon. The only thing unexpected that occurred was when they showed me a large photograph of a the special Witnesses to Christ, the first presidency and The Twelve Apostles. I made a flippant remark about how blindingly White the Panorama was and a Tahitian sister told me that I was incorrect, that "this one" was from Argentina. I had to get up close to see the name and it was a Elder Rasband.

I pulled out my smartphone and asked of Google for information on Elder Rasband. I selected the lds.org article on him and read it out loud. Elder rasband was born in Salt Lake City and raised in the United States, etc etc.

After I finish reading, while the young Tahitian lass was quizzing herself as to where she come up with the belief Rasband was from Argentina, the other sister began spouting off on how full of color the next row of leadership was, the 70s quorums.

But having scored a goal, I left the field a Victor, exit I-15.

Elder Rasband from Argentina? Ha ha. Perhaps she confounded him with Elder Christofferson who is not Argentinian either but he served a mission in Argentina and in general conferences records his messages in spanish.

The job of the missionaries is to sell sell sell the organization. They are not given the option of thinking for themselves. So be gentile, oops, gentle with them

You should have watched the new movies. If Hallmark had a religious arm to whitewash and heartshell game the heck out of history, The Mormons could teach them some things.