My mother had a stroke recently and never regained consciousness.
She died 3 days ago. My prick brother had said my twin and I weren't welcome to come to see her when she stroked.
I looked at this as a way to break ties with Utah family members.

DH went to work at the station this morning and there was a message on his work phone that my mom had died, and will be buried today.

It's a funny thing - when Princess Diana died a cried for weeks. And I still cry over our golden retriever that has been dead ten years. I have no feelings for my mom and haven't shed a tear.

My only thought is I no longer have to worry about the hate, racism, homophobia that she tried to get my children to embrace.

No matter the circumstances, it's always stressful and upsetting when a parent passes away.

Take care.

My mother is still alive but I think that will be my reaction when she dies too. Relief. No sadness.

She was abusive in every way possible. Physically, verbally, emotionally. She never once apologized because it was always the victims fault. She wouldn't have had to do it if the victim hadn't provoked her.

But she thinks she's going to heaven. And I'm not because I left TSCC. Okayyyyyy.

Diana and the retriever never hurt you; both brought good into your life.

There's nothing "wrong" about experiencing only apathy for those who have harmed you.

It's a little sad that apathy is all she left in her wake, but it is what it is.

So sorry for your loss.

Both before and after the passing of your mother.

In no way did you deserve the treatment your self-righteous TBM brother dished out in her last moments.

As unemotional as you may feel, you are still experiencing a great loss with her passing. Which includes the loss of hoping for her to have a change of heart.

The irony to me is that she may have had a change of heart in the last moments, or days of her life, and may have wanted very much to see you. Your brother made it impassable for you or her to have that kind of closure.

Hugs and best wishes winging your way that you'll find healthy ways in dealing with your grief, in all its stages.

When someone in your life has deeply hurt you, and has messed up your life, and then they die, relief is a normal emotion.

I've been there.

I am with you.

Even if you don't mourn her, a part of you might still mourn the mother you wish you had. You may still go through the anger stage, especially in a case like this.

It's a process. You may find yourself going through several different emotions and that's perfectly normal and expected.

Or not. Everyone's journey is unique to them. *HUGS*

I am so sorry. Please accept my condolences.

I'm sorry to hear about your family's dynamics. I can identify. My dad passed away 4 years ago, and I had siblings trying to decide at the time who was "in" and who was "out." Sadly, they couldn't even agree with each other. My family is toxic, and my main regret with my dad is that things were never really ironed out before he died. I spent quite a bit of time with him in the last months, but felt very little when he died. He was a sociopath, and it because quickly apparent after he died that nothing had ever really changed. He just like having me come around a lot at the end. Probably fed his ego. Thought he'd tricked everyone I suppose. For the last 4 years, everyone's been fighting over his estate...

Sometimes a death can be (among other things,) freeing. Best wishes moving forward.

Hugs to you, pugsly. My family is nevermo, but still assholes. My mother was abusive as hell. When she died, it was a relief.Anyone here who went through that and feels the same way, I'm with ya on moving forward, no regrets.

Pugsly (fellow twin), I'm so sorry this has has happened in your family.

I've read that twins are more sensitive to things re their parents than singletons are--good or bad. (How researchers came up with that, I don't know, but I tend to agree.)

Anyway, I wish you (and your twin) well at this time.

--Kathleen

Thank you for this post.

I don't know what I'll feel when my mother dies, but I expect it will be relief.

I'll always remember this thread, and maybe I won't feel guilty about feeling nothing when she dies.

Be well.